How to express interest in FLR/Keyholder in a Dating App without making someone run a mile ?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by kajiruspet, Dec 17, 2020.

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  1. kajiruspet
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    kajiruspet Active member

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    I wonder if I might seek some help please, in how to bring up interest in FLR, femdom and a Keyholder in a dating App, so as not to send someone running a mile?

    Currently, I have drafted the following:

    First and foremost, a man looking for his Goddess. With that fun, friendship, femdom frolics and if we click an FLR and all the aspects of such a dynamic, that will please and amuse you, so you get what makes you happy and never have to do another menial chore in your life :)
    On the non-subby side of things I enjoy great coffee, football, reading, sci fi, time with friends, beer, cooking, travelling, exploring, walking, tennis, squash, cards, music, gigs, eating out and hopefully lots of things I haven't tried yet!
     
  2. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    I'll be honest, that would send me running. It's just too intense. You're trying to start at warp speed. You have to go slow with kink, test boundaries, confirm assumptions, check compatibility.

    Good luck
     
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  3. Charles3451
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    Charles3451 Long term member

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    If you are looking for that kind of relationship a normal dating site wouldn't be much help in my opinion. Maybe try a more specialised site like alt.com
     
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  4. LukeVallentine
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    LukeVallentine Long term member

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    Or FetLife.
     
  5. MissyB
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    MissyB Long term member

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    I agree, the ad doesn't quite match up to the site. If you want to use a general dating app, go softer on the sub - dom relationship. As it is, doubtful you'll get a response. But you can go with it on a more kink/fetish site as suggested. Good luck and enjoy.
     
  6. winstonmacgregor
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    winstonmacgregor Long term member

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    Maybe just write a profile minus all of the femdom type stuff and look for a woman with a dominant personality to engage with. Maybe a woman who has a type a personality or an occupation where she needs to be assertive. Manager, lawyer, business owner.
     
  7. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    I'm with others. Tone it down. You can certainly drop one or two 'code' words like you are looking for a "powerful", "independent", or "dominant" woman but I'd leave it at that.
     
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  8. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    "Looking for a strong, independent woman" is about as much as you can say in a vanilla dating site. Anything more will be weird to most.

    If FLR is absolutely necessary for you, you should keep your search on fetish related dating sites. Then you can be more descriptive about what you really want. Even so, you need to spend more effort selling yourself rather than listing what you wish to find.
     
  9. kajiruspet
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    kajiruspet Active member

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    thank you for the tips / feedback - much appreciated
     
  10. Kiesela
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    Kiesela Long term member

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    Say that you're interested in a woman who would want to lead the relationship.

    That way you will stand a chance of singling out someone who already understands this concept.
     
  11. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Long term member

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    Maybe yes, and no as well.

    I really wouldn't use someone's profession as a good guide on where they fit on the dominant-submissive scale in the bedroom. It can be surprising just how many people switch roles between work and play.
    At work they can be in a junior role and be completely dominant in the bedroom, or equally a dominant manager at work and completely submissive at home.

    Switching like that can provide a welcome break when home from the stresses of work, either being dominated more than they're really comfortable with, or having to show dominance that isn't really in their character. We work where we do often because we have to and that's where life has dealt our cards, whereas your true character has the opportunity to express itself in the bedroom.
     
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  12. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Long term member

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    Yes, you could express the qualities you're looking for without it sounding sexual or kinky.

    looking for a ... good decision maker, ... someone who's decisive... someone who knows what they want,..
     
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  13. Kiesela
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    Kiesela Long term member

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    If you make the right signals, you'll attract dominant women like ants to a sugar bowl.
     
  14. MrFlashKat
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    MrFlashKat Active member

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    Ok Cupid is kink friendly and that profile text wouldn't look amiss thereat all.

    Personally I'd lose the goddess bit, but apart from that I think it's pretty good
     
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  15. Mojoman
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    Mojoman Long term member

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    #15 Mojoman, Dec 22, 2020
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2020
    Just my observation, but what you have written comes across as a bit "me-me-me". How about making it a bit more about them? e.g.:-

    "Are you looking for fun, friendship and love? Are you strong, independent and free-spirited? Are you looking for a man who likes all the normal things, but whose outlook on life is a bit different to most other guys? If you have three yes's, you could be my ideal woman. Would you like to find out?"

    If you're using mainstream dating apps, you only need a subtle hint. You can explain more around the third or fourth date, but I wouldn't mention it sooner. In my experience, most women are open to a bit of kink, but would prefer to get a relationship established first, otherwise it seems as if you are only interested in sex.

    If you're using a more kink-orientated app, then I think you can be more explicit, as any woman there would be looking for a guy who is open to a bit of kink.
     
  16. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Long term member

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    Maybe just start off by saying you are looking for someone who is assertive, confident, and knows what she wants from her partner.
     
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  17. Guest 8927
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    Guest 8927 Long term member

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    My Goddess and I met (vanilla, at that time) on a dating site, and in my profile I explained that my likes were kinky sex, Gin, and cheesecake. I am sure tons of women (I didn't say I was trans either) passed right by.

    But, what good would it be if they didn't read that, couldn't handle it, and I ended up wasting my time bothering with someone who couldn't even handle the words "kinky sex"? (which, in my case, barely scratches the surface)

    I think you have the right idea, but maybe a bit too intense an opening. If it were me, I might indicate an interest in kink to some degree, but let that be the smallest part of the equation that is you. You seem to have some great qualities and maybe just need an open mind, intelligent, alpha personality female to introduce it to. Good luck.

    If you don't try, you won't find it. Be bold, without coming off as creepy. Sometimes women are Dominant but don't realize it, and don't think to find someone submissive right off the hop. It can take some time to draw it out of them.
     
  18. jlovescuck
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    jlovescuck Active member

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    after being married over thirty years to my mistress,cuckoldress, dom, ah shit whatever else you can think of, i have learned at least one thing. that being that this is on their terms. what i read from your draft is what you want on your terms.
    in my humble opinion it is best to find someone with whom you can communicate well with. after all, without that relationships die off rather quickly. seen it many times. remember, one day all you'll have is memories of the sex you had. nothing better than sharing it with someone equally vested in the relationship. of course this is only my thoughts. YMMV
     
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  19. horse
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    From the other side of this, I noticed that a number of submissive women on vanilla dating sites would list their 'favourite film' as something like Secretary (2002).
    Which is fairly unambiguous without flag waving wantonness to the less subtle reader.

    Maybe putting down Morticia Adams as a favourite role, "Don't torture yourself, Gomez. That's my job."
    or list off all the current "strong women" characters coming out of Hollywood like Brie Larson as Captain Marvel
     
  20. kajiruspet
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    kajiruspet Active member

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    nice idea - thank you
     
  21. O2beyoursub
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    O2beyoursub Member

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    I’m just out of vanillaish relationship and thinking about venturing into the online dating world again. This time with a potential FLR in mind. As far as a non mainstream site, which might be better,
    Adultfriendfinder or alt.com? I tried the latter a few years ago and found it a bit on the extreme side.
     
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  22. madams-sissysub
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    juat what I was going to say!
     
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  23. winstonmacgregor
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    winstonmacgregor Long term member

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    You could also create a situation where there is a power dynamic and see how she responds if you meet someone or talk to them. Maybe get to know an interest of hers and then engage in that interest with her in a passive/submissive way while letting her know that you admire her expertise. Gauge if she gets excited or energized from that
     
  24. Chris_S
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    Chris_S Be careful what you wish for!

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    I googled kinky definition:
    "involving or given to unusual sexual behaviour."

    So by definition, if it is usual behaviour it ceases to be kinky.

    I recently found this article in a major UK newspaper:
    https://www.theguardian.com/lifeand...fe-in-sex-the-man-who-wears-a-chastity-device

    So if it is going mainstream, I would question that you are not into "kinky" sex but normal, usual, common-behaviour sex. Gin is nasty but cheesecake is undisputed. Drifting into personal opinion now, but my point is that I believe you are perfectly normal.
     
  25. LadyMoon
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    This is my take on it too. I would rather be clear about what I'm looking for rather than spend a lot of time talking to people who aren't a good match.

    Just consider: Do you want to be posting in a year about "how do I tell my vanilla girlfriend that I'm into chastity"? I fear that's where you might end up if you try to find someone vanilla and "subtly" explain what you're hoping to find.

    However, I would suggest reversing the two sections of your ad, and lead with personal information and interests first. Show her that you're interesting and well-rounded, and then talk about how your ideal relationship would be one where your partner takes the lead -- and that you'll be happy to follow!

    ...because I have found this ^ to be true. Lots of women -- dominant women included -- want a certain level of trust and bonding before they'll think about any kind of dynamic. I've gotten so many men approach me who just talk about how much they want to serve me or worship me or be pegged by me or whatever, and it can end up feeling impersonal, like they are just looking for ANY domme who will talk to them. Personally, even when I know a man is submissive, I prefer connecting with him about TV shows or food or some other topic, and not have him push to immediately get into D/s.

    So, I think it's a balance of letting women know what you're looking for, but also making yourself sound like you would be a fun guy to grab a pint with!
     
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