Chapter Four

My condolences on the loss of your wife. You only had ten years and she must have been far too young. You obviously loved her and cared for her very much.

In 2018 my car was a twelve year old Corolla I bought used in college. Shortly after Thanksgiving we were driving past the Ford dealer and this car was sitting on the lot and I admired it. This happened a couple times and Charlie said I should stop and test drive it and I could trade my car for it. I told him my company was very conservative and I would be out of place in a bright orange convertible. Then one day it had a sold sign on it and I was actually disappointed.
The couple days before Christmas Charlie told me hadn't been able to come up with any big surprise for me he could put under the tree. He sounded very disappointed. Even Christmas morning he was disappointed I didn't have a big surprise under the tree. Late Christmas morning I got a call from our best friends asking us to come over for Christmas brunch. Hubby had apparently involved them in his little plot. When we got out to the garage Charlie opens the garage door and he hands me the keys and says, "why don't you drive?" I looked at the strange keys and then I saw the Mustang sitting in the driveway. He had the dealer deliver it during the night. I screamed and ran to the car. When he caught up to me I started hitting him and said you told me you didn't have a big surprise for me. He said, "I told you I didn't have a big surprise for you under the tree." He was really laughing.
I drove my old Toyota to work the next day and when people asked me what I got for Christmas, nobody could believe I didn't bring the Mustang to work. That was the last time I drove the Toyota anywhere.
We put it up for sale and a girl was looking for a car to get back and forth to the local community college. She didn't have much money so we let her have it for the cost of transferring it. As of last summer she was still using it to get back and forth.
I love my Mustang . She makes me feel special when I drive her, especially in the summer with the top down. Hubby doesn't get to drive it very often. I did let him drive it at Watkins Glen last summer though.

 

Last night was special. It was about love, her love for me, and I have never felt closer to Missy than last night.

We went up to bed and she asked me if I wanted to undress her. I asked her if she was sure. This would normally be very hard for her. She said, “Yes, I have to do this.” We slowly and gently undressed each other. We just looked in each other’s eyes most of the time and didn’t say a word. It took a few minutes to get fully undressed. I pulled down the covers and gently laid her on the bed and laid down next to her.

I caressed and kissed her whole body for several minutes. She was so soft and so warm. Then she pressed my head against her and I performed oral on her and she had a huge orgasm. She held my face against her so tight.

I came back up and we kissed and held each other and we had still not said a word. Then after a few minutes she rolled me on my back and rolled on top of me and inserted me in her. She rocked very slowly on me for the longest time. Suddenly, I started to have an orgasm and I just pulled her so tight against me. She couldn’t move any more and it was almost like that night a couple months back. I only felt the intensity for a moment even though I could tell I was still coming. It is a weird sensation. That was all I wanted to feel at that moment. It wasn’t about the orgasm. It was the feeling of being loved more than I could ever imagine. Admittedly I had made that moment about me. She didn’t have a second orgasm but I think she was okay with that.

We still didn’t say a word for a long time while I just held her so tight that I am not sure how she could breathe. Then all at once we both spoke at the same time. I said “I love you” and she said, “You were wonderful.” She slid off of me and I held her very tight in my arms. She was so warm and so peaceful. We were both asleep in no time.

This morning when the alarm went off we cuddled and kissed for way too long. Finally I told her if we didn’t get up she was going to be late for work. We got up and she showered while I stripped the sheets off the bed. After my shower I put my cage back on and got down in time to have breakfast with her. I got an amazing good bye kiss before she left for work.

Speaking of which, I do have a couple orders I have to get out this week so I better get to work too.

 

Actually as I recall she called me a Rat Fink or something like that for making her wait almost 2 hours after we opened our other presents and making her think I was disappointed that I didn't have a big present for her.

I can't imagine ever losing Missy. It is good you were able to move on and found another person to love who would love you for who you are. We wish you both the best.

 

For those who didn’t follow our past journals, Missy and I have been writing weekly letters about whatever is on our minds for some time now. When it is a difficult letter to write we both tend to do it here on CM in our blog. It seems easier and it also makes it real. We have to say exactly what we feel because all the witnesses on the site will hold us to what we say. Last night, Missy melted and fell asleep in my arms but I couldn’t get to sleep. All kinds of thoughts were going around in my head and they were hard to deal with so this morning I am writing my weekly letter to Missy.

Dear Missy,

Saturday morning was wonderful but how do I tell you the best part was not the sex. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the orgasm and making sexual love and I don’t ever want to go back to where we can’t do that again. What made Saturday morning so special was being able to take you to your special place and then hold your warm body against mine. Finally you were so peaceful at last. Everything has been so hectic and different since “Crazy Tuesday” and at that moment we were back to being us. I was comfortable at long last. The woman I knew that would surrender to my touch and melt in my arms was back.

Last night in bed I thought back to a couple of occasions this summer when you came home so stressed and frustrated. I let you relax while I rubbed your back and shoulders and you talked about your day before you changed for supper. But those couple nights you were still tense and uptight when we went to bed. I held you a little closer, caressed you a little longer, and told you I loved you more and you slowly relaxed. Then you finally melted and went limp like a rag doll and laid there in my arms for a few minutes till I put you on my shoulder and you said you loved me and were asleep in an instant. Even though you were technically in charge, I felt like I was the strong and powerful one. I knew what you needed without you asking and I made you feel all my love and you trusted me when I told you that it would all be okay. I could almost feel the stress evaporate from your body. I know the chaste man is supposed to just see this as nothing more than doing his duty, making his wife feel happy and satisfied. But when I can do that, the satisfaction I feel and the love I feel makes me feel like a king. Saturday morning after I gave you that fuzzy and you laid there quietly in my arms, that feeling came back to me. If you read what I wrote yesterday, you know how wonderful Sunday night was for me, how loved you made me feel. I only hope you felt how much I love you.

I don’t know how to tell you this next part. Even I am having trouble understanding what is going on in my mind. For so many years I pressured you for sex because my orgasm was so important. And you struggled to try to satisfy me. Even after we stopped the Saturday night “programed sex” and we learned to share our love in that intimate sensual way, your struggle with your sexuality and my lack of orgasms still defined our love life. Now you have finally conquered your fears and are comfortable and can enjoy sex. Now that I can have as much as I want, sex turns out to be not that important. It turns out we already had what was most important, that shared intimate love, and didn’t know it.

Please don’t misunderstand. Making sexual love to you is wonderful and I hope we can do it regularly. But I don’t have to do it all weekend like we said we would. One time is fine if that is what you want. Please don’t feel pressured to have sex with me because you promised me unlimited sex. It has to be because YOU want to. If you are tired or stressed I will be happy just holding you and loving you in your way all weekend.

I am truly sorry for all those years when I tried to make my love for you about the bedroom instead of making the bedroom about my love for you.

Orgasms are wonderful but they are only a little about the emotions and a lot about the physical high. The physical high is wonderful but does not last long. The sensual love making, when you melt in my arms or you have that mini-orgasm we call a fuzzy, is a little about the physical and a lot about emotions. That feeling of having made you feel loved and special stays with me all night and all day.

I hope what I have written has not hurt you. After all your agony and struggles you finally reached your mountain top. Now I tell you that there is a bigger and better mountain top. I do not want the sex, good as it may be, to ever replace the real love we have had all along and didn’t know it.


Love

Hubby

 

When Missy got home she was in good spirits and I asked her to read my letter before supper so we could talk about it. When she came out of the office she had a beautiful smile and came over and gave me a huge kiss. She said, “You wrote a whole letter just to tell me what you said in one sentence Saturday morning. That morning when you told me you just wanted to hold me a few more minutes, you said that making me feel loved was more important than sex.” She actually got a little teary and added, “the feeling that swept through her at that moment, it’s a feeling no woman in a normal marriage will ever know.”


She started to go to change out of her dress clothes and she turned with a big smile and said, “Don’t worry. I really like sex now.” Then as an after thought, “if, when, and how often depends on how I feel. Doesn’t it?” Her smile got very coy and she turned and headed for the laundry room instead of the stairs. I started cooking the supper. It was ready to go except for the final cooking. She came out of the laundry room stark naked and I glanced at her but was careful not to stare. She said, “Look at me! What do you think?” I looked at her. She had that smile with those big “blues” that made me fall in love with her 7 years ago. I said, “You know you are beaut” and quickly changed it to very pretty. She said thank you and went upstairs. She came down in her sweats a few minutes later and helped me get supper finished and on the table. I finally asked her what the naked thing was all about. She reminded me how frightened she is that when I see her body, that I only see her as a sex object. After reading my letter she had to see if she was still afraid. She said, “When you looked at me just then it was like you were looking at a piece of fine art. I was okay.” She carried the vegetable dish to the table and turned back to me and asked, “Do you know what that means?” I was stumped and guessed that maybe I could call her beautiful now. She said, “No! Beautiful is still a special word.” Then she got this fiendish smile and said, “it means I can have more fun teasing you now.” She gave me a peck on the cheek and let out with an evil laugh.


We ate supper without talking about it anymore. She told me how her day was. I mentioned the shop was slow but orders were still better than Christmas season a year ago. After we ate she said she had to go over some reports for work that came in late and she hadn’t had a chance to look at them before she came home so I came in here to write about tonight.


I thought this was going to be so hard to talk about. She had agonized all these years over not being able to satisfy me. Sex had been so important to me and now, that we can do it, not so much. Turns out that is not only okay with her, it is good. It was the easiest conversation about sex we have ever had. God, I love this woman.

 

When we went to bed she was all teary. I asked her why. She said, "You don't even know how much you love me. You were afraid you were hurting me when you were telling me I was more special than your orgasm. Do you even know what love is?" I started to say that I just knew I loved her and didn't want to hurt her but she only let me get about 3 words out and she kissed me.
Then she took the key off and handed it to me. I looked at her and said, "It's the middle of the week." She said, "Maybe....Maybe not."
We got in bed and we both were naked. She asked me to take her to her special place and she had a fuzzy in only a few minutes. Then she rolled me on my back and rolled on me and inserted my penis in her. She rocked very gently and when I got close I started to pull her tighter and she just stopped moving. Seconds later I could feel I oozed just a little, like a lot of precum. There was no orgasm at all but I experienced a feeling I have never really felt before. I went almost limp with her on top of me, my grip on her totally relaxed and she just laid on me for a long time.
She eventually rolled off of me and asked me if that was okay, what she did. I answered with a question. I asked, "Is that what a fuzzy feels like/" She just said, "I hope so."
We didn't say another word and fell asleep in each other's arms. I think I finally know what she feels when I make love to her in her way. It is a special feeling I can't describe.

 

The orgasms are wonderful but that feeling I get when I make her feel loved is what is about for me.

Last night I think she knew exactly what she was doing. She was turning the tables. After I gave her her fuzzy she made it all about me. She was teaching me what love is. She showed me what it felt like to be totally and selflessly loved. She made those final moments strictly about me. When I collapsed under her all I felt was her warm body against me, her lips gently against mine and this feeling of being truly loved without giving anything back.
Last summer when we were not able to have actual sex and I would take her to her special place, she felt guilty afterwards because in her mind she had not given me anything back. After feeling what she apparently feels when I make her melt I understand why it bothered her so. It was a wonderous feeling but then I felt almost selfish. I hope she was able to feel as good as I feel when I make her melt or give her a fuzzy. Then she will understand that it really is as special for me to give as it is for her to receive. She is growing so fast in her new role as leader. I hope I can keep up.

 

Last night was back to the carnival ride. A package arrived for Missy from Victoria’s Secret. I was pretty ecstatic and couldn’t wait for her to get home to see what sexy lingerie she had gotten. When she got home I handed her the package. She looked at the label and said, “Oh yes I’ve been expecting this.” She said we’d open it after supper and try it on and I could tell her what I think. She went up and changed into her sweats while I made supper. She did not have her bra on under her “T” shirt when she came down. Needless to say I was a little excited all through supper.

So after supper she started teasing me with “are you ready for me to open this or shall we wait a little longer?” Eventually she opened it in a way I couldn’t really see what it was and she had a huge smile on her face. Then she handed me the satin bikini panties. I had completely forgotten about her ordering those on “bat crap crazy Tuesday.” She said, “STRIP!” Try these on and see if they fit. Then she broke out laughing. I asked her if she was serious and she said very. She told me I said I liked how they feel and these should fit. They even have some stretch so they should accommodate the cage. I’m not sure if I was more embarrassed or turned on but she made me take off everything right there in the living room, strip naked, and put a pair on. They just barely held the cage and it seemed to pull them a little lower in front and they didn’t quite cover my crack in back. The satin did feel nice against my skin and the way they fit was very arousing She said they were buy 3 and get 2 free so you have 5 pairs. Almost enough for every day of the week. I said I can’t wear these when I am working. I won’t be able to concentrate and get anything done. That made her really laugh and she just said, “Well maybe not every day then.”

THEN, she pulls out a pair of matching satin nighties. One for her and one for me. They were a vibrant pink with little straps to hold them up. She said you know I don’t care for you sleeping in your undies and you don’t like PJ’s because they bunch up every time you move around. Your boy parts are ugly when I’m not turned on yet so you’re not going to sleep naked during the week any more. WOHLA, the solution. She opened the plastic bag and handed me the larger one and said slip it on. Meanwhile she totally stripped and slipped into hers and asked, “how do I like her now?” I ran my hands and my eyes all over her and could only say, “Fantastic.” Then she said to get mine on so she could check me out. Then she said wait, take off the panties first. I did as told and I had to admit the gown felt really nice against my skin. And it clung to my body and that made it feel even better. She stepped back and looked for a minute and then said, “I like it. It is very sexy.” She added that it kind of showed my boy parts without being ugly. Then we just embraced. The feeling of my body against the satin against the satin against her body was too much. The only thing keeping me from taking her right there was the cage. She knew it too because she said, “Saturday morning isn’t that far away. You’ll make it.” And then she let out with a really evil laugh.

Then she got all serious and said to take the gown off. We need to wash them before we actually wear them to bed and we have time to get them done before bedtime. She took everything to the washer while she was still naked and my eyes never left her body while she went to the laundry room I was so turned on at this point. As she went into the laundry she turned and asked, “what’s the matter? You’ve never seen a naked girl before?” Then she went upstairs with our clothes and came down in one of her robes and threw one to me and said put this on. You know you don’t look that good naked when I’m not ready for sex. And she burst out laughing. Then she said, “You keep telling me I am in charge. I’m having fun. How about you?” All I could do was laugh. I was actually having fun too.

We slept in the night gowns and you ladies have been keeping the best sleepwear secret in the world from us men. It was really loose and comfortable along with feeling nice against my body. It slid across the bed when I moved and didn’t bunch up like my cotton PJ’s do and lying against her with her in her satin was an amazing feeling. When she melted in my arms and then rolled onto my shoulder with our bodies pressed against each other it was an amazing feeling.

This morning she said she didn’t expect me to wear the panties for work but would like me to wear them on weekends and when we go out. If I don’t wear them all the time they will be a turn on for me when I do and knowing I am a little aroused will enhance her sense of power. And she laughed. She is enjoying this being in charge thing way too much all of the sudden. If it didn’t make me so happy and a little crazy I’d put a stop to it. LOL Not happening.

 

Truly fun. Not what I was expecting when the package came. The lingerie turned out to be for me. She is definitely getting comfortable with a sexual relationship. More than that she understands how to separate sex, love, and play now. But she also knows how to bring them together. She just keeps getting more and more comfortable with who she is and where she is going.
I am loving the life but I am living for the love. She makes it about her and what she wants is what she gets. So why do I feel like she makes it about me? She is so giving, even when she takes she gives.

 

Last night Missy took over my mind as well as our sex. It started out innocent enough. We went to bed and hadn’t even pulled the blankets up and I was caressing her, including her breasts, which she really likes me to do. I almost had her to that sweet spot when she started to run her fingers down my nightgown. She reached my cage and quickly realized I was definitely filling it. She pushed me so I was now on my back and she was up on her side looking at me. She asked, “ Does rubbing my breasts make you hard?” I said, “Yes it does, I love the feel of your breasts, Especially through the satin.” She asked if it hurt and I said no it is a little uncomfortable but it doesn’t hurt. She thought for a second and said that this makes sense because the men at the site are always saying when they get teased they start to strain their cages. Then she said, “I never thought about it before because my mind was always going a mile a minute between how good it felt and how dangerous it was.” Then, still very serious, she asked if this happened all the time when she had me rub her breasts. I said, “most of the time.” Now, sounding somewhere between serious and irritated, she asked why I hadn’t told her about this. I said because it wasn’t a big deal and I didn’t want to make something we both enjoyed awkward. She said, “it is a big deal. Our rules were you had to tell me everything you feel even if you thought it might hurt me.” I told her it wasn’t about hurt it was about awkward. She said, “so I was actually teasing you a little.” I told her I guessed so but I didn’t mind. She said, “well what if I minded. What if it would have made me enjoy it more if I’d known I was teasing you? Huh….Huh?” I had no idea what to say. Then she laughed a very mischievous laugh.

With that she said, “you have been bad.” She giggled and lightly slapped my cage three or four times while she said, “very, very bad. And for a very long time.” One of the slaps was enough to make me wince a bit and she laughed even more. Still giggling a little she rolled on top of me and started to kiss me and kiss my neck. When she stopped she said that I had been getting her very aroused and she was thinking about letting me out of my cage but because I was bad I was going to have to wait till Saturday. Then she says, “but I can still have some fun. Why don’t you make love to me with your tongue?” I was happy to oblige. I moved down and slowly slid her panties down and kissed her one leg all the way down. I threw the panties on the floor and kissed her other leg all the way back up until I reached her vagina. She was already damp. She gently held my face against her and I licked and nibbled a little and pressed one hand against the G-spot area and fondled her breast with the other hand. All at once she had an orgasm and pulled my head against her so tight I could barely breathe. When she let go I kissed my way up to her face and we shared a big kiss and I said, “I love you so much.” She rolled up on her side and very softly said, “I love you and I can’t wait for Saturday morning.” I don’t remember exactly what I said but it was basically “why.” She said, “you are going to want me so badly by then. Now lay me on your shoulder and go to sleep.” I rolled back and laid her head on my shoulder and wasn’t at all sure I was going to sleep after that comment. She was asleep in no time and as she laid there in my arms, so soft and so content, suddenly I just felt this wave of contentment of my own sweep through me. I slept like a log after all.
I have no idea what tonight will bring. It sounds like she is planning to torment me some more.

 

You are right Bronco. It is not about control. It is about love. It just seems like every ounce of love I give her she returns to me 2 fold. I always knew she loved me but she had trouble showing it in a physical way. Now that she can, the love just pours out of her. She trusts me so much. We take my cage off Saturday morning for the whole weekend but she still decides when we have sexual love, when we play, and when we just make love without orgasms. She doesn't really tell me what I can do. She just quietly leads me to where she wants to be. And her choice is always right. Not just for her but for me. She is teaching me how to love her by showing me more love than I could ever imagine a year ago. It is almost like she has turned my mind into my chastity cage and her mind is the key. She doesn't need to rule me, she owns me. She has me wrapped around her little finger and I can't think of a place I would rather be.