a reject's diary - do not read

My body is locked up but not my mind. I have always been cool tempered, kind, good to others. Hell I do the dishes, take out the dog, the trash. Mow the lawn. If the whole "good husband" side effects is what you think I'm after here. You are wrong.

I guess life lets us control our mind or our body but not both. That is my goal here:

control my sexual urges without masturbating, without watching porn. a new found freedom of energy and consciousness.

Where I live there is this saying that is common around America about being young.

"There are 3 things that you'll do are your age: 1) sex 2) drugs 3) alcohol"

I agree that life is about Sex,Drugs and Alcohol.

I disagree that my life is about sex, drugs and alcohol.
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That is just a little about me. Back to chastity:

I bought the CB-3000 black colored version for my 20th birthday. To help me stop masturbation. I don't "need" porn to wank. I have my mind. Though the feeling of a "forced orgasm" that leaves you high and dry all the time is a major turn off for me. Especially when you feel this pain in your testicle that is sharp and pinches at you. Then you want to stop to avoid the pain and slowly work your way up to cumming. I've also had sex headaches which are painful as sin. My legs get cramped and my feet do feel tight too when I orgasm. It's painful. Sex headaches do this to me:
1) a stabbing pain in the head - it doesn't go away for the WHOLE ENTIRE DAY. It can stay for a whole day then goes
on it's own. If I take medicine well I don't like taking medicine rather naturally work
it out. The headaches I'd get often, and it's even worse when you have already cum
have a headache then cum again and it only gets worse.
2) stomach - my stomach feels "full" like I ate food. So I call it a "sex" diet when you orgasm over and over. You don't
feel hungry. And yes you lose weight lmao. I don't work out but I do drink green tea. Eat my fruits and
vegetables. I do not drink soda, drink coffee, drink alcohol, no drugs , no smoking, no pot,no poppers, no crack, no cocaine

3) physical weakness/draining energy- I remember before I masturbated how much energy I had. It was like a rush. Running for as long as I want, playing basketball, tennis too. I stopped playing sports in school over porn and masturbation. Didn't hang with the crowd that smoked or did alcohol because I knew my parents would find out. Then bust my ass to kingdom con. They never found out about my masturbation (never caught once) and porn too. ;p I remember when I was in school around 13, 14, 15, till now. I would go to school, do my work . Then at home I'd masturbate , and fall asleep by 3:00 pm or 4:00 pm I'd be asleep in my room. Then wake up early in the morning like 3:00 am do my homework and repeat it. I'd force myself to sleep with orgasm and it felt so good. It's a cycle that I could not break. But it was damn fun. That has always been with me. It gets me angry that there's nothing wrong with me on a blood tests, or physical exams, or ultrasounds, or x-rays or anything amazingly I learned "chastity" can stop that in me. Can heal me back to what I was. I want to exercise but I hate my current state. If I ever master chastity I swear I'll stay with it forever and go on with my life. It is that toxic to me.


4) vomiting from orgasm- when I eat food then after a few minutes go and jerk off and cum. My stomach gets tight, if I keep going and have orgasm after orgasm (which I did) my stomach would get upset. And I would throw up from it. It's like when you go into the water "wait 30 minutes after you ate your meal before you enter the water". I can't count the times I'd throw up after eating dinner Id say "my stomach must be upset from stress at school". It worked for my parents. And I'd eat in my room, have my own bathroom too. I'm a lucky guy

5) dark circles under eyes- only when I turned around 20 years old did I notice the dark circles under my eyes. I do go to sleep each night and get a solid 7~8 hours of sleep a night. But when I looked online for "over masturbation" which leads to "sexual exhaustion" which leads to "dark circles under eyes". I don't know if I have permission to link to other websites here. Don't want to break the rules but sexual exhasution is real.(Going bald is a symptom of sexual exhasution too. Am not bald yet.) I have it and if my penis was a leggo block I'd want to rip it out of place until I was better again to put it back on.



I'm no angel. I like some kinky stuff. The feeling if something in my ass is such a turn on. I've been putting my own fingers up my ass since I was 14 after seeing a gay porn guy doing it to himself. I was scared but its that same scary feeling I had when I first started shaving my penis,scrotum and all the down to my butt crack. The hair didn't all grow in at once. At 14 I started growing hair on my face so I finally got a razor. Oh yea why do I shave myself completely bald? Answer: Pubic hair makes me ITCHy as hell. It's like mosquito bites on my crotch.It's why I made an xtube account. I can't cum in a CB-3000 nor do I leak any precum. I WISH I could leak like a girl who's turned on and her panties has a visible stain in it.

God that's so hot. Anyway I kept trying to put on the CB 3000 over and failed. Then I tried again and failed. Failing over and over and over is why I came here. I couldn't take this much longer it costs alot of money to buy one. I also did like next-day air delivery so my parents wouldn't open it up. (Yes, they have opened up packages of mine.) I got very very lucky and was home and got the package in my hand. And signed for it too. (*'-')

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Now I'm in chastity here at chastity mansion.

Today Monday, May 10th 2010. I have tried another setup. Didn't make a post to ask if the fit was considered "good" or "bad". I am not apart of dungeon in real life, not apart of a keyholder, not apart of anything. If I can get the professionals here for there advice to stay healthy & locked up without paying a monthly subscription then I hit the jack pot. Which I already have

As of this writing today it is my second day straight without taking off my CB-3000. It's a new setup of ring/spacers/locking pin. But I just don't want to act like a spoil brat who makes a new post each day with a picture . As if I'm saying "hey! look at me every single day ! I'm important." . I'm not stupid enough to fall for that trap, besides no one wants to help out an asshole.

I don't know if I should post after today and officially on my third day locked up or wait a few more days. Maybe after 1 week, I'll post a few pictures and explain what I've been doing. I know 1 thing:

you need to stay extremely clean. if your flithy and have cheese growing inside of your chastity , you just failed and have to stop. wrecking your chastity life.

I make xtube videos just for fun. It's not great movie editing and movie making I do but it is fun. Just a way to vent while locked up in chastity. I'm not afraid to have fun in chastity but I can't cum so that automatically makes my style of videos out the window. No one will ever see me famous for it. But it's like I feel I can express myself through it. I've wanted to write some chastity, spanking stories, some kinky stuff. Haven't put my thoughts together yet.

Finally my dream in real life:
To have a female keyholder who actually loves me. A real love not a femdom I pay money too. I do like females to have control. Like me being spanked for being a "bad boy". Pain from spanking I believe makes me not think of chastity, a way to continuously keeping me under control. I can control ALOT of myself but not what the chastity belt controls. And when she wants sex, that's totally up to her. I love oral sex or getting it up the ass. But its up to her wether or not to get a real life guy involved. It's why it'd be cool for her to use a strapon. She could think that is all gross but like the feeling of just owning my penis for her pleasure. That's how its supposed to be: let the woman have power not the man. Too many men look at women as toliet paper they literally wipe their ass with them then throw them away onto the next one. I'm not like that . I'm a fucked up guy.


#1 post ending at 1:41 pm eastern time today Monday, May 10th 2010.

Thank you everyone at chastity mansion for the support and chastity advice. Thank you all very very much!!!

 

So my 4th day straight and a few thoughts:

1. Using Astroglide kept drying out on me. Even before I went to bed I'd put it on then wake up in the middle of the night
from dry skin hurting.

2. Using not a lube but a moisturizer called Eucerin. That is the SAME EXACT tube I have at home.
You can find more about it here:

http://www.eucerinus.com/products/hb_calming.html


3. My Scrotum DID get red, itchy, and even a bit of a sore appeared on it. There is one spot of the base ring which I call
the "pressure point" because no matter how much AstroGlide I put on it. Throughout the day I could feel just one spot
that hurt. No other places. With the Eucerin I did not take a picture yet but I am hoping that it can heal me with the
CB-3000 still locked on me.

4. Cleaning. I have a strange way I clean my CB-3000 and I use a WaterPik. I had braces on my teeth so my parents
bought me a WaterPik. The website is here:

http://www.waterpik.com/oral-health-products/countertop-dental-water-jet/WP-100/


If you can believe this, the clear plastic attachtment on the waterpik in that picture from the site. It has the blue bottom which clicks into the WaterPik. Well that one can fit in the vent holes of my CB 3000. I put warm water with soap the clear plastic blue container. Then I am able to shove the plastic tip into each vent hole, and there is HIGH and STRONG water pressure you can use too. With a water pressure of 3 I can quite literally shoot out anything in my tube. Then after the soap water goes through all the vent holes and even the tip I shove it down too.

I will refill up the plastic container with warm water with no soap in it. To get rid of the soap inside . Now That all the soap is out. I need to dry off so I use a hair blower to dry but there is still water inside. That is when Q-Tips come in handy. It takes a few Q-Tips to move around completely to suck up all the water but I am somehow able to do it.

When I am finally all dry. I make sure that the soreness I have my scrotum is dry because you want any dead skin to come off, you need to expose that soreness so when you put your moisturizer on it comes in contact with your skin. Not dirt, built up dead skin.

Yes it does still get itchy even with that moisturizer I have been using the past few days. Even still it does help reduce the itchiness. The way I look at it is simple:

By itching you move around the skin to rub up against the base ring more and more. If you apply your moisturizer and STOP ITCHING AND STOP MOVING THE BASE RING then you give your body a chance to heal with the ointment.

There are times in the day when I don't feel itching. I don't really feel my CB 3000 but I feel like something wet is on me. A wet feeling which allows the CB 3000 to move around. I'm not in any pain either but until my skin completely heals I have to just try and see what happens.

That is why I wanted to make another post to get help:

Is it ok to still wear the CB 3000 with soreness?

What is your favorite ointment for soreness?

Those kind of questions but I never took pictures and will give it until 1 full week until I make another post about how my fitting is, what I look like. I am not in pain but until I get the permission from everyone that I am healthy in my CB 3000. I am alright and keep going forever and ever. I don't want to push myself into unknown territory without a good report from everyone. Maybe I'll get lucky when the 7 days are up and "heal" up.


For now I still haven't tried any other lube. I got a big tube of this moisturizer and want to use it up. I haven't had any trouble with it and who knows maybe it'll be my "perfect" lube for my skin type.




OMG OMG OM GOMG OMGGGGGGGGGGG
RAZOR BURN

I shaved my legs for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.

To shave my leg hair which is fully grown. My parents were home so I couldn't spend all day in the bathtub. Taking the razor I use on my face. Then changed the disposable blade then while in my room. Took an empty bowel from downstairs a large bowel to fill with warm water.--- My razor and razor cream I'll mention at the end.----

So the hair on my legs are long, really really long. With a stroke of light pressure it didn't cut anything off of me. Like mowing a lawn with a pair of scissors. That just won't work.

I had to literally grid the razor blade down with full force on my leg to cut the hair off. Then use the big bowel of warm water to rinse off the blade. It would fill with hair so fast, so with a little water on my hand I'd put on my leg for a little bit of a slide with the shaving cream but it still didn't do much. Learning to grid the razor into my leg up and down, well after a couple times of doing it. I felt a sharp pain!!

Though when I looked there was finally fresh skin, no more hair. But I went to rinse off the blade again, apply more shaving cream. The water gets dark and cloudy with so much hair and shaving cream too. The blade felt hot! The blade would heat up of the constant hard, hard pressure and moving fast up and down my leg to get it hairless.

I never knew a blade would heat up on me. I started shaving form my thigh then down though when the hair just got so much thicker. I went down from my ankle up to try cutting it off the bottom up. It took time, alot of time. There was cuts and razor burn. I'm still learning how to shave my legs so I won't razor burn.

I did cut myself. It isn't pretty looking. I guess this is alot of respect for girls who shave their legs all the time. It must be alot of work not to cut yourself, then a silky smooth leg. Which i do not have ;_;

In the shower trying to shave my legs quickly. Well the fog of the shower steamed up the bathroom and my glasses were all foggy. Still trying to shave to act like the girls in the movies >.> I cut myself even more and didn't turn out so well.

Razor burn hurts, not only looks horrible but feels like an itchy, burning all the time. I guess hairlessness comes at a price. I do always get razor burn when I shave my pubic area too. It's not that I can't take pain but I do get jealous of the people who shave there pubic area like every other day. With NO RAZOR BURN and BEAUTIFUL looking skin. I mean cmon, I been shaving since like 15 years old and I always burned down there.

I use no lotion on my legs afterwards and I am still wondering if razor burn will always be apart of my life. Waxing costs so much money it would literally make me have to work at my job more. When I still have to go to college. Working just for waxing I don't know . Doesn't sound like a good idea to me so I go with the cheap burning way to remove my hair. God it hurts so much.

a final note I HATE RAZOR BURN AHHHHHHH!1 ;_;