So, as you know, usually, I am out there in the threads giving advice, but today, I need some. My wonderful Goddess and I marched bravely into Locktober Challenge Day 2, after a fantastic day 1. I worked in the morning, came home excited, and found the things that she had outlined for me to do during the day. I put on the clothes that she had left for me, and wanting to get further into the mood transformed all of the way into my female self. Unfortunately to go from completely masc to completely femme I have to spend about three hours getting ready. We have had some work done around the house the other day and so I had packed up most of the things in my bedroom in the basement where I keep all of my clothes and makeup and supplies. It's kind of my safe space where I get ready. So I had to take an extra half an hour there to get it back to a spot where I could get ready. I just couldn't wait to get going on the tasks that she had left for me to do as part of being my dominant. I am a sissy maid and so quite often we use chores around the house for me to earn rewards inside of our FLR and BDSM relationship. Around 9 I began to feel tired and so I asked my Goddess if we could take a break. I really didn't indicate that the reason I needed the break was because I just been going for so long that day without stopping. She was doing really well and was feeling really quite dominant yesterday. And was acting in a lot of the ways that I've instructed Her are okay. During the break she was not quite getting that I was wanting to separate and enjoy a few minutes of her company rather than be motivated with further dominance. I was getting upset inside. But I didn't want to stop in the moment. I began to nervously fumble with my phone to send Her the signal that I wanted to kind of disengage from it all for a few minutes. She wasn't quite getting the message the way I was trying to send it and in our dynamic I try not to speak very much. Which is a struggle, as you can see by my posts I have quite a lot to say about everything. Anyway, me fooling around with the phone, in that moment frustrated Her and she insisted I put it down and pay attention. And in that moment I sub dropped extremely hard. I got upset and began to get louder with what I was saying, I ripped off my wig and began indicating that I wanted to stop immediately and not even do locktober. I mean I freaked right out, and by the time I was done she was in tears, and I was feeling extremely disappointed that I had broken up all of the fun we were having by not being able to manage something that She had said that I felt was unfair, or untrue. We got through it. To our credit we were able to maintain everything after a bit of going back and forth at one another. Everything is very well between us today, and we are continuing looking forward rather than trying to focus on looking back The advice I need is how to manage that feeling when you are getting upset, or feeling enraged at something that is going on. I feel like the entire thing happened in part because I just wasn't being open about how I was feeling which was that I had gotten out there too far and had become disconnected from Her. I wanted to spend some non-dominant time with Her, take a bit of a break, look at my phone, have a laugh or two, and then go back to it. We are all just human, and things happen and don't go our way, and I get that. However I would like to know from you, how you process those feelings so as to not let it get that far. Not drop out, blow everything up, say things that destroy the confidence that you have built up in your Domme. I'd like to hear from anybody that is involved in that type of a lifestyle, regardless of what your specific kinks are. As always, no DMs to me, and no thread hijacks, junk pics, etc. I'm still upset inside today, but I'm pushing through any feelings regarding it in the interest of making today a better day for us. Any advice you would like to give would certainly be appreciated. M.
Wish I could give you advice. I really can't but just wanted you to know your message was read and someone paid attention.
You seem to have a strong relationship and pretty good communication. So I'd suggest that you establish a word or other signal, like a safe word, that calls for a temporary halt to FLR/roleplay -- a timeout. And Durie g that timeout you can both freely speak about your feelings in normal personae. Sounds like that's what you were trying to do -- just set it up as a normal thing, and use it when feelings seem to be getting out of control, or need expressingin vanilla mode.
We did incorporate one into it, of course after the fact. But moving forward it can help allow me to tap out, if you will. Thanks!
You answered your own question: you are human. That means emotional swings are normal. Sub-drop is part of life. My interest in submission and femininity and chastity seems to swing in cycles. Two days ago I had my third Pfizer booster, and my body has been feeling washed out all weekend. Breaks are healthy. Given that, when really worn out and stressed I can get angry and walk away from situations, and people that I value. This especially happens when I feel ignored (ask a question, no reply), or in general not respected as a human.
There you are in the middle of living your deepest fantasies and the stress and fatigue factor in. It just happens. I'm trying to learn from it and doing my thing. Thanks!
Fantasies take energy and they can be emotionally complex. Of course, it can be tiring. Not to mention that life in general is a bit stressful these days. It sounds like you can recognize when you are stressing out. That should help a great deal and you have received some good ideas on how communicate about it. Perhaps she can also check in with you if she senses your stress rising. We take occasional breaks. It can be a real recharge. We loved each other for a long time before FLR and chastity. We can be happy in both places.
Just an update, the two of U/us rolled up our sleeves, and went into today with a "let's try that again" attitude. And, it was wonderful. A lot of walls were broken down between U/us. My Goddess maintained Her position, and I maintained mine. We took care of each other spiritually, physical, emotionally, and just moved on and did as the two of U/us do. I'm very proud of U/us today. #LocktoberChallenge21is still on, the original deal W/we made with it to not just do it, but push each other remains in tact. Thank you guys for the perspective. I just get so into this stuff that I stay awake for all but 2 hours a day, don't eat, don't drink water. I just live off if it, and invariably, I push until my well being just can't handle it. My Goddess gives me an arena to play in, and does check in a lot. There was just something in this moment. It's funny but She did point out that I caved in a situation that females just manage. They don't stop until everything is done, sometimes in managing a job, kids, life, the house, they don't get breaks. In agreeing to take on the role of Feminatrix, rather than just understanding partner, I asked to teach me the female experience. To take me forcefully to places I'm either scared of or don't on the surface, want to go. She's trying to ingrain a broad female experience in me. (I know not everyone who reads this is a tranny, or whatever gender reverse term). Sometimes, it's unreasonable to be a female. Sometimes your needs don't get met, but you are still expected to put on a smile, look great, and handle your business within it. I certainly don't want to paint Her as doing poorly. The fact is that She was doing all of the things W/we instill in Her, but was missing the info from me, to know I wanted to relent. Not quit, back off, before happily jumping back in to the training. I'm definitely who failed in the moment, hence why I came here. Love to hear a few more perspectives. My Goddess is also out there somewhere following along on Her timeline. W/we, moreso, I learned a lot about O/ourselves today. Happy ending for all...wait, it's Locktober! Happy Ending for the keyholders! Cheers, y'all. M.
My wife sometimes gets upset, maybe me, maybe the kids have set her off. It hits me harder than I'd like, and certainly more than before I was in chastity. I can't go and have a revenge wank these days. Goddess Violet, has your back. Occasionally I get a bit bratty and throw my toys out of the pram too, and regret it 5 minutes later. I wondered where you guys were. Pleased you made it through. We learn more from our failures than our successes, and they help us move forward.
I've heard people use an "amber" safeword as well as a "red" one. Amber can be useful to request a pause without dropping scene entirely. It sounds like you were most angry at yourself for "dropping out" more than anything? Hugs to you
Yes. I just hit a spot where my feelings confused me and I kind of panicked. Thank you for the tip. M.
That's funny. When W/we go into heavy play much, the Mansion gets put on the back burner. Usually, in the weeks Goddess has Her two boys I am quite active, so She can focus on that. O/our dynamic stays in tact, but I don't present as female. But in the weeks we don't, W/we stay pretty busy with this stuff. Thank You for the comment. It's a learning process, and sometimes in it, W/we fail. It's just part of it. I'm learning how to change many years of alpha male behavior through it, and sometimes even in me it rears its ugly head. M.
@Pretty Monnica oooh i am sorry bout all that you writ and i use to have nasty depress times once and the doctor gived me some pills that has help me and i dont have them now but i do still sometimes have time when i cry a bit if something happen that has upset me. i read your words and i think that it make you sad cos you keep change from girl to dress as a man and i think that wud upset alot of tgirls. it wud upset me if i did that as well. anyways i hope it soon go away and you get happy again. mwah xxxxxx.
Yep. I'm an HVAC Mechanic by trade. Crew Chief ATM. Doesn't make being trans easy. I'm not out all of the way. My co-workers couldn't handle me, I don't think.
I am a datacenter technician. I work with other technicians, and a staff of building engineers. I've been gradually pushing the boundaries of my appearance toward feminine over the past year. I thought my coworkers would have freaked out by now, but they seem to just keep taking the changes in stride. I'm glad you two worked it out BTW
I met my first trans carpenter last year. 11 kids, and closet for 50 years, now going through the sex change process. There was a bit of talk, obviously, people are curious, but everyone was usually adding, what a nice person, good carpenter. I spoke with his boss's son about him, and was surprised that in the year and a bit, since the change started, he had, on the advice of his father, said nothing. (I knew this from talking to Dan the Tran (sorry it is said very affectionately) anyway). I told him, that Dan was quite happy to talk about it, and probably could do with a kind word, to let him know they supported him, which they actually really did, and let him know his work was what mattered, not what was between his legs, or not. I ramble, and I don't know much of your situation, but I do believe that people are more accepting than we think at times. If you are more comfortable as a woman, then your confidence and happiness in yourself is what people will gravitate to.
You know, I wonder if this was just a normal part of human interaction, and not related to femme, Dom, gender, FLR ,etc. When any two (or more) people live in close quarters as a family, there WILL be disagreements. Sometimes you even think you want to end the relationship, at least in the moment. It happens with everybody. No one is perfect. I don't know if you're Biblical or not, but to quote St Paul's letter to the Romans, "We all have fallen short." In other words, nobody gets thru life unscathed by bad behavior. Perhaps the best thing to do is what you are doing-apologize and move on. Real love is NOT "Never having to say you're sorry." It's saying it over and over again.
I must confess, that I have these "bratty" moments when, maybe we've been arguing, and I want to throw the towel in, rip the cage off. There is a heightened emotional state I think when I'm caged, and not quite denied long enough yet, and crave attention, so I'm already struggling to get back to that nirvana of bliss that is subspace. And I drop like a stone. That was difficult to admit.
Here's a suggestion. Try HUCKLEBERRY! Let me explain. Once a week, my Wife and I have staff meeting. Matter of fact tonight is the night. And at precisely 9pm staff meeting is in session. And until it's over, we aren't Dom and sub, we are just... best friends, confidants, lovers, and spouses. But the number one rule is NO JUDGEMENTS. So during this hour or so we can unburden our soul with fantasy, disappointments, regrets, wants, whatever it is we want to say to the other. In this hour we learn about each others week, but we also learn about those secret things that we want to tell our partner but just can't figure out how. This meeting gives us that opportunity to just. spit. it. out. We learned so much during these therapy sessions we came up with HUCKLEBERRY. Sometimes in regular life we get frustrated with our roles but we are kind of locked in. I'm the sub, but hey I'm human and every now and again I deeply disagree with something my Wife has said or decreed but I have to just go along with it. But sometimes I CAN'T. That's when I can throw a HUCKLEBERRY. I say the word, and say, I'm sorry but I have to have a non-lifestyle moment here. That decision sucks and I want to discuss it. It's rare. I've used it twice and my Wife once. Buts its a daily life safe word that lets us suspend the lifestyle for a second and hash something out without creating a larger and more disturbing disagreement.
Back in my days of working as an electrician it didn't take much to set me off in a rage. I get home all dirty, physically tired and emotionally drained. I had no choice but to take a break for myself at home. Unfortunately I had to continously tell my wife and kids to please leave me alone for an hour after work to exhaust all of my anger, anxiety and frustrations out but it didn't always work. All of the bullshit from work and at home had built up inside of me. I would snap and lash out on everyone. It sometimes lasted for hours and sometimes for days. During those times I felt like crap and I started drinking alcohol more often which made things worse in my relationship to the point of separation from each other for a year. I didn't like myself and what I was becoming. Before joining the electrical field, I use to be calm, mellow and go with the flow type person. When I was in the field, I was an angry person surrounded by high male egos me Tarzan you Jane attitudes and the younger apprentices and journey men entered the field as I became older, attitudes became worse. That is part of the reason why I left the trade. Right now I love driving my transport truck, all over Canada and US. My love for my family is stronger than before. We have a strong communication between us. I am back to being mellow and go with the flow person. I have more trust and love towards my wife and gave her full control of me. Yes I do sometimes still have those days when I feel a rage coming on but I have learned how to deal with it by as silly as this sounds, I hang my problems on a tree outside with a piece of twine before I enter the house. So the only thing that I can really suggest to you is instead of coming home from work and jump in to the sub role right away take a break for yourself. Especially when you are not really feeling it. Communication is the most important thing with your Goddes. If you don't come straight out and say something before starting your activities then how is your Goddes going to know that there is something wrong. You never know, your Goddes may have a solution for you that doesn't involve the duties as a sub. Pleasing our partners in a FLR is hard work as is but the rewards are worth it. The rewards are not worth it when all parties involved in a FLR are not pleased. As much as we all love our roles in the FLR world, sometimes we need to stop, step back and take sometime for ourselves. Best wishes to you and good luck.
Thank you so much. Your backstory and mine are extremely similar. We began working on trying to diffuse all the toxic construction guy stuff I also deal with on the ride home. We did try it the way you do it. It's certainly not to criticize, but I want to try to hit that door this version of me, and stay that way until I leave it again. I'm learning not to put as much into my job as my home life, as it sounds like you are. It's a challenge sometimes regardless, and I am learning to send a signal up about two hours before I come back, and that's helped. Great comment. I appreciate it. M.