Hello! I’m a 46 year old married male living in the St Louis area. I’m new to the site, however I’m not new to alternative lifestyles. I’ve long been into kink and have exhibited many characteristics of a submissive male. The difficulty being that I’ve been married to a very vanilla woman for 10+ years. Although she is aware of some of my tastes. Here’s the part that people might find interesting. For close to two decades, my sexual tastes have revolved around strap-on sex, face riding, and providing oral pleasure to my other half. In addition to a number of other submissive type of activities. I never have fully admitted to myself that I’m a submissive male until I recently started researching chastity. what I came to realize is that I’ve been living a life of chastity for 20+ years and that my sexual tastes likely stem from that. I’ve been living a “locked” life because 20+ years ago I suffered a spinal chord injury and lost the ability to orgasm in the traditional sense (I’m ok with that fact, I came to terms with it years ago). Ever since that day, my pleasure purely stems from the pleasure I provide the person I’m with. I even tried to broach the topic of a FLR with my spouse about 6 months ago (I did a horrible job explaining). That said, I was awakened to the world of male chastity this week and have been given a clear picture of who I am and why I think the way I do. I feel relief and excitement at the same time. I am now crafting a letter to my wife and preparing some good resources for her to digest so that I can open the lines of communication with her about the lifestyle. I am optimistic that she will keep an open mind. I’m not in a hurry, nor am I going to rush into it. Additionally, I am ordering my first chastity devices to try. Sounds strange for a guy who can’t really cum. However, I easily get erections and I masterbate to porn all the time. Additionally, the cage is going to be more of a psychological tool for me. Assuming she agrees to give it a go, the cage will be a symbol of my commitment to her. I’m excited to be here and join the community. I hope to get to know some of you and I’d especially love to hear some female perspectives as I prepare to open up to my wife.
I think what you really have to get, is that she is at the very beginning of something you are miles ahead of and moving at a very high speed within already, so this is going to take some time and patience. You have to be very clear to her that you love and adore her very deeply and seek to expand upon it. That it's a stretch for her, and you get that, but that you would like to embark on a different path together if she is willing. She may say no, and that may not mean no. It depends on if she can see the benefits and cares to invest in you that way, by having you invest in her that way. Women need time to digest things, so allow her that space after you have spoken to her in a better way about it. There are a lot of threads here on FLR, and in them we all explain what worked for us with our partners. We also pay attention to what didn't. The general consensus is too much, too fast never works. Good luck. M
Welcome and oh yes something for your way: You have opened the Pandora's box yourself, so accept whatever comes your way, whatever it may be.
Hello and welcome to Chastity Mansion enjoy your stay here. With let your wife know take your time letting her know about your feelings.
Welcome to the community, hopefully you can find some people to talk to, vent to, and listen to while you are here. One mistake I made was ordering a device without letting my wife help pick it out. It isn't a bad idea to have one ready to go, but let your wife pick the next one out.
thank you for the feedback from everyone. I think what I’m going to do at this point is spend the next month or two trying the very best that I can, to do exactly the things that I THINK she wants me to do. I know that sounds selfish and manipulative. But I feel like maybe I should start getting myself in the proper mindset and let her start to see some of the benefits. Maybe then see if it feels like a good time to broach the topic. Anymore feedback on that idea would be great.
I like that advice. I know that I need to be more accepting of things. Ultimately, I need to put he needs ahead of mine no matter what. So, I’m going to start that immediately. Then maybe, when the time is right, maybe she will see my needs and be part of this.
Funny you brought this up, I’m actually order a couple cheap Chinese cages to try different sizes. I just hit the order button. So, when/if she’s ready, I’ll make sure she has the say so.
When I told my wife I had only heard of male chastity for about a week or so, so I ordered one just to see what it was about. I remember the night I told her, we were watching the movie "The Lighthouse" and getting really drunk. She didn't seem very interested in the movie and started telling me it was boring... and I said lemme show you something that will at least amuse you. We have come a long way since that night, both having absolutely no idea what it was, but it has turned into something we are both into for different reasons... and according to her it is BY FAR the easiest thing we have tried to stay romantically involved with one another. If it turns into something you both enjoy doing, go out and get a top notch device though... you won't regret it. It is like having a good pair of shoes vs a bad pair... you are gonna wear them every day, better feel good on those feet.