I’ve been meaning to contribute this to the Mansion for a few weeks now. I’ve been reflecting quite a bit on how chastity has evolved for me, and I thought I’d share my experience. But since my wife just had me put on may cage again after a several week break, it’s on my mind so a good time to put my thoughts to text. For new readers, you should know that I’ve posted a couple of times in the past about how chastity and crossdressing have been mutually exclusive for me. In brief, being caged focused my mind and fantasies on my penis and the idea of being caged and denied was very erotic to me. But when I dress, I tend towards “bi -gender” as a good description. My penis isn’t on my mind at all, really, and my goal is to be, act, and be perceived and treated as a woman. It’s actually not very sexual for me. Dressing in itself, for example, does not arouse me even though the simple pleasure of slipping into a lovely pair of heels delights me. So you can probably see how conflicted I was between chastity and dressing. I couldn’t make them both work for me since when I was caged I was in male mode, and I couldn’t make the mental leap to my femme self. My KH is my wife, and we are very comfortable discussing things. About 2-3 months ago we had one of those enlightening discussions that has really changed my outlook. In my mind for the better, and my wife agrees. I do not recall every detail, but I was caged and must have been overly amorous. The topic came up, and my wife basically said that she didn’t like how I acted when I was caged. She much preferred the gentler, more romantic side of our sex life, and she was put off by my sexual neediness when caged. Well that really took me back for a minute, but as I thought about it and reflected, I immediately realized she was right. I was not being the husband she is attracted to and aroused by. I was, I realized for the first time, “topping from the bottom”. I pondered that for the rest of the evening, and into the next day. And as I reflected on who I was and what I wanted to be, I hit on a short phrase that has become my mantra in this situation and has made a huge difference. “It is a cage, not a vibrator.” When I shared that phrase with my wife, she immediately agreed and said that’s how she wants it to be, and glad I came up with that on my own. What a huge difference that has made. Being locked post that realization has been soooooo much better for both of us. I no longer top from the bottom. I simply accept that I have no useful cock when caged, and no keys to access it. With my release and erection solely at her discretion, it’s just easier to act as if I have no penis and simply not worry about it. My physical affections are more sensual, more gentle, and without any overtone of “okay, can we go fuck now”, which she much prefers. And I’m happy say it also resolves the conflict I had with dressing. Since it is now a caged non-cock, I find myself easily able to dress and be femme. The only complication is the physical nature of the cage itself, not the mental limitations I placed on myself. I will add that since this still a work in progress, I still have to remind my self of the mantra and even say it out loud to myself or my wife to remind me of my goal. I remember back in December I was caged, and it was about the three week point, and my wife was occupied heavily with holiday and work stuff, and I actually started to resent the cage one day. I remember sitting on the couch, kind of angry that I was caged, but not the focus of her attention, and as much as I wanted sex, couldn’t even touch myself much less ask her for the key. It then I reminded myself.....”it’s a CAGE.” And as I reminded myself of that, and how much happier I had been the past few weeks, and how happy and content she was in that simple fact of having total control over my erections my frustration faded and my resentment dissipated to be replaced with contentment and peace. I like this new found chastity perspective and am so very glad she said what she did that day. take care all, Barb
Thank you for sharing your experience. I find your evolution very interesting and I am sure that that "mantra" can help other people too!
Your revelations suggest that you've moved onto another phase, perhaps a higher plane of chastity play. Seems you've accepted how the cage has redefined your interactions with your wife - KH and that she seems to ike this new persepective. To me a vey positive change that I hope continues to provide you with what you seek.
It's "not a vibrator"? Oh darn, no wonder I couldn't find the on switch! Seriously though Barb, I'm glad that you have found that happy intersection. It's great to have everything in balance. I second the "thanks for sharing", a very interesting reflection.
Have you ever tried a belt? It’s so different because instead of emphasizing your penis and testicles, it puts them out of sight and mind because you get so little sensation. Also, it’s so much easier to sleep in.