In a relationship and using self locking to help convince your partner? Here's why not:

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Guest 8927, Oct 5, 2021.

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  1. Guest 8927
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    Guest 8927 Long term member

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    I think that for the most part, a large percentage of the threads are guys inquiring "How do I get my partner to chastize me?" in nature.

    One of the things I have noticed in some of the inquiries, is that the male is self locking so as to condition Her to the experience, or get Her used to it.

    Here's some Female perspective on why that is a terrible idea:

    If you read about the history of the chastity belt, it was designed by soldiers in wartime to ensure the fidelity of their wives, or to preserve Her sexuality in some way. Even the artwork of the time, typically shows a naked female, clothed male, or even two or three, putting Her into it.

    It wasn't asked, it was imposed, and used to manipulate and control Her. In history, in a lot of cases outside of chastity even, men are known by women as takers. When they want something from a female, typically, eventually in some way, they just take it. Women have this experience as what they see chastity as, if they have no experience with it. It isn't a pleasant, nor sexual one. They perceive it as what it was used for, this, medieval torture method.

    If you are self locking in your dynamic, and She isn't on board, you are actually pushing Her away. You are forcing Her to get used to it, rather than asking Her to choose it for Herself. At that point, you have sapped Her choice, and as women do, knowing what we know about men, they just deal with it.

    You will never get to truly live the experience until She decides that it is exactly the type of control She wants over your intimacy. It will always remain in Her mind, that when She was unsure, or even decided that it was too much for Her, you went around Her and did it anyway.

    She may say it's fine, but Females say a lot of things are fine, that aren't, just as part of being Female.

    May I suggest instead, you ask Her if you could maybe make Her dinner, go out on a date, and that you would like to have an open discussion with Her regarding using chastity as a tool within your relationship.

    In that, start with the idea of short term play, overnight, sexplay, easy to do scenarios. Some experience with it, at Her control, so that She can adapt and learn on Her own terms. Explain that chastizing the willing is not the same thing as history has suggested this is. That it's for fun. That it adds to the dynamic, rather than taking away.

    It's important to try to understand that the Chastity journey doesn't begin by just putting it on and handing Her the key. Take the time to put in the legwork outside of the bedroom, and introduce it as a sex play designed to enhance the journey together. Let Her know, it is important to you, and that you do want it to be a thing for both of you.

    But don't decide on your own or if She isn't warm to the idea, to just lock and pretend it's not a thing. Give Her the info and let Her digest it, decide, discuss, read, learn, and grow.

    As always, please do not DM me at all. Secondary to that, do not come in here and start posting photos of your junk.

    I enjoy offering advice, so should you need some, please ask.

    M.
     
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  2. Nicole Smith
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    Nicole Smith Florida Trans Girl. Verified on Fetlife.

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    It seems selfish to deprive your wife of bedroom-type activities because you want to play a new game.

    The one day you find out some guy comes over and watches your TV when you're not home. eeek.
     
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  3. Danny15
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    A great post with some thought provoking comment. I've desired chastity for 20+years. Whilst my wife and I generally have a good relationship and can talk about most things quite comfortably, neither one of us feel comfortable discussing chastity. We both have a tendency to avoid difficult conversations.

    I first told her of my chastity desire about 15 yrs ago , she seamed kinda interested, we looked at devices on line , she preferred lockable leather briefs , knowing how unsuitable they are we looked at other options. To cut a long story short we ordered a cb3000 . First lock up was only a few hrs followed by an evening of passion . A great start I thought . But it stopped there. A year or 2 later I wrote her a letter, opening my heart , laying myself bare . As we do , it was never discussed as we both find it hard to have awkward conversations.

    I have tried self locking on and off over the years as I figured if my wife ever called my bluff and fully engaged as a KH I really really didn't want to ask for it to be removed every couple of days as I couldn't get the fit right.

    Ive now been self locking for probably 20 of the last 24 months and am now comfortable with my device. We don't get intimate too often but when we do I'm always locked . Finally my wife seams to understand it a little more and has even said she loves how it makes me feel . Communication is the key , our progress has been hampered by our reluctance to discuss what we both find hard to talk about . Both in our early 50's we have probably both been conditioned to see our roles as the traditional gender roles and as such both expect me to conform to the norms of the alpha male . Make chastity flies in the face of that .

    I am happy with where we are at the moment, slow progress is still progress. My wife is beginning to express not just her acceptance but her understanding and appreciation of my chastity. I tried talking about it , I wrote her a letter about it , I've bought books , I've followed advice to not push the subject. I've gone years not wearing a device , trying to forget about it . But self locking has shown my wife that I want to save my self for her and she appreciates that .
     
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  4. Guest 8927
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    Thank you for the comment. I guess the thing is this:

    I'm certainly not indicating that self locking can't be a thing, as part of a dynamic. If in my own FLR my Goddess decided suddenly to ask me to hold the keys, but remain faithful to it, I would do it. I would be tempted, and in that, some of the fun could play out.

    The message is more for brand new guys, with completely unexpecting and vanilla wives. Your case isn't exactly the same as a total noob. So, obviously, kudos to you guys for having something that works. You sound like you do put in a ton of effort to it, and hey, everything is a journey. Have as much as you can on yours.

    The method of just showing up already chastized, begging Her to take the key, pleading, hell, bargaining, is just not the way. Locking oneself in retaliation to Her saying no, has a reason why it's not the way. It pushes the buttons Females have as to spending eternity fighting against the male imposition of idea onto them, and it runs very deep.

    The reason I know this: I've made these mistakes, as I'm sure anyone who has in depth explored chastity play does. So mine is just to caution them, not go after men in situations like yours where it's a healthy compromise.

    Good luck!!

    M.
     
  5. madams-sissysub
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    this made me lol! Not heard it put that way before.
     
  6. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    There is no evidence for that, it's merely a fantasy.

    Imagine Sir Knight coming home to his beautiful wife who has worn a locked chastity belt for the last 4 years whilst awaiting the return of her hero...which of course has rusted inside, pee has caused almost permanent napy rash and the rust has caused all manner of nasty infections. Let's not even discuss poop and it's long term effects, or how the belt would have cut into her.

    I don't think Sir Knight has thought it through lol.
     
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  7. Linjx014
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    Linjx014 Long term member

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    I do self lock and leave the keys out for her to find. She does find them and take them, then hide them. So she doesn't initiate the lock down but does like to participate in keeping me locked. So it works for us.
     
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  8. Guest 8927
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    Thank you for the mansplain. They've found female corpses buried in chastity belts from as far back as the Roman Empire.

    Your argument is that because you don't get the semantics, it didn't happen?

    Ok. Certainly a typical male pov.

    Sure, whatever.
     
  9. Guest 8927
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    Again, not the same deal. I get that it works within an existing dynamic.

    In the introduction, is the part I am speaking to.
     
  10. Nicole Smith
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    You know alllll about poop, don't you? :D
     
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  11. Guest 8927
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    Guest 8927 Long term member

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    Lol!

    I'm thinking he blocked me, and yay for that. Toxic male sorts hate me. I'm not actually sure what his point was?

    History didn't happen because some dude on a message board says so?

    I didn't personally witness the Mona Lisa being painted, but I'm sure the evidence points to it as being something that happened. *eye roll*
     
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  12. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    Try to attack the argument, not the person.

    Corpses buried in chastity belts. Got a few links for that claim?

    Or the truth...

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chastity_belt
    https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/everything-youve-heard-about-chastity-belts-is-a-lie
    https://www.livescience.com/55390-what-are-chastity-belts.html
    https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/medieval-chastity-belts-are-myth-180956341/
    https://allthatsinteresting.com/chastity-belt
    https://www.technology.org/2019/01/...-definitely-not-as-old-as-you-think-they-are/
    https://history.howstuffworks.com/history-vs-myth/chastity-belt.htm


    For those that can't read for longer than a paragraph...
     
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    Guest 8927 Long term member

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    Did you come here to prove some sort of a point to me, Jay? Like, the advice in the post doesn't even apply to you. What exactly is your problem here? I'm at work, firstly, and secondly, I'm not posting anything to prove anything to you. I owe you nothing. Thank you for the links? As with anything historically, there are two sides to any coin.

    You did get to use your Google University degree, so yay for that!

    You are mansplaining the shit out of me, and I just really don't care to have this argument with you. You are saying because you don't see how it worked, it didn't happen? I'm not getting it. Moreso, I don't want to.

    So, this is me blocking you now. Go find something to do. You are a chastity forum worried about proving a post wrong? Wow. Get a life, dude.

    M.
     
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    Guest 8927 Long term member

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    There's one in every thread. My goodness. The message isn't whether chastity belts existed, nor whether they were used to manipulate females.

    It's "don't do it like this, do it like that" and your partner will tend to view it differently.

    I don't need that simple fact mansplained by some chastized and bored dude. It's just my advice to newbies on how to help bring your partner into the lifestyle. Wow.
     
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    I self-locked for less than 24hrs. She found it in the morning, and I had to explain. I don't think I could have kept doing it without her support and encouragement. If I hadn't initiated it, I would not have been able to go online with her and have her agree to get one. However, a year later, we did both look at a vixskin and purchase it together. That would never have happened before chastity. It's just sometimes a Field of Dreams thing....If you build it they will come...Or not in this case.

    I don't get long-term self-locking, but I understand the need to initiate, to top from the bottom. Not to retain power, but to empower your partner by showing them the benefits.

    https://www.chastitymansion.com/for...n-chastity-the-beginning-of-my-journey.39134/
     
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  16. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    Why are you attacking me?

    Attack the argument if you disagree, no need to attack me.

    I guess that means you won't be sharing the results of your research with the rest of the class then, if you bothered to look before your diatribe.

    Mainsplain is a useless pejorative, and offers no defence for your ignorance or your attacks.

    It's also sexist, and I am sure you wouldn't want to use sexist language.
     
  17. HT89
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    HT89 Long term member

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    I do not think @JaySaysYes is "mansplaining" whatsoever.
    Just disagreeing with your view with I find a somewhat comedic tone.
    Just because you feel it's a patronising tone, doesn't mean someone else does.
    The term mansplaining imo is such a sexist term.
    Women can be just as patronising, doesn't mean we say they're womensplaining.
     
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  18. Guest 8927
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    Guest 8927 Long term member

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    #18 Guest 8927, Oct 6, 2021
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2021
    Think whatever you like. Sure. Ok. I dunno, is your expectation that I'm going to change my mind?

    He's not answering to the post, he's taking issue with the details in the post. He is all too happy to try to hijack the thread instead of starting one? He's running around Google building a supportive argument to his idea?

    You may not call it mansplaining, and that's cool. I do.

    I can't see his posts as I have ignored him, because the thread had nothing to do with what he seems determined to prove to me. I'm not having it. I don't particularly care to. I'm under zero obligation to discuss my opinions with him, you, or anyone.

    And, yes, he is trying to do as males do here, by coming after me in a thread with things that have nothing to do with it. In other words, it seems, he read the part about men typically taking whatever they want form women, and it pulled a reaction from him.

    In the province I live in, married women weren't allowed to own property by law as recently as 1975. There is no debate as far as I am concerned, some (not all men) can't stand women they can't control, and, I happen to be one. Historically, denying that men have implemented things to manipulate and control women is preposterous. There is no debate. That's fact.

    Start a thread and discuss it there, not my business.
     
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    HT89 Long term member

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    I would not say it's a hijack, more of making a view on the information you shared relating to the reasoning of why women do not like self locking. So it would be valid to make such point imo.
    If a statement being made is being potentially validated with incorrect information in the view of someone else. It's going to be contested, and why should it not?

    It's not a personal attack on yourself by any means against you or your original statement, more of a fact check.

    I do not believe there was an expectation to change your mind on the original point youre making from anyone, just a person, like yourself, providing some information for a statement being made.
     
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  20. Nicole Smith
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    [​IMG]

    Everybody out! Go do something else.
     
  21. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    No, I read the bit you wrote about chastity belts being used on their women while men went off to war and already knew it was bullshit because I'd already researched it some years ago when my princess at the time wanted to be locked in one.

    Sorry that facts upset your bullshit, but please do continue to spout shite like a fountain.

    You should play basketball given how high you jump to conclusions.
     
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  22. Guest 8927
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    Guest 8927 Long term member

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    Thank you for the polite reply, and I see Jay in the background liking your posts, clamouring for my attention, even though he is on ignore, and not coming off of it, ever.

    The point was made in the OP, and, is for complete newbies on how to strategize bringing chastity play into their vanilla partners spectrum in a healthy way. That's what the thread is. It was never the debate he has come at it with.

    Again, all of us are free to scroll right on by if we don't like something, or don't agree. The info he was bringing into the thread had nothing to do with the thread, and thus, as I said, I'm not having that debate. Start a thread, have it, it's not my business.

    In this thread, now pissed all over by yet another male on the site with nothing better to do than troll the feeds and correct people, the intent was to offer support to those wondering how to bring it to the table. He's done a great job of making sure they don't at this point, so, bravo.

    I don't think you quite see, his problem with me was that I was speaking as to the female experience, and he wanted to push down my voice. I'm simply not having it.

    You see that differently, ok. No problem. I'm not here to change your mind.
     
  23. Nicole Smith
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    Nicole Smith Florida Trans Girl. Verified on Fetlife.

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    NO! BAD JOKE! BAD JOKE!

    Go shooo!
     
  24. sandman9355
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    sandman9355 Junior Member

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    Uhhh... You're the one who brought this up, and you're the one who made unsupported and sexist claims. You do not have the moral high ground here.

    And before you tell me I'm mansplaining too, you might wish to remember a username doesn't have to fit one's gender.
     
  25. Nicole Smith
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    .....welllll
     
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