Being ignored making me depressed.

With respect, courtesy, consideration, gentleness to ALL Females.

That a good start; stop thinking about yourself

 

To be fair you are very young so you're probably a bit more "needy" than us older blokes. You might be locked up but everyday life still needs to go on you know in all its mundane ways! The best way is always to talk about any issues and try to find the happy middle ground. Chances are your partner is probably quite unaware of your concerns but will be happy to "oblige".

 

That's good. That means it's working. Your awareness has become much more acute and you're much more sensitive to sexual stimulation.

That's also good. It means you're 'in the role'. Your acceptance that she is the important one means your desired relationship has a solid foundation.

I too initially had this down feeling. While all the other things were happening, the lack of her making me the centre of attention was making me feel neglected too.
What I did was ask myself "Why is she doing this?"

I considered my options, and decided I could take one of two routes. I could react actively, and express my dissatisfaction to her, or I could react passively, and turn my perception of what was happening to something positive that I wanted.

I came to the conclusion that is was my position to accept anything that she wanted.
She was probably doing it to test me. Denial is a big part of chastity, by denying me attention and concentrating on herself I made myself believe she was testing me, by deliberately denying me.
It was my place to make her happy, to go along with however she wanted to treat me.

It was quite a transformation. As soon as I accepted that everything she did was deliberate, it made me want to stay subservient even more. That reinforced our positions. It took time, women [generally] take longer to process emotions, with time she did notice that I was more loving, did more to help, respected her 'personal space' when she was busy with other things.

It made our chastity relationship stronger, and all I had to change, was me.

 

Have you talked to her about your feelings?

Dispite the type of relationship you are in, you are still in a relationship.

The key to any type of relationship is communication.

Talk to her.

Iso.

 

I'm going to make a suggestion. It's just a suggestion, because every relationship is different, and you are going to have to figure yours out one way or another. Hopefully some of the ideas here help you.

When I get where you are, I write a letter to my wife. Not an email (unless I'm traveling or there's some other reason why it has to be typed). I get paper, and a pencil, and I write. And I write and I write and I write.

I explain how she makes me feel. How much I adore her. How much I love her. How I want to learn to be the best me that I can be for her. And I write and I write and I write.

I tell her what I'm going through. How much I am longing for her. How hungry I am for her. But I also tell her that I wouldn't have it any other way. That I'm sharing my struggles, but without expectation of anything in return. And I write and I write and I write.

I try to mix it up a bit each time when I write. Sometimes I write in the third person. Once I wrote her an operating manual for her new appliance (me), which she loved. I try to make her laugh. I so desperately need to make her smile and laugh. I put work into it. I think it over, as I write, how it will unfold to her. And I write and I write and I write.

I could go on, but it's not terribly important what I write to her. It's only important that you get inspired by one of the suggestions here in this discussion, and use it and mold it to your own relationship, so that you and she can work together on this thing called love.

The sad truth sometimes is that relationships are unbalanced. Relationships are NEVER balanced. If you think you're putting in 50%, the reality is you're probably putting in 20-30%. And sometimes you'll need to put in 100%, for a long period of time, and get nothing in return. And sometimes relationships die.

But the beautiful truth is just as simple, which is that relationships that are constantly and lovingly invested in, almost inevitably grow and bloom. If you want your relationship to grow and bloom, focus on investing your efforts towards that bloom. That harvest may be months or even years away, so don't expect to be seeing the fruits of your labor for some time. Set your expectations accordingly. Start planting and weeding and watering and fertilizing now.

Good luck.

 

I can completely relate to your feelings. My wife was in school from 2015 -2019 earning her masters in Speech Language Pathology. It was a really intense program and we were raising a toddler at that time too. Many times I felt forgotten about and even like a single parent as she had to lock herself away in her office for hours getting work done. We started chastity right about the same time she started school. There was a lot for me to learn about chastity and women in general as I found. If I could go back in time with what I know now I would have stopped myself from complaining about her seemingly lack of effort towards our FLR and chastity. She had so much going on and I was so excited about chastity i know I annoyed the shit out of her with it. When I felt like she wasn’t putting enough effort into our chastity relationship I would get upset and try and explain how I felt to her but it never came across right. I didn’t understand what she was truly going through in terms of stress and workload even though she was always busy for hours.

Anyway my point is that your main goal should be trying to support her as best as possible to help her get through graduates school. You need to understand that even when she has down time you have to appreciate her need for mental rest. Whenever my wife got a day off I was like “great!” Let’s have sex all day! The reality of the situation was that she didn’t want sex, she just wanted to relax and let her brain rest.

Do your best to be her obedient servant boy, pamper her and take care of her while she is going through this and she will reward greatly for your efforts. She will appreciate you making her a priority to get through what she needs to get through. There will be times you may feel locked and forgotten but remember what she is doing is for the greater good of your relationship and overall long term life together.

I wasn’t a terrible sub to my wife during that time by any means but I wrongfully stepped out of my place a few times when I should’ve been amping up my support for her. Just like any other relationship there will be speed bumps. However I still worked hard for her and she is grateful for all of my efforts as well and I have since been rewarded and continue to be rewarded.

Just be patient and do your best to make her feel loved and take care of her. She will be going through some stressful times with lots of work. Just be supportive and do what you can for her and she will make sure you’re taken care of when there’s time. And lastly, always communicate your feelings with each other and be understanding.

 

To a certain extent, that's just adult life. Relationships are a long game, and the sex can fluctuate depending on external factors and energy levels.

However, what you can do is have a non-intrusive routine that makes you feel seen and empowers her to get what she wants.

What works for us is:

1. We have a demerit counter (an old fashioned physical clicker counter, but you can get apps for this instead).
2. Every night at bedtime, I kneel on the floor and wait to be told to come to bed. I briefly report on the things I've done during the day, and Xena hands out demerits.
3. Usually Xena gets a foot rub.
4. When she's done, she tells me to come to bed, or reads while I kneel. Sometimes she turns the light off and I have to wait 15 mins before joining her.
5. The demerits translate to punishment as and when is convenient for Xena.

The big advantage of this system is that Xena can hand out punishments without going to any effort then and there, and without having to remember for later.

When later comes... well then the punishments make sense, and they also help her achieve her goals.

 

@GoodBoyID, you're still new at this. Listen to @bondinchas -- you need to accept that the whole point of chastity is that it's about what you're not getting, erections, a penis-focused relationship, attention. A wise woman here told me several years ago when I was new too, "Trust Her to tell you if you're not in Her thoughts. Her perceived ambivalence is a product of Her superiority. Embrace it and accept your anxiety as a byproduct of Her new status."

 

Being ignored...welcome to marriage in ten years.

 

Speaking from 15 years experience, thee most important thing for any couple doing chastity is that every time you wear the device, She wears the key (necklace, bracelet, etc.). It keeps you on each O/others' minds.

 

I did it with meditation and spiritual practice. I'm not a New Age guy. I'm very science. So I'm not talking about the magical side. More the self work stuff.

It's all about managing your ego. You're young. You're supposed to be bad at this. I was. The sooner you do this work the better you will feel. It will change your life for the better permanently.

It doesn't matter much which route you go. All traditions end up in the same place pretty much.

Your fetish is formulated as your needs should be met. But that's not a good mental place for a sub. You will always be unsatisfied if it is.

Get a meditation training app and get going. Do it everyday. You'll learn so much about yourself. Become powerful

 

I would tell her instantly about my feelings. If she ignores that, maybe I should reconsider her as my partner.

 

You just have to remind yourself that the feelings are temporary mood swings and that giving up on chastity during a down turn just isn't as satisfying as you think it will be. I would just let her know how you feel and could use a little encouragement or affection.

 

Comunication is key to any d/s relationship. Tell your Mistress that when you are locked and ignored it ruins the experience for you. This is suposed to be fun. It amazing how much a quick squeeze and a naughty whisper can put you firmly back in the zone.

 

I agree, talk to her. My madam will ignore at times as a punishment if I misbehave. It’s a very effective punishment!

 

It took me a looooooong time to figure out that getting my rocks off when -I- wanted was nowhere near as good as when the keyholder wanted to.

 

We started when I was in my mid 30's, so little older than you. My wife has some health issues that crop up from time to time and end up with periods where there are several weeks where I'm locked and ignored.

At first it was irritating, I get it. You're going out of your mind with horniness and your girlfriend doesn't seem to even notice. But I realized after a while that while my mind was on my penis almost constantly, hers was not.

So I echo everyone's note above - communication is key.

We've had discussions about this over the years. The key is to do it when both of you are calm, not angry, not worked up, etc. And we work it out.

One thing that does tend to work for us is she doesn't mind super much if when I'm getting really horny and she's not feeling up to it, I "entertain" myself. So long as I don't cum. Sometimes this means I hang out here, sometime its porn, sometimes is so far as a self-bondage session where she agrees to free me after a period of time (but so long as I don't expect any other activity from her). The key here is (a) I don't get the key to my cage, I stay locked the whole time (b) I don't do anything that'll make me cum*, and (c) unless absolutely needed she doesn't want to know about it. So things like self-bondage are rarer.

One of my favorite things to do at these times is to do some self-bondage with Lovense vibrators (this is based on a couple of notable bondage sessions she's run with me), where I tie myself down, attach a vibrator around the cage and one under the balls or under my bum and let them buzz away for several hours. The exact amount of time I leave up to her, it usually ends up 2-4 hours. Usually the session just ends with her unlocking me and telling me to make her dinner. Once and a while I'll get a special reward if she ends up feeling frisky.

Good luck!

* We've talked about anal play. I haven't cum from anal yet, but she says it's okay if I do.

 

I think you have got it wrong. A relationship is about 2 people and if you think it is all about her and your needs are not as important I think you will self destruct. I would put it out there about how you feel( and not in a sub or wimpy way) and give her a choice. Either she ups her game which might be hard being in school or you stop until she is ready to get her head in the game. YOur not married and as one of the posters said it only gets worse . Women love to use sex as a method of control and the unfair divorce laws just give them that much more leverage. You can be a sub and live your FLR but just make sure you set /discuss the rules and expectations and hold her to them.