What are you thinking when she getting more serious than yours?

Both excited and scared

 

it's important that neither partner feels they are being pushed too far. No relationship will survive that in the end. Good luck

 

Absolutely agree. Safe, sane and consensual is key to any kink especially a new or relatively new one.

It’s both.

Chastity is a strange kink really. Basically we get off on not getting off. You probably discover chastity through porn and are turned on by the idea and cum when you watch chastity videos. But when you finally actually lock up you discover that that arousal then orgasm pattern stops. Should be obvious but it’s not for many men. You can’t even get aroused in the way you did before. It’s an experience that has to be navigated and adjusted to.

Introducing chastity with an in-person keyholder is a big step. At some point you will want out and the keyholder should say no. And we want them to say no in the long run even if in that instant we do want out. When I first locked with my ex keyholder, she unlocked me too often, basically whenever I asked. At the time of asking I did want out, but I was inevitably disappointed soon after that I’d been released. We eventually had a chat about it and agreed the grounds over which I could ask for release - real life pressing reasons, injury/irritation etc.

The first time she said no was annoying, a bit of a shock, and kinda scary. But it was also exhilarating and exciting and when I’d calmed down and got over that peak of arousal and no longer ‘needed’ to cum, I was so grateful that she’d said no. It was what I’d asked for but didn’t have the strength to follow through on without her support. Most of us want to be denied, we want to go longer, we want the decision taken away from us and when it is, that’s when chastity becomes real.

My advice is that when you have a keyholder communication is vital. You both need to get something out of it. You’ve already done the hard bit by communicating your interest in chastity and getting her on board. It needs to be fun for both of you overall. Talk things through before it gets to be a chore or resentment builds up. Tell her how frustrated you are. She’ll probably enjoy hearing that she’s having such a strong effect.

 

excitement and fear belongs to the one in control. if your having trouble deciding which one you feel maybe you have too much control and she does not have enough.

 

I think that scary, anxious feeling about whether i remain caged or will be allowed to unlock is a big part of chastity for me. Chasity is an extension of submission so I want to feel the decisions are not mine. Being forced to do things that you might not do on your own is also part of it. There just has to be a few solid boundaries to this kind of play and those are defined early on. Good luck and enjoy.

 

communication is the most important thing.... you can't force someone to do this, it's not legal... just communicate.

 

I think your'e just starting to hit the fun time when she starts liking control. Yes, it's scary, frustrating, and very exciting. I agree communication is key, but unless you truly hate this I would be telling her how she is driving you wild with desite (i.e. support and encourage her).

 

I agree, too much talk from your end can spoil the way she's taking it. If your willing, go along, and she what she wants.

 

that's the ssc buzzer for sure. " it's not legal". then there is the ncc world that says " you said yes for all once and that's all that is needed".
yes that is the difference between contributing to playing top / bottom or being 100 % committed to a power exchange lifestyle.

 

No means no.

 

As long as they've both CONSENTED to nonconsensual consent. Even in NCC or TPE, there has to be some kind of escape clause -- if there's no way to end the experience, that's where BDSM/TPE crosses into abuse.

 

i agree. we have automatic renewed 1000 day contracts that gives a puck the ability to opt out by declaring so on day 940, though to date i have never heard of one trying to opt out. we also have breach of contract clauses that a puck may be set free if the ma'at fails to correct the problem and to comply with the contract.

 

I remember when we first started chastity how I was so eager for my wife to be on the same level of kink as I was at that time. Slowly but surely as she’s become more comfortable she’s hasn’t necessarily pushed my limits but we have tried/purchased some things this year that I didn’t think we’d ever do. That leads me to believe as time continues we’ll both dive deeper down the rabbit hole. I don’t find any of it scary it’s always a thrill and I love when she really gets into her role.

 

I think most of us are scared and turned on by being scared, and scared that being scared turns us on, and that thought turns us on...

And it's a slippery slope where consent literally doesn't really mean much if we're being pushed in the right direction.

 

Can I use this on my intro I will give you the credit for writing it.

 

You are most welcome. Thanks for asking. I must write a definitive blog post on this...

 

My madam was always more serious than me about it! Chastity was all her idea, as her insistence.

 

I have always been more serious than my Prima about chastity hoping for 1-2 month while she would generally unlock me after 2-3 weeks. Then we would stay vanilla for a bit...

Then she locked me back in June for her birthday. I asked her after a few days, how long she felt she’d keep me locked.

“oh, longer honey, much longer”
I got that really scared + turned on feeling you all know.

I asked her the question again a couple times in the next few days, as her answer was a bit vague.

“I’ve arrived to the conclusion, that there are really no good reasons to keep you unlocked ever again. I suggest you try to get used to that thought ,” she said.

5 month later, I’m still locked