Did I Miss the Hint?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by DiltonDoiley, Jan 18, 2022.

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  1. DiltonDoiley
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    DiltonDoiley Member

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    As a relative amateur, I had an experience today that is lingering with me. My wife and I ended up having some very passionate sex in our living room. My wife came first, and assuming that it was her only orgasm, said to me playfully“Now that I’m satisfied, maybe we should put you in chastity, and do this again soon…” In the moment, the idea of having to pull out and squeeze into my cage sounded so unappealing, I ended up distracting her from the idea by proceeding to have more sex (which we both very much enjoyed.) However, after I came and she came a second time, she said again, “Well maybe we should put you in chastity now…” Again, having just orgasmed, the cage sounded SO unappealing, so I copped out by saying I thought maybe I’d take a shower… Because of her playful attitude, and mere suggestion of chastity, I felt like it was being presented to me as an option.

    What do I make of this? Did I screw up? What now?
     
  2. locked_sheila
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    locked_sheila Long term member

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    Sounds like it, it looks like a hint - but isn't the end of the world - this is play for fun after all.

    2 thoughts. The first is, next time, you start off locked. Then she can decide to let you out or not. My wife and I use a Vixen strap on for her - which is a good substitute for me and she gets what she needs and wants. It is really hot spending the time pleasuring her.

    You will need to resist your urges and work out how best to do this. It will be hard, and takes practice.

    Another thought, and this is more how your wife could adjust a way of commanding - rather than hints.

    Rather than asking with a 'Maybe you should.....' should instead be an order from her,. E.g. 'Thats all I require from you.....'. A command dictates that you MUST do.

    Foremost this is play and a game, and it takes time to get really get up to speed and work out what's right for both parties.

    It's taken me and my wife nearly 2 years on and off, but we've now found what works for us and enjoy where we have got to both learning along the way.

    Hope that helps.
     
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  3. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    Well, yeah, as hints go that was a pretty big one (twice). I think you have to ask yourself if you genuinely want to be in chastity because here you turned down two perfect opportunities. What is your subconscious telling you?
     
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  4. Nick1789
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    Was that a question or did you just want to tell us you made your wife cum twice? Lol good job. But yeah you fucked up your chastity game. She wanted to but is still looking up to you to make decisions. So flr? No. But chastity fun? Yes. Don't be too hard on yourself. Ultimate point here is you made the decision, not her.
     
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  5. starflyer
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    starflyer Junior Member

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    Ive not had PIV for quite a long time now, but when we did she knew that after we'd had sex and i'd orgasmed i hated being locked up in my cage, but she insisted that i put it back on, although i hated doing it, i loved the fact that she wanted to lock me back up. It was the same when she wanted me to go down and clean her up, i hated the thought of doing it after id cum inside her, but she insisted i do it and as a good sissy slave i did it because she wanted me to do it. In everyday life she's not that dominant but when it comes to the bedroom she can be quite insistant.
     
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  6. Siro
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    Siro Active member

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    Deine Frau kann sich vorstellen, dich keusch zu halten. Anscheinend erregt sie der Gedanke daran. Vielleicht möchte sie auch testen, wie du darüber denkst.
    Gibt es in Ihrer Beziehung bereits einen Keuschheitsgürtel? Wenn ja, hast du schon damit gearbeitet?
     
  7. rwpLocked
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    rwpLocked Long term member

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    Nothing that can't be salvaged with a little honest communication.

    To keep her from getting the wrong idea or getting discouraged I would let her know how much you enjoyed her chastity talk. From there it's up to you how to spin it.

    There is nothing wrong with keeping it a tease or a threat, of enjoying dancing on the edge of giving her control, knowing that at any time the "game" could become real.

    Then, when you're ready you can let her know that you can't help but resist (it's half the fun), but that what you really want is for her to take control and make it happen when she is ready.
     
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  8. MissyB
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    MissyB Long term member

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    From your write up, sort of hard to tell. Is chastity play part of your regular sex life? Does she normally tell you to put it on, or do you do it on your own? How much do you wear a cage at a time, a few hours, days, or until she lets you out? It was a hint of sorts, but to be more effective she could have just told you to lock up. Works better when your cage time is her choice. Good luck and enjoy.
     
  9. G42G
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    G42G Long term member

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    Miss the hint? She wacked you over the head with it, twice. If it were me, I'd apologize for not following her directive after putting the cage on to show good faith. Then ask what, if anything, you can do to make it up to her. Serve her, not yourself. Your reward will come with your servitude.
     
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  10. SissyKayli
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    Yeah, you missed it. But I get it, you want her to say “Get that thing in the cage now!”, but instead she said, “should we put that thing in its cage?” I struggle with that a bit, I’d love for her to order me into the cage, but she’s not usually dominant in that way. If you want to play, you’re going to have to take her up on the “offer” to cage it. You might mention that it’d be more fun if it’s presented as “not a choice” - but I wouldn’t press that, it’s up to her how she wants to play if at all.
     
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  11. DiltonDoiley
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    DiltonDoiley Member

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    These are good follow-up questions, thanks for asking. Chastity play is not part of our regular sex life, although we've been talking recently about wanting to generally dig into kinks a bit more. That being said, we do not much of a history at all of her telling me/instructing me to put on the cage. Practically all of our experiences have been fueled by my interest up until this point, and have lasted between 12 and 72 hours. I do completely agree with you, that having her TELL me to lock up removes the variable of my feeling doubtful. But of course, telling her what to tell me is the definition of topping from the bottom..
     
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  12. DiltonDoiley
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    DiltonDoiley Member

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    Overall, I most certainly am interested in the dynamics that chastity can bring into the relationship. That being said, actually being caged can be both extremely erotic, and extremely frustrating. And even inconvenient at times! I think being given the choice of locking up in those moments is what made it confusing for me.
     
  13. DiltonDoiley
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    I love this advice.
     
  14. Unremarkable Jamie
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    Unremarkable Jamie Active member

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    I think you have to look at how she communicates with you in general. Is she the type to say "Let's go to a movie tonight" or does she say "What would you think about going to a movie tonight?" If she's the latter, then I'd be surprised if she EVER said "Get that thing in a cage now", and I suspect what you got is as close to a "demand" or "request" as you're going to hear. In our relationship, I recently got "When were you thinking of putting that device back on." That's as close to a chastity request as I've ever heard from her, and quickly became a discussion of "when today" and just two options. That was very hot for me, but only after I realized some years ago that "commands" are not her thing.

    TL;DR: It's about her communication style. You need to do the translating.
     
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  15. SissyKayli
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    I just want to address this one thing, since I’ve struggled with the same. I believe that you can communicate what you want without topping from the bottom. If she doesn’t know what you like, she’s probably not going to do it - even if she was willing/interested. There’s a fine line of course - but basically, I think it’s fair to mention ONCE that it would be so hot if she ordered you into the cage. After that, if she does it or not that’s up to her. No nagging or whining about it if she doesn’t do it.
     
  16. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Long term member

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    You can regain the momentum easily, if you act now.

    Go and put your cage on, all except removing the key. You don't need to immediately tell her. Then as soon as an appropriate moment occurs, say to her "You know that you wanted to lock me up?", show her, and invite her to take the key.

    I can guarantee she'll be grinning like a Cheshire cat.
     
  17. ChasteCel
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    ChasteCel 7/6 on the TomAllen-Rectrix scale

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    My wife does this a lot. I've asked her in those moments what she wants me to do ... she's told me (this is multiple years into our journey mind you) that when she gives me the choice, she is giving me the privilege of making it. She won't always give me the choice. And if I choose wrong, well... ;)


    Its often said the time you're LEAST going to want to put the cage back on is right after you cum. This is a really hard instinct to fight, but do try.

    I will say though, for cleanliness, its probably smart to shower before putting the cage back on. So that's okay ... but when you dry off, that thing should probably go on.


    This really is so true![/QUOTE]
     
  18. DiltonDoiley
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    DiltonDoiley Member

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    These replies are all amazing. Seriously, this forum is such an awesome community.

    The entire following day, my wife was feeling the symptoms of a cold, and needed to focus on healing, so I didn't bring it up. However, last night, she mentioned how great our sex had been the night before, and I took it as an opportunity to tell her about what I was feeling: guilt and regret for not recognizing her "chastity proposition" as a gift, and for being short-sighted and selfish. She seemed to really appreciate it, and said that once she was wasn't battling a cold, it was game on.

    Any and all tips/guidance are still completely welcome. Thank you all :)
     
  19. ChasteCel
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    ChasteCel 7/6 on the TomAllen-Rectrix scale

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    Oh yeah, she's still getting into it. My wife would take the fact she wasn't feeling sexy with the cold and make sure I was caged so that I'd be ready for her when she was feeling better!
     
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  20. DiltonDoiley
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    DiltonDoiley Member

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    Practically, that makes a lot of sense. I just know that for her because we're relatively new in our journey, she sees keyholding as the type of responsibility that she'd like to have time and energy for. I'm sure that once we're more experienced, we'll be more able to "relax" into it.
     
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  21. ChasteCel
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    ChasteCel 7/6 on the TomAllen-Rectrix scale

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    Yeah, that's totally fair. When you get further along and were even at the point of 24/7, your default state becomes "locked up" and it takes a major thing to become unlocked.

    I'm there now, have been for 4-ish years. It would take a major illness on *my* part to get free. I've been caged during several bad colds, bronchitis once, and multiple periods of my wife not feeling good for various reasons. It's just what it is now!
     
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  22. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    Servitude becomes the reward :rolleyes:
     
  23. Locked76
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    Same kind of thing happened tonight with me but didn't think twice until I read this thread. Life is very busy for us right now and I try and catch her quick once a day to satisfy her. Well, it has been a little while with no end of no privacy in sight and she told me tonight why don't we let you out. She is at work mind you, and I asked her to do what? She said well, take some stress off, I declined! Everything is great with us and she was just trying to be nice, should I have abided to her question. And, had a night out of it by myself?
     
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  24. DiltonDoiley
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    DiltonDoiley Member

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    This is a great question. Looking forward to hearing other’s perspectives
     
  25. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Long term member

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    Not if you want your "default state" to be in chastity.
    Use any reason or excuse, but generally if she's not worried about your health while locked up, then as long as you don't keep on bringing up chastity or sex, then she shouldn't mind whether you're locked up or not. You don't even need to ask. If she's unlocked you for a reason, sex, travel, whatever, then as soon as you've done whatever it was, just lock yourself up again as soon as the event is over. Then it'll change from being an occasional kink to being your normal lifestyle.

    You know your wife but I wouldn't overdo it with trying to "satisfy her" every day though. I'm sure that if she needs sex she'll hint or initiate it, but if you put too much pressure on her then she might connect having you locked up with you pestering her too much! Maybe that's one reason why she offered to unlock you, it's still a 'sex time' thing for her, and not yet your 'default lifestyle'.
     
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