I’m relatively new to CM but have found many helpful posts and friendly welcomes. My question is essentially whether a relationship which relies on practising chastity for reasonably long periods is possible without the use of a cage? Our FLR has been going for five years, but far stricter orgasm control for me has only been put into operation relatively recently. My wife loves owning my releases and has enjoyed all of the accompanying benefits from increased tenderness, affection through to an even higher number of orgasms for her. She currently allows me a release every 2-3 weeks but has explained that she will follow a pattern set only by herself. However I really struggle at times - so would wearing a cage allow me to bear chastity any better and give us a greater opportunity to extend the period in question?
That's a great question, because while a cage does help prevent such a release (help prevent not prevent), it also tends to draw my attention to it as well. It is easier for me to focus on other things when I am not caged. Either way, it is always possible and it comes down to will power in the end.
Ultimately, it should come down to what your Dom wants. Some like the challenge that there sub goes through without a cage and feel that it shows more devotion if done without a cage. For me and my wife, she likes that added level of security and for me it helps me through moments of weakness. My wife likes to call it my “kinky wedding ring” and I wear it at all times unless she tells me to take it off.
It's a matter of communication and what is right for both people. You could always try something and talk about it a week or month later though. You both just need to have some type of expectation that the results are variable.
I don’t think I would have the will power to do it. After 10 days my wife forgot to put the key back when I got up in the morning I just didn’t have the will power. I owned up but I need the device it helps me.
Yes, the honour system works as long as you are honorable! She has to trust you and you have to trust yourself. Good luck
Thanks for all of the great advice - willpower and trust are clearly important. For some reason day 7 really affects me, i.e. I hit a peak of frustration, and I would like a cage to be an option for those more difficult days. Apologies for being relatively new to this, but what exactly is the honour system?
My wife and i are also practicing honour system for many years now cause she doesn t like the aspect of a cage. It means you have some kind of contract that you are not allowed to cum etc. Works for us even if she is away for a week or so. Cheers ray69
I wear a cage occasionally, but basically am chaste on the honor system. I find a cage helps me connect with my submissive side, and often allows me to go further than I would normally. That is certainly true with my fantasies. But i am able to refrain from sexual release without my owner's permission. You just have to understand and accept your new status, with or without a cage. Good luck and enjoy.
Thanks for this MissyB - I understand how the cage would be a wonderful acknowledgment of my position within our FLR, even if worn only at certain times. Acknowledging my new status, as you wonderfully describe it, is going to have to be the long term goal. Whenever I am in begging or complaining mode, my wife simply smiles and says ‘I almost feel guilty but you did ask for this.’
It sounds like she is very willing at the moment - last night she explained how she has no intention of easing off the chastity route. I am a very lucky man.
Yes, there are plenty of guys on this forum who practice the honour method Yes, it requires more self control, but there are none of the issues that come with wearing a cage (and some of us can't always wear cages due to jobs or other aspects of life). It also makes things easier to tease!
I think I could go about a week, but any longer and I couldn't be certain. I wasn't a prolific masturbator before chastity (1-3 times a week) but having the cage on just takes away the casual temptation (for me) and helps remind me I am no longer in charge of the penis. Of course, the device doesn't do it by itself and you need to be mentally capable of abstaining too, but for me, the two go hand in hand.
Yes it's "possible" for some husbands to remain chaste on the honor system, but yes a chastity cage would help you besr it better and last longer. Many of us are cumpulsive masturbators who will eventually, despite good intentions, fail to keep chaste; even when I was committed I spent time every day edging, which is a total distraction from my FLR. I have found that my cage gives me that little bit of extra discipline to resist those moments. And my cage is a constant reminder that I've given up control of my erections and cumming and masturbating to my wife, which gives me greater mental ability to resist temptation and just submit. I could not do chastity without my cage.
It can be done. I had a year off work on Paternity leave, and was locked for most of the year. It seems to have mostly reprogrammed me and, while I still get tempted to play sometimes, I'm not even slightly tempted to orgasm without permission.
When we first started, I wore a device of some time for a while, only removing it for cleaning or when the wife wanted sex. It taught me to stop masturbating, which my wife likes. Our relationship is better than ever. As NZSenator said, "the cage on just takes away the casual temptation". Wearing it for a while taught me i can go without. I don't wear a cage all the time now, but definitely on the honor system. I haven't cum without wife's permission in 2 or 3 years. Not once. I do still wear a device part time, kind of "retraining" as needed. I actually feel a comfort when I wear it. I think if more couples saw male chastity as helpful to their relationship and not something way kinky or BDSM, more would try it. I think wives escpecially would learn to like it and be more involoved.
Agree 100% with this. Havent masturbated to orgasm since first wearing a device about 3 months ago and our relationship has improved. Passion and intimacy are far more frequent with short bursts and no pressure on her that it has to go all the way, it can be just simply some bonding time without leading towards sex. I am also more attentive to the rest of life at home, cooking, cleaning, general tidy up etc which has allowed her to be a bit more relaxed and she actually hasn't been as tired as she normally is. Masturbation can be healthy, but the line between healthy and not in a relationship not only seems a fine line, but it also seems to be a moving one, and this is where things can go horribly wrong.
I know my wife enjoys the "no pressure to go all the way", she loves to snuggle, kiss and play a little but not have full sex. She knows now she can do that and we don't have to have sex. I enjoy it too.
We go through phases or caged or not. 2020 has been almost all not caged, but the dynamic is the same, I only cum when she decides.
I agree, for me and madam though the cage is a must, for me I don’t have the will power to stop, and for my madam it’s the bondage and control aspect of it, as my cage has spikes the slightest arousal causes discomfort and instant punishment.
Today marks two weeks of chastity without a device; feeling more accustomed now. Days 8 & 9 we’re pure torture! I was supposed to be allowed a release tonight but this has been put back for being inattentive on Saturday. I’ve learned an important lesson here - despite doing all of the cleaning, laundry and giving my wife a one hour massage followed by an orgasm for her, she pointed out that I had failed to begin my pedicure training online. She explained to me that I need to focus less on the kink aspects and more on day to day caring for her. Hoping for Wednesday at best.
My wife/KH prefers to keep me caged all the time, while I am chaste. She doesn't want to remove the cage at all, even for a moment. So my cage is always on, when I have a chaste period (16 days max so far). However, wearing a cage is not so comfortable task for me. Metal, hanging on my balls, reminds me of my submissive role. My KH only can remove this detractive piece of metal. This keeps me much more obedient and drives me to the proper submissive mood. So wearing a cage for me is a must, if we both want to play a chaste game.
Well done for staying true to your mistress and not cheating! I’m always impressed with the willpower it takes to be chaste without a device. I’d like to get there, but right now my device gives me that little bit of help when I’m going out of my mind horny.