Psychological origin of being submissive

I don’t agree at all, either with your reflections on society in general or with its application to the BDSM lifestyle. I won’t bother getting into the general society arguments, because even you were right about that, it’s not at all what drives the excitement of D/s. Plenty of so-called dominant people in the general society are excited by being dominated in this Fetlife world, and it has nothing to do with success as a species or efficiency.

 

I wasn't really talking about either in relation to today's society.

I'm referring to how we evolved, from millennia ago, from before we were even homo sapiens. We survived as a species because those behaviours ensured our success, working in groups was always more efficient and more powerful than working as individuals. And when you work in groups, cooperation and obedience of leaders with a plan is more efficient than anarchy. It's not so much a conscious choice, it's the survival of the best from many random behaviours. It's how and why we evolved the way we did, and not just us, the dog family, large cats, primates, they all have hierarchical pack and tribal behaviours.

We're all a combination of both our genes and also our environment. If you don't believe in Darwinism and evolution, we can agree to disagree, that's not really a topic for this board, but I see that many facets of our sexual and other behaviours today have their origins in our evolution. I write as just one of the answers to the OP's question.

 

If you weren’t talking in relation to today’s society, then your comments don’t seem very relevant to the question in this thread, which asks about the desire, pleasure, and excitement of submission, clearly meaning today.

I’m quite familiar with evolutionary theory and how it relates to current behavior, and never implied that I don’t believe in it. I just don’t believe that the evolutionary factors you pointed out have much to do with the excitement of submission in this context. If it did, subs would generally be excited by being dominated by anyone (not only by those of their sexual preferences) and in other contexts (like the workplace). I don’t think many straight male subs would be excited by being pushed around by a male boss at work or a bully on the street.

 

whatever is your education and origins you may have it inside you as a mental signature.
I can only spek for me only and I guess the process is long to going to be submissive.

On my side I always fight like a man, have the last word, try to be manly and have the place with the other men. You always have to prove yourself, fight for your manhood, prouve you're a man.

You need to prouve your manhood by looking after girls to prove you're a man, to show other man you're not a sissy girl or gay person.

After years of it, year of challenge, win and loose I found it that fight useless and I stop challenging or discuting with other and began to just agree. Life is so much relaxing now, no more fight and all runs fine and well.

now things are a lot simplier, my wife ask, I do (try to), my boss ask, I don't complain and do the work (I still think he is stupid and effectiveless most of the time but mow he loves me better).

This is relaxing, it is like the end of a knighmare, a painful situation transform into something smoother and easier in all. Of course I loose some of my freedom, but not that much. I loose the dominance other other but these where source of conflict, I also push away my toxic male partners now, in a way they where toxic too and in a insane relation based on fight and defiance.

With all of that I also loose my manhood and pride to be a manly guy, I stoped to be a wanker and a guy that piss off the others too. I am now gentle, apreciate by other because I agree and I give advice rather than imposing my view. perfect, No, still a lot of work to do.

I also loose sex control over my wife, she now rules over sex and bed, but that has not mean less sex (at beggening at last) she is a lot more in love with me now and no longer wants lovers. She found me so much better now.
In the meantime I get "gay", sissified, feminised and I do homework, what seems to me impossible 10 years ago.
Alls life is so much better than it is adictive, from a useless and endless fight to a relaxing life where my worries is about what to cook or how to please my wife (and KH). life is so much better that it is adictive and I am so happy in it that I understand slave who don't want freedom, women who don't want feminism and so.
I am just part of them now.

It maybe a character or just an addiction to hormones caused by chastity (what I guess anyway) but it is so addictive to be what I became that I don't want to change.

 

If you ask a psychologist, you would get a different answer to this question than if you ask an anthropologist.

Fundamentally, every encounter, relationship and other interaction is characterized by domination and submissiveness. Because one person will always take the lead and the others will follow, the only question is how willing people will do this. The willingness to submit is above all a sign that one is willing to give up one's control over situations and self-determination. There are people who do this more easily and who would now be called submissive.

That's why there are so many different terms in the BD/DS/SM world. Submissiveness as a generic term can characterize, for example, that "you" are only willing to accept this in the context of sex, but otherwise act on an equal footing with your top. TPE, however, signals that you completely relinquish control, no matter what it's about.

To look for an origin there is actually futile. Because you have met a person whom you consider superior or who uses his position of power to stretch or break your own boundaries. But he does it in such a way that you don't break. This is analogous to a trainer in sports who pushes you but takes care of your health and always encourages you to take on new challenges.

So I define submissiveness for me as being willing to relinquish control to my wife(keyholder) when it comes to sexual fulfillment, but that doesn't mean that she alone manages the finances or that we buy a car without deciding what it should be.

 

Nicely said!

 

I played 'doctors and nurses' with my older sister and a friend (a girl).
Being usually cast as the patient could have fed my interest in femdom.

 

This is an interesting subject that I have wondered about all of my life. Before I became sexually mature, I was submissive and like to feel and wished to be feminine. I had no external forces that influenced the feelings.
As a young boy while play games with others, I enjoy being captured and tired up. At school I was made to take gym. And had to take wrestling and found that I enjoyed being dominated by the stronger person though there was no gay component to the feeling.

As soon as I could, I started cross-dressing and now chastity has reinforced my submissiveness and I love it.

I think I am a better person due to feeling both masculine and feminine

We are mysteries even to ourselves.

 

I won’t get into human origin, evolution, or social norms that all I’m sure have a legitimate role. I can discuss my personal origins.

Mommy issues, fear of abandonment, needing to prove my worth, needing to please others for validation, insecurity about gender and about penis size. Lastly, I remember seeing dirty magazines, the smooth sexy pictures of the female form and was mesmerized. I thought they were absolutely beautiful, powerful, and it fueled other areas of all this.

So in my opinion it was early childhood and life experience that made me submissive. I suppose growing up male in the 70’s and 80’s also influenced how I was expected to act and what I was supposed to desire. I could pretend with the best of them but deep down I needed to please and to be controlled.

 

This really is a question of Nature vs. Nurture.

Are we born this way?

Or has something in our past influenced us?

I would say it's a bit of both.

Just like nothing in life is ever Black and White. No one thing is ever responsible.

We are culmination of everything that we are and have experienced at a particular
moment that makes us who we are.

Iso.

 

I'm the same. Alpha guys are too much for me. I think they are like cave men in a way. I relate much more to women and I feel they deserve to be respected and treated well. I don't have many if any male friends.

 

Like several others have said, I had my mother and two older sisters at home as I grew up. Our dad was not bad, but he went to work, the bowling alley and to bars and didn't spend time with us. So I grew up as one of the girls. And submissive to my mother and older sisters. I did everything with them. I naturally began to wear their clothes. Of course I was a sissy. And it suited me. I was bullied but I could not change. It was just the natural course of events for me. That ultimately led to me being totally submissive to my wife.