I desperately need advice on managing the sub drop following a release. Since being allowed an orgasm after 15 days of chastity, I’ve been inattentive and upset my wife. How do others have their behaviour managed to avoid the crappy behaviour I’ve been exhibiting?
It is something that you learn to manage over time. You now know it happens, and recognize the signs. The challenge is to compensate. It can be very hard. Some have had an easier time adjusting if they are re-locked immediately and perhaps encouraged to perform a very submissive task. Punishment may work as well. The theory is it gets you back into submissiveness quickly, minimizing the impact of the drop. Good luck, you will figure it out.
what a great question to ask. I too suffer from pretty severe sub drop and the best way we found to alleviate was to eliminate orgasms for me. It works like a charm. But seriously accidents happen and the quickest route back on track is 24 hours of tease and denial the more she pushes my buttons the better my response. Making the effort and bring yourself to see her as your Superior. It's not always easy at first but train yourself to identify as a chaste male - and how lucky you are your wife accepted to be your key holder. Bow before her and you see it working.
I think in the chastity lifestyle we create a very unhealthy attitude around sub drop. In any other facet of BDSM lifestyle, I never see what I do on this forum. Sub drop is normal. It should be met with the appropriate aftercare. The idea of trying to avoid it, rush it, or ignore it does not facilitate a healthy relationship and we need to get better. Sorry, I'll get off my soap box. This is a touchy subject for me.
Sub Drop is no doubt a very real thing and something I struggle with. I seldom want to submit once I cum. I usually want to go to bed, and after i often try to avoid being back in lock up. There are a few things that I have realized puts me back into my place. 1. A ruined orgasm makes me beg for more. If she stifles or ruins orgasm I never get the full pleasure and won get out of place. 2. Immediate lock up is hard but it reasserts her dominance over me and has been effective 3. Doing something I dont want to do after orgasm is the best way to immediately show my place. Being made to clean her after, or if I was to be whipped after is likely the most effective as post orgasm I want nothing more. 4. Time... before I know it I am begging to serve her again but this takes time as usually I am touching myself when unlocked/
The best thing for me after having a "release" is, putting the cage back on right away and locking it back up. At first I would wait until the "drop" feeling would go away. Now, if I get to have any type of orgasm, I'm locked up right away and teased to get me excited again. It was tough the first few times, but now it just the way it is...
One of the things, required by my Domme, @MistressS , after any release is to eat my cum. I certainly don't want to do this, as like you all, i have a strong sub drop right after climax. It is very hard to follow Her rule, but when i do, it helps put me back in sub space. I can then follow with lockup. This isn't a sort of 'magic pill' for everyone, but does represent the type of act or steps you can take to shorten the length of a sub drop, so it is more manageable. Good luck and enjoy.
Like @MissyB, @MistressS also makes me consume my own cum which unless it’s from prostate play I find it hard if not borderline impossible to eat but I do as I swore I’d do as she demands/ asks me to do and that is her No1 rule. I find it does help me get back into the mindset. It still takes me a day or so to get my head back to where it should be, but I find chatting to @MistressS and being locked up soon gets me back to where I need to be.
We are not really in a sub relationship but my wife knows that I will be a little aloof after an O. She expects it and doesn't really plan on me being attentive or as "nice" for a few days. I am not mean, just a bit distant. Once we get this device thing down with the PA, I expect releases will be further between. Somewhere between 30 to 45 days and I am fine with that. Not my choice though. That post O drop will probably slowly increase your time between releases as your wife begins to dread it.
Just need to get used to a routine, it sounds like it is new to you... Just get in the habit of doing things.
My wife has already given a strong hunt that the next release will not be for another month which I am more than happy about. I definitely preferred the constant feelings of denial to the momentary joy of release. There was some great and thoughtful advice throughout this thread and we’ll need to talk this through carefully. Thank you!
I prefer not to let him out so all my hard work getting him in his subspace isn't undone! If he gets release and I tell him to lock back up he tries to ignore it or push the envelope. I suppose maybe his way in getting me to step up and dominate him.
Chain or handcuff him to the bed. retrieve your key unlock him and allow him to cum However you choose. lock it back up in its cage BEFORE you undo his handcuffs ect problem solved. If he really isn’t in sub space then give him 20 minutes cuffed you the bed … he will be.
i used to have the same issue. Eventually W/we learned that it happened when i had a full, uncaged, cock stimulation orgasm. Goddess and i came up with a few ways to fix that. First, Goddess may use Her wand or vibrator to make me cum in my cage. The orgasm is good but not enough to get subdrop. Second, since i am a sissy, Goddess may bring me to orgasm through prostate stimulation(aka a sissygasm). Like cumming in my cage, the orgasm is good but does not create subdrop. Third, if i am allowed to cum out of my cage through cock stimulation Goddess ruins the orgasm and immediately puts the cage back on. Again, it is relief but does not create subdrop. Finally, there is the threat of punishment - but not the kind you may think of. W/we live this lifestyle because W/we enjoy it. If i am distracting or pushy Goddess would lose interest and would not want to continue this way.
This is something that the wife and I have been struggling with. We have both realized that my orgasms are basically a lobotomy for a lot of those submissive feels that we have both grown to love, I rarely want to go back into my cage after being allowed to cum. But now that we have identified it and talked about it extensively, my orgams have become much less frequent. Edging is much more frequent, let out for a few strokes and immediately back in before I can cum.
I think there's a difference between post chastity release and sub drop. When @MissAmy has me do some pretty evil and horrendous things such as whipping or maybe on the more extreme end of the scale, enema play, I need to know I am loved etc after, although I will admit my after care needs are very minimal. Compare that to how I behave post Cumming and I don't need after care, I just need a good kicking back into sub space, that's not because I don't want it, but because I'm not horny and don't want anything, I still wish I could be submissive, but I just want to veg out myself. If @MissAmy teases me or tickles me (that gets me into my sub space and makes me incredibly horny) then I can usually go back to being a good sub very quickly. We don't lock up on a regular basis, but I wouldn't have any issues with doing so if that's what she told me was happening. What I think the issue (I use that word for lack of a better phrase) is, is that a lot of men in chastity do not have a dominant partner and its a self indulged kink so they don't have that lack of choice to get back where they want to be. I suppose it'd be like using a dildo on your arse then Cumming and then wondering why you don't want it up your bum any more. If however your dominant wife told you to bend over and take another, you probably would without much hesitation, even if you really weren't in the mood. Not trying to bash anyone, but for the most part, I don't think post cum downs should be associated with Bdsm aftercare.
What you describe is our method. I think it should work for nearly everyone. It works for me but it's entirely unrelated to orgasm or "sub drop" for that matter. I'm not submissive. But I am very much in need of deep dives into BDSM. I'm in control nearly everywhere in my life. My wife is very supportive of my BDSM needs, but in trade she requires that she always be in control of me. I quickly discovered in this balanced lifestyle that whenever she was fully in control of me; I felt like I was on vacation from the rest of my responsibilities (at least partially). When I'm unlocked it feels like the vacation is over (my version of sub drop). My wife quickly came to the conclusion that I should never be unlocked. Therefore the chastity device is my bondage 95% plus part of the time and if it is off then another piece of substantial bondage is in place. I am never not in bondage and therefore I'm always on vacation from controlling everything. In my opinion, I think many of those in chastity who are not otherwise substantially involved in BDSM attribute their poorly managed "sub drop" to orgasm are more likely experiencing a reaction to the end-of-a-scene. Always being handcuffed or tethered (collar chained to the wall or bed is good to), means the scene is never ending and therefore "drop" is minimal or not at all.
I love this. As someone who chose a partner based on our bdsm and D/s roles (ie we met with this lifestyle as a requirement), it's a never ending scene. There is no end goal for us. Yes I may get 20 whips, or she may let me cum (me being allowed to cum is completely independent of me being locked or not), but she's still always the boss, certainly in our "sex" life which we allow to spill into almost all parts of our every day life, ie this isn't a bedroom thing, but neither is it FLR or Domme/slave in the traditional sense.