How can I explain that we are in a FLR to my partner?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by de_smokey, Sep 8, 2021.

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  1. de_smokey
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    de_smokey Member

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    Just that.
     
  2. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    I am in the same boat.

    My Wife refuse to believe that our dynamic is an FLR.

    I am going to hop on this wagon with you because I have no idea myself.

    Iso.
     
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  3. de_smokey
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    de_smokey Member

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    Thanks for your comment. let’s find out,
     
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  4. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    I think that if you have to explain it to her (the "F" in "FLR") then maybe you aren't in an FLR yet. If the alleged leader doesn't buy it, it's not happening quite yet, ya know?

    Better to tell her that you are open to exploring FLR if she is. I don't know her, so can't really suggest how to talk to her about it, but you might start by finding a website or book to introduce how FLR might work for your relationship. I'd say that the website you choose will depend on who she is, and the current relationship dynamics. Probably don't go too crazy with the kink, unless she is already kinky.
     
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  5. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Long term member

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    Communication and honesty. Also, does it really matter what it is called or labeled if you are both happy with the current situation?

    Just be honest, communication, and set realistic expectations... everything generally falls into place from there is both parties are doing this.
     
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  6. de_smokey
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    de_smokey Member

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    Thanks.
     
  7. MissyB
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    MissyB Long term member

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    Hey if you think you are in a FLR, does it matter if she doesn't acknowledge it? If she is leading you anyway, just go with it. do stuff for her as if she is telling you to do it. the more you submit, maybe she will assume lead by default. good luck and enjoy.
     
  8. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    That's a good point.

    If it's working, why does it matter what it is called.

    I never thought of it that way.
    Thank you.

    Iso.
     
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  9. LockedTower
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    LockedTower Long term member

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    An FLR is a form of D/s power exchange relationship and that calls for a submissive giving up some amount of power / control / authority in a relationship and a dominant partner accepting that power and using it. If your wife agrees that you are submitting to her and she has accepted your submission as your dominant, then you are basically living an flr dynamic. Perhaps she thinks one part or the other has not been established. Maybe ask her about her thoughts on these terms and see where the conversation goes.
     
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  10. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    It's just a label used to communicate an idea.

    If you and your partner are already in an FLR why do you need to bully them into believing your label.
     
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  11. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Long term member

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    FLR can take many forms. In most relationships one partner will be more inclined to lead than the other, sometimes in all aspects and sometimes in specific aspects. In our case Mrs Chaste has slightly matriarchal tendencies, she likes to nurture. We play on this natural tendency as part of our intimate relationship. In reality I pretty much do as I please in my life. The chastity aspect however is completely different! It started as "a bit of fun" introduced by myself. It has since become the mainstay of our intimate relationship. Mrs Chaste likes me locked and I am indeed locked 24/7 and as close to 365 as can be achieved. She enjoys the control and loves to keep me "orgasm free" for months at a time whilst she gets to cum whenever she wants. There is an aspect of insecurity on her part after her first husband left her many years ago which is helped by me being locked. It maybe that your wife doesn't see that she is the leader or maybe just regards FLR as kink, we all have different ideas. As long as it works, who cares anyway.:)
     
  12. CabanaJack
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    CabanaJack Long term member

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    Unfortunately, labels don't have the same connotations with everyone. My wife can clam up and pretty much shut down when I try to apply a label to her, to me, or to us. Saying I'm submissive would mean to her that I want to be a cross-dressing sissy boi. Saying she's dominant would mean to her that I expect her to be a full-on Dominatrix. If I said we're in a FLR, she'd think it was unfair to me.

    I just try to have no expectations, and I just try to be selfless in the attention I give her and the focus I put on her. For now, that's working for us.
     
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  13. CaramelMochaBoss
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    CaramelMochaBoss Caramel skin. Likes to be boss in bed.
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    Show... don't tell...
    :)
     
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  14. beta7
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    beta7 Active member

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    You can tell you are in a FLR by the language she uses. A couple of weeks ago, the Boss says that we will no longer go into the grocery store to shop. Because of the Delta variant, we will get the groceries online for curbside pick-up.When I asked why, she said, "Because I said SO!"
     
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  15. Guest 8927
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    Guest 8927 Long term member

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    I call this an unwitting FLR, meaning, one or both of the partners act naturally as though in one, without actually giving it a name. In my job, (I'm an HVAC Mechanic) I see them all of the time, and run home to tell my Goddess about them. I find it cute.

    It's your nature to relent, and hers to push, so go with it and have your fun. Alpha females are wonderful, funny, intelligent and engaging partners if allowed to blossom rather than be held down in typical male/female dynamics. Celebrate it with her by enjoying it, rather than worrying about completely explaining it.

    If this were me, and it was at one time with my partner, I would learn to listen and diffuse it with light humour about it. As she grows, sprinkle in light amounts of information for her, and she will see that she is already engaged in this way. The laughter and light spiritedness of the approach will guide her to want to see it as more and she will be happy to grow with you.

    Good luck.
     
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  16. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I remember when i first mentioned being submissive. Her reaction I think was similar if I were to have said I wanted her to eat green eggs and ham. Funny look on her face, like “yeah I guess I could but why?”. I was like Sam I am, try it, you’ll like it!

    After awhile she told me out of the blue, “I didn’t know I was dominant. I always pretty much decided when sex happened, but always hated the apologies and excuses if I wasn’t interested. I also love knowing you or anyone can’t touch it, which has always been an issue for me. And I love being taken care of and pampered. So I guess I’ve always been a dom”

    I think more people are in a FLR and don’t even know it. They usually lead using more passive aggressive signals, but the message usually is heard and we obey. Think your in charge? Try hanging a picture in the living room without checking. We call it a man cave…reality is, it’s one room in your entire home you get to decide what goes in it. I find it hilarious when guys brag a their man cave, so proud of their masculinity and independence. Yay, she gave you one room to put all the crap she doesn’t want anywhere else in the house.

    FLR’s are somewhat normal in my opinion, just not openly embraced or identified.
     
  17. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    That is 100% on the mark.

    FLR is a lot more common than anyone else thinks.

    Iso.
     
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  18. Ransom
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    Ransom Active member

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    My wife and I recently discussed this very thing. She said she always knew I was submissive and was to afraid to say it as she though I would be offended and have a negative reaction. I agreed and stated I didn't realize it and that we had been living a FLR since the start of things without realizing it or putting a name to it for almost a decade.

    It was refreshing and great to hear. It has led to some amazing conversations and connecting. I think what helped in the matter was that it was not brought up out of the blue. It segmented well into the conversation we were talking about and was natural so no one was taken off guard. This allowed us to both be comfortable and say how we really feel.
     
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  19. Chastity lord
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    Chastity lord chastity lord

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    Talking to my Miss this Morning, whilst kissing her amazing Boobs at her request of course. And brought up the subject of an FLR and how it will benefit our relationship,, her response was nothing but positive, I know she is right in all of our decision making and she is so happy to have complete control in our relationship. I know Miss will not abuse her power and Miss knows I'm happy to be submissive. She is my manager at work and her nature is to organise people which she is master at. I'm so happy to have her I'm control of my life. She loves it also.
     
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  20. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    Yeah my wife is the same about all those terms. She wants to be the boss and is very happy to take ALL the decisions but she does NOT want a submissive sissy for husband.
     
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  21. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    Yeah and if YOU dont keep your man-cave clean...well she deliberately NEVER cleans that part of the dwelling...and can point out to the stink in there...
    Ofcourse I now clean for her the whole house...
     
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  22. Chastity lord
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    Chastity lord chastity lord

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    That's my Beautiful Miss to a tee. She is the BOSS happy for me to be cageed and wear a tong and skinny Jeans but wants a man around the house doing manly stuff and not acting like a sissy,
     
  23. enslavedbyc
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    enslavedbyc Junior Member

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    Hmmm, I wonder how many wives are concerned that they have to explain to their husbands that they are in a MLR?
     
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  24. madams-sissysub
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    I think this is great advice.
     
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  25. beta7
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    beta7 Active member

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    We are fully immersed in a true role-reversal relationship, at least I think we are. She is the breadwinner and I have a part-time stay at home job. My last post was to intimate the manner in which she speaks to me.

    We are both onboard with an FLR. Words and language used by an Alpha female can often indicate that the couple is, in fact, living an FLR.
     
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