Maintaining submissive head space.

My wife has been spanking me daily since earlier this year. I wrote a thread about on CM a while back. This begins about an hour of intimate time before we go to bed. She spanks me, then I do something nice for her. Usually back massage or pedicure, nails, foot massage etc.
It’s really hard to carve out this time, but we’ve made it a priority during COVID to go to bed early and do this every day.
And it resets my headspace every evening before we go to sleep. I love it.

 

It sounds like you two have created a wonderful and intimate time for each other

 

I think resetting can be good for most people. It depends on your relationship, but even if you regret going astray for that brief period, just think of it as a period of rejuvenation and go back to your usual routine. My wife and I have pretty much always had this kind of relationship. It's just the way we both were, and our relationship simply progressed to be a better manifestations of our own personalities. If I stopped being totally submissive all the time, she'd be so shocked and would probably leave me tbh lol. Of course I would never do that because to us it's not really a game per se, but just her being her and me being me. For people that used to have sort of a normal "egalitarian" relationship who have adopted this lifestyle as a choice in order to spice things up or whatever, it's probably perfectly fine to get away from it for a little while.

 

What do you do to reset?

 

Occasionally, I need to be unlocked for certain activities. If she does not relock me soon after, I worry that she is done with our FLR and I get moody. She has firmly reminded me that is not an option. I am getting more comfortable following her lead. And yes, you are correct, having a discussion always puts things right. We talk more about sex now, than ever in the past.

As I mentioned, sometimes, usually for travel or very physical projects, she will unlock me. I think the time off gives us both a reset, and reconfirms we both want to continue. I sense her energy toward our FLR also picks up after a break.

 

Like the pun

 

Were no experts at this but we're trying to tackle this very problem.

Were both trying to generally live better so we have more time, motivation and energy for D/s and play.

But we're going to start having a weekly formal D/s meeting to discuss how we can maintain and improve things. This is also a good opportunity for both of us to bring up anything specific that is on our minds.

I think if we're able to do nothing else due to life etc, this at least gives us a mechanism for getting the ball rolling again.

 

Well first I have not been here in quite sometime but glad to be back.
What we do other then being locked for x amount of time the edged repeatedly then caged till I explode lol but at some point we just slow down and enjoy each other for who we are but mostly we communicate constantly about everything

 

I too suffered this anxiety.
The stresses I'd put upon myself...
Before cuckolding I'd already learned that her durations and intervals had no bearing on her enjoyment of my condition and our lifestyle.
It was all in my head. Understandably, but there none the less.
I learned to enjoy ( and holy crap did I ever enjoy ) my time away from chastity.
But.
I also learned to savor the beginnings of the re-afirmation of feelings for submission and being hers.
Savor the beginnings, the middle, and the end where I'd re-realize, every time, I don't stand a chance against the power of my desire to submit to her.

 

I definitely go through cycles of feeling very submissive and then wondering why. Sometimes it is hard to keep the right frame of mind and wear my cage, as i should. So far, i've been able to remain chaste through these times of revolt, but i definitely feel discontent and disoriented. One of the things that can really snap me back into place, is a good chat with @MistressS . She can remind me how important it is to be the kind of property she deserves, often with a photo assignment, and some teasing about my submissive fantasies. Having someone to explicitly detail how you are better off as a sissy sub, makes it easier to continue down the path of chastity. If i had an in person KH, I imagine a nice disciplinary session where i would get a maintenance spanking would help steer me back on track. I think the key is to find what works for you and follow it.

 

I am trying to come to terms with this right now.

Sometimes, I get anxious about being locked, I am even more terrified of her not wanting to lock me.

Even after three years, I am trying to come to terms with the depth, and the strength of my need to submit. I don’t understand it, and emotionally I am challenged to manage it. I am not fighting it, just trying to understand when it is affecting my mood.

Thank you for your post, you did a nice job describing my struggle.

 

Discipline really helps to focus a scattered mind during a long lockup. At first, she didn’t see the need for it if I didn’t deserve it. That is beginning to change.

 

Exactly, I agree. We went through this earlier in the year. Link to thread below. The spanking helps me tremendously. It was getting both of us on the same page about it that took some effort. Now, she understands how helpful it is to spank me daily. I also think she has grown to like doing it too.

Maintenance Spanking

 

I just think Of my Madam at all times, then I imagine what life would be like without her, and the thought of my life without her is enough to keep on track and focused on her 24/7! I live for my Madam!

 

For us the reset times are usually after she allows an orgasm. My desire is gone for a few days after, so it takes time to get back to the right space for submission.
Now she locks me back up immediately after a release (use to be free for a few days as I didn’t want to masturbate anyway), and I have to clean up my own cum. So far I’ve only had one orgasm this year (holding on to my cum coupons as long as I can lol). But it worked well that time and I got back into it quickly.

 

Agree about the post orgasm period and the reduction in desire for service. I still try and consciously do things around the house (cooking, dishes etc), but its with a different mindset / attitude. I am also more prone to less intimacy with her for a few days until something kick starts the desire.

She allows unlocks for shaving or sport and unlocking for sexual activity is at her discretion, I've stopped asking but she does it of her own volition about once a week.

 

Simply putting on my collar on can jumpstart things, as does extra bondage to the balls. Flagellation helps too. Put on your collar, bind those balls tightly, then kneel in front of a picture of your Goddess and whip your back over your shoulder with a strap or belt many times quite painfully while reciting your devotional mantra (You should have one) to she who you've sworn to obey.

In the beginning you may be wondering why in the hell you are doing this! But as you push on through with it, swinging harder and enduring the pain, you will need to call upon your inner slave to help you and youll begin to remember the meaning of your vows of submission and servitude, and your responsibility to the woman who has given you the gift of her dominance for which she deserves your respect, and your submission.

 

I just wrote about this today...My Wife(KH) has changed things up by getting me to wear her panties. A few day ago she tossed me a pair of hers and told me to try them on. She said that they looked really good on me and had me wear them the rest of the day...That led to the next day, and then this morning she tossed me another pair and had me wear them when we went out shopping today. We made a stop at Wal-mart and she said she was going to pick out some new panties for me...While we were picking out my new underwear, I got hard in my cage. Not sure why she did this, we have never talked about it and I have never wanted to wear women's panties. Now, here I am typing this out wearing a very nice feeling pink thong. Just when things were getting a little stale, she spices it up out of no where. And during our T&D session on Sunday, while I was tied up, she painted my toenails and said no one but her can take it off...

 

Lucky you -- she's really stepping up her control.

 

This is a very interesting topic. I found in the past that in the mornings when I first wake up I can struggle to feel submissive and wanting to ask permission for things (such as key to unlock for cleaning) etc. I think that might be that when working from home we both wake up and get straight to work etc so the mindset is not there.

I have noticed I am more in that submissive mindset if we have done something the evening before to make me feel submissive as it kind of carries over but less so if the day before was mainly vanilla. I do need to be better at that mentally by making myself get into that submissive mindset. I do also wonder if something like a morning ritual such as always filling the dishwasher or having to say or do something every morning (such as thanking my KH for being in charge) may help to get my into that mindset.

Also the ideas above are interesting. I saw on a few threads about daily spankings (maintenance not punishment) which sounds interest to reinforce the power dynamic though I imagine it would take a few days for it not to feel a bit awkward. I guess mainly awkward as it does represent a change in dynamic.

Anyway thanks for the interesting topic and useful contributions. This is definitely an area I need to do better in and so it is good to know it is not unusual to find this difficult at times. It is up to my KH if she wants to do anything like this but I can at least try and have the mental strength to push myself to be a better sub at all times .

 

As I stated before, I get a little anxious if she leaves me unlocked. I worry that she may be reconsidering.

During my last period of being unlocked (couple of days), she showed up one morning, as I was waking up, with locking cuffs and her rubber paddle.

I was returned to submissive head space with dispatch.