She is your wife...

My wife having interest in pegging me

 

Her stepping up and buying cages for me at Xmas to restart chastity in our 39 year marriage. Her unusual moves since beginning.

 

Was that something she was holding on to for a long time and just didn’t want to say anything or is it something new?

 

L-U-C-Y had posted a video on another site about covid-19 response and she discussed transactional analysis. An interesting topic if you want to look in to it. It is about how communicating on the same level is necessary for functioning relationships and the establishment of trust. How our three egos (child, adult, and parent) hardwire how we interact with others and when you are not speaking to each other on the same level adult to adult, child to child, parent to parent, these types of dynamics play out.

 

Not sure on that front mainly she likes the control and dominance it brings. Like she said I have become the women of the relationship. She is in total control. I think my caged life will really change once I get the PA. After it heals my cage will never come off. She is still shy to the aspect in public far as her being lead but the confidence is growing.

 

It's an attempt for her to rebuild trust in letting me get close to her. She does not think I can be close without expecting something in return.

I am detailing the journey in my journal Vanilla to Owner. Right now I am in a two week quest to keep us in our king bed instead of switching to separate twin beds. Next Monday is verdict day.

 

You still think next week for PA or longer?

 

What is somewhat bothersome answering the “how do I” questions about their spouse, is they already know the answer. They just don’t want to do it, and want to find a way to get what they want without actually having that talk. Maybe from fear of the response, embarrassment, or shame,

“How do I get my wife to be my keyholder?” Umm ask her. Everyone knows that. “I don’t want to actually talk to her about my kinks, how should I get her to do kinky stuff without actually talking to her” is what they are really asking.

One of my favorites was someone asking what sex toy to buy his wife. So the members here, that know nothing about her vagina, likes and dislikes, can help pick a toy out for her...her vajayjay doesn’t get a vote I guess.

It’s not easy to have an open candid conversation about sex, but if someone can’t do that, how do they expect to participate in all the kink.

 

It is understandably difficult to discuss kink related stuff though. Maybe people are afraid of some kind of domino effect. That she will tell people in your circle. Maybe a friend, coworker, or family and then people will talk about you being a “pervert” even though you were just trying to discuss something openly.

 

For me she has stepped forward restarting the use of chastity in our relationship. This came after multiple serious discussions of where we are 39 years and counting. Following her lead on how to progress on this journey.

Her lead of a one week suprise quest that became the next 2 week challenge. Come Monday she make her decision about our sleeping arrangements and what's next.

The I in this is me . I am trying to fulfill what ever she needs to trust me getting close again. We need to find ourselves again. Her taking action to help us find the path.

We are a couple not for sex. for us.

 

Our great awakening came a few years ago. We had dabbled in sex toys a bit, but nothing beyond an entry level type vibrator and sex was very much routine. After a bit more red wine one evening than most medical practitioners recommend, we had quite a hot steamy session. In the afterglow of this we started to talk about our sex life and I opened up about wanting to release my "inner pervert" and really expand on our sex life.

Even though we are now pretty open, it was still quite a shock at the hint of a chastity device, moreso when one appeared. She is accepting of it for now, it comes and goes just how involved in orgasm denial she is. Last time i was locked up for about 2 weeks when she asked if I was desperate to be released. I said yes and no, yes because I wanted an orgasm, no because I was enjoying being horny. She extended the lockup for about 4 more days, eventually wanting PIV.

Yes, the chastity thing is probably more me than her, but if she was to go with a hard yes, lockup, or a hard no, throw it all away, then I'd go along with her wishes. For now, its her pace and inclination as to any chastity "play"

 

Right now she has lead position and I follow her lead. Trying to quickly follow any requests or directives she throws out.

Do not know where we will end up. But my failing her is going to be issue.

 

Yes I hope so

 

Hope the correct gauge parts show up.

 

A lifetime of hiding things that fascinate us and societal/relational oppression makes it a hard habit to break for some.

 

Yes it is hard sometimes to be open and communicate, but it doesn’t really change the fact that it HAS to happen to do this stuff. It reminds me of people asking how to lose weight. When they are told that changing diet and healthy exercise is what works...ummm what else ya got.

 

I don’t disagree with that at all. I’m fortunate enough to be in a relationship where I can share anything I want. With my ex of 18 years, I had to hide every aspect of my kinks. It never bled over into dishonesty in any other aspect of our relationship, but I could see how trivially easy it would be to go from hiding one thing to lying about many.

 

Hmm, there's also fear. Well founded fears.

When my wife was still a girlfriend i attempted to be honest, fully honest, about my habits as i understood them at the time. Before marriage we wrote down the things that we wanted the other to know and i duly wrote down all that i wanted her to know.

Years later i tried to bring some of this up and she was incredibly angry at my duplicity. She claimed i was no longer the man she married. Eventually, when she checked, she reluctantly agreed i had been honest but that i had been unrealistic in assuming she would take it in. Had she done so, she said, we would never have dated, let alone married.

Thus communication, for me, always carried the risk of ending the marriage. Which, i suppose, it did.

TL;Dr: it's all very well saying communicate, but some people don't actually want to.

 

It is a difficult and challenging process to communicate.

 

I and others on this site have had it go badly when we've been honest with our wife. As many others have described well in their responses, open communication on this topic is far simpler to say than to do.

 

Swiss Cheese. Like it

 

Thank you both for highlighting this. I don't know L a fraction as much as I should. I'm going to start with some of these

https://www.oprahmag.com/life/relationships-love/a34453058/questions-for-couples/

 

I am a recovering male chauvinist. Learning more about myself every day.

 

I agree. Many of us get married before we really even know ourselves. I know I did. Twice.