There are some habits than I've been trying to change, it occurred to me that I sort of have a personal trainer who has to be obeyed. So I asked my Goddess to help me achieve some personal goals. The first goal is reducing alcohol. I've fallen into a bit of a habit of drinking during in the week. On weekends I can sometimes be a little excessive and polish off a bottle of wine. In terms of energy levels, sleep and general health I'd like to only drink on weekends and in moderation. Even though intellectually this is what I want I keep finding excuses to drink. So I talked to Goddess and I now have to ask her for permission before each alcoholic drink. She plans to only allow moderate drinking on weekends. So that problem seems to be solved. The second goal was to increase my gym sessions to five times a week. I've slipped to only two or three times a week, I used to do five times a week. I always feel better when I work out, but again I've been finding excuses. I discussed this goal with Goddess, I wasn't sure how this would work as its not a permission thing, more a motivation thing. Her idea was that there will be no alcoholic drinks allowed until I have completed five gym sessions during the week. Does anyone else get their female leader to help them with personal goals?
No need to. I would rather question how you handle a FLR if you do not even have the discipline to care for yourself. To me comitting to certain things my wife might ask is for sure harder to do some sports on my own accord...
Our FLR is all encompassing so, yes, it includes alcohol consumption and exercise. Both of which interestingly are very good at displacing the very things that we want to achieve. i.e. cleaning, tidying, home improvements. But they are not personal goals, they are joint. Mistress and I talk about life, universe and everything a lot (usually with a wine glass in our hands) and these topics come up a lot. Alcohol easier to do as we can support each other, exercise not so easy as Mistress works on her feet all day, whilst I am bound to a desk. So our excercise regime is mostly her swinging a strap and me wriggling my ass out of the way. A
A loving partner can give you a lot of strength when it comes to will power. She doesn't have to be mean or nasty. She can encourage you in gentle but firm ways. It is good to ask for a little help sometimes. She will eventually change your habits to something you do on your own. Good luck.
My Mistress has generally avoided imposing control over things like alcohol or exercise routine even though I have signaled openness to accepting her authority over these areas and others like them. She is rightly concerned that trying to exert control in areas like these could lead to trouble because there can be powerful emotional drivers to deal with. She is fully supportive of me improving in these areas as part of my drive to serve her needs, but she does not want to sign up for enforcing or policing rules in areas like this. My wife knows I crave her discipline and so trying to control something like alcohol with could inadvertently incentivize the wrong behavior on my part. She typically just reminds me that I am a fully grown man and should have appropriate self control and leaves it at that.
Thanks for the insights. Fascinating responses. There seems to be an underlying theme of self discipline and self control... and yet are we not locked in Chasity? Did we not submit to a FLR giving control to another? Seems wonderfully contradictory
Fir things that are not generally part if chastity there could be an incentive list. Extra teasing session after a week without alcohol, a new insertable remote vibrator and dinner out while wearing it after a specified amount of weight loss or toning. (Yes, that is one of my fantasies) so you could substitute one of his fantasies.
I used to have some pretty nasty behavioral problems with pouting and impatience. My Goddess has ‘helped’ me get rid of those almost entirely. Her strategy you might ask? Punishments I really hate such as caning, sleeping on the ground, ignoring me (that’s the absolute worst). The result is that I obey Her every word now. She’s a control freak (and She’s proud of it) and has an extremely high level of social intelligence (yet another area where She is utterly superior to me) combined with an incredibly high skills set of situational awareness. That means that She rebukes me for the slightest of misdemeanors on my part. Well, this has definitely helped me develop my personality.
@CuriousAndy, I've done this a bunch over the years and it has been successful. Long story short, some weight loss goal is cited and I need to get to that weight for a release. Typically we've done 5lb increments. I was 243 in September. I'm at 198 now. I haven't been under 200 since about 1994 when I was in college. In the near future here, I won't have any more weight to lose. From there, I think that we'll go on same schedule (e.g. 2 weeks) assuming I maintain weight and follow whatever other orders I'm given. I weigh myself and report almost every day, but I'm imagining a weekly cadence where I weigh in and go through an inspection of some sort with my wife inspecting my body, reviewing that there are no sores and that I'm properly shaved - whatever etc. FYI: I workout maybe 2-3x / week for 30-40 minutes doing HIIT. Point being is that my strategy has involved working out, but it is Intermittent Fasting that has been life changing for me. I don't want to discourage working out, but it feels like such a knee jerk reaction to jump right into working out to solve weight loss problems. As the cliche goes, you can't outrun a bad diet. I'd also argue that everyone should figure out how to lose and maintain weight on diet alone before creating dependencies on working out. I can control what and when I eat for the rest of my life. Even when we are young and in good shape, it can be tough get workouts in. At some point in our lives (think decades from now etc) working out will not be possible. So it is not a bad idea to figure out a tenable lifestyle to lose weight on diet alone, then add your 5 workouts a week and your KH won't be able to keep her hands off of you ; ).
Congratulations! I'll have to try intermittent fasting, I read it helps achieve ketosis. I'm not specifically looking to lose weight, though being a bit leaner would be better, a few kg weight loss wouldn't hurt There have been lots of recent interesting health articles about exercise being ineffective for weight loss, with a focus on instead on controlling calories and metabolic state. I normally exercise for increased energy levels and flexibility (I sit too much in my day job). I used to do triathlon and had a personal trainer I worked with two or three times a week, it helps to have a target event. When I'm in good shape there are very enjoyable endorphin highs on the long runs My workouts are usually a mixture of intervals (running and spin), endurance (running) followed by upper body weights. I'll try some HIIT classes and see if I survive When I'm in a session I love it, but sometimes its the starting were I need a push.
I am locked in chastity as a service and a gift of surrender to my wife in exchange for her control and dominance of me. I do not think it is contradictory at all that she also would expect me to maintain self discipline and control over parts of my own life. I would find it far more contradictory to give control to someone and then expect them to have to punish or discipline me in order to get what they want. What sort of control do you really have if you constantly have to work and struggle to keep it?
Many humans truly struggle with self control, and some can use all the help that they can get. Your lack of that need for help is wonderful, but it is not universal (and perhaps not even typical). (And for some people, they seem to enjoy the discipline, whether or not they need it.)
Great thread @CuriousAndy! Like you, I would appreciate more active involvement from my keyholder in this regard. If for not other reason but to see what she REALLY values as far as my personal behavior and habits are. So, while others point out our OWN discipline, I suggest that it's the desire for meaningful keyholder input in the first place that has us locked! In other words, what would my keyholder want badly enough that she would take the time to tie it to my locking?
Thanks Lazlo Toth, I'm really enjoying the insights. In the past to achieve rapid or massive improvement I've used coaches in many areas of my life. In physical training you get shouted at, you get praised, if you are slacking off you get harder "punishment" workouts, there is expected to be some pain, you do achieve a state of flow. It's not a Dom/Sub thing, but there are some similarities. We're lucky in that we sort of have a life coach who we agreed to obey, if they are willing to help that can great for our own continual personal improvement goals.