For me at least, the true point is control. Specifically, the loss of control once the device is locked in place. The knowledge that at the most intimate level I am now under the control of another for an indefinate period is the major attraction. The knowledge that, like it or not my behaviours, attitudes, desires & needs will change as denial takes hold. I know this will happen. I fight against it but I know it's futile and that turns me on. Nothing else involves the same sort of long term control. Knowing that I will soon crave orgasms that I cannot have. Knowing that I'll endure the frustration, the discomfort, the desperation and that I will soon grow to accept, even desire them is arousing. Feeling the reawakening of suppressed desires, the lifting of taboos, the acceptance of thing that I otherwise wouldn't accept. Waiting for that first milking, tied, helpless, chaste and scared. Scared not of what She will do but scared because I know I will enjoy it. Scared because it marks the turning point. That stage where acceptance becomes desire.... Standing bent over the table, waiting for Her first thrust. Feeling the table dig in to my thighs as She takes me. Knowing my knees will buckle as she forces my orgasm from me, taking the last shred of self control away. Surrender. Desiring, wanting, needing chastity.... That's the point..for me at least.
Like to OP, I also have experienced a new mind set submitting to things i was so against and sometime looking forward to them. My wife now has control and uses it to her advantage when we are out of our daily "normal" live. We still make joint decisions on household, business, and finances, there is a balance we maintain for our life objectives. Both of us get clouded by events when making large decisions and the other may talk sense while cooler heads prevail. That does not follow into our kink life, she controls my cock and what pleasures I get. There was a time when sitting in the hot tub ended with her bent over the side holding her hip while I plowed her. Now she can sit in my lap for the hour and receive all the attention she desires without having to satisfy me. I'm now more responsive with her playing with my ass, I always enjoyed a finger in my ass while she blew me, I would explode with some of the most intense orgasms ever. Now I feel her in there making me crazy and all i get is some flow without an orgasm. Pegging was something tolerated during our BDSM phase, now I look forward to her pounding me to release her stress and anger from the day. She now has made me a better lover, in days past I would rush thru her pleasure to get my cock in her and pound until I came. Now I will spend all the time in the world kissing her lips and neck before slowly working my was down and give her orgasms until she pushes my head away. Doing all this knowing if the calendar isn't circled I will be be released. Serving her and her GF drinks in snack and only being able to watch them pleasure each other while I stand there with my cage on waiting patiently for them to ask me to fetch something else. Then there is the time I am finally unlocked and getting pleasure from her and thanking her for allowing me those moments.
Willingly giving up control of your most personal, physical attribute is the major attraction of chastity for me too. It is something i'd really like to experience in complete terms. Of course, surrendering that freedom would likely involve surrendering in other ways as well, putting someone else's needs and wants above yours, and recognizing to some degree their superiority over you. Both physical and mental bondage.
What a beautifully written set of texts from Guys that are able to put down what probably millions of guys would love to experience for real. The understanding of their Wives or partners, which enables them to go through this experience is incredible. Well done to you and let's hope others can now reach into their own minds and put down their own special thoughts.
Very nicely said. same for me, giving up control is the buzz about chastity, along with the submissive feeling of serving her needs rather than mine.
I wholeheartedly agree with what has been said above, in some very well-written posts. As most men on this site are of the submissive persuasion, it is not surprising that we understand why we feel this way, without the need for any explanation. The difficulty many of us have is explaining why we feel the way we do to our partners, then getting them onboard and taking the control we want them to have over us. It must seem like madness to want to have your bits locked in a chastity cage, with someone else in total control. This isn't the first time in my life that I have doubted my sanity !!
Very well said, my kh/wife thinks she is being cruel if she cums and I dont. I have tried to explain but she does not get it, wait till I request 6 months of total denial.
For us chastity his all about control to, it is madam having total control of me, and also about me showing complete submission to her, and displaying her ownership of me. And she enjoys the humiliation of it as well.
The real reason: it arouses me and contributes to my physical and mental well being, and most importantly it is gratifying for my Wife. The play/kink reason: I was a chronically masturbating submissive slut that deserved to be locked in chastity in order to become - and grow as - a devoted slave-husband. In sum: we like it
In my partner's case, she has had a whole lifetime of relationships with men (and there have been quite a lot) and to please them sexually, all she has ever needed to do is make them cum to make them happy...... simples !! And the more often she made them cum, the happier her men were. In fact, she derives a great deal of her own personal sexual satisfaction from her ability to make her man cum. So it is no wonder that anything else seems very alien to her and it's not surprising that she doesn't quite get it. I am the first submissive man she has ever been in a relationship with and, to be fair to her, she has come a long way in a fairly short time, since I confessed my submissive needs to her. She isn't naturally dominant in nature, but she has been very open-minded and accepting of me and I am very grateful for that. We are getting closer to a point where she is happy to give me the control I need, but I do understand that, at some point, I have to be happy with what she is prepared to do and accept that as being as good as it gets, without pushing for more and risking giving her the feeling that she can never make me happy. Submission is like a drug to me and no matter how much I get, I always seem want to take it further and deeper. I have to reign that in and be happy with her level of control, wherever her level happens to be.
The point of a cage is control. There are a few divergent traits from there. A proactive person will use it to maximise his sexual pleasure during the time of release. He works towards that goal. He might be a self-KH or may have a partner. He enjoys the power of controlling his masturbatory habits and focuses more on giving pleasure to his partner or themsleves as a whole. A submissive person sees it as a tool to deny him sexual pleasures. They prefer someone else to hold the key and they work towards not having sexual pleasure for as long as possible.
Because I want to love my wife better, respect her body more. I used her for sex for several years, getting really mad when she didnt give me what I wanted, I caused her pain for my pleasure, nothing serious but I got to know the look on her face that said "I'm not enjoying this one bit!" So now, I get the best pleasure every night because I can go to sleep knowing that she enjoyed our sexual activity, each night is good for her. She calls the shots, writes the script, and many nights its simply lights out.... I enjoy my throbbing penis over an orgasm at her expense.
The Point of Chastity: I think I always wanted my orgasms controlled, even before I had the words for it or any idea of the tools to make it work. As a kid, as soon as I'd learned of the existence of chastity belts from the middle ages I was hooked. But for half my life I couldn't get figure out how to make it work. When I'd express this interest to my extra vanilla 1st wife, who I shared this idea with in many different ways, I was shut down, over and over again. With my 2nd wife, I told her on the first night I met her that I wanted to be kept in chastity. She was not kinky in particular, but was ok to explore this. Turned out she had been rather mistreated by prior partners and felt a big loss of control around sex and her body. Months after we'd begun a long distance relationship, when I got my PA, and my first PA compatible device from Steelworxx and explained it to her and gave her the key, she was not sure how she felt about it. But I've seen a difference in her sense of agency and freedom to express herself sexually without fear or concern. I think it made her feel safer also in expressing her love and affection without concern that she'll be pressured into sex. While that was not something I ever did knowingly, it was her expectation, and part of her prior history. For me at least, I wanted to be free from making mistakes based on my unrestrained expression of desire, and also reassuring to my partner of my fidelity and trust in their love. The flip side of this is that by offering my partner my key I put all of the responsibility for initiating our sexual relationship in her hands, and in that way I'm submissive. When I'm locked, I'm always eager and ready. That's not the case if I'm allowed access to orgasms whenever I want. I want to be a good partner and be available and ready.