New and clueless

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Brand3023, Apr 23, 2022.

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  1. Brand3023
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    Brand3023 Member

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    I just recently put my husband in chastity and was wondering about ideas for rules, punishments, teases etc...that I could begin with. I'll start by saying he basically already runs our household. He cooks, cleans, does dishes, is the ultimate sports dad when it comes to our children's activities, fixes everything immediately and runs his own company. So finding faults is difficult and honestly I feel a bit bad about wanting to keep him locked up but I need to feel more power in our relationship.
     
  2. Braddogg4345
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    Braddogg4345 Happily Owned by a Goddess

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    There are a thousand posts on this forum about making rules and punishments for an FLR. But the main thing to remember is that you are in charge! However you decide to run the relationship, is the correct way. You should allow your husband to give his input and suggestions when it comes to your relationship, but ultimately you have the final say. And keeping him locked up may seem cruel, but I have found through experience with my FLR, that keeping him locked is the best thing for both of you in the long run.

    Your husband agreed to chastity and an FLR, so he is already aware that you are the better leader in your relationship. Just lead him however you feel necessary.
     
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  3. MissyB
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    MissyB Long term member

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    Yes just use the extra control provided by the cage and his submission to you, to get what you want. Try to remember if he agrees to serve, then it pleases him. But your needs come first. One way is have him learn to please you sexually without using his cock. If you orgasm, it may be frustrating for him, but i bet he'll love it. Knowing you are giving your Domme the emotional and sexual releases makes up for being denied. Plus when you two do allow play with his cock, it will be all the more special.
     
  4. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    There's hundreds of things you can do once you put your mind to it.

    Rules - we only have the one. Lady C decides and that covers everything from the way the towels are folded to having the cutlery laid out in a particular way, the clothes I wear, the length my hair is.

    Punishments - classic ones are corporal punishment i.e. spankings, paddling, strapping. Alternatives are by denial. He's not allowed to use his phone or laptop for an evening, or no internet access.

    Teasing - lots of things here. Whilst caged, you can whisper in his ear things like "bet you wish you could get hard, don't you"; "aww, ain't that cute all tucked away", "you love it locked up for me, don't you". Or allow him out the cage and then change your mind. Tell him a release day, then change your mind. All pretty simple to do.

    If you both have agreed to this lifestyle, then there is no need to feel guilty, enjoy the ride, enjoy the extra attention he will give you and learn to click your fingers and point.

    A
     
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  5. spider203
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    spider203 Long term member

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    I can only give advice as a bystander.
    but I believe you should take it slowly this lifestyle is a new one, but could start with a ruined orgasm for him and a full orgasm for yourself just to help you find your own place in all of this.
     
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  6. LoneMan
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    LoneMan Active member

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    Something I would like to point out. From your description, your husband is a real leader. As such, you taking over one aspect of his life may be very liberating for him. One area that he does not have to be the leader. He can follow someone else’s lead. His most trusted friend if you will.

    If that is indeed an aspect here, literally anything that you do that is out of the usual for your past relationship, and with you leading, directing, and controlling may be incredibly exciting for him. And a vacation if you will.

    In that context, my guess is that you don’t really have to worry about rules and the such right now. Unless you want to put some rules in effect. Just go with whatever lights your fire. That may be all he needs.

    My 2 cents
     
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  7. ChasteHubby2015
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    ChasteHubby2015 Male Feminist

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    May I suggest contacting a site admin to get verified as a female, as that would allow you to post to the female key holders forum where you can ask and get advice specifically about these things from other lovely ladies who’ve also put their men in chastity.
     
  8. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Perhaps it is not about finding fault, but rather improvement. Or, just a reminder that you are in charge sometimes known as maintenance spanking. If he runs his own business and is under a lot of stress, and is open to spanking and punishment, he may find that it is quite liberating and cathartic.

    My wife loves the power. We don't have many rules, but she loves teasing me and keeping me desperate. Teasing is a good way to keep his interest high and they don't have to be elaborate. Simple comments and caresses can work wonders.

    Paying attention to his feedback to your actions can give you all kinds of information for new ideas.

    Have fun!
     
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  9. Madam Darling
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    My husband and I had a very rocky start with chastity and a FLR. No matter how much he asked for it, I had difficulty embracing his desire because I felt selfish, or like I was punishing him for no reason.

    Once we found our stride, we used Friday nights as maintenance periods. I would lock him into his pillory by the balls, or tie him down in some other way, and perform maintenance spankings.

    After seeing how much he craved this kind of attention, it became much easier to institute a bit more punishment whenever he deserved it.

    Does he enjoy this type of treatment? If so, would it be possible institute this style of scheduled maintenance? If so, the punishments become very easy. Once I get him locked down, I’ll say something like, “I had to put a ‘clean’ dish in the sink last Monday because there was a spot of food left on it from the dishwasher,” and I can see his heart sink because he knows he will be in the pillory for a lot longer that evening.

    I still feel bad occasionally because of all he does, but this has been his dream since childhood. I’ve learned that punishment is one of the best rewards I could give him.
     
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  10. JamSandwich
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    JamSandwich Member

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    Over the weekend my Mistress and I have been using the Obedience app. I couldn’t recommend it enough!
     
  11. Junebug15
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    Junebug15 Long term member

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    Your game your rules
     
  12. Maid Denise
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    Maid Denise Maid for my Goddess

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    Hi there. I was a lot like your husband . Cook,clean had my own business in home repairs. My GF at the time and now my wife/Goddess introduced me to cages. It was a huge relief and turn on to figure out that I was now owned. Not just in a relationship , but owned. There was really no rules in the beginning of our journey . They just happened over time and not one of them was mine. As far as punishment goes. Nothing like a good paddle in your hands .
    I hope your guys journey is a great one. Oh, I have now been locked up for 4 years now and 24 / 7 . Good luck
     
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  13. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    This is the type of relationship that has a great chance of succeeding a transition to an FLR!

    People confuse FLR and Femdom and blend them together. One is about relationships, not sex. The other is about sex, and not relationships. You can have each one independently or anywhere in between.

    I don't read a lot in your post about femdom, which is great honestly, because it lets you focus on the FLR.

    Here are a couple of things about my FLR that makes it work so well, hopefully these might help you.

    -Lose the filter. Tell your husband what you want and how you want it. Once a woman develops this, life gets so much EASIER for the submissive partner. We want to do things how YOU want them done. Tell us. A dominant partner gives clear instructions with no ambiguity.

    -Have a pledge for your submissive and make him repeat it to you as often as you like. Preferably at least daily.

    -Meet once a week -put it on the calendar- where you discuss your relationship, your likes and dislikes and what you both need to make it better. This meeting needs to be egalitarian and non-judgmental. Honesty is fundamental.

    -If you want to add teasing, do it, but on your terms. Don't give in on this. As a key holder, you own the penis and he doesn't get to bitch, whine, complain, cajole, or guilt shame you whatsoever.

    -Punishments. There should be consequences to failure and every dominant has their own ideas. But the submissive must be fully aware of the scope of punishments possible, what incurs a punishment, and a punishment should never be given in the 'heat of the moment'. Never in anger. Also be aware that refusal of a punishment is the nuclear fucking bomb of an FLR. A punishment can never be refused or the FLR is over. A submissive must be clear that if the dominant can't dominate, the game is over. The love can remain, but the FLR can't. For that reason, a submissive must be fully aware that they can never, ever, refuse punishment if they agreed to the rules in the first place. If they do, they aren't submitting.

    I had a bitch of a punishment this weekend. I refused a direct instruction because I was mad at her. Of course it wasn't long before I realized I fucked up and had to own up. I was made to strip, bend over my vanity in her bathroom, and took 25 strokes with her leather spanker. And let me tell you, she didn't spare the rod whatsoever. I was in tears, and my ass was purple. If this sounds extreme... it is. I had committed a heavy sin in a D/s relationship and I paid a heavy price for it. I deserved it.
     
  14. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    hello @Brand3023 please Miss there a lot of Ladys on here that will help you. i think it better that They tell you. cos all men want a lot of teasing really and You migt not want to do that.
     
  15. Kylara
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    Kylara Happy feminized sub owned by Mistress PHEBUSA

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    A lot of lady will help and it look like the perfect man.
    Now makes him happy by giving hime what he wants and it can be anything and most of his fantasy could be stange to you.

    it could be spanking, peggig or being tied for most classic ones but also some mores exotic fantasy like diappeds, enema, feminisation, humiliation.

    Even if you think it is unfair and weird and all of some kind of idea that push you not to do it, just think it is his pleasure his rewards, it is like a candy to a good boy, like a suggar for a dog that has done well his work.

    He will reward you 100x as you do it as per his fantasy. Else he may stop one day, fed up by nor reaching a goal that he can't ask himself.

    Ask him about his deep fatasy and do not juge him or his fantasy it may be very difficult to express and tell.
     
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  16. handcuffedboy
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    handcuffedboy Long term member

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    You should start by taking him out only when you need him, that's a very basic rule, it's your cock and you are the only one who can decide when you need and want it
     
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  17. Evan Gore
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    Evan Gore Active member

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  18. Dan Lions
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    Dan Lions Active member

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    It sounds like he already does a lot in your relationship. I think the key is for you to figure out what you want power or control over. The cage has the ability to bring you lots, but what do you want? What is not being done? What are you not pleased with?
     
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  19. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    A huge thing is to get his head in the right place. If you tell him that he's not getting a release when playing, he needs to know in his mind that there is a 0.0000% chance that you will change your mind or give in. Once hope is released by him, he can move forward and focus on everything except getting release. That consistency will make you a better dom and him a better sub. In the beginning you can even convince him that you left the key at work. You can even buy a timer box like a KitchenSafe to lock the keys in so that he knows without a doubt that he won't be released. Hope is a one of the most powerful human desires and that needs to be removed when he is denied. It can also be used as a tool or reward (although a cruel reward). If you tell him that there are 1,000 black marbles and one white one in the bag and that he gets a full release if he draws the white one, you will see how it affects him in having a 1 in 1,000 chance of a full release. Hope is very powerful and he needs to quickly get to the point of absolutely knowing there is zero chance of release if you tell him he isn't getting "lucky" today or until a certain time.
     
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  20. Guest 3291
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    Guest 3291 Banned

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    Jessica is right on, good luck
     
  21. elias
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    elias 7/7 on the TomAllen-Rectrix scale

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    I found a really interesting podcast of Mistress Alisa (on Spotify). Year 2021 episodes for men and Year 2022 episodes dedicated for strong women...I think Mistress Alisa is speaking truth and provide very relevant information. Listening could be enjoyable for both of you.
     
  22. Guest 3291
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    Guest 3291 Banned

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    Absolutely,
    Miss Brand, you make the rules. (FLR)
    Jennifer
     
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  23. Guest 3291
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    Guest 3291 Banned

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    I told you that you can ask me anything.
    Jennifer
     
  24. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    True, but you don't need the sub losing hope. He's gonna perform even better if he thinks he can earn that release. Domination is often more about manipulation, and that involves incentives. If hope is gone, there is no incentive remaining other than fear of neglect (bad) or punishment (bad).
     
  25. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    Very true but he needs to know that if she says that he isn't getting release today, it's best that believes her. It all depends on the situation and dynamic though. He can't be disappointed if he has no expectation.
     
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