Hey everyone, quick question, I have a huge desire to be in a female led relationship but wife wife has no interest. are there any low keys ways for her to be in control without me out right asking for it. The first thing i could think of was letting her be on top during sex, that gives me the feeling of her in control without me outright asking to be dominated, any other suggestions , however subtle would be appreciated.
Have nights where she orgasms and you do not. Present it as a game of sorts. i spend alot of time sitting on the floor massaging my Queens feet while She sits on the couch watching TV.
Ask and communicate... start getting a to-do list of things she wants... eventually she might be more open to giving you things you never thought she would want.
Conversationally start deferring to her wishes and choices. You decide dear, whatever you think is best, whatever you want my love. Eventually she may get used to getting her way and no longer seek your approval or consent. She may find making decisions empowering. This empowerment may fuel the beginning of an FLR.
That old saying, people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care...a good story is 90 percent showing and only 10 percent telling. If you want to serve your wife, don't wait for her permission. Do stuff. Dishes, floors, every menial task you can think of. Not because you expect anything in return, but because it's a good place to start. You'll need to have a talk with her, tell her where you stand. Ask if you can start with something simple. Maybe she could assign some chores for you to do. Show that you're serious. Get the done, and done well. Don't go out of your way to piss her off, but next time you're on the losing side of the fence, say "this would be a good time to have me go stand in that corner." Maybe she will, maybe she won't. Every journey needs a first step. If you make the first steps about her and not about you, it's as good a place to start as any.
Keep in mind that you've been having this way of life in your head for years, and you've kept it secret from your wife. It all depends how genuinely open, honest, and patient you can be. Plus, at the end of it all, maybe she's still put off by it. From a very practical perspective, the most fun / simplest path is tease and denial. No other kinks attached. She gets you all riled up (through whatever means she chooses from her orgasm, to just some rubbing over your slacks), you don't finish, you thank her profusely and do something around the house to show her how grateful you are. The link needs to be clear. Then, at a minimum, your wife will see it as a reasonable exchange (I tease him, he is appreciative, he does the dishes). If she won't consider teasings, there's no hope and you need to accept that.
Baby steps... When we started this journey, HE brought up some of his interest in this area to me after I had a lot of wine. I was willing to listen and learn. Granted we had been married 29 years at that time, and knew we needed a new little spark in this area. I would recommend you tell her your needs in adventuring into a deeper sex life. Don't go crazy asking for the moon or anything--see what she is willing to give. If it's just a ride on top- GREAT.. then proceed to see if she is open for more. Maybe ask if you can service her and do without sometimes to let her know she is the Queen, and her needs are before yours...--- ALWAYS. Then maybe share some ideas of the things you might want to try to introduce into the bedroom. Remember Porn sites aren't real life. Find little ways to empower her. Ask her what she wants. What makes her WANT you..TALK. Remember-- We don't know what we don't know. Be patient. See if she has any road blocks that are inhibiting her to "PLAY "in the bedroom arena. Then see where it goes from there..
I wrote a long response, then deleted it. If you are unable, or unwilling to have a chat about what turns you on with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with (with her in charge by the way), then this probably isn’t for you. Being led involves trust, you trust her to do what’s best, she trusts you to follow. Starting out by trying to manipulate her into it isn’t a good sign. Learn how to communicate, teach her how to communicate, start talking, and maybe the rest will follow.
That is so true. But not quite, when you ve been married for a long time in a kinkless relationship. That I suppose is why i suppose the underground king is looking for low key dominance so as to gradually get her into it... That may also have to be my own route with Madame Vanilla...
Having a conversation, where you control the narrative, going as slow and easy as you prefer IS the gradual way of getting her into it.
You say that she has no interest, but have you actually told her of your desire? It's unlikely that she'll jump straight into a full on FLR immediately, but she might indulge you with a bit of kinky play now and then. Why not ask her? It's not an unreasonable request. Most guys on this site have had the same dilemma of confessing to our partners about our kinky needs. There's no right way to tell her. You know her best. How about asking her if you could have a day that is totally dedicated to her pleasure. Buy her some flowers, take her out for a meal or maybe cook for her. Tell her that you are hers for the day and she can have anything she wants. You could finish the day with a nice all-over body massage, with optional happy ending for her. The important thing is that you don't get to orgasm, it's all about her pleasure. When she wakes up the next day, tell her how much you enjoyed pleasing her and that you'd like to do it again sometime. See what her reaction is. If she enjoyed herself, why wouldn't she want to do it again. If her "special" days become a regular thing, when you feel the time is right, ask her if she'd mind you being caged on her "special" days, just to emphasise that she is in complete control and that it is all about her pleasure. The above is pretty much how I started things off. My girlfriend is now very happy to have complete control of all sexual activity, including my orgasms. She is free to do whatever she wants and she likes it that way. We only have sex when she wants to and she always has an orgasm or two. My orgasms are optional for her. Whatever you decide to do, please come back and let us know how it went? Good luck.
im in a similar position as you my wifes not realy interested in my chastity or FLR we ve not had sex for years she just has no interest . but the crazy thing is she would have to do so little just be involved in keeping me locked . recently my wife was recently in hostpital for 5 nights and i realised how usless i was around the house . id always been the bread winner she stayed home and looked after the house but since id retierd nothing had changed in that department . so ive used this as a stepping stone i now have taken on a lot of jobs id never done befor around the house . ive also started to ask her what we should do with disision making might be only small things but ive started saying its up to you you decide
Same for me as for many of us as far as I read. I bring mine to get interest by doing chores, stopping to be a txic man and became a gentle one. Do not respond to her anything else than "you are right honey" Anf forget about my pleasure or my fantasy to focus on hers. After a while (1 years) it began to work fine in some area and still in progress in others but for many points now the new "normal" is very FLR type.
And anything else you can do, especially anything she normally feels she has to do but does not enjoy. Do all that for long enough and she'll get used to it. when you finish stuff ask if there is anything else. Tell her you like doing these things so she does not have to. The more she gets used to it the more likely she will start asking you to do stuff. when she gets used to doing that ask her to to not ask you to do stuff but just to tell you what she wants done, tell her that makes you feel good. Look at the trade off from her point of view and make it as appealing for her as possible. She gets to tell you to do stuff and you not only do it but thank her for the privilege I think you'll find she can get used to that in time.
The best thing you can do is take on board the advice the ladies have posted in this thread! Good luck on your journey!