Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by longtallsally, May 1, 2022.

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  1. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    Ah-ha, that is certainly helpful, I assume she's a Domme?
     
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  2. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Yes, she used to be. Although I don't think it was any more than for a short period. But I remember her telling me about it and I'm happy that she did as she's been handholding me a bit. She's a lawyer so she's very discreet! Sal.
     
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  3. Gcar1951
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    Gcar1951 Long term member

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    My KH always comes up with impromptu things that I don’t expect & that makes life much more interesting! Unusual predicaments & short-term lockups always worry me, because I’m never sure how long they might last! Always exciting!
     
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  4. Guest 6019
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    Was gonna say the same
     
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  5. Guest 6019
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    I agree, I merely put it out there as an example of what from my point of view things look like, or where i see my role in things.
     
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  6. SlaveBoy73
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    Now is a really good time to heap praise on him for being a good hubby.

    Tease and praise him. Love him up.

    Offer him the chance to please YOU and frame it as a treat for him.

    You will have fun. So will he.
     
  7. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    I like the play aspect! Sal
     
  8. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thank you. I think if I'm too gushy at the moment he'll be even more worried! But I really, really like this: "Offer him the chance to please YOU and frame it as a treat for him." It's completely true - if I didn't think he'd feel it was a treat for him, I wouldn't be contemplating this. Truth is, I'm having a little crisis of confidence today as I'm trying to write out some, well, ground rules, or more like, 'principles' that feel right to us both. I'm still trying to work out which principles really matter to me and I know that if we do this thing, I need to appear completely confident or it'll break the magic. Sal.
     
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  9. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    Have you thought about asking him what ideas he has. He may surprise you. Maybe have a chat and see what you both want
     
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  10. Guest 3291
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  11. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    I know, you're right. But I do want to just have a slightly clearer idea first so I know roughly what my boundaries are.
     
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  12. maid julie
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    Nothing wrong with that. You have your list ready and say this is my thoughts and ask him if he is good with it
     
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  13. asastype
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    asastype Service sub to Mistress AMA

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    This is an exciting journey You are on and congrats on going so far so quickly! My Keyholder Wife, @MistressAMA and i have been through a similar journey a while ago and have now had our FLR going for 15+ years. Please feel free to shoot Her a note if You'd like to chat with another lifestyle Domme.

    Best of luck to You!!!

    asa
     
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  14. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thank you for suggesting that. I will take you/her up on the offer. Has she read any of my posts do you think, or do I need to explain to her? Sal.
     
  15. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    My Pete had to go back to his parents tonight so I've had the evening alone. I've worked all evening on this first version of, not rules, but principles that I want to let My Pete read and then we can talk about them. I do know that this won't be to everyone's taste - we're just starting out and there are some things we know we're not into, and other things that we know we're not ready for, at least for now. I would be very grateful for any comments before show him, just in case there are things I've totally missed or that I shouldn't put in there.

    I'm hoping to show him this in the middle of the week sometime. My mouth is dry at the thought. But it's exciting.

    Sal.

    Principles for us to talk about

    We love and trust each other.

    We have played with chastity and have discovered that we both find some situations where you’re caged, very exciting. I find it very exciting to have control and power over your sexuality. You find my excitement arousing, but you also find being caged exciting in itself. I want you to let me lock you and unlock you as I please. This is so that I can take the lead for us sexually. I want you to trust me to consider everything I know and love about you, to have your pleasure at heart, as well as mine. You have said that it’s a relief for you not to have to take the lead. I want you to completely let go and enjoy me doing just that. Will you do that for me?

    This is meant to be fun for us both. We can change what we do, or stop whenever either of us says we want to. But we’ll also be open-minded and we promise never to use that veto lightly.

    I don’t ever want to be cruel to you, but I love the thought of making your stomach flip, or making you blush, or making you lose your normal control. It might be edgy but you will tell me if it’s really too much. You will trust me to decide. At the moment, I’m more keen on tease and denial than on powerful control, but I sense that the control dimension may expand. I’ve been surprised at my physical reaction to that. I find it very arousing to think of being able to decide when to unlock you and when we have sex and yes, when you can come.


    Sometimes I love to watch you play with yourself, but I would like to be able to decide when you can do that. When you do that in bed next to me when I’m asleep, it makes me feel I’m not satisfying you and is a real turn-off for me. So masturbating is something that you would only do if I’m with you and awake! I imagine the urge to play with yourself will become very strong, so when you shower, I would like you to be locked, or I'll be in there in the shower with you. If you're unlocked with me in the shower, I will wash you. But that isn't just so you don't play with yourself. It’s because I also want you to think of that part of you being not just yours but mine too. And that also means that if you need to be shaved or given a haircut anywhere so that the cage doesn't snag on anything, I would like to do it.

    The cage itself is my territory. I will keep one key with me. There will always be spare keys at home and for your wallet but we’ll do something so that I will know if you have used them. But other than in emergency, please don’t touch any key. Of course, you will not remove the cage, unless I ask you to or if you're in pain, or if there’s some other emergency. This is a big matter of trust. I will be upset and disappointed if you just give up.

    I would like to be able to put the cage on you but realise that you may get excited and it might not be possible for me to do that. If that’s the case, we can either cool you down somehow(!) or you can go and calm down and put it on by yourself. But I will be the one who uses the key.


    I know there’s scary stuff online but I want to reassure you that’s not for us. This is not about making you more like a woman. I enjoy your masculinity. Locking you or leading you makes me feel I have control over a powerful animal on a leash. I am excited by that idea. I will want to to feel your thrusts inside me. However, I do also want us to explore what some people wrongly call the 'feminine' side of your sexuality - sometimes you will be desperate to enter me, but I might suggest instead that we talk and stroke each other, or that you gently and exquisitely slowly pleasure me. And I would love you to share my experience - the engulfing thrill of being entered.

    I want to lead but I don’t necessarily want you to be submissive. Sometimes, I might want to be taken or overpowered but you must respond immediately if I change my mind and want you to act differently.

    Please don’t assume you will have an orgasm, or even sex, every time we play and you are unlocked. Not always having a traditional penis/vagina orgasm, or even any other sort, as an end goal could be a good thing for us. I want us to try other ways of achieving satisfaction, such as anally, or by getting you to associate another part of your body with arousal. I very much want you to suggest new experiences for me, for you, or for both of us but I will retain control. I want to find things you would actually love to do, but would never in a million years volunteer to do. I expect you will want to tell me some of those. That would please me a lot. I will from time to time ask you to verbalise your likes and dislikes, your fantasies and fears. I will ask you to tell me things and you can do the same.

    We are not into severe pain, poo or ‘water-sports’.

    Neither of us will be servile, unless it’s clearly part of our play.

    I know that physically, you are stronger than me but I will have control over one physical part of you and perhaps one mental dimension. But I don’t want to alter who you are. I love your personality and your mind- it’s one of the things that attracts me to you! We are intellectual equals.

    I promise not to forget or ignore you when you’re locked. I know that would be cruel. I can’t imagine I would, but if I do, you may hint by mentioning the holiday we had in Mexico.

    I want to take control of your sexual responses and I want you to trust me to do the right thing for both of us. I love you more than anything. We’ll ask each other from time to time how this all feels and after three months we’ll see what we want to do next.

    I want to enhance our sexuality, not undermine it. By caging you, I will be excited but I don’t want to stop you being aroused. On the contrary, I want you to be a man who is absolutely fucking desperate for me.
     
  16. Lakeman
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    Lakeman Long term member

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    Wow, wow, wow! I think for most men here chastity has been their idea and the challenge has been whether their partners will get into it or not. So I’m sure lots of us are reading this and thinking Pete is such a lucky bloke!
     
  17. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    It’s very impressive. After reading that how could he not know that he is loved and cared for
     
  18. anasyrma
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    anasyrma Long term member

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    Beautifully written Sal!
     
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  19. spider203
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    That should be giving to the man when a couple get engaged.
     
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  20. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    That's very kind of you to say, thank you. The feedback on this forum (and a couple of conversations with a friend who used to be an occasional domme) have enabled me to get this far - but I still feel rather unsure. I think I'm finding my voice. Sal.
     
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  21. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thank you for those lovely words and for all your other advice. Sal.
     
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  22. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thank you! I still feel very unsure but this forum has helped me find my voice. Actually, I think it's me who's the lucky one! Sal.
     
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  23. MSDB321
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    That is beautifully written. Well done.
     
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  24. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thank you. I blush. Sal.
     
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  25. asastype
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    asastype Service sub to Mistress AMA

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    Dear Ms Sal,

    Your Principles statement is touching, real, and well-explained. I think this is a great starting point for a contract-type document that you two can agree to and revisit (as You mention).

    One humble suggestion You might consider would be to somehow separate the actual rules You are presenting (i.e. "I decide when you climax", "No touching yourself without my approval.", etc.) from the explanatory text. That will crystallize what Your desires are and what he will be agreeing to. Maybe as section headers, maybe as a separate list?

    Perhaps this won't be useful in Your dynamic, but in mine with @MistressAMA, having the rules spelled out works well, as i an a rule-follower and Domina wants to make sure i follow all of them. It also sets up a nice rubric for punishments when any are broken (rarely, these days!).

    Humbly,
    asa
     
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