I’m now thinking it is time to disappointingly hang up my cage. It has been around six months, with two - three of those in trial and error and the last three months working out what dynamic would fit after filtering through all online fact and fiction. I am not into cross dressing or humiliation, I certainly don’t knock those that are. A FLR is not an option as my wife does not want to be in control, and we have always both done our fair share. Being unable to show any benefits by doing extra jobs ect… chastity and organism denial seemed the best fit all round given my wife is very vanilla. Plus the whole point in the first place was because the menopause has started to kick in and her labido has dropped. I have been self locking between sex the longest has been three weeks, then full piv every time, with amazing orgasms for both of us. The Problem is the longer I lock the more I enjoy being locked and I am happy to go as long as it takes. Once it gets in your head….. We have had many open conversations over the last six months plus a few minor moments when she has shown a bit of interest. However the penny has finally dropped, three nights ago my wife asked why I was restless and did I want t do anything as she could not sleep either. Absolutely I said but as it’s only been about a week and I/we have better orgasms after around two - three weeks of build up so do you mind if I stay caged this time and we focus on you? No sorry I’m not into that!!! End of conversation. As much as I love my wife I can’t help but feel totally gutted and have spent the last two nights lying next to her hoping she would change her mind and her hormones would get the better of her. I think for my own benefit I need to put this to one side I can’t do it if it’s one sided. I am so disappointed as it’s such a buzz, and feel if my wife let go just a little she would really enjoy the benefits. Unfortunately I know after over 20 years of marriage that I’m flogging a dead horse.
Unfortunately, a vanilla spouse has as much right to be vanilla as you do enjoy chastity play. Dealing with those differences is comes with marriage.
Tom you just have to look at it from another perspective. It's her cock and not yours! Get a lock box where you keep the key, let her set the combination, so that when she wants your cock she knows where to get the key. When she unlocks you for her reasons, whatever they are, you can lock up as soon as she is done with you. Put the key back in the box and it's all her again. If she wants you everyday, that will be the chastity you will endure, if she's fickle and it's sometimes once a month, or three times a week, that's what she wants. She can be totally vanilla and still, you just have to offer her the power, and keep none for yourself. If you're in this to improve your orgasms, then there is no real power exchange. From what you've said, she doesn't want to play that game by those rules. But make no mistake, Chastity, is a game, and there is no right or wrong way to play, if it makes you "happy." You just have to find the rules that suit you both.
Reality is you didn’t do as she wanted so how do you think it would ever work. topping from the bottom is probably the biggest turn off ever and then you wonder why.
Is she willing to still hold your key? If you are looking for her to control your orgasms, it has to be by her rules and decisions. She may one day experiment with more denial play....or not. My wife is similar.. After a year of me in chastity, my wife has only denied me release a few times, and only for a few more days. But our goal was to kill a masturbation habit, not to stop having sex. Be happy with what you have (many vanilla wives would have nothing to do with any part of it).
Unfortunately you can't make somebody share your interests. If she doesn't want to indulge, that's that.
It sounds like you would like an FLR if your wife was willing, right? Well, the whole point of an FLR is that she gets to decide if and when you cum. Now I know the fantasy is that she lock you up for months at a time, and for many that is indeed what happens, but if she's in charge, she also has the right to ask you to give her PIV every day if that's what she wants. If wearing the cage stops you from masturbating, that's at least one improvement. Then, over time, if she finds that you're a better husband after you've been denied for a while, she might come around to doing just that. But she always has the right to ask for sex when she wants it, even if it doesn't work with your timetable.
Yep you are right, I think I was having a melt down last night. I have just had two weeks off work so not so tired during the night leaving my mind to go into overdrive and we’ll and truly over thinking things. Back to work now so hopefully back to a normal sleep pattern. Adamant I was done last night, luckily for me I was out early this morning for work so I didn’t have the chance to say anything stupid. Can not believe I was moaning about getting the thing I’m asking for in the first place denial! This is mind fuck but what a buzz
I just went for 18 days without an orgasm and it felt really great, so I completely understand what you're looking for. Then my wife wanted to give me a handjob, so that's what we did, but while the orgasm was great, it did bring me back down to Earth, as expected, so now I have to build it back up again. I'd like to go for much longer this time, but we'll see.
My longest is 21 days and did it standing on my head yet this time after 7 days started going into meltdown, too much time on my hands but at least that’s all that’s Been on them
I think we have a lot in common, I'm not a sissy or cross-dresser and not looking for humiliation, etc. I only brought up the subject of MC to my wife about 3 weeks ago. She had never heard of it, but was open to playing along. She's not really dominant either, and I'm not completely submissive, so I don't think we're looking for a traditional FLR, but she's certainly liking the way that I'm much more willing to volunteer to do tasks that she was about to do and am generally more loving and paying more attention to her. One key difference for is that our sex life had kinda dried up, but since I brought up chastity, I've been giving her an orgasm every other day and she's loving it. I'd do it every day if she was up for it. So, whatever it is that we're doing, it's brought us much closer together and we're both loving that. I have enough self control to not masturbate, so I don't NEED the cage, but I wear it because it's fun. I need to take it off for a few minutes daily for cleaning, so the normal transfer of the key isn't really practical, but the honor system works too. I really hope the two of you find a path that works for you both.
I would say we are very a like, I do not lock up during the day again I have good self control. As soon as I shower and get ready for bed on it goes. Have a look on tumblr -denial permanente There are a lot of extremists but this puts it into perspective for those just looking at the denial side. I had a mind melt reading some other posts thinking that’s not what I want.
Maybe a shift in outlook. You already said you don't lock up during the day because of lack of self control, and now the wife (rightly) says night locks are right out. I say rightly because you denied her, and vanilla or not that's a problem. I'd put that chastity device up and focus on being ready to satisfy her when she wants it. That means keep your hands off your cock and your mind focused on your relationship. She's the relationship. Chastity up to this point was all a game for you, not for her, and she was patient with you until she got tired of it, and she absolutely was right to get after you. So for now, no devices, no jacking off. You stay chaste and you give her what she wants WHEN she wants. Just my 2 cents EDIT: we all make mistakes, myself especially, just trying to be helpful by sharing life experience in my obnoxious blunt way
Thanks for your reply, I am not sure what or how you are reading this. I don’t wear a cage in the day for several reasons, however we lead very busy lives were I find it very easy to have self control during the day plus if I decide to do something I do it, I get far more out of denial than I ever did out of cracking one off. My wife has at no point said she does not want the cage, in fact she prefers I wear it due to menopause. My problem was I was expecting too much too soon, I don’t think I am on my own with that one at least at the outset. Again I appreciate your reply
A lot of hard core things going on and each to their own, but in my opinion you don’t need to be a pilot to enjoy flying.