who is the real "me" ?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by imhers24x7, May 1, 2020.

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  1. imhers24x7
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    imhers24x7 Member

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    Hello,

    I am thinking about a problem, which I have recognized since a long time and whih might sounds common to all men living in a FLR.

    We started our FLR ~half a year ago and I am now in a position which I might have fantasized about before but would not assume that this will be really happen.

    We both have kids from our former relations and also own appartments even when we are a couple which I think is fine.

    We have a contract which is only written by her and I am asked to wear a Chastity Device which I take care of myself, as I don't want to have her fiddle around with keys etc.
    The contracts includes that everything will be evolved according to her terms and speed and I have to agree.
    We started with only a few rules setting the foundation and protecting our relationship against topping from the bottom.
    I think she likes the effects of me beeing in chastity but not the device itself, which I can understand, even for me it feels
    strange to do this but I love it.

    When beeing in chastity I am totally focussed on her but the feeling builds up and up and then I am nearly good crazy as we are unable to meet that often because of our own kids and corona separation etc.
    We chat a few hours during the day and have a strong connection / love.
    I am ready to get tattoo'd by her and she is definitely the woman I want to stay for the rest of my life.

    The problem is, that my devotion drops a lot as soon as I put hands on myself, which might happen from time to time.
    I then feel like a different "me" and I like the other one much more.
    I know this is weak but I don't want to be this super lovely man only because I am in chastity, this feels bad and manipulative towards her. I really love her and would like to get rid of the other "me".
    Still I don't want to be "forced" into charity by handing her the keys because it doesn't feel like this must be done in an adult 24x7 FLR relationship. I am afraid that it puts her into a strange role, which I don't want her to be in.
    Still I would love it, if she suggests this herself.
    If I put hands on my, I will lock up the next morning and then I get by to my better me within one or two days. I am also writing a journal where I have to log when I am in chastity and when I am releasing myself.

    Question:
    Do you have any ideas how I can bypass the "horny times" and be sure that I am really the better me and not only manipulating myself.
    The problem is that we don't see us that often currently and I have no chance to express my devotion except of instant messaging.

    Imhers
     
  2. caged certo
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    caged certo Long term member

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    Dear Imhers, the solution could be that you buy a kitchensafe, working with a timeslot and off course you can show your woman in love to send a daily proof that the keys are still in the save.
     
  3. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    You are both sides of the same coin.

    You need to decide which side of the coin makes you the happiest and focus on reaching that side of the coin.

    How you get their is your journey to take.

    The "Horny Times" will pass with will power and focus. If not then have her lock you up.

    But most importantly talk to her about how your feeling and what your challenges you are facing.

    You are both in this together.
     
  4. imhers24x7
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    imhers24x7 Member

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    Hello,

    I don't need to decide, this is totally clear. Beeing the "focussed me" is definitely the right way.
    It's just so hard to live with the hornyness. Will this fade away when beeing locked for periods of time? I just can't believe that people, whonwrute that they're locked for weeks, even months have the same feeling. How do you handle that?

    Until today I have not reached this point. Which is according to you only a matter of Power, because I am fully focussed on her.

    We are doing this already, part of my contract is to write her every week at least one letter, to discuss feelings and ideas regarding our FLR.
    She will read the letter but doesn't have to respond, it's just me opening myself to her.

    But until today it doesn't helped me against my "other horny me" :)

    Imhers
     
  5. madams-sissysub
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    I agree, get a safe with a timer and put your key inside, then there is no release, so no drop!
     
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  6. imhers24x7
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    imhers24x7 Member

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    Hello,

    Not surey how you all handle this, but got me sleeping with a cage is lots of work, because I am a "grower" and I wake up several times during the night. Honestly I am a bit afraid not beeing able to unlock myself and that something gets "damaged".
    I bought already a key safe which can be locked by a (changeable) number combination for my KH. She agreed that she will put in one key there and set a number combination which is only known by her. I will get the key safe and in case of an emergency she will tell me the number.
    Sounds like a good solution but it also feels a bit weak as I should be able to follow my KH orders without help of any tools.

    Imhers
     
  7. LockitMan
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    LockitMan Lifestyle service submissive/slave/sissy maid

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    Why are you not doing zoom or facetime? You should be seeing each other! Kneeling in front of her and renewing your vow of devotion and sharing your feelings with her verbally. Maybe while inhaling her beautiful scent from the panties she sent you. Maybe... Have her be your Domme in real time via video!
     
  8. Gerrit
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    Gerrit Member

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    I advice you to step in vanilla life again for half a year. Things will settle down, and you get out of it a while. Your wife has to get adjusted too, there may be tension but a lot of benefit.
     
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  9. ashes1334
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    ashes1334 Long term member

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    #9 ashes1334, Aug 9, 2020
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2020
    My opinion for whatever it is worth, do with it what you will.

    Number 1 in my opinion corona is not stopping anyone from participating in a serious relationship. Therefore I think it would be foolish to get a tattoo, especially for someone who isn't physically holding your keys. Your moments of orgasm might actually be a moment of clarity and thinking straight for a second. I do not discourage you from living the lifestyle. Never would. But do not make any any decisions that will have a life long impact until you're living together and don't have any doubts.

    Edit: Also contracts are kinky but honestly it's not legitimately legal binding so don't worry about that nonsense. It's a good way to establish what both parties are up for in the session but I've never seen a legal case in my life over it.
     
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  10. ashes1334
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    ashes1334 Long term member

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    Annnnd I don't want to negate the seriousness of corona. On the other hand taking proper precautions just like one does one going shopping, pumping gas, receiving packages, going to work and coming back home, living in an apartment building, you could probably see each other. Safely.
     
  11. ashes1334
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    ashes1334 Long term member

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    But I could be wrong. In which case it would totally be safe to come within six feet of a tattoo artist. Lol good luck man. You might have something there but be careful.
     
  12. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    You're clearly dedicated to your FLR and want to make it work. But you're honest enough to admit to the weaknesses we all experience. So that is both your problem and your opportunity.

    A bit like giving up smoking, if you can identify situations when you're likely to fail, then you can either avoid them or, if that's not feasible, find ways to reduce temptation.

    Good luck
     
  13. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    There is no authentic "me"! Everybody takes steps to form their future self, whether not buying cookies so as to prevent later comfort eating, through to giving up or using various psychoactive substances like coffee, alcohol, and other stuff.
     
  14. MissyB
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    MissyB Long term member

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    I think most of us have those kind of 'split' personalities and you have to learn to adjust to the ups and downs of sexual desire and desire for chastity. Doing a journal is a good idea and perhaps dong more extensive and intimate conversations than just instant messages. Expressing your desire and weakness, and asking for her help to overcome them, rather than using own hands, might allow you to channel horny feelings into something more productive for both of you. Good luck and enjoy.
     
  15. Slave to Wife
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    Slave to Wife Nobody Important

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    Just give her the key. Beg her to take the key.

    I promise you: As you age, the sub side will win. It's super hard to deny your sexuality.
     
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