Our new endeavour

I am using the 55mm ring. I started with a smaller one but thought it might be causing issues.

I had given some brief thought to trying to modify the ring or tube. I might still try that yet. It might settle my mind as to whether to try the Orion. If I increase the ring gap to 1/2 in and pain is still an issue then there probably isn't a lot of sense in buying an Orion since it's likely to hurt as well.

 

I finally worked up the courage to have the PA conversation with my wife this weekend. I had been dreading this task. Firstly, I wanted to make sure I was ready/willing to follow through and I wasn't just riding a wave of excitement. Second, I was afraid she would reject the idea and think I was being too extreme.

The conversation went a bit like this (paraphrasing):

Me: I want to talk to you about the chastity device. the HTv4 isn't working out and I want to try a different device. Full belts seem low on the list of possibilities for a variety of reasons (hygiene, comfort, price, physical restriction). The evotion Orion or a device from Lady Fox's customchastity.com are a maybe as they can be customized and possibly a good fit can be found. How do you feel about piercings?

Her: like in your penis? Why? Do you want one?

Me: well, there are the tube only devices which require a PA piercing. It's not that I want a piercing in my penis. I don't. But of all the options it's the most likely to successfully lead to 24/7 wear.

Her: that's kinky. You would have a kinky penis piercing. Would you tell people about it?

Me: uhhh, probably not? It's not that I really care if people know, it's more that people are probably going to then ask 100 questions and/or want to see it all of which lead to the chastity topic.

Her: next time we play "never have i ever", I'm totally going to out you by saying, "I have never pierced my genitalia". Haha.

Me: I'm still not showing anyone my penis.

Her: I think you should do it.

She had a few more questions about PA piercings. I am to research all the reputable piercers in the area, interview them, and present her with the findings.

She then took me to bed. After I pleased her, she let me orgasm. It had been more than 3 weeks (which was 2 weeks more than she had been making me wait).

I love this woman.

 

I have not really conceptualized myself as "submissive."

In part I suppose that is because society has told me that I must not be submissive, especially not to a woman.

I'm also not submissive in other areas of my life. My professional position is analogous to a CTO. So I spend a lot of time telling others what to do and being assertive with my boss who is always looking to maximize profits (often without regard for operational impact). I'm not criticizing my boss; he acts like the CEO and I act like the CTO.

Even with my wife, I do not generally like to take a passive or submissive position. For example, the other night we had an argument about a parenting topic. We seemed to be digging into diametrically opposed viewpoints and no one seemed willing to give any ground. In the end, we both took a breather and then talked things through. We compromised and found some mutual ground to stand on.

It's just for whatever reason, I want her to dominate me sexually. At first, I cannot say it was more than a fetish. But once she started imposing her own vision on the situation, it started morphing toward a lifestyle rather than a fleeting interest. Of course we've only been at this for a matter of months, so maybe it's just the afterglow of this new chapter burning brightly. Only time will tell that.

I don't really know if I'm a submissive man.

I think maybe I could be more globally submissive if life circumstances were different. Sometimes I think I might even like a submissive way of life. I find a certain appeal to the thought of being my wife's 1950's homemaker.

I'm going to think about what you've written. I feel like you've brought up some un-examined questions for me.

 

It does sometimes seem that way. It's difficult to be a decision maker all day and then come home and continue that at home.

That said, my wife has always been opinionated and fairly stubborn. And she has the sharpest memory. There's no winning an argument with her. So a transition to a more FLR-like relationship is natural for us.

I have definitely already seen a shift in other areas of our life. I'm excited to see how things grow.

 

This past Saturday, I told my wife about a dream I had the previous night. Saturday was 3 weeks since I was last allowed an orgasm and I dreamed that she had refused my release. In my dream she explained that, "next week (a month's wait) was going to be the very soonest I could hope to cum," and, "that would be a far stretch." She chuckled and smirked at me. She then said, "it doesn't sound like you had a dream. It sounds like your subconscious has predicted your future." She then reminded me that we have a very busy schedule next weekend so it might not happen for me then. And she feels like she might be on her period the week after. Staring down 2 more weeks is a bit daunting when 3 weeks is the longest I've gone with an orgasm in probably 25 years.

When we embarked on this new chapter of our marriage, I had no clue this is where I would be. I'm still a bit shocked that she came up with the idea of orgasm denial and restricting me to 4 orgasms a year. Initially I didn't think she was serious or that she would have the discipline/desire to follow through. Now I'm starting to think I was wrong.

At this point, we are still using the honor system. My PA is scheduled for mid April and it will take months to be able to wear a device afterwards. So while I respect her authority and commands to not orgasm, it lacks a sense of fortitude in my mind. I can only imagine the feelings I will have when she clicks the lock shut on my cage for the first time post-PA knowing it will possibly be month(s) before I am allowed to cum again.

In related news, I have recently found myself craving giving oral sex to my wife. I can't get it off my mind. If my wife offered for me to trade my next orgasm for the opportunity to give her oral, I would take her up on it in a heart beat.

P.S. I also dreamed that my water softener was out of salt. Low and behold, it appears I'll be making a trip to the hardware store to stock up on salt.

 

Alright, time to face the music. I didn't go through with the PA.

Certainly I had some personal reservations about it, but I had truly found peace about those issues and was willing/ready to go get pierced. I would put myself at a 6 on an enthusiasm scale from 1 - 10, with 6 being just above neutral.

Then my wife and I had a lengthy conversation a couple days before my appointment. I wanted to make sure she wanted me to get the PA or that it was at least banal/neutral in her mind. She expressed some concerns/reservations and ultimately wasn't thrilled about it.

So the combination of her being mildly negative on the idea and me feeling lukewarm made me decide to shelf if for now. She made it clear that she did not want to make this decision for me. I told her that I just needed her to be honest and straightforward. Her thoughts and opinions were germane to my decision. I feel like I wouldn't get a tattoo under the same circumstances (and I have several tattoos).

So I have put a custom Evotion Orion on order to see if that will possibly resolve my issues with the HT. I'm being cautious not to get too excited about it since I think there's still a good chance it won't work for me long term.

She also expressed to me that the device doesn't do anything for her and that the chastity stuff is an indulgence for me. She likes some of the effects (100% sexual willingness/readiness, more attention), and that the chastity serves that purpose. But if she could have things her way, there would be no device, I would be ready/willing for sex whenever she liked, and I would cum every time.

That was tough for me to hear. I knew she was getting into this at my request. I brought this to the table, not her. I guess I thought she was more into this than she is. I mean, I didn't suggest that she deny me for an entire month and yet she has. To hear that she would prefer to not engage in chastity felt like a disconnect. I was hoping that she would "like" it more than she is.

I know some folks here will say, "chastity is not about you, it's about her. If she wants you to cum every day, then get on board and be thankful."

For me, chastity and FLR is not an entirely one-way street. It needs to work for both people. I enjoy the feeling of lust and desire I get when she has not allowed me to cum for a while. I enjoy knowing that she has authority over my sexuality and that I don't get a say. I enjoy that knot I get in the pit of my stomach shortly after I cum and realized I'm not going to have that bliss again for a long time. The thought of her bringing me to desperation and prolonging that feeling excites me.

So yes, my desires are selfish. And my inability to completely buy in to her wants only is selfish and weak as well.

I guess what I want to know (and hear opinions on) is this: how far into the unreasonable territory have I strayed?

Have I asked too much of my wife?

My original ask was to pleasure her as much as she liked and to be allowed to cum once a week during sex. I also asked her to use a chastity device, but when she showed hesitancy, I dropped that and decided I could just abstain through my own willpower.

If she returned to this original design, would that still be asking too much?

 

It has been nearly 4 weeks since my wonderful wife has permitted me release.

Last week she asked me if I could "handle more time." My (polite) reply was something to the effect of, "handle it? Surely I won't die. It has been barely 3 weeks now. I have gone longer. Besides, you told me your plan is to deny me for 3 months at a time..."

She smiled at me and said, "Good."

Equal parts of me were thrilled as they were panicked. Part of me thinks I shouldn't encourage her and part of me hopes she will deny me for another month. Thus is the duality of living the FLR+chastity life.

In truth, I am feeling pretty "hungry" for a release. I haven't reached desperation yet, but I sense that it looms nearby.

Yesterday I was instructed to "practice" anal during the day. I select my vixskin Tex; I doubted I would be able to get a larger plug in due to lack of recent play. I discovered that (a) yes, I was out of practice and (b) the appeal of anal is now almost entirely gone for me. I guess I don't care for anal unless the allure of an orgasm hangs in the balance.

In other news, it has been 5 weeks since I ordered an Evotion Orion. That means it *should* be delivered within the next couple weeks. I'm trying to keep my expectations low so that I am not disappointed if it causes me too much pain to wear.

 

The Evotion Orion arrived on Saturday. I didn't get the chance to try it on until Monday.

These chastity devices are a bit humbling to me. They look tiny and I wonder if I will fit. When I do fit, then I wonder if I have a small penis, haha. As it turns out, I am a "grower", not a "show-er".

Getting the device on was, of course, challenging due to arousal. That said, it was easier to don than my HTv4 because the Orion is in 3 parts. It is much easier to push the penis through the shaft portion because you can feed it in a little way and then kind of pull it through on the other side. The HTv4, you just have to stuff and shove and twist until the penis is reasonably in the tube. With the HTv4, it usually takes an hour or two for the penis to really properly slide/squeeze into the tube. With the Orion, it's right where it should be from the start.

One drawback is that the Orion has 2 pinch points that make themselves known while putting the device on. One is where the base ring attaches to the shaft and the other is where the shaft attaches to the "cap". It is pretty easy to use a Q-tip other some other such thing to push the skin away from the pinch point while you slide the parts together. The pinch points have not been an issue while wearing the device. I would say that the Orion is no better or worse than the HTv4 in terms of pinching. I've gotten some nasty pinches from the HTv4, but the Orion is easier to get pinched by.

I ordered 2 base rings: 50mm and 55mm. I started with the 50mm ring. The 50mm ring has been producing swelling and edema in my scrotum/testicles. I have sized up to the 55mm but have not had enough time to determine if the larger ring will solve the edema issue.

I believe the edema is really the root of my pain issues, so I think it will be key to finding a long-term wearable device. My hope is that I can start with the 55mm and transition to a smaller and smaller base ring as my testicles grow accustomed to being confined.

The shaft I ordered is probably a bit too small in both length and girth. My penis is stuffed in there pretty good and the shaft leaves a lattice of impressions in the skin after an hour of wear. I plan to keep using this shaft until I can wear the device for longer periods of time. I want to see if the pressure/impressions result in sores or not. If they do not, then I rather like the fact that the device is squeezing me down.

The shaft tapers slightly behind the corona. This results in a sort of "pinching" of the penis behind the head. This is not a bad sort of pinching like skin pinching, but rather like a gentle squeezing of the penis shaft just behind the head. I love this feature. It keeps the head of the penis tightly held in place.

Pull-out would be possible with this device (of course), but it is more difficult than with the HTv4. Furthermore, I would have a tremendously difficult time getting my penis back in and the head squeezed into the cap portion without unlocking the device. Maybe a Q-tip could be used to push and shove the penis back into place? I don't know, I'm not going to find out.

The corona and urethral opening are both exposed. I experimented by stroking both areas. I suspect with a lot of time and effort, I could bring myself to orgasm that way. That said, in the 15 minute or play, I didn't get anywhere close to orgasm; just frustrated as heck.

I will wear and work with the device more before making any changes. That said, I think a slightly wider tube and possibly slightly longer tube might be in order. I would also like to see if there are any options for enclosing the corona and narrowing the urethral opening to reduce stimulation surface. Lastly, I am very sure that I would like to get a PA some day to 100% prevent pull-out.

The device (plus extra base ring) was pretty pricey. I really hope it works out otherwise it will be an expensive mis-step.

Overall, I am pleased with the purchase.

 

Haha. Yes, they are very expensive. I think it is the price you pay for custom. At least that is what I found to be the case when looking at custom devices.

I'm not sure I will be willing to go much further on my hunt for a workable device if this one does not pan out. Even the HTv4 is pricey.

But we shall see.

 

Thanks for asking Zed96.

Chastity remains an interest/topic motivated largely by me.

She permitted me an orgasm on Tuesday. It had been 39 days. Afterward, she told me how much she loves having sex that way. I don't think she was making veiled commentary, per se, but it was clear to me that she feels she has lost something in our sex life by engaging in chastity and orgasm control.

I do understand her perspective. If the roles were reversed and I was not allowed to pleasure my wife, I might be very unhappy. I have more thinking to do on this matter.

Later that night we were talking in bed before we slept. She asked me, "if I was disappointed that she allowed me to orgasm." I told her "no". The truth is not so black and white. I am always disappointed to be allowed an orgasm because I harbor a fantasy to be denied longer and longer (and maybe eventually forever?). But at 39 days, the longest I have gone without an orgasm in my adult life, I was nearing a sense of desperation. Further, the orgasm was phenomenal. For those reasons, I was very grateful and genuinely happy to have been allowed release.

What I hope to convey, show, impart to my wife some day is that the chastity is fulfilling a desire that is far more rewarding to me than having an orgasm. When I had an orgasm at 39 days, it was essentially a spiritual experience for me. And every time I bring her to orgasm and remain chaste, it is satisfying and fulfilling in inexplicable ways. Both of these things are greater pleasures to me than a ho-hum, mundane orgasm. Perhaps if she could truly see this perspective of mine, she might find pleasure in chastity.

Ultimately, my hope is that if I stay the course and make reasonable efforts to sway her opinion, that some day she will come to enjoy my chastity.

 

Just another quick note. Eventually I will be writing up some thoughts/notes on the HTv4, Evotion Orion, and The Curve and putting it in the reviews section. Having only a few days of experience with the Orion is not enough time for me to come to a proper opinion on the device, so I put my thought in my journal here instead.

 

Just wanted to drop an update mostly regarding the Orion. At first, my pain returned when I started using the Orion. It came back quicker but didn't get as severe. I've just been working through it by adopting a strict schedule of wearing the device for longer periods of time very gradually. I work from home Wed-Fri, so on Wednesday, I wear it for how ever many hours I wore it last Friday. On Thursday and Friday, I wear it for one hour longer. So this week it's 6 hours on Wednesday and 7 on Thursday and Friday. Once I can wear it for 9 hours at home, I'll start doing so on my office days as well. Then I'll increase from there.

Regarding the Orion itself, I think I have fallen in love with the damn thing.

When I measured the girth of my penis, I probably pulled the measuring tape a bit producing a tighter fit than I ought to have. But now I am kind of like that. The fit is such that it gently squeezes my shaft when flaccid and squeezes just behind the corona even a bit more. This stifles an erection such that I don't get the same "inner erection" and associated ball squeeze that I got with the HTv4. I still get a light red mark behind the head of the penis after wearing the device, so this fit might not be long-term OK. My hope is that things will "toughen" up down there and I can keep the fit as-is. Time will tell.

From a ball pain perspective, things are going pretty well. The pain/discomfort has mellowed out to a very tolerable level. If I could attain this level of discomfort while doing 24/7 wear, this would be a viable long-term solution for me.

Once I'm at a point where I can wear the device long-term, I plan to broach the topic of a PA again with my wife. I just think it would be so sexy if I were pierced in my Orion.

 

Quick update on my wife and my progress in chastity. Earlier this month, my wife went "off schedule" in my opinion. She told me to cum once a week when we had sex. Part of me was disappointed, part of me was loving all the orgasms. Ultimately, I just accepted that this is what she wanted. Then she refused me one weekend and I protested:

Me: "oh God, I'm really horny. I want to cum so bad."
Her: "good, that means my plan worked, letting you cum a bunch of times like that."

Then, the other night, she was talking to me about a wedding toward the end of September that we're attending. I must have looked disinterested and she called me on it:

Her: "You look bored"
Me: "Sorry, my mind was elsewhere."
Her: "Well, let me give you a reason to be interested then. The next you're going to cum is in the hotel after the wedding."

I have not gone 2+ months before. I was both terrified and turned on.

The next night, she wanted sex. I have been MUCH more sensitive since starting chastity and not masturbating. So I told her I couldn't continue without cumming. She wasn't having any of that. She told me to keep trying and to pull out and take a break if I was going to cum. After 4 or 5 attempts this way, I had become sort of desensitized enough to last longer. She masturbated while I penetrated her. She came, I did not. I was feeling particularly desperate and asked her if I could cum.

"There will be none of that until September, or maybe I should give you something to be thankful for at Thanksgiving?"

I shut up. She slept. I tossed and turned in a fit or frustrated horniness.