So, if anyone remembers my posts from last year, I came out as transgender. I had some ups and downs with HRT (cross sex hormone therapy), but finally got everything sorted out in May of 2019. So it’s been about 5 months now of continuous HRT. First, it is amazing. Honestly, it probably saved my life and I can’t believe I I ever managed to survive without it. I never knew what “normal” felt like until I began HRT. The constant background agitation and anger has just faded away. I barely remember what it was like. I feel happy WAY more than I used to and actually smile now! I NEVER used to smile. Boobs. Yes, they’re growing and noticeable. I am going to have to start wearing a bra pretty soon. I already wear a sports bra when I go running, otherwise things can be a bit uncomfortable. Libido is practically gone, which is wonderful for me. I always hated having a male libido and being rid of it has been such a HUGE relief. You couldn’t pay me enough to go back to the way things were. Sexual function is there but it takes work and honestly I am not that interested in it. Erections almost never occur anymore even if I am aroused. I did try masturbating a couple of weeks ago it was difficult to get things hard enough to do it. It takes longer and I got kind of bored and almost stopped at one point. I was curious if things would be any different so I pushed on to orgasm (finally!). Totally dry and not as intense as before. One really unexpected thing happened last week. I was sitting on the couch just kind of spacing out and my mind wandered into sexy stuff (which was kind of weird because I really haven’t had those thoughts in a while). Suddenly I felt it. Little by little it built until I was having a full blown orgasm. It was strange and wonderful at the same time. It went on for what seemed like forever, getting intense and fading and then back to intense. It probably lasted 30 seconds but felt like 30 minutes. Wow! I have never experienced anything like that before! And not having a stupid erection to ruin everything just made it all the better. Which leads me to chastity. No, I don’t bother with the device anymore. The masturbating I did a couple of weeks ago was the first time in months I have even been interested in trying and I have no interest in doing it again. So with no erections and no real libido, I just don’t see any reason to continue using it. May wife and I have decided to have a celibate marriage. It’s a decision we are both content with. We still hug and snuggle in bed occasionally, but we’re not interested in having a sexual life any more. We’re happy just being friends.
I decided to post an update. A lot has happened since my last post. Transition has progressed. If you find my albums on here, you can see several photos that demonstrate the changes to my face, hair, and body. I really don't look like the same person anymore. Hormones are pretty powerful things, and it is amazing what they can do. Covid came and turned the world upside down. My work remained mostly steady, but no nearly as lucrative this year as in years past. I'm thankful that I did not experience a job loss. In early November, my wife was diagnosed with colon cancer. She just had surgery December 18, and was finally discharged from the hospital today. She is going to stay with her mother for six weeks while she recovers, so that she doesn't have a rowdy toddler jumping on her. Four of our six kids are staying with some family friends for that six weeks. I have the youngest two here with me, and have hired a nanny for six weeks to care for the kids during the work week so I don't have to take unpaid leave. She's awesome with the kids and keeps the house spotless, so I am having a lot more time for rest and playing with my kids. Transitioning has reached the critical point. I don't pass as male at all anymore. People just think I am a butch lesbian of I go out in public wearing men's clothing. My wife has, up to this point, not tolerated me wearing women's clothing, aside from a sports bra. I have taken advantage of her absence to begin replacing my male wardrobe with female clothing. I am planning on coming out to my employer once we get through the cancer stuff. Like I mentioned, I don't pass as male anymore, and it must be very confusing to see my male name in emails and then have a web conference only to be met by a woman on the other end of the camera. Sexuality has changed a bit since the beginning of my journey. My orientation hasn't changed, but what feels good has. With the switch from pills to injections earlier this year, I experienced a bump up in libido and actually get a little bit horny sometimes. Nothing like the old male days, it doesn't happen nearly as often and I can just ignore it if I want to. Sexual function is pretty minimal, but the little bit of swelling of the penis that does happen hurts because of how much atrophy there has been. I really hate having that thing touched or doing anything with it. My boobs have turned out to be quite sensitive erotically, and are nownmy primary source of intimate pleasure. It's not very often that my wife and I are physical with each other, but when it happens I absolutely love being touched there. I mentioned in my previous post that I don't use chastity devices anymore. I now just use self control, and find it much easier thanks to hormones. I can't get enough of an erection to fill my old chastity device's tube, and my testicles have shrunk so much that the base ring wouldn't have anything to keep it in place. I guess that's about it for now. I'll answer any questions that anyone posts as long as they are respectful.
My wife went though a cancer scare a few months ago with what we were warned may very well be lymphoma. Thankfully it turned out to be really bad and long term reoccurring tonsillitis on one side only. We’ve got two young children and there times when I thought we could have a long and difficult time ahead or I could even end up as a single parent... I can only say that this pales into insignificance compared to what you’ve been through and, if I may say, you’re still finding the best in the most difficult and stressful situation. I wish your wife a quick recovery and you and your children all the best.
I hope your wife has a complete recovery. I can’t imagine having such a serious illness with six young children. I wish you and your family all the best.
I hope your wife makes a full recovery. I wish you and all of your fall all the happiness. You have made an amazing change in your life and became very beautiful inside and out.
Thank you for sharing your transition. Like others, i hope your wife's recovery goes well. My father had colon cancer and had a section removed during surgery. So I know recovery does take time and it was a wise move to have her stay with her mom. It is also impressive that you two have such nice friends and family that would step up and help you at this time. Best wishes to her for a full recovery. The details of how you feel and the physical changes will help others who are considering such a change for themselves. I hope sharing helps you as well. I know for me, expressing my feelings here can be good, far better than bottling up those emotions. At one point, you mentioned having your testicles removed. Is that still an option, perhaps delayed due to your wife's health? Finally, i totally agree with you about your photos. The changes are very noticeable. But one thing that also stands out, is you seem more content and happier in your later photos. Maybe it is just me seeing what i want to see, but you do look like you feel more at ease and 'real' in the later pictures.
@MissyB the orchiectomy had to be put on hold. My insurance company denied coverage. But I still hope to do it eventually.
I haven't updated this in quite a while. Ended up having orchiectomy on February 16, 2021. Surgery itself was very uncomfortable, since I was doing it under local anesthetic rather than general. Cutting the cords was among the worst sensations I have had. The only thing that beat it was when I tried to destroy my genitals with a hammer. That was unbelievably, horribly painful. Cutting the cords was just horribly painful. After the first one I almost asked the surgeon not to continue. But, I was already cut open and one gone, so I just neared down and toughed out the second one. After the surgery, I developed an infection that was painful and took several weeks to clear up. Then I had a piece of granulated tissue that just wouldn't heal, and had to have it cauterized with silver nitrate. It's been almost three months since the orchiectomy, and I am doing well. Not needing an androgen blocker is nice, one less medication to take every day. One benefit of the orchiectomy that I hadn't really given any thought to is that tucking is much easier now. I can achieve a rather female looking profile down there now with very little effort. I started living publicly full time as a woman in January. By this time, I was being identified as female 100% in public even when wearing men's clothing. People just thought I was a really butch lesbian or something. That is what drove the decision to swap my wardrobe. It had been about 9 months since anyone in public had addressed me by anything other than ma'am, miss, etc., so I felt very confident that switching my wardrobe wouldn't be a huge challenge. And it wasn't. I live rather happily as a woman now with no problems. I've been working on voice and speech, and have achieved a reasonably feminine sounding voice. It's not perfect, but it gets me by.
That is such a big step. It requires a level of bravery thank I can only imagine. I wish you all the best and happiness.
Obviously this kind of transition is challenging. I admire your open approach to becoming who you really feel you are as a person. I hope this all goes well for you! What I really want for you is true joy about life.
A major congratulations to your journey and determination. I truly hope you are able to maintain your relationship. Best wishes!
Time for a yearly update, I guess. Work has been busy and I had to spend a week in Dallas this week for a tradeshow. If you are from Dallad, no offense, but I fuckin hate Dallas and hope I never set foot in that shithole again. When I arrived, American Airlines lost my luggage and it took an hour to find it. It had fallen off the baggage conveyor belt somewhere under the airport. Not really a big deal, but it was indicative of the week to come. I got my rental car and made my way to the hotel. The neighborhood surrounding the hotel looked sketchy AF. It was a nice hotel, but it was super ghetto looking around the place. I got checked in, unloaded my luggage, and had some dinner. I eventually went to bed, and kept getting woken up by the air conditioner banging every time it kicked on. Monday morning, I woke up and my allergies were going crazy. I don't know what kind of pollen you have in Dallas, but it felt like the air itself was trying to kill me. Even with Allegra-D, which keeps things manageable back home, I was a wreck. I took a shower, got dressed, did my hair and makeup, and had some breakfast. I went outside to my car to go to the convention center to help the rest of the team setup the booth. When I started my car, it was SUPER loud. I shut it off and got out. I looked underneath and sure enough, some crackhead had stolen the catalytic converter during the night. I spent most of the remainder of the day dealing with the rental car company and police. I never even made it to the convention center. They were done before I had wrapped things up with the rental car. Tuesday morning, I was a complete wreck from the air-conditioning keeping me awake and the worst case of allergies I've had. I sneezed nearly nonstop for over an hour. I had eaten breakfast and sneezed so much I threw up. Then I got serious migraine-like headache. I started feeling dizzy and disoriented. I was having trouble breathing. I made it through showering, dressing and makeup, and got in the car to drive to the convention center. Even with my phone's GPS guiding me, I was feeling so dizzy and disoriented I had to pull over a couple of times to figure out what the hell I was doing. It was bad. I thought maybe I'd had a stroke. Tuesday and Wednesday were sheer misery with allergies. I did turn off the AC system Tuesday night and slept a little better without the banging. Did the same thing Wednesday night. On Wednesday I had one really embarrassing moment. In day to day speaking, I have a very good feminine voice that passes just fine. But I sneeze like a man. I was at the tradeshow, in the booth, and could feel a big sneeze coming. I ducked down behind a table and let out one of the loudest, manliest sounding sneezes the world has ever known. I ducked behind the table, hoping nobody would connect the sound with me. I waited a minute and stood back up, and the guys at the booth next to ours were staring at me. I did my best to act like nothing had happened and eventually they quit staring at me. Thursday, the pollen count dropped and I was mostly functional. I was still sniffling, but not nearly as bad. The show ended at 1:00 and went to have some lunch while the shipping crew got our crate out to our booth. We came back an hour later and the crate wasn't there yet, which wasn't a big surprise. We decided to start tearing things down and packing them in their boxes and such while we waited for the crate. Right after we got done doing that, our crate showed and we shoved everything in it. We sealed it up and stuck the paperwork to it and left. Friday, I finally got the hell out of Dallas. Fuck that place. I never want to see it again. I made it home, ordered some Chinese food from my favorite local place, and spent the evening relaxing in the recliner and watching the sun set.
El Paso, Dallas, Houston. I've had bad luck in nearly every big city in Texas I've been to. That was all before I started my transition, I couldn't imagine doing it after.