Hi My fiance and I have been dipping in and out of FLR for the past year. I am a naturally submissive person but enjoy feeling powerful over him. We have a cage and I wear the key around my ankle. We often stop the FLR as I easily retreat to a submissive role when I am unsure of things. He found out and looked into FLR before speaking to me about it so he is already deep into it, I always worry I am not as advanced as he is or wants me to be. Does anyone have any advice on how to keep the momentum going? I'm still trying to figure what appropriate punishments I can use!
If you become verified there is a female only section where our women members will be able to give advice. Good luck
Good luck on your search and hope you get some answers here. Try chatting with some of the Mistresses here, they could help.
Well your willingness to participate is the biggest hurdle, so it seems you are ahead of the curve. Communication and reassurance go along way. This may be easier said than done, but just talking and demanding things instead of asking is a huge thing. Routines are great too. It sets expectations, and gives him an opportunity to serve without being told every day. Sexy texts are an easy way to keep the momentum going. Reminders like patting his cage, asking if he thinks he will earn out of that cage soon are easy too. Another is misc worship like telling him to rub your feet, run your bath and wash your hair. Some of the more advanced ones kinda depend on your mood. Feeling like some action? Have him get your toy for you and he watches as you get yourself off. Tell him to make sure it’s clean before putting it back and tell him good night. This kind of stuff falls mostly into the tease and denial spectrum and is mostly for him (although you are the only one cumming). Just know that whatever you do to keep it going, it doesn’t have to be elaborate or especially kinky. It just has to be an acknowledgment that you are still doing this, you’re still in charge, and he is not. Good luck
LesterBallard is quite right on that one. Posting here is a bit like asking a horse for riding advice. Any such question you have will be better answered there. Best of luck.
This is pretty common. From the sub's perspective, all he really needs to know is that you enjoy what You are doing. What that looks like is really up to You, as anyone who really lives this way knows that the majority of Femdom portrayals online is fictional nonsense. Just listen to Your inner Domme voice as much / frequently as You can and he will follow You to the ends of the Earth!
A good way to start chastity for both of your benefit is to get him to agree on a training period. 90 days (or whatever) that he is guaranteed to not be let out or orgasm. It helps you not feel guilty for denying him and he learns to serve without expectation of orgasm or penis pleasure. Hide the keys somewhere inconvenient but where you could get them in a few minutes. It makes getting them a hassle and gives you time to cool down if you get too excited. You may want to go a few months more with guaranteed lockdown times and release times so that he truly learns to have zero expectation of orgasm. Play fun games with 5% lidocaine numbing spray. Have him apply and cover with condom for 15 minutes then get him excited and tell him he has 30 minutes to masturbate if he wants an orgasm. He will drive himself mad trying but will fail.
While I acknowledge that many recommend 90 days to start, that won't work for many. I have never attempted longer than 30 days and we have been doing this for over a year. If we thought that 90 days was the only way to start we never would have made the attempt. So I would recommend discussing both of your goals and pick a length of time that works for you. Most of the 'starting out' stories I read here seem to start with a few hours and working to overnights before going to longer times. Good luck and have fun with it.
Of course it has to be a negotiated term. Maybe also specify unlock and play but no O but better make it hot!