How hard is it to find a real life keyholder?

I am 49 and my Key Holder is 24. It's been a great experience for us so far, even better after she watched the "50 Shades" movies.

Once she learned that I would do ANYTHING for her when I am locked up, she was hooked. She loves telling her friends about our experiences, which makes it even more exciting for both of us.

It did take about 2 years of dating, however, before I brought the subject up. When I did, she said that we could have been doing it all along because she really wanted to try it too.

So, I would say, meet a girl, date for awhile and then casually bring it up. You'll never know if you don't try...

 

Deep down I'm a socially awkward person so finding any sort of real life partner let alone keyholder is extremely challenging.

A large part is low self esteem, lack of confidence and a fear of opening up but recently I've tried exploring a few things to conquer this.

I have been lucky enough to share and explore a friendly online keyholding experience with 2 different ladies. I appreciate the hard work they both put in and it temporarily filled a hole but they can be challenging relationships so its rarely going to be a long term solution.

 

This sounds fantastic. Could you please let me know how I would find out about attending one of these Munches?

Thanks!

 

event listing on Fet. every last Saturday of the month

 

Thank you! I’ll look it up!

 

I vote we start a PR campaign to tell women of the world the benefits of chastity. Radio, tv, you name it, spread the word!

 

We just need to find a PR firm willing to do the work. Needs to be a female-led one, preferably with a team consisting at least partially of women who have experience with it. If I was a marketing professor at college, I would totally make this a class assignment. lol

 

hmm..
yes its hard, to find a true keyholder(i mean experience one), but its easy to find comercial one
my keyhoder is my wife,i must talk with her, going mad at her, arguing with her, see online website with her, etc for 3 straight year for chastity, until now finally i can have true keyholder inside her,even in her birthday she say "i want for my birthday is you to be locked in chastity and give the key for me"

 

I have found that if your honest and just bring it up to good female friends most are very very receptive..if nothing us just for the curiosity to actually see one. I have asked 2 friends of mind and bothing of them hold the key for me when ever I ask or if my wife is not in the mood.

 

purtroppo e molto difficile trovarlo nella vita reale a me piacerebbe tantissimo, anche se peradesso mi accontenterei anche del virtuale Mistress Lucy.

 

I am not specifically looking for a Keyholder or FLR, but am very open to the concept. What I've learned in my experience, reading and dating, is that the relationship had to come first and be right. It would be great if the right person was also dominant in the ways I hope, but I'm not shopping in a catalog, I'm trying to connect.

I'm doing self-chastity for now, so I can at least bring the disciy and everye to whatever the next relationship or, even if it's just "hot vanilla".... But if the connection is good and there is trust, I would have a key to turn over.

 

It’s not that women don’t like it, but it’s a service! It’s a job, it’s work, it requires commitment. It’s not just holding your key to keep you locked up. You’re going to want daily or at least weekly contact with your keyholder. It’s an endless game of tease and denial. Why would a female agree to enter into that commitment for free, knowing full well there are plenty of good well paying subs who understand that our time and effort is worth money.

 

Going back to the original post, I think I am close to getting a keyholder via fet. I posted on my local bdsm group on fet that I was looking for a keyholder, got a few replies, and one Mistress replied simply saying "I may be interested, but would want to chat in person". From there I politely reached out via PM to further guage her interest, and after a few more messages we have since had a lengthy discussion on the phone, and are subsequently working at an in person meeting for coffee. So I would say things could happen, but lockees need to put some effort in and not just expect a keyholder to agree to lock you up and take keys purely from a post. Just my experience, but thought it was worth sharing.

 

Sounds like it was enjoyable even if it doesn't come to fruition. Good luck as I'm sure you'd be excited to make it real.

 

Was definitely good to at least talk with a mistress interested in taking my keys, and yes the prospect of having absolutely no control of my lock-ups and making it real is very exciting indeed. Like I mentioned, not an instantaneous process, life gets in the way, but definitely still working towards it.

 

So as an update to my earlier post, I ended up meeting the mistress I have been in contact with for coffee today, and she asked if I would be comfortable with handing over my keys. My answer was obviously a yes, so things definitely can happen and I'm finally getting an opportunity to make things real..... We discussed the idea of emergency keys, comfort, how I deal etc, but she has said she usually takes all the keys! She suggested that after being in my full My-steel belt for almost two weeks, I may want to take a quick break before handing over the keys, but as I have already committed myself to Locktober, I asked if it would be okay not to, and if she would ensure I get through that. Admittedly I am nervous as hell, but this is something I've been wanting to do for a long time. Based on the mention of you may want to take a quick break first, I am not 100% on how long my lock-up may be pushed to now!

 

With all due respect, sir, THAT is hard to believe Although, maybe the Domme has such high standards...

 

I met my Mistress through fetlife/IRL kink scene.

We'd both had a few unsuccessful relationships then a mutual friend suggested we get to know each other. We started playing casually and before we knew it we both had feelings for one another and it became a relationship.

We've technically been together more than 5 years now, so it can happen.

Admittedly though in the build-up to that it was 3+ years of going to munches and not really finding too many viable people. You need to put the time in, for sure.

 

I think one of the difficulties with the online approach is that you’re starting from scratch with a kink as the basis of your interaction rather than a relationship. It’s hard enough to find a compatible partner let alone a dominant that is not a partner.

If there is no relationship other than the chastity/friendship and it’s not a pro-domme situation then difficulties will inevitably arise. What happens if either party meets someone else and starts a relationship? Will chastity involving a third party be viable after that? I had a friend holding my keys previously until I met my wife for the first time. I met her, arranged a date and asked my KH to unlock me. It adversely affected that friendship for a long time. It’s never been the same since. We had even had an agreement that I could be unlocked if I met someone serious but it still didn’t work in practice.

Adding chastity to an existing relationship is probably easier because you’ve both already laid the groundwork of building rapport, sexual compatibility and a supportive relationship. Adding kink takes work and having that foundation makes that easier and the results more fulfilling. And since you’re in a relationship neither one is likely to need to drop chastity as long as the relationship is continuing.

That said I’m sure it is possible to meet someone online but will take a lot of work and luck to find someone.

 

I’m not sure of the whole deal. I chatted with her a bit and was friends with her on Fetlife. She also used to be on here. (I’m not sure if she still is).

Standards seemed to be part of it. Most well adjusted women don’t just settle for any guy. I suspect her personality and fame also were part of it. She’s presents her power and confidence and she seems to draw attention. Add in the kinks she’s in and it seems she intimidates many guys.

I can say if she weren’t on the other side of the country and was a reasonable distance I’d make a huge effort to be one of her subs if she were still looking. But distance is also a factor.

oh and I just remembered —- Also add in being attracted to people. Guys forget attraction goes both ways. So yes she being very attractive can pick who she wants to be with, or even decide if she’d rather be alone than be with someone she doesn’t find attractive,

 

There is an wuse saying about the heat and the kitchen
But I completely agree - attraction works both ways. And you can't build a stable relationship on kink alone, there needs to be good ol' chemistry.

 

Real hard

 

I've been waiting, ...holding out for a keyholder with whom I can have a personal/intimate relationship. I don't seem to have a problem finding men or pro-doms willing to take my keys, ...but that is not what I am looking for. This search seems to be easier for some than others. I seem to fall quite firmly into the latter category.

I can think of a few reasons for this,
1) I don't get out as much anymore, and the plague has only made that worse.
2) My feminine appearance leads many women to assume I am interested in masculine people (I'm not).
3) I tend to get very shy (and tounge tied) around people once my heart decides I am attracted to them.

 

When I was looking for a new partner 10 years ago, I met a lady who was obviously interested in a relationship and said straightaway that if we got together I would have to wear a chastity device. Unfortunately she lives in the west country and that was too far away as at the time I was flying nearly every week and would not have wanted to go thru security with a cd on.
So I didnt follow up and of course in some ways regret it. The thought of being with a lady who demanded chastity no ifs or buts still excites me.