dominasbitchboy journey into chastity

Desire: 3
Frustration: 2

Its been a whirlwind weekend. Domina and I keep butting heads and she is struggling to actually step into the authority granted to her and i am having trouble knowing that i can legit not follow the rules cause there are no consequences. I would describe it akin to being self locked. Its still exciting but knowing you can unlock yourself at any time or that its not a sacrifice for the good of someone else takes a dimension out of the experience. In turn, I have definitely eroded a lot of the intimacy we have gained and she does not feel the same excited desire that she has had previously. I am definitely a difficult husband and its not all my fault but i embarrassed her in front of friends and have been a bit testy in private. She still definitely wants to lead and keep me locked as we both know its still much better than before but we might need some guidance or a good book to help guide us or help us to focus on growing in our new roles. At the very least i think we need to learn about behavior modification techniques with rewards and punishments because i dont know how else i will change. I am truly desiring to be a better husband, and a good follower but its hard overcoming my natural and previous habits. Suggestions anyone? (sidenote, i ignored feeding the pet while writing this and its my responsibility. she went ahead and did it herself - sigh)

I came?...I think?
That being said, yesterday Domina allowed me to penetrate her with Roger(strap-on) and a new one she wanted to try that was curved. The curved one was slightly larger than Roger and we can now definitely say that for now, we have found her size limits, as Roger is as big as we can go for now. She allowed me to give her another double O with Roger and towards the second one, It was starting to feel real good for me, like normal PIV, i slowed down as i felt an edge coming. I thought it passed and continued to hammer out her second orgasm but at the end, i felt my underwear and there was cum, not just precum, but thick stuff and Domina gave it a taste to confirm that it was cum. I definitely did not feel a normal o, and its got me confused. I definitely did have that return to normal moment afterwards where i was back to my normal self but i dont know if that was the glow of satisfying my woman or my body actually getting relief.

 

desire - 5
frustration - 2

We continue the journey and are slowly getting our intimacy back. Domina has taken the time to discuss our contract further, amend it, and we are now both satisfied with where it stands and have signed it. She has ordered a new book to help her learn about FLR and ease her more into it. I have ordered a riding crop? (horse thing) and she tried it to see what it was like and it was quite timid imo and more arousing than anything (might be her soft strikes). Domina is of course, disappointed with me still but getting over it with time and has made it abundantly clear i will not be getting any kind of sex or sexual service in the near future which obviously sucks for us both, but I accept my mistake and am ready to learn to be better. She is still struggling with the concept of punishment but i an hopeful she will learn to reward and punish me in time to help me grow into the man she desires me to be.

 

desire - 6
frustration - 2


Relationship things
Things have been going well and we've been having a lot of sex (next section for details). Domina is reading another book (albeit painfully slowly) and is getting more comfortable with the idea of our relationship. The last book scared her a bit but we are making this relationship whatever works for us and most importantly, she needs to be comfortable. I just dropped her off on a plane to visit a girlfriend out of town for the week and i will be at home all alone . Yesterday i spoke to her disrespectfully and she decided to pull out the crop for a second time. This time she made sure it hurt and was an actual punishment but at the end she broke down and said she did not want to do that anymore. She said she whipped me out of anger for the first time and she didnt like the feeling she had and so we are going to search for alternate forms of discipline that work for me and her for the time being. Shes still struggling with reward and punishment and the basic concepts of behavior modification so im hoping she will focus on learning about that next so she has the tools needed to really help me accelerate change and growth. I am reading some material as well and trying to remain focused on her needs ahead of mine. Sometimes i do that too well and neglect my own needs which leads to issues like skipping meals and not taking care of myself which is not good for me or her but alas this is where we are now.

Roger makes her scream n cream....and her body is changing for the better!
Turns out "not having sex for a long time" means she wont initiate it for a long time but the door is still wide open for me to initiate. We have been waiting to have blinds installed in our house to break in the kitchen / livingroom (as the windows are open to the dam world and there is a ton more window than wall) but i could not help myself one night as a storm rolled in with the sun setting, i hoisted her onto the island and began to service her until i got the green light for Roger (large strap-on), her clear favorite now. I ran full force to strap up and due to my accidental cumming last time, i lathered my cage with numb master, grabbed the lube and slid across the floor to my queens awaiting body. This time it didnt take a gallon of lube or a 10 minute oral session to get her able to slide Roger right on in. Her body just expected it and within a few seconds, i was thrusting away. I was a bit nervous at the fact i could see literally 7 different neighbors houses and had direct line of sight through a few of their open windows but i was caught in the moment and i wanted nothing more than to pleasure her. I quickly learned that although im tall, the island bested me and you can only go so long on tippy toes, hiding behind the safety of the island. There was only one way she was getting the pleasure she deserved so i jumped on the counter, flipped her around, and took her hard as i came to terms with the fact that it was clear as fuckin day that i was now fucking my wife with a dam huge strapon and my new neighbors' opinions are just not as important as my Domina. She loved it, and being in front of open windows has always been an exhibitionist kink of hers. She spent the rest of the time head bent back watching the sun set through our windows as I continued to increasingly get more aggressive until finally, it happened. SHE COULD FINALLY FIT THE WHOLE THING!!! I intensely enjoyed the sensation of finally being able to use the strapon and actually bottom out and that familiar sensation i havent experienced in a long time of smacking against her thrust after thrust.

THREE MORE
That brings us to yesterday night... I again advanced on my queen after having a great day helping her accomplish her goals and she told me to grab Roger once again! Long story short, we also incorporated her wand and were able to try positions that we failed at before and holy hell did she open a new era of orgasms. I BARELY used lube, she just backed up on Roger, and literally three seconds later, she was riding him no problem almost all the way deep (she still needs a bit of warmup to bottom out). She came once from the spooning position that drove her wild, we took a 1 minute kiss break to let her body rest as she prefers so the second one isnt so intense at the start, and we pounded out number two in no time and i had to pull out mid o to have a ruined o but this time it was a lot less creamy and smaller in size so i think this was a true ruined o or just precum (thank goodness). After the second one, she begged me to stop, I didnt...at first but then felt bad as i saw her unable to control herself as i overrode her decision. I pulled out and gave her a breath or two and she tried to crawl away and speak broken sentences trying to beg me to stop but it wasnt one of those negative situations it was one of those "please stop its so good i may literally explode and i dont wanna die while orgasming" kind of situations. I was prepared to take the consequences if i misread the situation (plus our agreement allows me to override her denial for sex 2x a month), grabbed her as she was crawling back, and drug her back over to me on her back. I flipped her legs up and inserted Roger no lube for number 3 and he slid in like he owned the place and was met with a pleasurable moan. A few thrusts later i flipped her legs back as far as they would go to her face and told her to close them tight, hold them for me and she did exactly as told. I grabbed the wand, put it on high and sat that sucker right on her clit and began thrusting Roger. Now in this position she has never been able to accept him anywhere near all the way but tonight, I went for it. The first full thrust or two, she gave that slightly uncomfortable sound but by the third it was replaced by literal screams of "YES". The next few minutes were filled with screams with volume exceeding anything my wife has ever screamed before and for the first time, when she was mid orgasm, she allowed me to continue to service her and i refused to move the vibrator as she squirmed a little and only slightly slowed down my thrusts and her body just gave in. I mustve gone at least another minute or two before i stopped and she legit collapsed but only for a couple seconds. Needless to say, she was thankful and i reallllllly cant wait for next time as she allowed me to buy a fucking machine and it comes in this week Ill have a whole week to plan for her arrival and how we can venture down that path. (opinions welcome but dont post em here as she might read them)

 

Desire - 4
Frustration - 1

relational stuff
A lot has happened and im gonna try to keep it short... Domina has complained that i have not been journaling and wants me to post at least twice a week. We have been riding the struggle bus as of late. She has been struggling to pick up the responsibility of leadership and learning to reward, punish, and tease. I have been getting discouraged waiting and seeing a lack of progress in our relationship and kinda left feeling like im in it by myself which is a major turnoff. She is still reading a book that she really likes that is helping her accept leadership and breaking the sexual mold but the struggle is still real and she really has a hard time breaking what she has been brainwashed to believe about women and sexuality all her life. For example, her and all her friends were taught that if a man wants to have anal sex with a woman, hes gay and you should run away and never speak to him again. They basically bred and taught women their sole purpose in life is to have children and nothing can fulfill you more than letting a man own you and bearing him children. Anything that can get in the way of that goal (anal sex) is corrupt and wrong.

After she came back from vacation with her friend, she let me out and have PIV in an effort to gain intimacy. I had a good orgasm but she quickly learned that intimacy doesn't come from cumming inside of her and now the waiting game has started all over as i still hadn't even got to enjoy the best part of being locked up, that stage where im so pent up id do anything. Anyway, we are struggling to grow, but there is a silver lining, and we are having more sexual adventures...

Roger gets upgraded...and her best orgasm of her life
While she was gone, she allowed me to order a pretty nice sex machine. I have always wanted one and a couple of nights ago, i got her lubricated with enough booze and cashed in one of my tokens to initiate sex (while staying locked). I tied her hands up to a desk, laid her on a comfy cushion and wasted no time at all in getting her blindfolded. I placed little foam earplugs in and just for good measure put some headphones in over her ears on top of that as i definitely did not want her knowing the fucking machine was coming (even though she knew it was). she was on her back and i placed the machine with Roger mounted right at her opening and straddled the machine to give the illusion i was wearing Roger and doing the thrusting. I got her warmed up and when i knew she was really into it, i broke the illusion and began to service her orally and she perked up quite a bit as she knew it was no longer me thrusting but she liked it. A bit more licking her and i swapped out to the wand vibrator and then before i knew it she kept asking for faster and faster until we literally reached the peak speed of this machine. Now this machine is definitely faster than a human and there was zero chance in hell id ever thought we would use that speed but damn it took no time at all and theres no way a man can ever compete with that kinda speed and stamina. It was intense and super hot watching her enjoy this aggressive fucking until she gasped for it to stop... no orgasm, no fireworks just told me to stop. I strategically slowed and stopped the machine at the tip of its thrust so it was as deep as id ever seen Roger get, and i removed the vibrator. For a good 5 seconds she was silent, no heavy breathing, nothing. It was super weird and i thought something was wrong then after those five seconds of pure peace she screams as wave after wave after wave of a fucking river gushes out of her. Im in shock and miss the majority of it just sitting there until i finally get my shit together and cup my hands under the flowing river to catch the last few waves of gushing so i can have a taste for myself. All said and done, the carpet was so soaked i couldnt believe it and neither could she. Immediately she hides behind a blanket with ecstasy in her eyes as i ask her about it and she admits..."best orgasm of my life".

We may be struggling in the day to day and she isnt very keen on expanding sexual horizons for me (im gay if i do anything but vaginal intercourse as shes been taught)... at least im getting to watch her experience new things and be a part in some earthshattering sexual experiences for her

 

Yeah i definitely struggle being patient, ill give you that. As far as cleanup afterwards, when we did our book rating fetishes this one she showed a 2/5 interest in which meant "ok, i suppose we can try this if you really want to" and i rated it 4/5 as the submissiveness and service of the act definitely intrigues me and ive never done it. i think just jumping in there and going for it without her instructing me would freak her out more than anything, and would take away a lot of the enjoyment/desire as well as its not being submissive if you havent been told to do it yknow? I definitely know that exploring kink activities doesnt make someone gay. Its just an adventure to me that i wanna go on with the love of my life but she's the one mentally struggling to embrace the adventure and im the one not being patient with that struggle as i just wanna help her through it so we can have amazing fun

 

Desire - 4
Frustration - 0

Yesterday, my Queen got to a perfectly timed chapter in her book about being closed minded and she seems to have flipped a switch, at least for the day (we will see if it lasts). I really hope its for the long haul but i am extremely grateful that she tried a lot yesterday and even demanded a kiss on the foot after i took her shoes off for her upon coming home . When i got done with work and some chores, she emerged from our bedroom ready to party with a slutty dress i bought her complete with choker and some slutty heels she dusted off and begun preparing for play. I could tell she was intensely nervous but i could also tell she had her mind made up and i assured her truthfully that at any point tonight if she feels uncomfortable id rather her say so and stop. Id rather have her in a safe, stable mind than have this experience and a damaged wife. Long story longer, i cleaned out my rear end while she kept getting things ready...

Roger knocks on MY door
My wife brings in the fucking machine and we get Roger all set up and ready. She then has me get on all fours doggy style and begins tying my hands together surprisingly well and as she just ties it tight enough that i genuinely have no escape . She blindfolds me (at my request), does some foreplay with dripping candle wax and some light smacks (so light it was more of a tickle - bless her softness lol) with the crop and some tantalizing dialog before lubing me up for the main course. Roger rather easily slides right on in with a gasp from me and after several failed attempts and accidental pullouts (she doesnt yet understand how close to position the machine or why) we finally get em in there in a good spot and she turns it on for a slower rhythm and holy toldeo i get why she loves Roger. Every last thrust brings a plethora of different feelings and Roger's length and girth ensure that these sensations aren't short lived, but extend throughout the entire thrust. It constantly was rubbing up against that sensitive part that before when pegging would only be felt with the right angle and at the right depth of penetration. Needless to say, every thrust brought many involuntary sounds even at this very slow speed.

It was at this point I got into my head. I knew my Queen was already nervous and i was a bit hesitant as i didn't want to ruin the moment and honestly a bit shellshocked from her claiming me being "gay". If I allowed myself to enjoy this... would she jump up in an "AHA!" moment and say "I KNEW IT!" and then kick me to the curb or worse yet, silently think it and forever close herself off from me sexually and doom our marriage to be empty, dark, and lonely? Then i wondered... what if i didnt really make sure the enema was all out of me and some came out and she forever never wants to try again? I second guessed myself and stopped the encounter to run to the bathroom and ensure that it was clean back there and there wasnt any straggling water from the cleaning... then back i went, she tied my hands up again but this time i was on my back and when she got started it felt even better at this angle... except i had to hold my own legs up, and every thrust was pumping trapped air deep into me and inflating my intestines like a balloon, we fixed that, but then the one thing that had been bothering me the whole time was really starting to hurt... lube had gotten on my balls and they were cold and trying to pull back inside but of course, the cage wouldn't let them and it just kept getting worse so i eventually called it off and resigned to try again hopefully today. We stopped the encounter and she was very loving and genuinely seemed receptive but I still don't know if shes doing this because a book told her she HAS to or if she genuinely wants better. I fear if shes feeling forced down this path its gonna cause a scar and she will shut the door to this enjoyment forever. Regardless, she seemed a different person yesterday, and im grateful for her efforts and the opportunity

 

desire 6
frustration - still dont get how to answer this

state of the agreement / a bit of whining
alright its been a weird bit of time. we are still struggling but i have come to terms with letting her take it slowly and that i need to submit to that boringness. I struggle to keep her accountable though because she has a very large tendency to be super lazy and i dont want to be pushed aside and have no effort to build our intimacy which it definitely has been as of late. Shes even forgot whats in the contract, and it sucks. However, if we talk about it, and i hold her accountable, she does refocus and fix things and im grateful for that. The issue now is being able to hold each other accountable and it not turn into a fight that demotivates her. Enough complaining though. She actually has made a good amount of progress lately so i dont want to undermine that. She has acknowledged some of her laziness and is really making progress on her book and its connecting with her deeply and im glad for that. She has grown in the most important way and i think shes genuinely severing the link in her mind about anal stuff and that making me gay. (thank you for commenting that helped as well as a third party perspective is much more trustworthy to her) more detail in the squirting section below. She hasnt quite let go of the whole crossdressing issue though but hopefully that will come with time as it is something that intrigues me. (she still thinks like a woman where they dress for other women vs a man who dresses for himself and the feel / experience of it, not so that some other man can look at you approvingly) I cant complain though cause ever since the panty comment was dropped in my thread, she has allowed me to sleep in thongs to help with keeping the cage secured.

cage trial and error
Another thing that i have been focusing on as of late is my cage. It has been bugging me at night and wont stay put and causing me to wake up multiple times during the night. This sucks for obvious reasons but also ruins the experience as when im tired during the day its impossible for me to be horny and i am also a lot more of a dick. So i recently bought a holy trainer v4 knockoff in purple (My queen chose it which makes it hotttt as i was gonna go lame clear) and a couple other cages to try how they work. I got a hinged one that stays closer to the body and is much more comfortable (i have a few previous ones i tried on that were way comfortable but too lengthy in the cage) but the wrong ring size ring so it had to come off immediately as it cut of circulation. I then tried to wear the holytrainer knockoff, (i got one size above the nub) and wore that to bed last night and unfortunately, i woke up in the middle of the night cumming in it. I wasn't rubbing on a pillow, gyrating, just laying there calmly cumming. I did notice that the cage felt very nice when i put it on and i think its due to the increased surface area contacting me and perhaps a larger erection allowed inside vs my previous open design cage. I went ahead and ordered the nub to see if that works and i hope that fixes the issue and i can find a combo that works for me and order the metal version soon. The last version i got is one that i have not seen anyone wearing. Its got these two ball holes (see below) that i hope will help with the cage rotating at night. It comes today, so a review will come
If not, i will keep on the journey as i really want this lifestyle to work and i truly believe i am better off nurturing and building up the amazing woman i have and cant wait for her to grow into the powerful and dominant woman that i can already see inside of her.

oh yeah... i squirted?
now that im done being a downer, there have been some sexual advances. My queen has stepped up the game and provided me with a treat a couple nights ago. She rewarded me for something i did like a week ago but was too sick to enjoy until now. She tied me up expertly and began pegging me with Roger. After a short while she used the fucking machine on me and after i adjusted IT FELT FUCKING AMAZING. After a few minutes, she would really crank up the thrusting speed and in no time flat, there would be a buildup inside of me and the sensation would lessen and it felt like i could fit anything back there and it was no struggle at all anymore. A minute later, that tension would release, and i would clench and lose control of movement as some non semen liquid more like urine but without the smell would come squirting out of my flaccid dick (i was outside of cage but not hard). The problem was every time that happened, the dildo would pop out and leave me hanging to enjoy for lack of better terms, a ruined squirt. This happened over and over like 7 times. I even upgraded to a new dildo that is much bigger (about twice the size) of roger and the same thing happened. I think the only solution is to pin me against a wall or tie the machine to me so there is no escape. It was frustrating, exciting, not satisfying, but left me with some bliss for awhile and im grateful. I cant wait til i earn the privilege again, and I can push past that moment to see what else is possible!

 

well i am now in a new device. It is definitely smaller than i was anticipating but with some modification to the hinged ring(i got an easy way to remove the hinge problem on those hinged cage rings if anyone wants to see / know), and upsizing a ring, i now sleep through the night without any pain! its actually quite comfortable all the time. Only downside is that with the smallness of the cage, since i hang lower, it makes the illusion of not being able to pull out quite obvious. I really really really really want a PA to truly secure myself (and to be a bit of a rebel. i have no tats or piercings at all) but Domina is turned off by the idea. Maybe one day. We have been very busy with life and things we have to get done far above the normal during this entire adventure of ours so i look forward to being able to focus on us and enjoying soon cause we have definitely not been growing or enjoying our journey as of late. Other than that, the sex has slowed, a LOT with all the crap we've been focusing on so nothing much to report. Hopefully we will take some time to check in tonight on how we and the contract is doing and spur some fun

 

Hey all,

I decided to continue this thread in a new thread entitled the making of a domina