Introducing myself

Hello there, welcome to the Mansion.

 

Welcome to the forum and good luck. There are loads of threads on here that may help but the main thing is to be patient and allow your wife to come round to the idea of chastity at her own pace and to weigh it all up.

 

Welcome, and best of luck. My best advice is to be patient, and don't hit her with too much information at once. A lot of guys have obsessed about chastity for years, but held back. When they finally screw up the courage to talk to their wives, they inundate them with information. I think more than a few wives have been turned off by that.

I hope it all goes well for you! Have fun!
mikecb

 

:welcome: to the site VivaLasVegas.

We have all levels of "Ladies" here, some Born Domme, some with little experience.

We're all very friendly and happy to talk to anyone who is unsure in this crazy world

 

Welkom VivaLasVegas! Ik weet zeker dat je dit forum nuttig gaat vinden. I was like your wife a few months ago and as soon as I discovered the benefits, I was hooked! What you could do is start behaving as if you were in chastity (start serving her and no wanking) and allow her to take breaks from being mistress. This is what my husband did to warm me up to the idea and soon enough I was mistress full time!

 

Actually you make a very good point Ms Spike.

I'd forgotten how much hard "work" it felt like being in Mistress-Mode. Now it's second nature and I don't think I could go back.

 

I recommend less talk and more action at first

Your wife may think its just another one of your sex fantasies and talking doesn't help that.


Start serving her, don't call her 'mistress' right away. Occasionally call her 'misses <her last name>' at most.
Dont be overly submissive, my mistress hated that at first.

Plus, your wife may never want you to wear womens clothes etc. There are lots of different variations of this type of relationship.
My mistress loves to humiliate me in outfits and boss me around and control me sexually etc, but she likes me to be a strong man and not be all 'whimpy' etc.
Luckily that is exactly what I prefer too, so it works really well for us.
But be willing to adapt to her wants instead of pushing to hard with your fantasies.

Ask her if there is anything you can do for her, like make breakfast, dinner or clean the house.
I found it most effective to just ask if there was anything she wanted help with instead of just doing it all the time without asking.
That way she was aware you were doing it and appreciates you giving her attention.

Make lots of small talk, be interested in what she is interested in.
(Let her control where you go out of the house, let her control what you watch tv. Just be happy being next to her. Hold her hand and enjoy the fact she is sharing that with you)

If she asks why you are doing all this, say its because you are reading up to be a better, more submissive husband.
Tell her that you think the household is more effective when she is in charge.

Re-assure her that you will remain a strong-man outside of the house, but you feel she is better at leading your relationship.

Tell her she is beautiful, gorgeous, that you adore her.


Obviously it helps if you really mean all the things I just said! If you only say it cause you want some kinky sex, it probably wont work.
(i certainly do mean all of it! I do really worship Mistress Spike and found out I can only feel 100% fulfilled and happy if she allows me to serve and court her)


Tell her you have read online that you can 'focus your sexual energy on other things instead of masturbating'. Tell her you read that if she controls your release/orgasms that the rest of the time you can focus on serving and courting her. Tell her it makes you feel like when you first fell in love.

If she wants to know more, tell her that men have evolved to build up sexual energy, but once it is released, their brain focuses on other things, like gathering food etc.
So by her keeping you sexually charged (horny!) your brain remains in the 'court my female' mode.

Tell her it is not just about sex. Tell her a 'Female led relationship' is a benefit for both of you. Tell her that it will not be 'another chore' on her already busy schedule, but that instead you will help her more and love her more and that it will actually free up some time for her to do the things she likes to do.

And then prove allllll of that with your actions.


Never get grumpy or disappointed if she isn't moving very fast into the mistress role.
If she is not comfortable using certain language, laugh it off and say its fine, she can say whatever she wants.
You need to try your very hardest to avoid any stress in relation to the mistress role.
Make sure the mistress role is associated with fun, pleasure etc, not with stress or 'doing things wrong'.

You need to be the most patient man on the planet, but it is totally fine to make small suggestions on what she could do.

For example if you like her to be bossy, tell her that you would really feel loved if she gives you a chore to do when you come home from work.
Ask her not to say 'thank you' or 'please'. Tell her you feel bad if she feels the need to thank you because you already feel so lucky and happy that you are allowed to help her/serve her.

Explain to her that female brains are superior in managing relationships and tasks. Every woman has heard that females can multi-task and men cannot. Give that as an example. Tell her she is much better then you at keeping a good balance for both of you. Tell her you actually prefer to be told what to do because it is simpler for you.
If she needs more proof of this, there is a lot of info on this online. Most relationships become truly happy when the woman becomes the dominant person in that relationship.
Tell her Dr Phil lets his wife controls the household (He says this every other show, I swear!)

Over time you can ask her to use her sexual energy (every woman has this power, but some are not comfortable or aware of it) a little more to keep you energized.
I.e. ask her to tease you a little. Whatever she is comfortable doing.
You can make suggestions if she doesn't know what to do.
Even small things, like allow you to rub her feet or kiss her feet.
Eventually this can grow to more intense things (I assume you don't need suggestions here )

Tell her you are starting to understand that mainstream porn has created a really poor example of sex and women.
Tell her that all the porn you have seen has made it seem women liked being pornstars and liked certain sexual acts (like giving BJs) but that you are starting to realize that her sexual pleasure is what is so exciting about having sex with her.
Prove this by asking her to 'kick you off' when she is 'done' with sex and do not orgasm yourself (unless she specifically tells you too)
Tell her that hearing her orgasm was fantastic and that you find that to be 90% of the pleasure of sex and that your own orgasm is not nearly as important.

(At least for me this is the case, with the exception that after a few days or a week or so I get horny like a toad and do crave an orgasm extremely badly hehe)


I found out about chastity devices when I was googling on how to make my mistress more comfortable with taking control.
So you can introduce it to her that way too.
Tell her a device like that might help both of you to focus your sexual energy on her.

Show her a few different ones when you think she is ready.
Explain to her its just like any other sex toy. Just something for fun, but also functionally will help you focus on her more.

Don't tell her she needs to be a keyholder just yet, unless she seems ready for it.
You can simply ask her to keep the key in her purse for now, until you think she might be ready to wear it.

There are a lot of different devices. Metal ones comes across more kinky then plastic ones, so make sure you find some that are not to intimidating.
My wife picked the birdlocked at first because it seemed less intimidating.
But soon moved into the role and now really likes the metal devices. So allow this to evolve to become more kinky at her pace.

Make sure to explain to her she can stop this at any time. That you will remain her loving supportive husband.
Tell her she can try it for a day or 2 and then not be a mistress for a few days if she doesn't feel like it.
Or suggest you only do it in the weekend and the rest of the week is as it was before.

I suspect she will start to love it so much she will demand you serve her 24/7, but it can take a bit of time.

If you are like me, you will likely behave less attentive and submissive automatically when the device is off and when you are free to release when you want.
Your wife will notice this! She will demand the device to be 24/7 soon after I am sure.
(By 24/7 I mean you wear it all the time, unless she wants to use your junk . Not the 24/7 chastity and you never get out)

Hope that helps!

 

Wow - that was probably the best answer I've seen in a long time!

Thank you Sb for taking the time to share.

 

when my sub first asked to be tied up it was very much out of the blue

we have experimented with lots of different things.

get her to read some stories - for exampler literotica have loads. every now and again you get one that goes off in the wrong direction, so maybe have a read through first then let her see it.

my sub reading me a good story always makes me hot

 

Boy O Boy I think Spike said a mouthful, That was great and very similar to what I'm doing with my Mistress.

 

Hi VivaLasVegas, and welcome the The Mansion.

As you can read from the comments, a mistress/slave relationship is common with chastity. But please note that chastity can work fine without a mistress/slave or female-led relationship, if you or your wife is not comfortable with that.

There are probably as many different ways of playing with chastity as there are people who like chastity, as everybody is unique. You have to find a way that both you and your wife likes. Fortunately there are friendly people here who are into many different ways of playing with chastity, so you can probably get good advice here no matter how you prefer to play.

But one thing is common for a man kept in chastity: His sexual drive gets redirected into a desire to please his keyholder, and make her feel good. I think many female keyholders originally got started just because they were willing to try out chastity on the request of their partner, and then started really liking chastity when they saw how being in chastity changed their partner to be more romantic.

 

Welcome to the world chastity in service to your Lady's pleasure VivaLasVegas.

It really helps a woman focus a horny man if she knows he is not allowed to cum.

 

VivaLasVegas,
What worked for me to overcome the shyness and I still do it now, my wife/Mistress and I e-mail each other constantly. Mainly because I wasn't good talking face to face with her about what I wanted sexually. Now we both look forward to the e-mails and have a lot of fun with them

 

Trust me, you are one of the lucky ones, and I'm sure you know that.

The fact that she has "dabbled" means she is interested.

The big thing now is to wait for her to bring it up. This may take a long time and be very frustrating for you, but I firmly believe that she needs to be the one to bring back the tease and denial of her own accord.

Keep at it!