Female KH looking for advice...

I like to point out that when I ask their thoughts or opinions it isn’t optional for them not to give them. I need information to make the best choice. I may choose to go with their advice or not. This helps with the feeling that you are doing all the decision making. Hint.... don’t always choose what they suggest.

 

Slow it down. Go at your own pace. Keep it fun. He needs to understand that if he’s giving over control, he’s giving over control!

 

Start slow and build up. Assign vanilla tasks: clean the house, meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, and clean up. Add more tasks as you both gain more confidence in your new roles.

 

We went to a lot of events prior to Covid. Afterwards I always wanted to know what they saw or heard or observed. They always seem to see and hear different things. Sometimes trivial but more often than not what they knew completed the picture for a bit of information that had come my way. Or shed a different light on something. They are an extension of me. I require their knowledge.

Now about the chastity..... lol. His orgasm is mine just like his knowledge. He may not want to have one but if I want it then his opinion is a mute point.

That’s the rules of this version of the game of life.

 

Thats exactly right in my opinion. Its nice to hear what they think, but as you say, it does not matter in the least.
Communication is better, it gets feelings and issues out in the open where they can be addressed. But at the end of the day, it should always be the Mistress that has the final say.

 

I'm glad to see you are getting some advice from experienced Dommes. There is a wealth of information here that should be very helpful. I can see how changing things from your conservative background would take time. The same with sharing tasks. So find your own pace, I bet you'll get more and more comfortable as you go along. Also the resistance from him, is sort of expected too. Even though he wants this lifestyle, the actual implementation can be a challenge. It is almost natural for him to try to lead, but don't let him get away with it. Once he realizes you are serious about accepting his submission, it will become easier in this new path. Good luck and enjoy.

 

Seems like a exciting journey you are on. As others said follow you pace and set your own rules. Just be firm and don't let him manipulate you into fulfilling his kinks. Communicate but let you be the one in charge with the final say listen my use his kinks to your advantage to get your will. If he don't do as told extend his chastity if he try manipulate you into anything just extend his chastity so he understand you are the one in control.

 

I suggest to move forward in small steps but also to be decided; you make a decision, discuss it with him, if you think his suggestions useful you will take them, but the important thing to make clear is that you make the final decision.

 

Take it slow and step by step and enjoy the ride

 

Have you given any thought to what you want your FLR to look like? You are to be commended for recognizing you are in a transition. It might help if you can articulate what you are transitioning to. Then, tell him. And, tell him again if necessary. In a variety of ways.

When you are able to formulate a vision, I think it is safe to say it will change over time as you both adjust. It will be easier if you both talk about your relationship regularly. We talk far more often than we did prior to our FLR.

He may reach a point, when he realizes he is no longer playing a role in his own fetish play - this is real, and she is in control. You might consider asking the women here, how to recognize when he has reached that point, and how to help him through it.

Thank you for your interesting post. I look forward to following you both.

 

My wife is a sahm and homeschooler. She does not see house chores as her job. So far she has mostly shifted laundry, vacuuming, and dishes onto me.

We make a fun weekly game with the laundry. I play the bratty sub who doesn't want to fold the laundry and she's the firm handed domme who finds ways to "motivate" me.

She also makes a weekly list of honey do's that I need to accomplish on the weekends in hopes of getting a reward.

 

I want to reiterate this. I suspect every man starts this journey with fantasies of how it will be, all tied to his particular kinks. But for it to work, for it to be genuine, you must decide what you want his submission to be and direct him to that. Make him conform to you, not the other way around. This means you'll need to figure out what you want, beyond "making him happy" and then guide him to that. Think of it this way a submissive's primary need to have someone he can submit to. Once you fulfill that need, everything else he gets or deos is at your discretion.

As for impatience, I share that failing with your husband. My wife has helped me tremendously in that regard by forcing me to wait. As his domme, you can train him to be what you want. If you want hiim to be patient find some things he wants then tell him that he must wait. That could be orgasms or playing a video game or watching a new series that just dropped. Pick a date and tell him he is not allowed that until then. Don't make it contingent. Just say your equivalent of "We are going to work on your patience. You will learn to wait on me and for me and we'll start with ____"

Over time he'll adjust his submission to be what you wanti it to be, incuding patiently waiting for you.

 

It’s perfectly fine to be a caretaker don’t think you should change that. You take care of your husband by keeping him locked up only change is that he don’t get needs met first yours is first always. This way his needs get fulfilled by serving you. Just be yourself it’s not a non-stop role it’s more to be firm when he tried get his will pushed around the corners with you. It’s natural you will experience some resistance from his part but since he wanted it the first place you take care of him this way by focusing on your needs.

 

Like all relationships, this requires good and honest communication. Guys always have some secrets they don't want anyone to know, but he will need to unload them on you, so don't be surprised when you hear some things you didn't want or need to hear.

 

Sometimes you might want to give some of that power back to him, but that is your decision on when to do it. Do what is comfortable for you and make sure everyone is honest and communicates their true feelings.

I am sure you are doing great, wish both of you the best.