Do Any Couples Use Short-Term Chastity?

I read a blog that said that this is what you make of it which has made me rethink my earlier post that said this wasn't for me. I think that some of the blogs, the fictional posts take this to extremes that push my "WTF" buttons. But as you said YOU make the rules so if you don't want that aspect in your relationship you can opt in or out (or in and out and in and out! ;-)

I like your comment about using this to focus the energy on her. Thats the part of thsi that has me more then casual interested in learning more. Based at least on some of the more vanilla chastity (Or maybe its more tease and denial?) information I can easily see how it would be a strong motivation for that and a way to liberate the women (We love) to enjoy more control in her life.

SM and spanking etc are? I dunno. I think this is more a kink that is popular with folks in Europe or Canada. I've never gotten a single thing out of the concept (Spanking or being spanked) at all but I think our tastes in sex / porn etc are just more vanilla. There was another blog that talked about some of the kinks on the internet that said "Whats wrong with fucking?" and I have to admit I lean that way. I think Mistress Watchful made a post about one of her (I admit) pretty hot encounters and said it was not enough actual fucking which made me laugh and hit a note for me. The goal of locking up cocks 100% without any "use" for them? I think one of the reasons for all this is lost. I know some people say that being perpetually horny is better then anything? That gets into the concept of subspace and such. I don't know about this or how I would fit into that. You say your not so much a sub as much as your SO is more of a DOM. That really sounds interesting to me and I am more curious now about how you make this work.


[quote name='Spike's Bitch' date='31 August 2010 - 10:05 AM' timestamp='1283270729' post='52861']
As for 'raise your hands on the other and get the f out':

SM is NOT spousal abuse. Big BIG difference.
I never touch my wife in that way (minus a little slap on the butt sometimes) unless she wants too. She does apply physical pain to me, but it is with concent (even though she chooses the time and place).

We never even tied chastity to SM. Both developed seperate and for seperate reasons.
She uses chastity on me to keep me focussed on her (sexual energy gets spend entirely on her and her needs) and it helps me be submissive to her (i am naturally very dominant, but she even more so, lol).

She uses SM on me to 'snap' me out of funky moods or when she simply enjoys letting go of some frustration. Its like theraphy for us (our counselor has even hinted at uses this lol). Mistress always tells me during a good paddling what lesson she wants me to learn or what has annoyed her about my behaviour. And after the session she asks me to sum up what I learned. Somehow this works really well for us and i feel on cloud 9 after the punishment stops.
Yes this is bizzare to me too, but why over analyze?! It works for us both.

As for cuckolding. We dont do that. At least not in my description of the word. Mistress can have sex with other men, but we have a lot of boundaries (like not without concent, no relationships, i want to be there to see it etc etc etc). Plus i would never ever ever give up sex with her. Never! I enjoy it waaaaay too much. I also do not enjoy any humiliation by another men and do not feel submissive to them at all. I just really enjoy seeing my wife enjoy herself sexually. I cant explain it but its extremely enjoyable to me and i dont feel jealous at all as long as she respects our rules and boundaries. We like to call her more a 'hotwife'. A woman who does other men next to her husband. But thats just how we use the term.
And its not like she goes out and does other men every weekend. A fes times a year is plenty to satisfy the need and the rest of the time we enjoy each other and the memories of her previous hotwifing and fantasies.

The key really is to come up with a combination of rules, boundaries and fantasies that works for you both and non stop, honest and supportive communication.
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I find the high vs. low sex drive and submissive vs. only chaste discussion interesting...

As I said before, I've not opened yet to my girlfriend about all of this. However I can clearly identify my attraction for short term chastity as a way to get a better control over my high sex drive - and giving my less acyive partner a way to control what I do with all these "sexual energy" I lose.

Then, would I consider myself as submissive? I don't really feel like it, maybe a little kink, but I typically don't reconize myself as a "closet slave" or anything near it. I'm just attracted by the slightly erotic power exchange side, but to much more.

As I said, I'm never practiced myself, and my views/inner knowledge can still evolve. But I'd be intered about how more experienced members feel about it as a real lifestyle, or totally opposed with what chastity involves...

 

As I've already stated, I am usually required to bring my wife to orgasm through penetration but without coming myself. When we started this she would normally then say goodnight, roll over and go to sleep. I certainly felt submissive then, objectified, treated like a discarded sex toy. I didn't like it and, after a discussion, my wife now often (but not always) teases me after her orgasm. She knows how to quickly get me to the edge and keep me there for as long as it amuses her (anything up to 20/25 minutes). Then she says goodnight, rolls over and goes to sleep. Needless to say I don't get to sleep for some time, but nor do I feel used or submissive.

It depends what you do and how it affects you, I guess.

 

I've been trying to reason this out for myself and I think at least parts of it make sense.

1) A desire to give her back the yes/no control over sex that seems kind of lost after a long marriage.

2) Understanding that that will probably change my "attitude" in many ways. The pluses to the romantic side of things and devotion etc all sound like positives. Becoming a better husband sounds like a worth while goal.

3) Hopefully allow her to be more open / sex positive etc. I have read so many posts from women who said that sex has become much better when they are the focus of the pleasure and they are free to direct things in the bedroom.

Tease and Denial? Locking up my cock? I guess some of this ends up sounding pretty intense and the fiction sections and where some folks take this make it difficult to accept this more vanilla version. Maybe its impossible to "dabble" with this and not end up over your head. Thats where the "Be careful what you wish for" has me concerned.

 

I do think you want to be careful what you 'dabble' with because as a man, you do tend to agree to things when you are horny that you may not be super excited about when not so horny. LOL!

Not just sex stuff (althouh obviously sex stuff too). I am not sure i would have agreed to do all the housework and making breakfast and dinner and snacks every day for the rest of my life if i wasnt under her 'spell' so much, lol.

Good communication with the mistress I think is again key to this so she knows how far she can go. For us there are a few boundaries that we talked alot about and still often repeat. But for the most part i am pretty open minded and not easily jealous so as long as the boundaries are never crossed, its all good.

Or you can just be kept in a constant state of hornyness and then you basically just do whatever the mistress tells you all the time and you dont worry about it. Lol.

I wouldnt worry so much what you see other do on the internet though. You and your wife have your own rules and fantasies and thats what is important.

 

[quote name='Spike's Bitch' date='01 September 2010 - 11:49 AM' timestamp='1283363369' post='52905']
I do think you want to be careful what you 'dabble' with because as a man, you do tend to agree to things when you are horny that you may not be super excited about when not so horny. LOL!

Not just sex stuff (althouh obviously sex stuff too). I am not sure i would have agreed to do all the housework and making breakfast and dinner and snacks every day for the rest of my life if i wasnt under her 'spell' so much, lol.

Good communication with the mistress I think is again key to this so she knows how far she can go. For us there are a few boundaries that we talked alot about and still often repeat. But for the most part i am pretty open minded and not easily jealous so as long as the boundaries are never crossed, its all good.

Or you can just be kept in a constant state of hornyness and then you basically just do whatever the mistress tells you all the time and you dont worry about it. Lol.

I wouldnt worry so much what you see other do on the internet though. You and your wife have your own rules and fantasies and thats what is important.
[/quote]

Your right on many levels. The internet is so filled with BS that many of the things that I maybe wigged out about are all make up wanking material anyway.

As to being careful what I dabble with AMEN. I think one of the pages that talks about this said just about the same thing. "Try stroking him and asking him for what you want (Stop) then wait." I think knowing how I function I can see a lot of caving into her whims. ;-) Which brings up the topic of submission versus kink versus marital therapy or simple reconditioning. I think it can be just what you want to make of it.

If the wife decides to tease and deny until she "gets her way" is she being a dominant? Or just a simple housewife? ;-) I think you could go either way depending on how you decide you want it to be. And on the vanilla side of things I think some men want an excuse to do it her way because a happy wife makes for a happy husband. Right?

That said some of your comments about ego (for example) have really given my brain some serious workage. Well anyway we are trying to communicate more about many things.

 

Yes, you would, "not that there's anything wrong with that"

Erotic power exchange in terms of enforced chastity is an act of submitting sexually to your partner. There are lots of other forms of submission that you may or may not want to try as well. You can be a little submissive or a lot submissive. Really it just comes down to finding out what you both enjoy as a couple.

In my mind, for couples, I can't see a separation between submission and chastity. You just gave your partner the keys to your cock, that's pretty submissive.

Mistress and I have periods of role play. The last Femdom period was for thirty days. What made that a little different was that we had a signed contract to formalise the period of submission. This doesn't have to be a lifestyle for every day of the rest of your lives, it doesn't have to be that intense. It can just be refreshing and fun, sort of a new perspective on things.

For MIstress and I my submission usually means;

• I do a hell of a lot of housework,
• she makes all the decisions and I follow orders,
• she's sexually satisfied on demand quite frequently,
• I'm allowed sexual satisfaction infrequently when she feels like it,
• and I'm locked up

Sound scary? How many times have you had a quickie? You partner probably enjoyed it, but did she cum? How many times have you "expected" her to do the housework? If you trust your partners judgment it shouldn't be that big a deal submitting to her. She probably submits to you on some level all the time.

The enforced chastity adds a kinky element. While you could submit to her wishes without being locked up it seems to work well as a reminder of who's in charge.

Interestingly we came across chastity devices first (most on-line adult shops seem to sell them) then that led to research into Femdom while trying to work out why couples would use a chastity device.

 

You want an example of "evolution" in submission and chastity? I used to be a Master (for over 30 years). Over that time I had several slaves (only one at a time except online) and NEVER ONCE considered being submissive. It wasn't until I began to realize that, even though I could have sex anytime, anywhere, and in any way I wanted, I was NOT getting the total satisfaction I wanted. I was grouchy most of the time and I didn't really know why. Then I discovered tease and denial. I immediately understood the benefits of (and the desire for) being teased and denied an orgasm. After all, I knew that there was more enjoyment before orgasm than there ever was from the orgasm itself.

While reading up on tease and orgasm denial I came across male chastity. It intrigued me. I mentioned that to my wife and slave (of ten years). She read a few things, we talked, we wanted to try it. It is rather impossible to wear a chastity device and be in charge. I mean, it's an oxymoron. So I figured if she were going to be in charge of our sex lives, why not put her in charge of more? So I became her submissive. We created a contract that allows her to reverse the roles (putting me back in charge) for any length of time she wants. After all, her basic nature is submissive and really has enjoyed being my slave for the past ten years. However, like most people, she also has a Dominant side. So now we enjoy the best of both worlds. I get the extended teasing and the denial I enjoy and she gets more of the kind of sex she wants. It's win-win!

My only complaint is that I don't get to wear the CB3k enough. At least not lately. I am hoping that will change soon. But, even when I am Dominant I can order her to tease my cock for as long as I can stand it and make her deny my orgasm (or not).

 

My g/f denied me ten days not so long ago. It started from her being 'on' and us having to stop mid-play and kind of evolved from there when I told here the longest I'd previously gone (i.e nine days).

The ten days involved being edged daily and a nubmer of times and i think I probably had two or three ruined orgasms as part of that.

I'm now on the fourth day of another denial session (kicked off for the same reason as last time) and having seen her twice over that period she's had four orgasms while I've helped bring her off.

She's now at the stage of knowing when to stop when she edges me so less chance of a ruined orgasm and is actively saying no when I beg.


k

 

My two pennies worth here is that "locking up your cock" and chastity may not actually equate to the same thing anyway and Jimi - you may find in your situation that the distinction does make some kind of sense as it makes the whole concept easier to follow in a more vanilla setting. I'd say that chastity devices are a kink in their own right and naturally lean more towards a BDSM type of play environment - that's certainly how we started out. Chastity of itself on the other hand could be as simple and as unthreatening as a man only seeking orgasm from the woman they love and on her say so. That means no masturbating and no pestering with all the other "stuff" on the kinky continuum being part of the pick and mix that you may choose to do or not as befits your relationship. It isn't a perscriptive list for anything. Quite why people get so upset and negative about the whole chasity thing (and they really do) is quite beyond me. It isn't any kind of slippery slope anymore than a cheeky cold Chardonnay leads to alcoholism and gut rot whisky and I am constantly puzzled why people don't apply the same logic quite frankly.

 

Hi CQ:

Seeking Orgasm from the women I love - Exactly. I'm not heavy into masturbation so while thats not a big issue currently? I admit it might be be with the addition of tease and (gulp) denial. I think part of the whole thing that is attractive is to create more desire, allow my wife more ownership of our relationship, change some of my ways that will make our life together more pleasurable for her. Anyhow, I appreciate your comments.

 

Whew! Without being into the master / slave thing thats an amazing switch a roo.

I think I get the post orgasm grouchy bit but is this not like anything else? Drinking for example? Some people drink, get drunk act poorly. Others drink and have a good time. I think for some people they can't drink without going too far (Getting Grumpy being unhappy) and for them staying sober (Having their cocks locked up and denied) is a good idea. I "think" I'm mostly not too bad in that way but I would like to be able to give my wife a little more pleasure and "control." Or at least thats what we are talking about.

If your experience post orgasm is negative. (Grumpy unhappy) it suddenly makes so much more sense as to why you want your cock locked up. (Like avoiding the booze / being drunk and out of control) Being "under" control maybe the part of this that I wasn't getting.

 

Humm... Well thats very well put. "submitting" is maybe a hell of a lot more vanilla if you talk about it that way. Scary might be how she feels with the shoe on the other foot. ;-)

 

Perhaps, but I guess that depends on how comfortable with being an authority figure she is. My wife is very career focused, she's used to being the boss and managing people. I think the largest department she's run so far was around seventy people. More recently though she's been a stay at home Mum. I think she struggles much more with the idea of being the "little wife" than with the idea of being in charge.

Also I guess how scared she might feel depends on how much experimentation you've already done. We've worked our way through the usual couple experiments; buying sexy underwear, buying books that suggest positions or games, tying each other to the bed and having our evil way, buying vibrating toys, role play with me dominating her. Two of my favourite more conventional games are; ten second kiss rule (every day you have to kiss continually for at least ten seconds) and surrender dates (you choose a restaurant, what she's going to wear, her food, her drink, she doesn't even get to see the menu).

Finally having an agreed period for role play makes the idea much less scary, say a weekend or a week. The word to focus on is "play". Suggesting chastity and/or Femdom as a permanent change in your relationship is a big step. I know my wife does not want me to be submissive all the time, sometimes she like me being a rough round the edges, stubbly, bend her over the nearest bit of furniture sort of man. I don't want to be submissive all the time either, sometimes I like to take charge, and I get a huge power kick out of being sexually dominant.

 

Absolutely - this has been our situation too. I found giving up my career and independence to be incredibly difficult. To go from being a high earner with a portfolio career with the energy and IQ that takes to being a stay at home mum - well, all the focus and fire has to have an outlet. What better outlet than your marriage and sex life? ;-)

Our FLR and his submission does not mean in any way that he is some kind of wimp or "yes man" - (unless I demand it, lol). He's a man's man and that's exactly what I want. It does sound counterintuitive but it does work for us. I may be his Domme but I still want to be made to feel sexy and feminine by my husband. You make it work for you, it's that simple.

 

And thats one of the lines I don't wish to cross. When she starts to view me as a wimp its gone waaay too far. If I'm willing to hand over the key it doesn't mean I'm willing to turn in my "man card" I need her to still want me as a man. I want an active sex life with her (as her husband) not a new job as her maid / full time handy man, slave etc.

How far she can (or wants) to take this? I don't honestly know. Maybe thats the one real problem that so many men have is they hand over the key and the power becomes total. Because they submit totally? Truth that men think with their cocks? I fully admit that if we do try this it will (No doubt) change me and my ways. How it will change her is less known.

 

We are in the same situation as Celtic Queen describes.

No way will i wear a dress (unless mistress would ask for fun humiliation around the house, but not by my own choice).
For me, being submissive to my wife has NOTHING to do with my manhood. I dont see how the two are connected unless you want to be a sissy.

Which is fine btw. Some of the friendliest people on here are men who want to be more feminine. I respect them no different.
But the two concepts are completely seperated from each other.

Being submissive to a woman and wanting to br a feminine male. Completely seperate.

One does not lead to the other.
Just like going to a gay bar or having gay friends does not over time turn you gay.

It just happens to be the case that men who want to become feminine tend to want to submit to their women. And that is where the connection stops.

Not for a single second have I stopped wanting to br masculine when in chastity. In fact, if anything it has increased my self esteem and testoterone.
A confident man will have no problem submitting to a woman because you know it will not affect your masculinity in anyway.

I dont even see how the two are connected?

Why would 'dominating a woman' make you masculine?
It hints more of low self esteem to me. Trying to control somebody who is physically not as strong as you? Why does that make you feel like a man?

So why would the opposite be true? Why would submitting to your wife reduce your manhood?

You may like to physically dominate her during sex and she may or may not like the same. But how you behave during sex and the rest of your relationship are quite different. (or can be quite different)

 

[quote name='Spike's Bitch' timestamp='1284303625' post='53305']
We are in the same situation as Celtic Queen describes.

No way will i wear a dress (unless mistress would ask for fun humiliation around the house, but not by my own choice).
For me, being submissive to my wife has NOTHING to do with my manhood. I dont see how the two are connected unless you want to be a sissy.

Which is fine btw. Some of the friendliest people on here are men who want to be more feminine. I respect them no different.
But the two concepts are completely seperated from each other.

Being submissive to a woman and wanting to br a feminine male. Completely seperate.

One does not lead to the other.
Just like going to a gay bar or having gay friends does not over time turn you gay.

It just happens to be the case that men who want to become feminine tend to want to submit to their women. And that is where the connection stops.

Not for a single second have I stopped wanting to br masculine when in chastity. In fact, if anything it has increased my self esteem and testoterone.
A confident man will have no problem submitting to a woman because you know it will not affect your masculinity in anyway.

I dont even see how the two are connected?

Why would 'dominating a woman' make you masculine?
It hints more of low self esteem to me. Trying to control somebody who is physically not as strong as you? Why does that make you feel like a man?

So why would the opposite be true? Why would submitting to your wife reduce your manhood?

You may like to physically dominate her during sex and she may or may not like the same. But how you behave during sex and the rest of your relationship are quite different. (or can be quite different)
[/quote]

I have no bones to pick with our friends who wish to be femmed. If I implied any connection it wasn't intentional. Just me being an idiot as usual. *I have my own theory that at least some of them are transgendered and are satisfied with the changes this type of thing brings. Personally I don't connect that with what we are talking about and trying to do.

I found a couple of good links talking about a very vanilla variation of this that has been very appealing. I knew a bit about this having stumbled on this site after googling... Strapon sex? I think it was? Its only just a while now, that I've been really serious about this as something we might do. Anyway, I really do appreciate the comments.

 

Hi jimi.

My post was a reply to your worry regarding masculinity and chastity and submitting to a woman and wearing dresses.
I never meant to suggest you were trying to insult anybody. I just felt like mentioning I had no problems with feminist men just in case my post came across as if i did. So that was not aimed at you!