Why do we want male chastity to be normalised...

Completely fair

But don't you think serving to the opposite extreme of femdom is going too far? Shouldn't equality be the goal?

 

Whoa whoa whoa. Don’t be rational on a fetish site!

 

Well played.

I am a smoker (cigarettes).

My deceased father in law would occasionally join me and huff a cigar. He wasn't a smoker, by definition, because it was something he did occasionally for leisure.

Sometimes I drink too much, to the point of drunkenness. But it is rare.

Bill wasn't a smoker, as I am, because it wasn't his default state. I am, similarly, not a drunkard because it is not my default state.

I have the ability to be a drunkard. I choose not to because it would be detrimental to my life and relationships. Bill had the potential to be a smoker. He enjoyed it. He kept it on a recreational reserve for health reasons.

I can be an asshole. Until I make it my default state, or claim it as part of how I identify myself (in the context of id and ego, not a sexual qualifier) I am not.

Asshole isn't my default state.

If I indulged that part of myself, I could definitely be.

You are one of the most interesting people on this site, in a very "Trump" way. You wish to create a fervor.

You are also very well spoken. Many of the things you post are interesting, relevant and insightful. You have the ability to connect and draw others in with your logical mind.

Then, someone says something that you disagree with and you go to war. Nothing less than absolute defeat of the offending party will be accepted.

You couch that in a clever, and deceptive, draw into conversation. You engage an argument, who you wish to destroy, with pure logic. The problem you have yet to understand is that people, in totality, aren't logical.

The inability to accept that someone else has different feelings, ideas or hopes than yours is, (in my, not so humble, opinion) the definition "Asshole".

 

Normalized in a sense where it's okay in a few select shops so to speak. For example, one scenario would be they are sold at Victoria's Secret and you could be brought in by your female keyholder for a proper fitting as they sometimes get fired for a great bra.
While she is trying on and getter fitted for a great fitting comfortable bra, we could be in another section being measured and fitted for a cage.

For the non partnered, self locking and male male couples, obviously other shops would exist.

In the fantasy of normalization, the cages and devices would not be out in the open to expose others to the "kink" so to speak. One could visit the website of the company before hand, shop for models and book a fitting online. The chastity custom fitting would take place in a separate set of "fitting" rooms.

 

Clear, you have never been to war. Or seen one. If only you knew.

Reading comprehension is key. Most of my posts support diversity and I have zero respect for intolerance.

As for defeat, no. When a poster is determined unworthy of any further discourse, I simply put them on the ignore list and move on. Neither war, not total defeat; they are simply ignored.

When a poster begins to lie and is caught in the lie, and when they begin childish name calling, it's clear they're not worth any further thought or effort, and the ignore feature works quite well.

I have been to war, by the way. A lot.

Just not here.

 

It isn't an ignore button for you, as each time you press it you only show your own ignorance. Maybe you are suffering from PTSD. Maybe you are just insufferable. I'd guess a bit of both.

 

Turning up the flames in this discussion is not going to help.

Sure, it's good to be right, but it's not always worth it to make sure that everyone else knows it.

In this case -- and far more importantly! -- we are guests in someone else's home, and we should conduct ourselves accordingly.

 

Everytime an olive branch is offer to this man, he burns it.

 

Maybe... it would be best to respond to rational arguments, and sometimes he makes such, and ignore the... more heated... remarks? Saves everyone's time, me thinks.

 

Abnormal is better

 

My fantasy for acceptance of chastity would be for a general acceptance of chastity devices. I'd love for it to be commonly understood and accepted that many men wear chastity devices. That people would expect that unless they know otherwise, that any man they encounter may be wearing a cage. This would mean that I could go and get a massage, rolf, etc. and not feel like I have to remove the cage. To go through security with the understanding that the security personnel know that many men are wearing chastity devices, and it is no big deal. To know that when you shower at the gym that if someone accidentally gets a view of your device it is not a big deal. That would make things so much easier!

... and it would also have the side-benefit that having more men in chastity training would be a great thing!

BTW, this is not be confused for exhibitionism; I'm not advocating exposing your chastity device to anyone any more that should be expected of your genitals in civilized society. But I'd love to be able to get a massage and keep my chastity cage on, and that it should be okay -- wearing a chastity cage during a massage would be extremely obvious, and in our current society (at least where I live!) totally inappropriate. It wouldn't even be appropriate to ask for consent prior to the massage, there is currently no context for the discussion.

I got laser hair removal done (awesome for long-term chastity BTW!) last year, and my laser technician asked me if that mark on my penis was from shaving. The mark was where I'd been scuffed up a bit from getting used to a new device!! I just said 'Uhhhh... not exactly'! And then proceeded to tell her that I wore a chastity device and was in chastity training. She was immediately intrigued and thought that it was awesome! (Which of course, made me feel awesome!) It felt very natural and not at all weird -- I was proud to tell her that I was in chastity training, and was grateful that she was so accepting. She might have been thinking that would be a great idea for her man!

 

False premise at least where I’m concerned. I have no interest in normalization.

 

That's totally reasonable. And I kind of wish for the same thing. One of the biggest turn offs for me about wearing a cage is just how uncommon and taboo it is (though I know that's a huge part of the kink for some guys). I don't like the idea of having to keep a big secret and, by extension, be forced to lie and make up excuses. Something about that just feels wrong on a moral level.

Honestly, as great as it would be for chastity cages to get normalized, the only way I can realistically see that happening is if it gets co-opted by the no-fap community. Unlike chastity play, no-fap is kind of, sort of semi-mainstream as evidenced by the prominence of shit like No Nut November. And even then, it's not that mainstream. As far as I know, most people still haven't heard of it.

But, for anyone unaware, no-fap is not chastity. Not by a long shot. In many ways, it's even the polar opposite. While the aim of chastity is to get horny as fuck, think about sex a lot more, and become increasingly erotically frustrated over time as a confident Dom denies your release, no-fap is about getting your libido under control and thinking about sex less.

No-fap isn't about giving control of your junk to someone else. It's about gaining more control of your own sex drive. It's not a kink. It's a practice aimed at personal development, and often gets lumped in with similarly quirky practices like meditation, yoga, and ice plunges.

Now, I can see chastity cages being co-opted for no-fap purposes. For some guys, even if they're holding their own keys, those extra few steps of having to go get the key and turn the lock can be enough to deter them from wanking one out (there have been many times I jerked off just cause I was bored and too lazy to get off my couch). For others, they might need a lot more than that. But a cage can help a lot for porn addicts. So it's not completely unimaginable that chastity cages could some day become common place enough in the no-fap community for their popularity there to spill over into the mainstream.

But, and this is a huge but, even if it does become mainstream in that way, chastity play as a fetish will likely still be taboo. They won't expect you to have a Dom. Most people you meet will be expecting you to manage your own keys or, at most, leave them in the care of a platonic friend who's only their to hold you accountable.

As disappointing as it may be to think about, sex in general is still a taboo topic in mainstream society (at least in western countries like the US). And by extension, fetishes of any sort will probably never become mainstream; at least not for the foreseeable future. Frankly, I'm pretty sure the only reason that even no-fap is as well known as it is (and again, only barely), is because it's about negating and ignoring sexual impulses. It roughly lines up with what the masses already expect.

So if chastity cages ever do spread into the public consciousness, you'll probably still have to disguise your fetish under a false pretense. So no raving about your Dom . . . I guess

 

"for anyone unaware, no-fap is not chastity. Not by a long shot. In many ways, it's even the polar opposite. While the aim of chastity is to get horny as fuck, think about sex a lot more, and become increasingly erotically frustrated over time"

That's a very big generalisation. For me, the aim of chastity is absolutely not to get horny as fuck. It can happen but it's certainly not the aim. We all have our different impulses.

 

Perhaps that was an exaggeration. I was just trying to explain the difference between no-fap and chastity. No-fap is a personal development practice; not a fetish.

 

Validation and, in my case, better devices.

 

I don’t care if it is normal. I wouldn’t want to be judged to harshly when/if my private life trickles out in unexpected ways. I would like to see people more tolerant, but that doesn’t mean privacy goes away either. Different folks have different needs for boundaries, privacy and intimacy.

 

Oof. The intersection of privacy, acceptance of FLR relationships, chastity, and the enjoyment of femdom is just laid with landmines of every sort.

Me:

-Public acceptance of FLR relationships is important, every bit as much as homosexual ones, or trans, etc. This to me stands as self-evident.
-Public acceptance of chastity is not important, however it should not be ostracized either. It's a practice that should be kept private.
-Femdom. OMG sweet Dommes. I don't give a shit whether my neighbor, my priest, or my coach likes Women in leather that like to whip people and do kinky stuff. I LOVE THEM.

 

But surely anyone no-fapping and putting on a cage is going to find out how not having control, or less control of their penis turns them on. Then they'll be looking for a D/s relationship of some sort

 

I don't think I can or would want to reduce my libido, my aim is to channel it more positively

 

I think alot less of future normalization and alot more of future repression as the tidal wave of fascism looms larger

 

I don't mean to derail this thread with politics but I am feeling overwhelmed these days

 

Like its 1931 Germany

 

So maybe you shouldn't be trying to?

 

*Control* and how it impacts my *general attitude* is more important to my wife than making me horny (which she can either find enjoyable or annoying depending on her own mood). I like having a high libido, but I also need to channel that energy to other things in order for things to not run too hot (where I get too distracted, instead of focused, or become clingy to my wife)

I won't pretend that I do this "all for my wife" but recognizing what she gets out of it, and trying to feed/nurture that is a very important part of the dynamic, i.e.., getting to do this together over a period of time.

So the idea of her constantly sexually teasing me is hot as hell, the reality is I have to take a deep breath and be patient and allow her control and security.