The Path I Walk

Hello Everyone,

I had been toying with starting a Journal page for my own benefit.

I am a private person but i feel when you put your thoughts out there it tends to keep one honest.

Please note this is My Mind, My Thoughts and My Ideas.

If you do not like or agree with what I have posted, thank you for visiting please exit on the left.

I would like positive feedback for some of my questions and ideas but if that is an unknown concept to you, again please exit to the left.

If you are expecting wild sex stories, you are going to be disappointed.

If you have read my bio you know why I am here at the Mansion.

I will be using this a way to work out the thoughts and feelings in my head.

Thank you for your time.

I really started have trouble lately when I cought COVID. I caught it December 16th. My whole family got it. They got better, I got worse.


I almost died. More on that fight for another time.

I am STILL feeling the effects today.
My memory is swiss cheese and I finally started tasting things last week.

What does this have to do with Chasitiy? Glad you asked.

This whole incident has changed me. I am a lot less tolerant of those being rude or impolite either to me or those around me. I also want to go deeper in my Chasitiy for my Wife. I want to explore the whole Chasitiy dynamic further. I want to understand more. I want to better myself. Become more than I am.

First topic,

Why does one being Submissive label one as weak?

I am not weak. I am not weak, not by any standard.

I submit to my Wife because she makes better decisions than I do. I am way too emotional about things. She understands money a lot better than I do. A lot better.

She controls my Orgasms because I cannot do it without help.

How does that make me weak?

I know where I am deficient and get help in those areas. That's not weakness, that's strength.

Just my thoughts.

What are yours?

Iso.

 

Thank you for the kind words.

I am glad our paths crossed and I was able to help both of you.

I am a bit down. The experience with COVID changed me. I almost died. I had to fight for each breath I took.

That experience changed me.

I guess I am searching and trying to understand the new me.

The whole realization that who I used to be no longer exists, has really bummed me out.

That is one of the reasons I started this Journal.

Hopefully it will help clear up some things for me.

Iso.

 

I agree.

Any Man can give a Woman his heart...but few Men are willing to give the one they Love their Everything.

To give the one you Love your Mind, your Body and your very Soul is the most complete form of Love that exists.

Iso.

 

So today, while sitting on the couch and looking at Facebook, I playfully turned to my Wife and said "You know that today is National Steak and Blow Job Day?"

She looked at me smiled and said "No I did not.." got up from the couch and left the room.

I continued to look at Facebook, my wife returns to the living room, throws a package of Hotdogs at me and places the vacuum cleaner in front of me and says "Happy Steak and Blow Job Day!"

I am still laughing about it!!

Iso.

 

I guess these entries will be sporadic.

I have been thinking a lot about energy.

When I refrain from masterbating, I feel a suge of energy. Like I have more energy to do things and not be so sleepy. While meditating I am able to move the energy from my groin and send it my body. I have tried to direct it to parts of my body that need healing. I cannot tell if it is working. I think I am so badly drained from fighting off COVID, that I need more time to heal. I still have aches and pains.

Which leads me to the other part, release.

After an orgasm, I feel great. At peace. But I also don't feel the pain. My aches are gone. My knees no longer hurt. I do not have to focus to clear my mind. This goes on for a day or two. It's like my orgasm is aspirin, stopping my pain.

Which leads me to be believe it is internal energy I am using.

(Sexual Energy???)

Keeping it inside gives one power and control. The ability to use that power to help give you energy to move and to function.

Releaseing the energy threw orgasm is a pain reliever. Using the energy to help quiet the pain signals going to the brain.

But is it blocking the pain signals to my brain or quieting my nervous system down?

Strange findings.

Iso.

 

Last night while I was sleeping. My Wife came to bed, started to cuddle me and woke me up. I work really early in the morning so I go to sleep before everyone.

Now normally I would try and make this lead to some love making, but for some reason I didn't. I just layed there being held, being loved. Then my wife rolled over and I turned and held Her. I touched her, caressed her, massaged her back and held her lovingly in my arms. I did not attempt to make it sexual, just loving.

She feel asleep first, to borrow a phrase from a friend, she melted into my arms.

I felt a peace at that moment. It is a feeling I have not felt for a long time.

When I woke, I felt different.

I think it was joy. Pure Joy. The Joy of knowing I am truly and deeply loved. It moved me to tears. I do not know why.

Could this be the new me reacting to this?

Perhaps I have reached a deeper level of love and intimacy?

I am absolutely perplexed as to why I felt the Joy I did. I am at a loss as to why it happened.

I enjoyed it and want to feel it again.

No, I need to feel it again.

What is happening with me?

Iso.

 

A Community. A Safe Place.

Yesterday, after an awful day, I was reminded what a safe place this is.

After my battle with COVID, my entire personality changed. I am a different person now. The old me died in December while I was in the Hospital.

One of the things that grounded me, after I regained most of my senses, was this place. A place where I don't have to hide my fetish/lifestyle and not get judged because of it.

It was something I could latch onto from my old life. A familiar place if you will.

Also the words of encouragement from the Members and their stories they told here, helped me feel normal, feel a little better.

For an example, when Missy got Hubby a model rocket for his birthday, I was reminded that it is the little joys in life that are important. To enjoy everything around you, always, no matter what is going on.

The old me always saw the Joy in the everyday little things. I had forgotten that. It took a toy rocket to bring that part of myself back.

So,
Thank You Everyone for the kind words, stories and the intimate looks into your lives. They have helped me grow.

Thank you Ms. LUCY for having such a safe place when we can gather and feel free to express ourselves.

Thank you Moderators for keeping this place running and honest.

Iso.

 

Chastity Cages

I decided to try out some Chastity devices.

The reason being after COVID almost killed me, my entire personality changed. One of the things that changed was my self-control. It is mostly gone.

Before we I could hold off on Masterbating, in my own. Now I can't. I just can't. It really pisses me off that I cannot halt my urges. I do not like being out of control like this.

I realized I need help in this area so a few clicks on Amazon and my first and second plastics Cages arrived.

I have made a list of all the positive things of using a plastic cage.
....
.....
....
....
....
yeah...they sucked.

Now I do realize that they were cheap knocks off but they were just not comfortable. No big deal, Amazon has a great return policy.

Next I tried a metal one that I thought would fit. And it's actually not bad. Infact it's kind of nice.

I found it comfortable and reassuring. It was like when I put it on and locked it, my masterbation urge was gone. It was like aspirin for my horneyness.

I did notice two problems though.

One, my testicles kept getting in the way when I move. Especially when bending over. That and I kept singing AC/DCs "Big Balls" song.

Two, sleeping in a cage. I woke up the first night with pain like I had never felt. The night time erection was no joke. I literally thought my erection would explode out the back of my spine.

Now I have been in Kenpo Karate since I was 7 (I am 46 now), I know what real pain is.

I've been hit so hard I did not know who I was for 2 days.

Kicked so hard I pissed blood for a week.

Broken more bones and torn more ligaments then I care to admit.

I am no stranger to pain and being uncomfortable.

But this..no no no no no no no no no no

This was another level.

I will not be wearing my cage to bed.

I have been wearing my cage when I am home from work and take it off before I shower before bed.

I kind of like it. No, I really do like it.

It has been helping with my urges and getting back into a better mindset.

My Wife thinks it's weird and will not hold my key. But let's me continue with it. I do put the key in Her bed side drawer. That gives me the Illusion of not being in control. I might get a kitchen safe, i might not. I have not decided yet.

But for now I will continue to wear it during the day and not when I am at work or sleeping.

I am still having mixed feeling about this.

Mainly it my Kenpo training. I have been taught that I need to be ready to fight and defend at any given time, a Chastity cage limits my movements. I am worried that should the time come to defend my family or myself, I will get hurt/killed because my cage will limit my movements in a fight.

It's an argument I keep having.
"I need to wear this, I like to wear this. This is helping me."
Then...
"But I need to be able to defend my wife and child."

I am not sure which argument is right.

I am curious to see where this path leads.

I guess I just have to keep walking.

Iso.

 

One thing I forgot to mention is that sometimes a Chastity Cage can make you aware of things that you were never aware of before.

For example, last week I was installing new lights in our kitchen and it hit me. "I am wearing metal around my penis, if I hit a live wire I am going to cook my weiner."

At first I laughed at this thought. Then I began to understand how much it would hurt. Then I started putting the parts together: electricy, metal Chasitiy device, covering my penis, pain, 20 foot ladder, fall, table, floor, splat.

I was sweating bullets the last half hour of instation.

It is rather funny to me now...it wasn't back then.

Iso.

 

Strange, I wore my Cage Tuesday and Wednesday and now I am at work wanting to wear my Cage.

Actually wishing I had it on.

Strange

Iso.