Divorce or cuckolding?

It sounds to me that your wife is an abusive person AND SHE HAS HARMED YOUR CHILD. If she has not had proper treatment, SHE WILL CONTINUE TO HARM YOUR CHILD.

You will be acting in a negligent manner IF YOU DO NOT KEEP YOUR CHILD AWAY FROM THE HARMFUL PERSON.

Saying that "she has learned her lesson" is obviously not correct given her continued abusive behavior. SHE NEEDS TREATMENT, AND YOU NEED TO KEEP HER AWAY FROM THE CHILD.

I cannot believe that you are even considering going along with this. GOD HELP YOUR CHILD.

ONE ABUSIVE PARENT, AND THE OTHER NEGLIGENT!

 

Did you ever get your testosterone back to normal? If not, find an anti aging clinic and get those numbers back up to that of a 20 year old. It may really give you the confidence boost to handle this right and help you with fitness and energy. All those things are great no matter which way you go with things.

 

There are several aspects of this that throw up red flags. The first is the welfare of your child. Let me preface this with my bias: I grew up in an abusive household; bounced off walls, thrown through window, father tried to kill me, yada, yada. My mother was abused. My children, via my first wife, endured abuse (and she was abused). I have a low tolerance for abuse; particularly child abuse. A close relative is presently in prison for sexual abuse of a child. I'm biased. I hate abuse, and abusers.

My mother was raped. She became active in support groups, rape crisis centers, etc. It's axiomatic that in situations of abuse and domestic violence, denial is a strong, common thread; he/she won't do it again. He/she loves me. It's all in the past.

It's not true.

Whatever proclivities exist, fetishes, desires, romance; these cannot blind to the truth, at the risk of the welfare of the child.

If you're paying tens of thousands for custody issues, how well situated is she? Is it possible that she is returning for legal reasons? Financial reasons? The contract into which you enter with her, be it verbal or other, may affect your legal standing and any future custody or legal or interpersonal relationship with your child.

A woman who leaves has abandonment against her. Add judgements for abuse or domestic violence, and you're on solid ground. Invite her back into the household, and the legal high ground may change, somewhat. Make sure you've discussed this thoroughly with your attorney. You indicated that there are aspects of this relationship that have been hidden. Put the cards on the table, inform the attorney of everything. Especially your plans.

A child psychologist should be brought into this. Your child won't necessarily be privy to a loving nuclear family with Mom off sleeping with some guy, to say nothing of health issues (you did mention a time of Covid).

You do as you think best, but clearly you're trying to weight all aspects of this. I see nothing but red flags. I see the attraction, but that's one of the red flags, especially given that she knows which of your strings to pull to get what she wants. It sounds like you're being played.

Of course her abusive side is in the past: she knows when to let it show, and when to suppress it to get what she wants, and that is pathological. It's another red flag.

If you lose a child's respect or trust when the child learns that Dad has subjected himself as a cuckold to abusive Mom (kids find out everything), especially as a teen, control will be lost. Nobody thinks their son/daughter will become difficult and a typical teen, but the hallmarks of the teen phase are well known and documented for good reason. Dr. Jekyll is a friendly fellow, until you meet Mr. Hyde. How the child responds to you, and discoveries about you, have a lot to do with how he responds to the world.

Remember, to the fly, the venus fly trap is sweet. That perception will eventually change, and everyone sees it coming. Except the fly.

 

wowser what a life eh? If you don't do it you'll live in a perpetual state of wonder and sadness. I'd take the bait, eat the poison and hope for the best. Decisions, life, people it all comes and goes with or without your approval or best laid plans. But please consider this; when you ask a masochist if i should suffer or not; what do you think he'll say!

 

Not only will this 'not solve any concern' it will compound the problems for your child. For this reason alone you should not have her coming back into the house.

 

My parents divorced when I was in 1st grade, I lived that trauma as a child. Emotional scars and all.
My mother later became a family lawyer. As an adult I have heard about divorce/separation/custody in more situational context than I can possibly relay here. The proposed relationship you are describing does NOT sound to me like it will be positive for either You or your Child.

It sounds like You already have an attorney specializing in family law. ...but it also sounds like you haven't told your attorney everything. Anything you tell your attorney is protected by attorney client privilege. Your attorney can only truly act in your best interest if they completely understand ALL the facts AND your wishes. If you have kept ANYTHING a secret from your attorney you are doing yourself and your child a great disservice here.

IMHO You should Go back to your attorney, tell them EVERYTHING leave absolutely NOTHING out (the facts your desires, everything). ...and then follow the advice you are given.

 

Her boyfriend is an alcoholic.

She is manipulative and has past abuse issues. Unless she has had a lot of therapy, she still is.

Alcoholics are master manipulators. He manipulates her, she manipulates you. You inherit all of his issues compounded by hers. The math does not work out in your favor.

RUN.

 

So what is changed for her? She’s been living with him for the last year and now she wants to live in your home and visit him? She’s made it clear that she loves him and it sounds like all you will get from her is a smile, peck on the cheek and a keyholder that wants nothing to do with you sexually. Something is going on and I don’t think you have her full story.

 

I concur with all the advice above.

 

She will literally have you by the balls. I think you are underestimating your vulnerability to being manipulated and abused in that situation.

If someone was abusive, I would never allow them to be in a position of power over me.

 

So there are 40 posts so far in this thread. Apart from your posts, all the others have warned against this idea of yours. It's your life and your choice. You can lead a horse to water and all that.

 

It's clear he won't be drinking the water because he's obviously drunk on the cool aid.

 

@SirenSong you are absolutely right that you can't see it yet everyone else can. That should scream WARNING to you. Think about it: this is a group that loves chastity and flr (and many, cuckolding). It is also a diverse group that never seems to agree 100%. Yet in this case 100% of us are saying "don't do it" even after hearing you out.

Translation: you are too involved to see the manipulation going on and the danger this situation represents to both you and your son. @Jessica Alexander is right, IMHO, and it doesnt matter if the chicken or egg came 1st, your brain is trying desperately to save this situation and is so easily manipulated right now. This is EXACTLY the time to solicit professional advice as @Alana describes above.

You are a good man @SirenSong, you care so much, which is exactly why you owe it to your family and yourself to get expert advice (I would say both lawyer and psychiatrist) with full disclosure then follow it.

 

None of us are living your reality so can't know for sure what you are living with. All comments here are based on the little bit of information you have provided. It is very likely that there is much more to this story and much more to influence your decision. I understand the lawyer referral however I see that as a step made when a clear decision is made. You first need to clear your head so as to gain a clear perspective. I maintain a therapist is the first course of action. I believe we make our own decisions. Clear your head so you can make a good one.

 

Any Judge in the family law system is going to tell you that the child's needs come first. They come before your own needs and LONG before your kinks. You need to leave chastity, cuckolding, FLR, and all of your other kinks out of your decision making where it concerns your child.

1) You mentioned that you were awarded sole legal and physical custody without visitation. I don't know the details of your case, but that rarely happens unless the judge believes the excluded parent is somehow a danger to the child. You should check with your lawyer to verify/clarify travel restrictions, as they seem unreasonable if the other parent has 0 legal visitation rights.

2) You have also mentioned that her new lover is an alcoholic (Will he be spending any time around your child?).

3) And what about the wishes of your Son. You mentioned that during reunification therapy that your Son did not want to see his mother. If you go through with this you will be forcing him to live with someone he has indicated he doesn't even want to visit.

I could be dead wrong, because I am pretty sure I do not have all of the facts, but based upon what you have shared with us, I see numerous red flags signaling a potentially abusive relationship not only for you, but for your child as well.

We are nothing but strangers on the internet to you, I understand if you want to discount our advice because of that. ...But you should absolutely seek the advice of a qualified professional that you trust (An attorney, therapist, or both). Talking with an attorney and asking for legal advice about your situation (to protect yourself and your child) is not necessarily the same as ordering the resumption of divorce proceedings.

 

Run!!!! Run!!!!

She lost her child and to get that child back was willing to move back in with you. That’s it.

To make matters even more simple she maintains a separate relationship, bedroom, etc.

Ive been there, would have done anything to hold on to what I had. Don’t confuse kink with what is best for your family.

Run!!!

 

Much in the same way that only after the worm hits the water does the fish ever discover the hook.

 

Absolutely not! She deceived you by saying she wanted to reconcile, despite having a relationship with another man. In addition, you didn't specify the abuse issue, but if it put you or (more importantly) your child in danger, then you did the right thing by removing her from the situation.

I'm all for 2nd chances, but that's not what this is. She is manipulating you to get what she wants. Do not give in to this, no matter how sexually exciting it is! It can't help but be harmful for your child.

 

Reminds me of:

By the way +1 on Run!