thinking its all for nothing

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by scottishsis, May 6, 2022.

Random Thread
  1. scottishsis
    Offline

    scottishsis Active member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2022
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    34
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    7:19 AM
    You ever get that way, that your accepting that your locked, but you need a bit of teasing and denial to make it well, worth it, just being locked and ignored kinda makes you want to just abandon the whole experience.
    maybe i was expectiing a little too much, but tonight i am not content. sorry, think ill probably end this shit tomorrow, and start playing with myself, at least someone will get some fun in our relationship!!!!!!
     
    Rectrix and Guest 3729 like this.
  2. Siri
    Online

    Siri Active member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2016
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    1,066
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Finland
    Local Time:
    9:19 AM
    I feel you. If other one is not into it, it helps to forget the problem.
     
  3. LesterBallard
    Offline

    LesterBallard Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2016
    Messages:
    15,493
    Likes Received:
    5,489
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Management
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    United Kingdom
    Local Time:
    7:19 AM
    Is it all about you?
     
    Chili-boy likes this.
  4. Guest 3729
    Offline

    Guest 3729 Long term member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2017
    Messages:
    1,332
    Likes Received:
    2,519
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Local Time:
    1:19 AM
    Yeah sometimes it goes that way, sometimes life gets to busy to indulge in the lifestyle. Currently we have a 4 no baby and while I initially thought chastity was going to be a help for me there’s just really not enough time for the stuff that keeps me interested in being locked. Our priorities lie elsewhere at the moment. However I can say that even before the baby (we’ve been doing chastity for the last 7 years) it was a slow ramp up for in into the lifestyle. My wife won’t have it any other way now but she understands there are limitations and that wearing my belt right now is more of a burden than helpful to us. We’ll pick it back up again in due time. The good thing is, is that I’ve learned a lot from being locked up and learned what’s important to my wife. Those things will still stay in place regardless of me being in my belt or not for the good of our relationship. Sometimes it’s good to take a break from the belt for necessity and to reassess the situation.
     
    taped2 likes this.
  5. madams-sissysub
    Offline

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2009
    Messages:
    12,249
    Likes Received:
    6,636
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    nurse
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    uk (west mids)
    Local Time:
    7:19 AM
    I agree! I’ve been there, just need to distract yourself.
     
  6. SubDee
    Offline

    SubDee Long term member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2022
    Messages:
    261
    Likes Received:
    539
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Rhode Island
    Local Time:
    3:19 AM
    I am right there now my friend. I got to rub my KH’s back and bum tonight and it was so hot.
    This morning she mentioned she might let me out tonight for some “free time”.
    After the back rub it was roll over and go to sleep.
    I’ve been straining against the bars for 2 hours now and I’m so frustrated.
    I don’t necessarily feel like I’m being ignored. I’m not. She is just getting more savvy with her tease and denial. But man it is hard, difficult that is. All I want is to feel my shaft in my hand.
    I have no idea when I’m going to get to have a full O again. I’m not really allowed to ask either. When this lock up started, 12 days ago, she said she couldn’t think of a good reason why she would let me come again. I did get a ruined at day 8 but it didn’t help much. I probably came down a little for 15-30 minutes before my arousal level soared to an all time high.
    I just came here to vent. I’m thankful there are others going through the same feelings though
     
    taped2, crocky and Rectrix like this.
  7. Chili-boy
    Offline

    Chili-boy Long term member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2021
    Messages:
    227
    Likes Received:
    413
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    7:19 AM
    Its all about remembering who this is all for. My wife/KH was adamant she was missing out whilst I locked myself from her when we first tried. Now, she is much much Better. Longest I have been ws 28 days but generally its a 3 week release thing. Only for half an hour but she has a much better sex life and is happier that I'm not "at it" when working away. Sometime she is bored or not interested but I remember who this is all for.
     
    Rectrix likes this.
  8. scottishsis
    Offline

    scottishsis Active member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2022
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    34
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    7:19 AM
     
    Guest 3729 likes this.
  9. JaySaysYes
    Offline

    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2020
    Messages:
    2,898
    Likes Received:
    5,278
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    7:19 AM
    Stick with it. You are experiencing changes in your dopamine levels and so are likely feeling the symtoms of withdrawal, and therefore craving things like someone quitting smoking.

    It will pass, and it will be worth it. Be strong.
     
    scottishsis likes this.
  10. scottishsis
    Offline

    scottishsis Active member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2022
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    34
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    7:19 AM
    thank for this info, i wasnt aware of that :)
     
    Chaz69 likes this.
  11. Rectrix
    Offline

    Rectrix Long term member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2010
    Messages:
    2,679
    Likes Received:
    5,876
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    US East Coast
    Local Time:
    3:19 AM
    Welcome to chastity, everything's going just the way it should.
     
  12. Nicoftime
    Offline

    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

    Joined:
    May 24, 2016
    Messages:
    5,233
    Likes Received:
    14,083
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Railroad
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    South of Lacrosse Wisconsin
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    2:19 AM
    It all depends on how committed you are into this as a lifestyle. If this is fun and casual, and not something she expects or necessarily wants, then staying locked without submissive fuel is difficult.

    If this is a lifestyle, and you’re committed to letting her have complete control, you need to come to grips with your lack of attention. That’s not to say you have to just sit and wait. If you are going through a rough patch and feel neglected, it’s your responsibility to communicate that with her. She’s your key holder not your mind reader. Any D/S relationship is based on trust and communication.

    That doesn’t mean they have to give in to all your requests, but it’s her job to listen, even if the answer is no. My wife would feel very upset if I got to the point of quitting chastity without talking to her about how I was feeling. I might say something like “I really miss you, I haven’t been feeling very subbie lately, is there anything i can do for you? I miss you touching me, I don’t need to cum I just need more us time”. She would probably say something like, “we will make time soon, I miss you too”.

    Trust that she knows what is best in the sex department, but communicate your feelings so she can make informed decisions.
     
    Guest 3729, Rectrix and scottishsis like this.
  13. scottishsis
    Offline

    scottishsis Active member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2022
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    34
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    7:19 AM
    thank you very much for some very wise advice, we are fairly new to it and her libido is very low, but we kinda spoke this morning and we will see where we go, ive done loads of chores today and am currently being a good bargirl serving her prosecco top ups
     
  14. Straponlover79
    Offline

    Straponlover79 Active member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2021
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    181
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    netherlands
    Local Time:
    8:19 AM
    What nicoftime says just communicate.

    My wife is control of all the Keys even the safetykey is in a lockbox that could be remotly triggerd.

    She has a very low libido and tend to forget me at times.
    I just Talk to her and then she acts accordenly.
    I don't have the luxury to quit without to communicate and a 1month cool down (locked) to think about everything before she wil let me out (something i requested) but out is out and done forever she says..

    So just communicate AMD give her yhe chance to adjust
     
    Queens kept likes this.
  15. starflyer
    Offline

    starflyer Junior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2010
    Messages:
    2,522
    Likes Received:
    2,752
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    7:19 AM
    My wife has gone away for the weekend, she said she'd leave me some instructions, but when i got home she'd left, and there are no instructions,, so i dont know whether she's just forgotten in a rush to get off, or she'd no intention of leaving instructions, i'm just having to suck it up !
     
  16. scottishsis
    Offline

    scottishsis Active member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2022
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    34
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    7:19 AM
    message her, list of chores please
     
    Guest 3291 likes this.
  17. Queens kept
    Offline

    Queens kept Long term member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2020
    Messages:
    190
    Likes Received:
    628
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Machinist
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Minneapolis, MN
    Local Time:
    2:19 AM
    Good advice. i also do not have the luxury of ending anything. my Wife told me She will never go back to unlocked. i have asked, even begged a bit and was warned that if i remove the device on my own (cut it off) that we would be done with chastity forever and She would not allow me to have a Key Holder either (She would be furious with me if i tried that). i did try to refuse to go back on the cage after She let me out for Her use, and was informed that i would have 24 hours to submit to Her will, or, our marriage would "take an unfortunate turn". i asked "what's that supposed to mean"? She said " I'll tell you what it means in 24 hours." i put the cage back on and we are living a truly happy and wonderful marriage!
    All of our situations are different. Our kids are grown, gone and married now, so our married life has changed significantly because it can. We are both financially secure with or without each other, so i have no real "leverage" over Her and She knows this. my Queens libido isn't non- existent (She still enjoys the occasional fuck session with our Bull ; ) but it is far lower than mine. Always has been. That is one of the many reasons why i am a kept husband. She has told me that eventually She will simply end piv and i will likely be given maintenance milkings/ejaculations on the cage, as She fully intends to retain control of my sexuality.
    my long winded point is that you seem to be quite new in this and it IS going to take some time, communication, ups and downs, experimentation and such to find if this is a nice "play time kink", or a deeper lifetime/lifestyle change to your relationship/marriage. If you really do want this to work, talk to Her as She will allow, but don't pester! Also know yourself. i am naturally submissive and that helps a lot! If you are not a submissive yet, you may need some training to bring it out. If you are not at all sub, this will be more difficult for you to do long term : (
    Whatever you two decide to make of this, we believe that any relationship that involves a penis will benefit from a chastity cage. Good luck, and don't hesitate to come to the Mansion often!
     
    Rectrix likes this.
  18. Chaz69
    Offline

    Chaz69 Long term member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2021
    Messages:
    1,654
    Likes Received:
    1,803
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    IT
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Midwest, USA
    Local Time:
    2:19 AM
    Re: the submissive thing. While I don't doubt that it helps to be a true submissive in order to accept chastity, it's not a requirement. While I certainly have some sub tendencies I wouldn't call myself a submissive, and I enjoy chastity. Originally for me it was just about stopping masturbating, but I found that I was able to stay chaste even without a cage (guess I have some self control) but eventually I put the cage back on for the fun of it. If you're caged and chaste, there's a low-level buzz or arousal down there all the time, which is nice. I find that I look forward to cleaning myself in the shower with Q-Tips and foaming soap. I think I'm quite content now, regardless of what attention that I get from my wife, or what attention I'm allowed to give her. In the last 20 days, I've been out of the cage for about 3 hours.

    But back to @scottishsis's original question, I have certainly been there too, so I feel you and say to just hang in there. I've only been doing this since December so I'm relatively new to it too. The hormonal/chemical changes that occur in the first few months are crazy. First, you're not used to not cumming, so there's that feeling of needing to. Well, that does go away, once you get used to not cumming, or at least cumming a lot less frequently, it does all settle down. Now, I'm not saying you won't still get desperate days here and there, but it won't be constant. And when they do happen, if you want some relief without unlocking, try using a vibrator to massage your prostate, it'll probably cause you to leak a little without cumming, but you will get a big sense of relief from it.

    The other thing that I remember, which sounds like what you were feeling yesterday, is that whole "is it worth it?" feeling. My wife could take or leave chastity itself, she doesn't care if I'm caged or not, so I wasn't getting that sort of encouragement, but she does appreciate the changes that it's brought, so the ends do justify the means. So, my advice, even if you feel like this is a case of "lock and forget", keep doing it for yourself, knowing that it makes you a better person and husband, so she'll benefit regardless, and if she's happy, chances are you will be happier too.
     
    Baggervance and Rectrix like this.
  19. scottishsis
    Offline

    scottishsis Active member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2022
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    34
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    7:19 AM
    thank you so so kindly for taking the time to share your advice, it is so much appreciated. im having hard time with the do not pester, but i just want to make sure im not forgotten. and today has been so much better since i raised my issue, all not for me i might add, but i have been acknowledged at least.
     
    Guest 3291 and Chaz69 like this.
  20. scottishsis
    Offline

    scottishsis Active member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2022
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    34
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    7:19 AM
    awe, thank you for such kind words too, i am loving the responses, it shows me that i am not alone and you people are showing me there may be light at the end of the tunnel. brilliant
     
    Chaz69 likes this.
  21. Chaz69
    Offline

    Chaz69 Long term member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2021
    Messages:
    1,654
    Likes Received:
    1,803
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    IT
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Midwest, USA
    Local Time:
    2:19 AM
    Absolutely, hang in there, and keep the lines of communication open, none of us are very good at mind-reading and we so often get it wrong when we try, I also struggled with trying not to talk about chastity so much when I started because it was all so new and exciting it was the only thing I wanted to talk about, so I was in danger of burning out her interest. So I did try to regulate how much I talked about it.

    Also remember, while you have a cage and hormones reminding you constantly that you're in this, she doesn't, so she will forget as she goes through her day. There were many times when I felt neglected at the start whereas now I'm so content, and it's me that changed, not her. I think chastity has its own maturity level, when you first start, it's really immature and as you progress, it gains its own maturity. You're just the passenger, lol!
     
    Baggervance, Rectrix and taped2 like this.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice