Hello from a Vanilla Locked husband in 2nd round of Chastity

I will post a more detailed intro, but wanted to get a first post out here in hopes it makes me accountable to actually become a more active member. I joined CM almost 2 years ago, but never posted. I'll give intro details here and start a blog. The blog likely won't be too active but should receive updates periodically.

 

OK - love the accountability. an sit down and now to do a proper introduction

Earlier years of marriage

I have what I think is a higher than normal sexual libido. Maybe it's normal, I don't know, but I do know my libido is orders of magnitudes higher than my Brides. (I usually refer to my wife as my Bride). We had our kids in the first 6 years of our marriage, and her sexual desire after the pregnancies didn't return. Probably the tolls of motherhood takings precedence over sex. What used to be a slightly different mismatch in libido became the orders of magnitude different. I compensated with masturbation. Usually multiple times a day. This focus on masturbation and her lack of sexual desire led to a mostly sexless marriage where we would have sex a couple times a year.

2014ish - Deciding to do something about it

I became angry. I felt like I had fallen out of love with my Bride and I hated it. Rather than proceeding the divorce route, or settling on a toxic relationship, I decided to look into how to have positive relationships without needing to have sex. I came across a site called devotionalsex which I used some of the concepts without telling my Bride. It helped some and for a while. But the attempts to be happy with letting her control the sexual activities became stale after a while. I would initiate foreplay or touching activities, letting her know it didn't need to lead to sex. It also involved trying to self deny orgasms. She was receptive for a while, but more often than not, my attempts to initiate were refused. Leading back to anger/frustration even though I was trying to self deny, the path led back to the original starting place with multiple masturbation sessions a day.

2019 - Around Her Finger

Continuing to try to find a happy dynamic and wanting to love my Bride and trying to find a solution to our mismatched libidos, I came aross a book called Around Her Finger and asked her to read it. I was shocked and so happy she agreed to read it. She thought it was interesting and said she was willing to try it. We also discussed using chastity as part of a new dynamic. I was locked in September 2019. For several months, things were great. My longest locked with orgasm was 17 days. She didn't keep track, but I did. She had guilt and felt I needed to orgasm even though I reassured her I didn't. She taught me to do laundry, and other household chores. She enjoyed and asked for foot massages. She participated and gave edging sessions, and a couple ruined. She dressed sexier for a while. But the energy ran out because she said she felt overwhelmed by having to tease me and didn't want to have that expectation because she simply didn't want to do that. So it led to a dynamic where she was getting the benefits of household chores being done and being able to tell me what to do without involved reciprocation of what I would call active teasing. I could sometimes get excited by being told what to do, or the desire of pleasing her with massaging, or subspace of doing chores to make her life easier. But it waned. I simply stopped wearing chastity in April 2020 shortly after COVID stated where we were both home all the time. She never said anything about it or acknowledged it. Didn't seem she cared. I stopped doing laundry and she resumed and was never discussed. I went back to masturbating multiple times a day

June 2021 - Leading up to The big 5-0

4 weeks before turning 50, I told my wife I had a birthday wish. I wanted to resume chastity, and be locked until my birthday. On my birthday I wanted a blowjob and give her a facial. Before the blowjob though, I wanted a hard spanking, 1 for each year from her hairbrush over her knee. She agreed. I also told her I wanted to continue chastity for at least the next year. Her to have control of orgasms with between 9-15 over the year. I would change the dynamic to not need her to actively tease me. I wanted to refocus my love and energy on her entering into it without any expectation of of demands on her.

July 2021 - Big 5-0

I made it the 3 weeks 5 days locked (started a couple days late). A wonderful month locked. Lots of household chores done. Lots of foot massages. I didn't ask her to do any sexual activity towards me. Kept my focus on just pleasing her and I found I became happier just focusing on her happiness. The night of mu birthday, she forgot about my asks for a spanking and a blowjob (she hates BJ's). She started a handjob for me, but her arm got tired and told me to finish. I was frustrated I didn't get what I asked for, but still found myself oddly satisfied.

Ongoing - so chastity is continuing

I'm happy. She seems happier. I am finding myself being happy in subspace just focusing on her. Since my birthday, I had one other orgasm and currently in the longest locked time I've ever had at 4 weeks and counting. We'll see how this goes.

As I said, I will likely create a blog to track activities or more details of the past few months.