Hi, Just joined and also just starting out although it’s proving a challenge. It all kind of started off as an off the cuff comment after getting the cold shoulder one night…. Why not just put me in one of these! Anyway fast forward a few months of me going like a bull at a gate, I have now filtered through the fact against the fiction. Unfortunately early on I shared some of what I now know as fiction with my wife who has basically said no chance of me doing any of that, and I nearly put her right off. After a few heated conversations we decided to change the metal cage for a more “Ann Summers” type as my wife was not happy with the metal one, to be fair the new one is far better. when wearing the cage I have tried to show the benefits to her by helping out as much as possible. She is up for that on cleaning day and to be honest I find it really easy as it puts me in a great mood and I want to make her happy. We seem to have two problems at the moment, she will not let me pleasure her and deny me. She also thinks I want sex all the time when I wear the cage and it’s putting her off. We only seem to manage two or three days and the cage is off again. I am now questioning after reading some posts, do women who are reluctant really come around or do they need the right mindset to begin with. Any advice would be appreciated especially from any key holders who can point me in the right direction.
I would venture a guess that most women are a bit put off at first when presented with the concept of male chastity. For many reasons. Yet, with time, and the right attitude of the male, she may come around and make it a requirement. She has helped you pick out a cage. That is a great first step. You are very fortunate. Your attitude while initially locked, determines her rate of progress going forward. If you are needy and whine, you will loose her. If you expect her to progress at a supercharged rate that matches your fantasy, you will loose her. She has locked you. Now is the time to let her progress at her own pace. Be helpful, but don’t over do it. Don’t pester her for release or sex. Don’t press her to allow you to give her orgasms. Just go about your days as normal. Work in the extra things for her that she likes such as cleaning the garage and washing her car. Clean the house and cook. A rested woman is more likely to want to play than a tired and stressed out woman. The most common advice offered here is to let her proceed at her own pace (it may take years), and to communicate often. It is good advice.
Thank you She does have a high pressure job and I am trying to take more of the load at home, I have always done my fair share but I am trying to step up more. I don’t feel I have been locked up long enough to make a difference it’s all a bit stop start maybe I should try to get her to extend it a day at a time? my problem is I would not be able to wear the cage I have at work as we have to wear a uniform and it would definitely stand out. At the moment we are doing all day Friday through the night and the some night times, is that normal to start?
Hello and welcome to Chastity Mansion. Don't push and take your time and extra chores without her asking. I don't wear a uniform but with me being caged in my Cherry keeper it is very hard to notice it. But time will tell.
Welcome to our community. I hope you find helpful response here about your issues and that you can show your wife why it would work for you.
It's complicated if your partner has zero inclination and pushing it makes it worse. I'm really not sure how to comment outside of that. Some women aren't having this stuff, and it's just the way it is. I think you have introduced it at this point, and might want to back it off in the short term, but indicate in doing so, it's important to you. It's a dynamic you would like to engage in, and give her some time and space to decide. If she decides no, I'm not real sure what you do. There's no real formula other than to practice it privately or at her chagrin, or not at all. Good luck. I love the try to add insight to stuff like this, but this one has me a bit stumped.
There really isn’t a “normal”, but you have a good start. What you are doing is not uncommon. With her help, maybe you can work up to every night after work and all weekend. Often, we think our cages are more noticeable than they really are. Take a good hard look at yourself and decide. Most people won’t be looking at your crotch.
From the start, you suggested that she put you in a chastity device after a negative experience... Well, you can't turn back the clock and un-ring that bell now... Same goes for the later heated conversations about the chastity thing... I would suggest revisiting some things, when the time is right, when there isn't a sexually driven scene going on, or any sort of tension in the air... Without dangling any expectations or being pushy or dumping your kinky side on her... explain that you do enjoy sex, sexual release and it being with her. Go on to share your feelings about how you felt when she gave you the cold shoulder. Then, if it's true for you, let her know that you want to make your sexual experiences a positive thing that you both share. Then, with or without chastity, find out if she would be open to being suggestive of when she wanted to be on the receiving end of sexual contact, instead of it being about your body's primal urge to whenever you're feeling horny.... If she's up for that, she may be a willing participant in your chastity. From there, you can add the key for her to use whenever she feels like unlocking your bits, for whatever reason she wishes to... Or, not! Moving on from there... unless your uniform requires you to wear only spandex, you can find a cage or device that can be 'hidden' under 'street clothes'. You may have to experiment with different designs, but you may find it quite the adventure to pick a few out that you think she may approve of and at least appear to be able to wear them under your uniform... As it's been said, and unless the spandex uniform is a thing for your job, odds are 99% of those around you aren't going to be focused on your crotch. Worry far less about that! You may need something as simple as different underwear.. If you are accustomed to boxers, you may need to switch to something that 'holds your package' a little better.. Mainly to make things less obvious... As for when to wear the cage... If you can't wear any cage while at work, try something that I did when I was getting used to my early on devices... Once you get home from work, lock it up, then, before you leave to go to work, unlock. You have apparently gotten beyond one of the difficult parts of getting used to chastity, sleeping while caged. If you are locked whenever you aren't at work, you can graduate to longer continuously locked stints when you are more comfortable with the cage under your uniform... Anyway, once you've figured that out.. start easy and just add a day to your weekend. You said you do all day Fridays, run that through Monday morning, then add either Thursday or Tuesday... After a couple of weeks, add another day... You'll find your way... Just be patient and relax.
You guys just lack honest communication. It doesn't sound like the things you want, you wife is aware of at all & it sounds like you have no idea what your wife wants.... and there is a possibility she doesn't feel comfortable telling you or has even thought about it.
My wife and i have been playing with chastity cages for years. She also thinks I nee to cum more than I do so she will let me out and let me cum. We are both over 50, so my libido is still high, but hers is low, very low. It takes a lot to get her to orgasm, so I have been in chastity more often as of late. This Friday I was trying to get her to have some fun when she told me to lock up. Usually I am the one that initiates it. Yesterday, Sunday, she let me give her an oral orgasm, then two more with the vibrator, all while I was still locked up. This is a first. She asked me after if I was happy and I said yes. They will learn eventually that we want to be locked and just please them.
Ok had a bit of a result…. After a chat she has said she does not want to control when I cum so has suggested I lock up during the night times and maybe weekends between sex sessions. with her having a low libido she will then let me know when it’s time. I’m not too sure what the difference is but I’m going to take it, after all whatever makes them happy thanks for all the advice and taking time to reply
You may want to find a way to make a game out of things so that she isn't responsible for keeping you locked. You can make a keybox pretty easily with almost any sort of lock as long as she is the only one who can unlock it. Just make a tiny slit in the top so you can slip the key inside and you are locked until she is around. You can also get a Kitchen Safe which can be set for up to 10 days. You can make games that rely on chance so that they decide how long to set the timer. It could even include scenarios like letting you masturbate to orgasm but you can only look at her but not touch. Find ways to take the responsibility from her so she doesn't feel guilty for keeping you locked and also encourage her to let you do things for her even when there isn't a chance for her to return the favor. It's a shame that most women don't realize that they can give their husbands a very fulfilling sex life by just encouraging them to masturbate for them and give a little encouragement (if they aren't desiring sexual contact). They can even tease you that you are jerking off while only being able to see their panty covered sweet spot. It's sad that a partner can't put in 5 effortless minutes a day to keep a relationship strong and happy.
We did do a dice game on Friday the format for the game ment five days, she changed the format (one of the rules) making it 11 days and smirked I nearly emptied my load there and then. A few days later she blew cold and off came the cage. She has now come up with another method, one she could of easily used within the game and avoided an argument. But hay ho on wards and upwards. I get a better deal and it will give me more chance of getting used to my cage as I will now be wearing it every night as long as I don’t piss her off again.