Our Story

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Hubby&Missy, Jan 17, 2021.

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  1. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    Sit her down and tell her we need to talk. When would be a good time?

    Ask her to listen to you until you finish.

    When you do talk say exactly what you wrote. That is perfect. For someone who has a hard time figuring out what to say, you type it beautifuly.

    Instead of 'you need that special feeling', say 'WE need that special feeling'. You are in this together.

    It not just the communication between you it's having the courage to talk about it.

    Love her, hold her, squeeze her and let her know you that you will be by her side forever.

    The line "I love you more than I even love me.". That's good.

    She believes she is to blame.
    It's no ones fault.
    So stop with the blame.
    It does not help, it only hurts.
    Make sure she understands that it is NOT her fault.

    After you talk, then it's her turn. Do not interrupt, just listen.

    Then the two of you need to figure out where to go from here.

    If it will help have her read all the posts or even read them to her.

    You have both made great progress.

    The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

    Iso.

    P.S. You are welcome. If you both need anything, I am always available to chat or vent.
     
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  2. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    This is Missy and I only have a minute before we go out for supper. I just had to see if Hubby wrote anything.

    He found the words. But he doesn’t understand.. He is a wonderful lover. He is gentle and caring. It is not that he doesn’t reach my heart, it is that he cannot change my brain. I love him so much and my prayer is that someday I can be the woman he deserves. And now I’m crying so I am going to sit here till I stop before I go back to the living room.
     
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  3. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    Hi Missy!

    Tell him what is going on in your
    Head.

    Tell him your thoughts.
    If you cannot, then write them down and then give it to him to read.

    He wants to know what you are thinking. He wants to understand.

    You are correct, he cannot change your Brain, only YOU can do that.

    Enjoy dinner.
     
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  4. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    Saturday was a good day. After we kissed she just wiped her eyes and told me my clothes looked like I slept in them and I needed to change while she made breakfast. As I said, we didn’t talk about “us” at all. We just did stuff together. We went out for supper which we haven’t been able to do for a long time due to this damn COVID-19 thing. Then we watched her favorite romantic movie on our Amazon prime. She loves Ghost because it is very romantic and all the sex is pretty much implied.

    We went on up to bed early because I was really tired and I think she was emotionally drained. We didn’t have sex but I held her as close and tight as I could. The feeling of holding her has always been nice but somehow last night she relaxed and melted in my arms and it was very special. It was almost the feeling I get when I actually give her an orgasm. I felt a little like a better lover.

    So this morning when we woke up I held her and caressed her body but not in a sexual way and we talked about what we had to get done today and just kind of enjoyed lying next to each other for a while. But we still didn’t say anything important. I really don't know what to say or how to say it so I don't hurt her. Then she said, I put your key on the dresser when I made the bed. Go get it. I got the key and took off the cage and we made love. It was wonderful. Then I held her really tight for a long time and she started to cry. I told her I loved her and she shouldn’t be afraid. I was never going anywhere without her by my side. I said, “you never have to cry again.” She kissed me and said, “yes I do.” And she wonders why I don’t understand her. Didn’t somebody write a book once called Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars? That book must have been about us. Anyway we laid there together for a long while. I looked over at the clock at some point and realized there was no way we’re going to make it to church and when I said so Missy said that it was alright. God would forgive us this time. So we just laid there a while longer and finally Missy said we probably better get up if we are going to get anything done today.

    Missy is coming in to check on me.

    This is Missy. By the way, where did “Missy” come from? If he is Hubby why aren’t I “Wife.” I hope Missy wasn’t an old girlfriend. That would be awkward. LOL As soon as I came in Hubby got up and asked me to look at a couple responses by Iso. I did and he is very insightful. He was saying things I was just beginning to realize. I had actually come in to tell Hubby I thought we were turning a corner and needed to sit down this afternoon and talk about where we go from here. After reading Iso’s lists I realize we are not going to solve this puzzle in an afternoon. It is time for Hubby and me to try to actually talk to each other about our feelings instead of writing them down or worse, ignoring them. It will be hard because neither one of us is good at sharing our feelings. But it is something we have to do together, by ourselves. Nobody can do this for us. So, as of this moment I am banning us both from the computer for at least a week. No writing. No reading responses…nothing. Just talk to each other and not be afraid to say things that are hard. If you don’t hear from him for a while it will mean that we are still talking and that is a good thing. Everyone has been so supportive and Iso has given us some places to start. Thank you. I really believe we will make this work now.
     
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  5. anasyrma
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    anasyrma Long term member

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    It is very clear that you both love each other very much and I think it is never a bad thing to talk to each other and express your feelings. Please take the time to listen to each other and share everything you want to say. I am sure good things will come out of this. I find it difficult to talk to my wife about this.
     
  6. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    If you need anything, just send me a message.

    See you next week.

    Iso.
     
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  7. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    This is Missy (AKA the Wife)LOL. We have actually had a very productive time and are ready to post an update. Because we feel we made so much progress we decided at the last minute to do it as a new subject in the Journal area and call it “Light at the End of the Tunnel.”

    Before I leave this story behind though I have to say something personal. THANK YOU to all my imaginary friends. Hubby kept telling me this is a safe place for me to share my feelings. They don’t know me and I don’t know them. We will never see each other. When I came downstairs that Saturday I was still hurting a little. When I found him at the computer I knew what he was doing and I was a little angry. I went in and demanded to see what he was writing. After reading it I knew I had to tell him how I felt but there was no way I could say it to him directly. How do you tell the man you love you hate how you feel when you have sex with him and you can only do it because of some artificial control you have over him. And how do you tell him you can never be the woman he needs. And at the same time you need to tell him that you love him but it is only when he holds you and tells you he loves you that it makes it all okay. As I sat looking at the screen I was already teary eyed but then I recalled how Hubby described this site and I thought this is like my imaginary friend. I can tell HER anything.. So I started to write. I looked up at Hubby for a second after the first couple of words and saw he was afraid but he wasn’t half as scared as I was. From then on my eyes never left the screen. I knew he was looking over my shoulder but I had to just concentrate on talking to my imaginary friend. I said it all and by the time I finished my tears were so bad I could barely see the screen. I posted it and still couldn’t look up for a long time. When I did Hubby was crying too and he never cries. I was afraid I had just ended our marriage. I stood up to kiss him and he put his arms around me so tight and kissed me so hard and so long. All at once I knew he still loved me and it was going to be alright. If it hadn’t been for this safe haven I would never have had the courage to say what I said and if I hadn’t that actually might have been the end of our marriage. So thank you again my imaginary friends.
     
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  8. StubHub
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    StubHub Long term member

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    Best wishes. You're always welcome.
     
  9. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    You are more than welcome.

    I am happy that things are moving in the right direction.

    Iso.
     
  10. Mauiperson
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    Mauiperson Long term member

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    Sex doesn't make a marriage but it sure can screw one up.
     
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  11. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    I feel I have to add something to my final comment here. I don’t want any of you to feel like I think you are less than what you are. I realize you people are not really imaginary. But I actually did have an imaginary friend growing up that I talked to when I needed to vent or cry. It was a stuffed bear daddy won for me at the fair. He let me pick out the one I wanted and I chose the one with pink paws and a little pink face. I never gave her a name, I just called her Bear.

    When I was still 12 I started to turn into a woman with the breasts and the period. My mother gave me the talk and made sure I understood the implications of sex. She also made me realize that girls now-a-days are more promiscuous and only want to talk about boys and sex. My sister fell in with that crowd and ended up pregnant and it ruined her life. She wanted me to avoid those kind of “friends” and she needed to meet any friends I wanted to hang out with. She was right because most of the girls did spend all their time talking about that stuff. The boys would either hit on me or tell jokes about my breasts because mine were a little bigger than most of the girls or worse even touch them “accidentally”. I didn’t have any real friends in middle school and so I used to talk to Bear when I had a problem or was unhappy. I talked to Bear a lot because I couldn’t talk to anyone else about some things and it helped. Bear never judged me, she just listened. When I got to high school there were two girls that were more like me and we became friends and I didn’t talk to Bear as often.

    A couple years ago we went home to my parents for Christmas and we stayed in my old room. Bear was still there on the closet shelf where I left her years ago. I remembered how she got me though some hard times and I even talked to her once while we were there when I was alone in the room. I actually wanted to bring her back with me but she is too big (about 2 feet tall) to fit in a suitcase and I didn’t want to look childish or silly so I left her in the closet.

    There are days I wish I had her. Don’t get me wrong. Hubby listens to my troubles and he hugs me but there are some things that are hard to say to him and he also wants to “fix it” after I tell him my problems. Bear just listens and lets me hug her.
     
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  12. NsToy
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    NsToy Long term member

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    That ‘fix it’ attitude is hard for males to stop. We aren’t typically built to just listen and not to want to provide a solution. He will learn in time. Sometimes you just have to tell him “I need you to listen and not try and help.”
     
  13. StubHub
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    StubHub Long term member

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    Let him read this or tell him . He can be your bear, tell him to just listen and give hugs when you want one. Communication is your key to working it out.
     
  14. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    My bear was red and white and called teddy
     
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  15. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    I got home from work today and there was a large box on the table for me from daddy. I opened it up and I broke out in tears. It was Bear. There was a note pinned to her from daddy that said, “Charlie asked me to send you this. I love you honeybunch. Take good care of yourself.” It had a PS that said, “your mother does not need to know about this.”

    I picked her up and hugged her and looked at Hubby. He said after he read my little story about the bear he called my father and told him he just learned how much she liked that old bear. He told him work was stressful under covid and he thought if I had my old Teddy bear it would help relieve the stress. I didn’t know Hubby knew about Bear because I didn’t think he looks at the old blog anymore and he didn’t say anything. Then Hubby asked me if I knew that my father knew I used to talk to the bear late at night. I cried even more when Hubby told me daddy knew about my talks with Bear. Daddy never said anything to me. I just went over to Hubby and we had a three-way hug. Hubby may not understand me but he sure does love me.

    Bear doesn’t have to live in a closet any more. Now she can live on my dresser watching over me every night. Hubby says supper is ready so I better go eat.
     
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  16. StubHub
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    StubHub Long term member

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    Very happy for you. I am sure bear will watch over you and your adventures.
     
  17. NsToy
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    NsToy Long term member

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    What an awesome thing for him to do!
     
  18. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    I have a stuffed Underdog that sits next to me on my Nightstand. He reminds me to never quit.

    Iso.
     
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