Beginnings - A journal of my fisrt steps into the world of female dominance. After being in an unfulfilling (toxic) long term relationship. I decided to really explore myself and finally live the life I wanted. I'd reinvent myself and see which version of me felt right.... It didnt take long to discover that bdsm was an integral part of my persona. I had short and sweet relationships with different men (and women) none of which felt natural or completly scratched that itch. I was the dominant in most scenarios and even subbed once or twice. Quickly I established that being the sub was the OLD me and id avoid that if at all possible. Many months later, I met M, similar in a lot of ways to myself and introduced me to FLR and male chastity.... It was like all my christmases had come at once. Conversation about contracts, control & cages were pretty standard on day one and I was more than enthusiastic to give this a go. The thing is, FLR and chastity arent really things you can dip in and out of... its a lifestyle and takes a lot work to engineer. As time moved on I discovered that elements of it really excited me and even drew on some of my deepest fantasies. Others not so much, Can you cherry pick these elements? or is it all or nothing? As I shed the skin of my old self and grew into my new role, I felt a sense of harmony inside. This is me... Then a sudden sense of dread... There is no going back. When things go south with this relationship, what then? Will I find another so willing to let me be..... me? The thought of a Vanilla relationship did not appeal to me anymore and most men only want bdsm on their terms, ie, no switching and he is dom. So to have someone say they were willing to relinquish power to me was quite euphoric. The device. It was one that M had bought a while before us meeting, He'd owned a few previously so I felt confident he'd steer me in the right direction if/when I needed guidance. It was a Lori Cage, which i'd just learned was quite secure due to the unique screw system used. Quite fiddly to put on but once in place did the job nicely. The weight was a worry for long term wear but it pulled on his bits enough to remind him evey second of the day, that he was indeed locked. We discussed purchasing a new smaller, lighter cage to prevent any growth at all as with a PA pin, M said the slightest growth could pull on the piercing. Being lighter would enable M to be chaste long term too. This is when I learned the M was a bit of an escape artist. Any reason to get the cage off he would use. It's sore, he's going swimmimg, what if his young son saw it on the weekend... Being new to the game, I gave in each and every time. When we were apart later that same day (we live seperatly, btw) M would revel in telling me he was 'Free' . Lesson learned, or so I thought. Sure enough, the next time the cage was meant to be secured, something would prevent it happening. from then on I'd start to doubt if he even wanted to be locked... Truth be told, I was tired of the messing about, I needed to grow a pair of balls and embrace my new found power. Put my foot firmly down and refuse to remove the device when he 'tried it on'. This inturn has led to me thinking if I indeed wanted to be keyholder, Maybe the idea of power and actually having it were too different and one should just be content with what they have. Hense the title of this, my first entry.... To FLR or not to FLR?, that is THE question .... I will update with my decision in due course LB x
In order to figure out where you are going you have to sit down with M and make him be honest with you. Is he serious about giving up control or is it a game. Do you really care about each other. For chastity and FLR to work there has to be a relationship. After you talk candidly you can better figure out if this is for you.
Well, that’s the allure of being the woman in a FLR. You are in charge, you get to decide what appeals to you and what does not. Make it yours and feel free to alter it as you learn and grow. You most certainly do not need to be content with where you are in the moment. Unless you want to. Is he a sub, or a bottom looking for kink? A true sub, would not want to be unlocked, it interrupts his submissiveness. A conversation needs to be had about what you both are looking for. Both are fine, just have an understanding. This is true. Many on this forum have stated that their keyholders would never go back to vanilla. I would like to compliment you on your writing. You are asking good questions. Give yourself time, you will gain confidence through experience. With your intelligence and thoughtfulness, you will be a force to be respected.
Your FLR is what you make it. Think of it as a buffet, pick the things you want and leave what you do not. Change your mind on something, head back to the buffet. Don't like something else, toss it and try something else. In an FLR the journey is the destination. Do what you both enjoy. But remember, an FLR is still a relationship. Communication between the 2 of you is key. Welcome to the Mansion. Enjoy your stay. Iso.
Welcome to the mansion and hope you really enjoy the new you. I think M is in for an interesting journey .
There's no right or wrong way to do this stuff. Its your way, concentrate on the bits that interest you and never ever let M try and avoid going into that cage. Its not chastity if he gets to choose when and where. Whatever happens, enjoy the ride. A
I would offer that you and M have a serious conservation about each of your expectations. As suggested above, it’s not chastity if he can get out any time he wants. Perhaps he needs to understand that there will be consequences for being unlocked without your express permission. You can and should cherry pick what an FLR means to you. Know that as you grow your tastes may grow too - that’s okay. He should have and use a safe word if he feels threatened. You are responsible to recognize distress and back off. But most of all an FLR can and should be a lot of fun for both of you.
Welcome Of course you can pick and choose. If my wife had listened to half the crazies that messaged her, she would have thought you have to do this, you have to do that , you gotta make him do this, on and on. The real life version is that you both know the other’s expectations, you both try to meet them. Most of it is trumped by her having her way, an d his expectations become her expectations, but even that has limits. My wife wouldn’t return to me being unlocked, I think she could take or leave the whole FLR. There are parts of the traditional dynamic she misses, but she certainly loves a lot of our current normal. Discuss what you want, exactly how you want it, hear his opinion and what he wants, see if they match up.
I don't think there is any one size fits all in terms of FLR, which chastity is a part of, and not the sum total. We did a couple's workbook about a year ago together that we found on Amazon, and we're able to vocalize the parts that we liked, and we're not interested in. Of course, as a sub, my limits are higher than Hers, as is my desire to act them out. During the process came up with a lifestyle Femdom contract, and are insanely happy within its parameters. We do not have a traditional relationship and do live in secrecy, but are both very content. We write each other poetry, tell each other we love each other, love and snuggle, more than ever before. It has made our relationship better for both of us, and yes, the sexuality is at an all time high for both of us. It's a matter of finding that balance, and staying within its parameters. You can cherry pick this, very simply.
Sounds really amazing what the two of you get really curious about that contract I know it’s personal. Thanks for sharing very uplifting.
Obviously, out of respect for our privacy, I would never post it directly. But its a lifestyle femdom contract giving Her control over our financials, chastity, the rules within our home, and helping me continue my feminine journey through forced feminization. We added in that it is legally binding, thus, real. (Although not notarized) For Her it grants control, in ways that She might not normally feel ok taking it, and me the angle of being a trapped, in training, sissy house husband without the ability to turn back, quit, or run. (Something over time that I have proved being prone to). Its been amazing, and in September it will be 1 year since we signed it. Its 'skin in the game' on both sides.
@LyssaBee Welcome! Yous eem to have a good handle on things. My wife (counselled by a pro domme) TOOK charge, I didnt hand it to her. It was her rules, her key, her decision from day 1. She kept it fun and built up time gradual, but only let me out with restraints or collateral. It was/is a lot of work for her/us, but it works. There really is no going back. Hope it all works fantastically for you.
I understand the privacy part and respect that still gives good idea. The clause prevents you to get out is it like rights to publish photos etc?
Yup. My fantasy is to be captured into it without escape. The chastity plays in because the device she put me into is not removable without the key, and so, the balance of power in the relationship is with her. So, she is turning me into a female as a part of it, and I comply from the bottom side. It works because it's what we both want and need from it.
I know what you mean the feeling of she has 100% control. You can’t do anything about it since you are locked up in the contract total power exchange very interesting. Would love to try something similar.