Why don't more females participate on Chastity Mansion?

Yours is a reasonable point. I try not to spend more than a few minutes a day on online forums, but then, despite that, I often end up wasting an hour or more, when I definitely do have things that I could be doing productively.

 

She has no desire to wade through the 99.5% she has no interest in to find the half percent she might be. That’s what she has me for.

 

Semi-related grammar note to the topic line:

Female is an adjective.
Woman is a noun.

Common mix up, but if I can't point it out on this site, where can I ?

 

Wow! Not going to name drop, but 20 odd welcoming posts on a new female profile, and nobody asked her to verify. Perhaps that's progress.

 

That's a good saying. I might borrow that one.

 

That's great news! I'm happy to hear it!

I want back to mine and the couple of folks who had endeavored (innocently and politely, I'd like to add) to tell me to contact Lucy to be verified have since deleted their comments.

My experience went something like this; I had just joined (with some trepidation), then courageously (with some apprehension) posted a very lengthy introduction, trying to give people here at the Mansion enough information to get to know Me and my sissy a bit better, then saw that people were encouraging Me to get verified.

I do understand that some here are males portraying females (falsely) and it's a good system for those of us Ladies that don't want to be constantly questioned for our authenticity. But what people (males) here don't or didn't know is that Lucy (who is very thorough and takes this all very seriously and professionally, imo) had already contacted me privately and had included information about how to be verified and the *why's* behind it being a good idea.

I've also since then received DM's, some less than desirable, but mostly respectful of me and my position, from both males and Females here alike. And do you know who's recommending I get "verified"...? *pausing for dramatic effect*... the males. Honestly. The few Dommes I've spoken with didn't really even bring it up, and one even said (not verbatim ) She found She didn't have to and really didn't see the point.

I did it for my sissy, Pretty Monnica, and I did it for Myself, wanting that verification to add weight to my words as a Domme and leave no questions regarding my position and gender.

I'm happy to be here, to share, to interact and learn. I'm not here to be belittled and questioned or accused of my words being anything but authentic. I pride Myself on that, especially in social media settings where people don't *really* know Me.

Thanks for reading!

Regards,
Goddess Violet

 

On the unsolicited DM's.
I imagine that all of you ladies are getting them.

Is it something that happens mostly at the beginning of your time on CM? Or if you have been here a longer time...Does it ever let up?

What is a typical asshole asking/requesting?

What are the worst things they say?

Is there a need for a worst DM shaming thread?

If you send an awful, disrespectful DM to a female, should you not expect to be shamed publicly?

We have to police ourselves, it's not possible, or fair for @L-u-c-y or the other admins to fight every battle for us.

 

This

 

It doesn't let up I've been here a little while now and they keep coming.
The messages vary greatly. Some request for me to hold their keys, some are bold and flirty which is interesting. I have been asked to read and edit a story, likely because my BR is an author and I read his work. A common request is to contribute to a chastity contract. Some start by telling me how much they appreciate my involvement, love my pictures etc then they hit me with the requests. Point being no one ever offers me anything but they have many requests.
I am not interested in public shaming. If anything I feel a little sorry for these men. Something is seriously lacking in their lives where they are reaching out to a strange woman online for time and attention. These men are not all single either. Many have wives of which they speak about in the public threads. I am a big girl I can tell them to hit the road.
I will say I often get an initial message from new members "looking to make friends" generally these men just need education which I am happy to do.

 

I chose "Other" because "All of the Above" wasn't an option.

Chastity does seem to be a male fantasy primarily; so much of the male world revolves around penises that it's hardly surprising that yet another fantasy focused on the penis would be more of a male thing than female. So, unless you have a woman who is really turned on by this, or really interested in learning more (rather than having her sub learn more and report back), there's not much incentive or desire to be a part of the community, the same way most of us wouldn't join a website about, say, carpentry if we weren't into woodworking. It's not that we don't enjoy furniture, or would refuse to discuss it or be involved if our partner wanted to do it as a hobby and asked us, but we personally don't care enough to bother getting into it.

The bigger issue, though, is how women are treated. There's no reason a given woman who is into kink or dominance might not enjoy a space to talk with other like-minded people, make friends, or share their experiences. This website, like many, is not such a space.

Women online are hounded and harassed to an insane degree by horny men who see any woman who shows up the same way a starving dog would see a steak thrown in front of it. It's disgusting and I'm sure a lot of women either come here and are repulsed by the treatment, or have experienced such treatment so often elsewhere that they don't bother coming in the first place.

This type of behavior happens online everywhere men and women can be found, regardless of how vanilla or even non-sexual the site's purpose is. I'm sure a lot of women think "A website/forum dedicated primarily to something about sex? Yeah, no thanks, I can see how that will end." She's probably gotten sent dick pics or requests for sex everywhere else she's gone that wasn't about sex or kinks, so it takes a big leap of faith to even try a place like this.

Also, men (even sub men who claim to want to serve women) can be TERRIBLE about actually listening to women. Even here, even among men who mean well, it's hard to break out of that mentality. People might roll their eyes at feminist terminology like "the patriarchy" or "the male gaze" and so on, but really it is SO much more deeply ingrained when you really stop and examine the world, even yourself. We all go online to find an escape from the real world to a degree, to seek out things that make us happy and that we enjoy. Women deal with enough misogyny on a daily basis everywhere and in everything they do, even the most timid and patient of women has little desire or tolerance for more of it online (and why should they?).

I'm not sure what can be done about it all: while there are plenty of respectful men out there, and the long-time posters probably skew that way more than newer members, the fact is that it doesn't take a lot of rude, selfish, gross men to ruin things for the rest of us, and the anonymity of the internet makes it VERY easy for you to hit that number of men very quickly.

 

YESSSSSS

 

Leery, weird, submissive men contact me too. Maybe after all the domme ladies turn them down, they creep up on me hoping I secretly enjoy flogging weirdos.

I'm quite certain if I posted a bunch of freaky internet ads looking for a dog slave and put a people-sized cage out in the front yard, there'd be somebody peeking out from behind the bushes soon enough.

 

I’ll say it, men are rude. This being the internet, I really don’t know if it’s a region in particular, an age, and I don’t keep track of the details but most are new members if I choose to look.

Granted I have chosen a feminine picture, and most of them I have show my feminine side, I am not even female and I have had quite a few rude comments. Entitlement I think is the right word. It’s like I owe them an explanation for whatever they ask.

I am a fairly open book here, and have openly discussed that I have a hormone imbalance. Although I am embracing and enjoying being in the female spectrum physically, I am a bit hesitant with some of the questions.
-do you still like girls
-are you going to get surgery to become a woman
-does your wife still find you attractive
-do you like men now
-ever been with men
-is everything smaller
-are you going to transition

Some are just curious and it’s no big deal, but if I don’t know you, and we haven’t had a dialogue, then why are you asking about such personal stuff? And that’s just people that have seen someone that looks feminine, god knows what I’d be asked if I actually was one.

 

@MrsBR_Saiph will you be my friend? Sorry couldn't resist.

I get where you are coming from about shaming. We don't know the back-story of most people here, and it is difficult to judge. Maybe an anonymous shaming pinned post is the way to go? "Someone said this to me today, I don't think it is appropriate" Then everyone can learn from the mistakes of the offenders, and behaviour may improve.

 

Most have just joined, find out the fantasy they were looking to talk about isn’t getting the attention they want, and they move on. Shaming people that aren’t here won’t help stop, or stop someone who just gets here looking for the same. They give it a shot then recede.

 

LOL, I can relate. I have gotten more than a few unsolicited creepy messages. Using your hypothetical posting, I can easily imagine an over-full cage in the front yard, with a line stretching down the block the morning after posting such an ad. ...even after making clear that I was not born female.

 

In my opinion, and I say this often to Pretty Monnica...

Men are dumb and women are crazy.

But, it's more often that women are crazy because men are dumb.

Just a short and not-so-sweet thought.

~ Goddess Violet

 

Really?

 

Because women are from Venus, and men are from Mars.

Relationships work best when each gives the other what they need.
Men need sex, and women need love, so men have to learn how to give love to get sex, and women have to learn how to give sex to get love. If neither gives the right thing, then neither gets what they need. If both wait for the other to give first, then again, neither gets what they need.

Male chastity is a tool that helps to reconcile those differences. The lock stops the man giving himself sex, so encouraging him to give love in order to get the sex that he craves. The key gives the woman the sole decision on when sex is given, so enabling her to become the giver of the sex that the man desires. The self-denial of the man by willingly submitting to chastity, is a powerful symbol of love to that individual woman. He's not excluding himself from her as she holds the key, but he is excluding himself from all other women.

Male chastity encourages and enables both keyholder and chastised to give what the other desires.

The "leery male" problem is the symptom of not understanding this.
The man doesn't realise that the woman isn't giving sex because she needs love.
The woman doesn't realise that the man isn't giving love because he needs sex.

 

I have a slightly different explanation: I need sex once or twice a day. My wife wants sex every week or two. So we compromised:

• We have sex whenever and however she wants.
• In exchange: I wear a locked cage on my cock; I never complain or ask her for anything; I obey her happily and completely; and I look for ways to show her my appreciation for the compromise that she made.

Now that I think about it, it's not exactly the compromise that I had in mind. Strangely, though, had I known that such a thing was possible, I would have requested this compromise on the day that I met her.

 

Your answer validates my point, you've framed both your and your wife's needs in terms of sex.
And you confirm that her need of sex is much less than yours.

What about from her point of view, what about the love?
Is the opposite also true?
Does she need love at least once or twice a day, but you only want love every week or two?

 

I think every single couples situation, relationship, requirements (for sex and / or love) will very and not one us will be able to understand the other fully, because we are not intimately involved. There are WAY too many factors involved (individually).

I like certain points in the discussions regarding sex and love, but I don't completely, wholeheartedly agree with either.

I'm not going to bother explaining Mine and Pretty Monnica's relationship/ arrangement, I don't think I have to.

I think it's only fair to say that none of us are, nor have, needs identical to the other, and no blanket judgments or statements should be made or passed here in this discussion.

Regards,
Goddess Violet