Can you have a healthy relationship as her 24/7 Chastity Slave?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Joey G, May 28, 2021.

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  1. Crowdpleaser
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    @Joey G

    What has the dynamic been like since your beach weekend? Going strong or fading?
     
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  2. John
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    been curious too
     
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  3. Joey G
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    Joey G Long term member

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    HEY EVERYONE! HAPPY SATURDAY!!

    Really sorry for disappearing for a hot minute...had a lot going on.

    So from where I last left off with us being broken up and me being her Sissy Cage Slave. She was getting REALLY into it. I mean next level into it lol. She was messaging me really mean cruel texts humiliating my penis size and me being in a cage.

    The LAST update I have for you before the most recent update was JULY 4TH.

    She went to her girlfriends house and there were a lot of her girlfriends there and random girls. She made me stay home on July 4th and clean the house while wearing her underwear and one of her maxi pad underwear pads to catch all the cage dripping lol.

    Man....it was F*cking insane....she was sending me photos with her and her girlfriend giving me the small dick sign. She told 2 different girls how I am home cleaning in a cage and wearing her pads and underwear. It's like because we were broken she didn't care at all about humiliating me. Later in the night she video Face Timed me. Her and her girlfriend got on the camera and she wanted me to SHOW her girlfriend who I never met what I was wearing.......she actually made me put the phone down and walk back so her girlfriend can see me in her panties wearing this big pad....it was SUCH A TURN ON!!

    Her friend was dying laughing and so was my ex. She then started telling her friend how I had a "baby dick" and thats truly why I am in a cage and we broke up. Her friend was just laughing and asked me if it was true and I said it was. (I really don't) lol.

    That night was F*cking insane. Most memorable night of my life.

    **FAST FORWARD A FEW DAYS**

    We got into a huge blow out fight. I removed the cage, and we decided to have a big sit down conversation. We talked for two hours straight. She wanted to fix what we had. So we went away on a mini 3 day vacation and something happened. We worked things out, talked things out, re sparked, something in HER changed. She wanted to fix what we had and give it another shot.

    It's been about 10 days now. Our relationship couldn't be stronger and healthier. Something about the break up changed something in her for the better.

    There has been zero chastity talk. She did mention it once a few days ago and I just said "Yeah I like it but maybe in the future we can have fun with that again." She hasn't brought it up. She has been kind, loving, and more affectionate recently.

    Now today SATURDAY the 24th...the urge creeped back lol. To be caged up and serve her. TBH I don't think I can have both....for me...do I love chastity oh hells yes, but in order to maintain a healthy strong relationship here I need to be focused in LEADING. I just can't while I'm in a cage. Maybe it's on a break right now....who knows lol.

    I know for a fact...if I just kept being her Cage Slave every single one of her female friends would find out. Eventually would of led to some crazy things lol. but I rather choose having a healthy happy relationship then fulfilling a long term kink.

    Not really sure if I want to bring the cage back into the relationship right now but I can see maybe down the road bringing it back. Really unsure. So far me being the leader and the dominate one has made her very very turned on and made her a better woman. It almost "keeps her in check."

    Would love and appreciate thoughts and guidance here! Thanks as always!!
     
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  4. true42
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    Hey, if you're happy, then you're doing better than most people in this world, so try not to screw it up! :rolleyes:

    Seriously, if you are finding a way to build a fun, healthy relationship, then keep doing that. At some point, if that involves some kink, then have fun with it ... and if not, then have fun without it. :p
     
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  5. John
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    Congrats the two of you got back together again. What a humiliating 4th of July wow. You know something I kind of tired something comparable to your situation. As much as craving kinks and want you to try things it’s like in some relationships some partners kind of loose respect and go little too far. It’s like it becomes too much and the further they go the more we crave it and want to go there. In some sense it can ruin some parts of since partner also want the man back see eventually did fall in love with. I’m not saying there’s no middle ground here but just think some partners think it becomes too much even if they play along. It all depends on the boundaries. I no question think see would have the you doing the chores back if she could maybe at some point you can negotiate a little play time back. It’s like when getting honey being locked up we want more extreme things
     
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  6. Joey G
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    Joey G Long term member

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    Thank you. Things are going really well.

    It's funny you mentioned her wanting me to do chores again lol..just TODAY Monday we were fooling around and she randomly goes "maybe I should cage you up again." and I said oh yeah? why don't you make fun of me bit like I was caged. she goes "nope! cage up first and then I can make fun of how tiny you are hehe."

    I flipped her over and we had sex and didn't talk more about it.

    She wants me caged, most likely for the benefits of me doing all the chores lol. she will definitely do the making fun again but right now I have to wait I think....

    Today i've had the urge all day to be caged haha!!
     
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  7. John
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    I know the feeling it’s super hard when the urge starts again lol! Think many KH appreciate the benefits from it…it’s not like the one In the cage that’s constantly aroused. Many times is like they don’t get it but the benefits they do get :) There’s always exceptions!
     
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  8. Junebug15
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    Can dream of it
     
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  9. Joey G
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    Joey G Long term member

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    The main concern I have is in order to maintain the relationship I HAVE to act like the for lack of better words, "alpha male". My fiancee she just responds so well when I take the lead and am the dominate one.

    Now is it proven that she likes me submissive and doing what she says? Absolutely. I think though it's more out of having me do everything where she can kick back and relax. I do feel like she genuinely enjoys denying me too and making fun lol.

    Today is Wednesday and I still have the urge to cage up but LONG TERM it's been proven that she needs me to be her dominate take the lead and guide her man in order to maintain attraction.

    I would like to see if we can maybe do it once in a while though! If I have good control and when I'm caged I don't beg her and be needy then she will always want to do it.

    It's hard to dial it back though when we went as far as we did. With most of her girlfriends knowing, and all the humiliating and and making fun she did as soon as I cage up I just want all of that again!

    Thoughts? Similar situations? Thanks!
     
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  10. GoodBoy1122
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    Joey!

    I'll go back to something that I said previously in this thread or maybe it was one of your other threads. You just need to find normal. When you started things out it was more of a role play temporary situation. Yes you were locked. But it was never for that long and I think the cage always came off and you always gotta release. So role playing. Nothing wrong with that, there are a lot of people here that use chastity just like that. From there though when you move to 24/ 7, I think you moved to a 24/7 role play situation. My previous advice was to just let normal happen and not to overemphasize on sex or sexual activities or kink activities overtly; Rather go back to normal and let them creep in everywhere in your entire life.

    Based on your logic and some of the previous updates, chastity is an all or nothing thing. But that's only the case if you make it so. And by going to the 24/7 role play situation then to even take things a step further introducing third party people to really take this to new levels... You have pushed things to untenable extremes, so yes you put yourself in an all or nothing type of situation. Back to my suggestion, this is far from falling into "normal" and when I say normal, don't get caught up in the word normal. I'm referring to however you were before chastity came into your life. Knowing what you know now, with all of the research and all of the reading that you have done; go back and add chastity to your previous normal, and I think you could imagine a better version of yourself that brings you closer to your partner. So that is the foundation, from there you have normal days and then you have kinky moments / nights here and there or maybe a kinky weekends.

    In your chastity breakneck speed in ramping up you seem to have a preternatural understanding. You moved forward quickly. You put your then fiance in situations and she reacted however she reacted. I don't think that either of you ever really honestly talked things out. What you're into, what you're not into, what you want to do, what you don't want to do, setting limits etc etc. I'm not sure that the chastity mechanics were ever explained to her; just that when you withhold a guy from an orgasm, oxytocin and dopamine make you obsessed with her. You want to be close to her and you want to chase her. On the sexual interest front this can go in any number of directions. It doesn't have to be extreme. It doesn't need to involve third party people. Those things are hot and great, but I'm not sure she had great context when you locked up was thrust on her. With no direction, she went for the bungee cord jump without realizing she could have gone on a merry go round etc.

    In your recent posts even in the last few days you can see that you are already being pulled back towards chastity; again welcome to the club. This is how it works. You'll go through cycles and judging by the age of some of the people here you keep coming back forever ; ). I guess what I'm saying is I think it is worth you figuring out how to be locked up in a practical manner; don't concede it is an all or nothing thing and find normal and go from there. This engaged not engaged quazi cuck thing roller coaster isn't gonna work long term.

    The crazy thing that you have going for you is that you have both pushed so so far into all of your kinks. Most of the people here are challenged in broaching these things with their partner but you have been so candid with each other or yourselves as you find new territories for you each. So I challenge you to calm down and find normal but the exciting thing that you guys have going is you have all of these levers that you know about each other that you can pull going forward.

    Thanks for your updates Joey ... keep us posted!

    Stay Calm - Be Chaste ; )
     
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  11. Joey G
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    Man! What an incredible and inspirational read! Thank you for that! You opened my eyes to a new understanding. About the all or nothing...

    What's funny is again today she mentioned caging me up. We decided to get some food and drinks after work earlier and when we got home buzzing we started to fool around.

    I said nothing about chastity or cages and she just started talking about it. She kept saying "Where's you cage hmm I need to find it so I can cage you." "Is it in your draw? I'm gonna find it!" I just asked so you like me caged? What do you like? Your favorite things!

    She said the main thing is she really has come to enjoy bossing me around and denying and teasing me. Watching me look defeated when I am not aloud to masturbate or orgasm. lol. man...love it!

    Like you said I definitely need to find that middle ground that "normal" middle ground where maybe we don't push as far as telling her friends all the time, but just to where we're doing those simple things where she's bossing me around and she's denying me.

    After a few days I just get so off to her telling her friends and making fun though LOL.

    The key like you said is finding that middle ground hmm. I need to do some thinking over the next few days...
     
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  12. John
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    Very well said GoodBoy. Sometimes most peoples excitement takes over the common sense of chastity.
     
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  13. John
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    Amazing she still wants to bring chastity back. Seems like she likes it. Who know if she disliked the more public humiliation with friends. I mean in a sense you can be normal surrounded normal people behind closed doors you got your thing. If she degrade you she probably would feel a bit odd with her friends. You know she want to be proud of her partner not putting you down and make them feel less of you. She could still do it behind closed doors. Not saying you can’t play to that sort of kink but as goodboy says maybe more a roleplay type of scenario.
     
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  14. Robins toy
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    The lessons of "The Tortoise and The Hare" would be applicable here.....
     
  15. Headtrip
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    Joey,
    You both seem to love the chastity game, but it seems to me like she views you different, maybe less, when locked. I could be wrong here, but you went from a loving, engaged, couple back "then" to broken up slave. After unlocking she wanted you back.

    I agree with @GoodBoy1122 completely, and would add that you should discuss this point with her, too. She needs to understand that being chaste for her (even with all the humiliation and fun stuff) IS strength and commitment. If she can't learn to love and value you as a partner while in chastity this is going to be a rough ride imho. Of course that involves changes in behaviour from your side, too.

    But as said above, it is cool that you two already have so many experiences to draw from so young. Lots of potential there if you can communicate back to a new normal.

    Best of luck!
     
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  16. Drews
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    I totally agree with all the above comments especially yours about working on your relationship first before incorporating chastity into the back into the relationship. I see a few key elements missing that seems to work in most of the discussions. 1. You and your girlfriend never had a serious discussion and agreement of how chastity was going to work in your relationship. You jumped right in without communication. 2. You appear to have never developed what your normal relationship is going to look like with or without chastity, again more communication needed. 3. You want to be locked but under your terms when you are in the mood. That is a mixed message to your girlfriend. Is she holding the key or are you? I have to re lock after sex within an hour or two if I am into or not. My advice now would be if she brings up the cage, give it to her with all the keys and say I think it is better for you to total control of the cage and key not me and maybe we can have a discussion about how we will use this to enhance our relationship not hurt it. I am willing to discuss anytime you want.
     
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  17. HusbandX
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    I have followed along, and am sorry to tell you this, but you are going to need to write a book.

    This story must be told, and you must tell it. Don't deny the world your story: a memoir is in your future.
     
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  18. ChasteHubby2015
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    ChasteHubby2015 Male Feminist

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    It’s simple, she can be in charge of your sex lives and you can be in charge of everything else. Yes, having control of your orgasms will allow her to more easily influence you in just about everything you do, but that’s just something you’re going to have to live with.
     
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  19. Joey G
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    hey everybody!

    sorry for the delay! I've been traveling for vacation and dealing with relationship issues again!

    today is August 9 Monday 2021.

    to make a long story short we temporarily were able to make the relationship work I'd say two weeks went by maybe three and we both realized it just wasn't gonna work out with what she expected from me.

    SO she officially moved out she's living with her mother couple days of went by we haven't spoken and then last night I decided to message her and say I miss being your cage slave.

    she immediately responded and put oh yeah? Well I like being your KeyMaster!

    I said can I be your cage slave again but because we're not living together and we're not together anymore you can give me everything you got as far as being mean and humiliating me teasing etc.

    she agreed! I mean it's like she flipped the switch and she started talking shit immediately making fun of me telling me to go cage up and she's actually coming over this afternoon to get the last of her stuff and she said she's not gonna wear a bra and she's going to tease me for a couple of minutes and then leave me caged up lol!!!

    so here I am circling back around doing Chasity again but doing Chasity with an ex.... she absolutely gets off to humiliating me and I know she has a few things coming up or she's going out with girls and I know she'll probably embarrass the hell out of me and show them pictures and I just can't wait to tell you guys the stories.

    it's one thing when you're doing it with someone you care about and you guys have to discuss things and agree but with this arrangement it's pretty much she calls the shots she controls my cock and that's it we agreed that she would have to frequently drop by or come over if I needed to get released so whatever the case may be and yes I'm not an idiot I do have a emergency hideaway key which I will not go to unless it's an emergency or if she got so crazy that I can get out of it lol.

    keep you all posted talk soon more updates this week!
     
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  20. John
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    Sorry to hear about the relationship. Good you getting locked up on a new adventure. Wondering what she could be expecting of you that would make you breakup. Isn’t it something a caged slave would do to ones KM just wondering ;)
     
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  21. Chaste J.
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    All sounds very complicated and not really very unsatisfactory to me! That's just my opinion though. I'm 60 and lucky enough to be locked and kept chaste by my wife so my opinion is from very much a stable, safe and caring relationship with my best friend ever! I hope you enjoy what you have, but I believe you deserve better! I mean no offence or disrespect and if my words are upsetting then I apologise unreservedly!
     
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  22. Joey G
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    Joey G Long term member

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    @John @Chaste J.

    good morning!

    to be honest we had a nice relationship and we both made the same amount of money and just the way she was raised as a Hispanic woman it's in her culture that the man should primarily pay for everything.

    I still handle the majority of the bills but when push came to shove she expected me to pay for absolutely everything which I thought was ridiculous… Especially when she's making six figures like myself! it's supposed to be a team effort especially when you're engaged not the man pays for everything and she saves all her money.

    she's in her mid-20s and really hot so I get that this probably wasn't someone I should've had a serious commitment to. I'm in my mid-30s with a lot more life experience but we did have a nice sit down and agree to be private and respectful with what we're not in a relationship specially when it comes to work since we do work for the same department in the same field.


    WITH THAT SAID....

    she came over yesterday and got the rest of her stuff I got my cage that I usually wear in hot pink and I just put it on yesterday hand her over the key and she teased me a little bit.

    all last night and this morning she's just sending me humiliating text saying how small I am and she made me send a picture this morning of me in the cage and she's going to brunch today which is Tuesday and she said she can't wait to show her girlfriends her sissy cage slave in his pink cage LOL.


    it's actually 10 times more of a turn on when you have an ex girlfriend controlling your cock because it's like she knows you're not together and that I could go out and get with somebody else but knowing that I'm in a tiny pink cage it gets her really empowered and turned on that even if I met someone I couldn't do anything lol.

    i'm not looking to do this forever obviously I do wanna meet somebody and move on eventually but for right now I want to enjoy this opportunity and take a day by day!

    I will post again later tonight with some updates!
     
  23. John
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    John Member

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    Understand bro no question. Agree with you 100% sound kind of old fashioned the man pays everything to be honest. Maybe sometimes but everything makes no sense. Probably a little princess syndrome :D

    It’s nice you can keep a professional distance at least. Agree it’s like the ex can be more evil and still have the joy of controlling so you can’t move forward. Better enjoy it while it last :lockkey:;) It’s a lot of fun! Also when knowing she don’t need you the lockup times could from short to very long there’s also some excitement there.
     
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  24. nikkel
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    nikkel Long term member

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    I have a similar desire ,but my K/H is not my wife . I met her ten years ago, and things progressed to me wearing a jailbird for weeks or longer periods .
    Several years ago My Queen had me drive her ( she does not drive ) to her Sister's house to take her to an appointment . It was the first time I'd met her . She introduced me as her friend who does what I'm told to do . She directed me which turns to take and micro managed my driving to which I said "thank you " . She said I did what ever I was told and gave me a good slap on the face as her sister watched from the back seat . I apologized for what I'd done to deserve the slap and she said it was to keep me in line . All this to show her sister the power she had over me .
    Her sister was a bit shocked and asked if that wasn't a bit extreme . My Queen said It was tp keep my mind on what I'm doing. I replied I always tried to do my very best because my mother always told me I'd never be any good for anything , and I tried hard to please ,and I knew women are superior to men, and need us to show our respect .. Her sister said yeah yes , that's right . Well I was in my glory extremely aroused and thinking I'd hit the jack pot .
    The next day I mentioned to my Queen that I felt good being shown my lowly place in front of her sister ,but my Queen said she'd never do it again in front of her sister because she didn't approve . It was a huge let down, as I'd love nothing more than to be shown off in front of her sister as her sub.
    That was about 5 or 6 years ago, my Queen orders me around at supermarkets telling me to go get her a buggy and sending me to look for items ( in front of other customers ) and I enjoy it, but want so much more ..
    I doubt if things will get anymore public, but in her house and out on drives things have gotten more extreme , like stopping the car and getting on my knees at the side of the road and shoving my face into a snowbank to please her . naked whippings in the forest ,but all these are in private . I'd like a bit more exposure ... I can only hope .
     
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  25. ChasteHubby2015
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    ChasteHubby2015 Male Feminist

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    I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to disagree with you on this as it relates to the circumstances surrounding your breakup. I don’t see anything wrong with her expectations and if I were you, I would have been perfectly happy with it, but then again, I believe in FLR and align with her cultural expectations. I also don’t see anything wrong with the age difference. Nonetheless, I agree with your current arrangement and think that as friends, she’ll be able to better administer control over you than what you were willing to surrender otherwise. Is she aware of the emergency key and does she agree to it? If not, I feel this is deceptive and not fair to her.
     
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