Unveiling my chastity desire to GF (26). Asking for advise.

Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by Peter van der Plas, Jul 31, 2020.

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  1. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    @Peter van der Plas i not gonna tell you what to say to Her cos you know Her better but i hope you are happy after when you have spoked to Her.
     
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  2. stepinas_carpet
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    I'd go with Option A - that way you can both take an interest in this and see how she reacts. Once you have it on, talk about how its comfortable and how she could even think about holding the keys so she controls when you have sex. Let that sit for a while and then with time you can move onto greater elements of the chastity (assuming she's ok with this first step). Try to make it a fun joint thing, but don't forget to focus on her and be attentive to her needs.

    I do believe that if doing this gives you better sex with her and she has a better time out of it, she will want to indulge in this more!

    Good luck and please let us know how it all goes.
     
  3. amvetsb
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    amvetsb Long term member

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    Any updates?
    We're all anxious to hear how this is going and how it turns out!
     
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  4. Peter van der Plas
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    Hi everyone! I have an update on the situation. I told my GF about my chastity desires just this morning.

    So taking all of your rational and well balanced advises into account, I told her this morning that I struggled a bit with our challenge of not orgasming for three weeks until she returned home. She understood but directly asked if I "please haven't done it yet?" To which I replied I haven't orgasmed yet but only due to some help. She was curious straight away, and from there on I told her I did some research by which I found something called a chastity device. She obviously didn't know so I explained her it was some sort of cage/tube that you can lock around your penis which prevents you from masturbating and that I know it sounds a bit weird, but it's actually pretty comfortable and very practical in line of our challenge. She directly responded with a bit of laughter (a good thing I guess) and asking me if I it didn't hurt. She went on asking basic questions "what does it look like" and "how does that lock work". So thats were I made an important move telling her that I could still unlock it any moment myself, thus in an ideal situation she would need to have the key in order for it to really work. She understood that part but didn't really go any further, however I think thats an important first step to keyholding

    Then I explained her that the underlying thought of it all was that lately I have been feeling that our sex life has mainly been focussed on my pleasure and that by now not orgasming for days I've come to realise I need to focus more on her pleasure and that the chastity device helps me with that. She got really excited when I told her that and she responded that she was very happy to explore new things with me. She raised a few eyebrows later when she googled for pictures of a chastity device but I reassured here it "actually fits very comfortably and I barely even notice its on".

    I don't know how far this will go, it could well be that she doesn't want me to wear it anymore as she 'just wants to have sex with me' although I already reassured her with could find plenty of ways to fulfill her needs without unlocking the cage.

    She did tell me just now that she got turned on by the fact that I'm giving her the 'power over' my orgasms.

    Anyway thanks to you all for giving me the courage and support I needed. I'm super happy that it worked out this way and I'm starting a new chapter in my life with my GF! ;) P
     
  5. amvetsb
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    amvetsb Long term member

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    Next time you talk with her, if the subject happens to come up, reassure her that this isn't about her not having sex, or even you, just a way to help prevent randomly self-pleasuring yourself... That when she returns, she can control the key(s) any way she likes. To include unlocking your bits for sex! Eventually she should see that this is firstly about your not having sexual release without her.. That can certainly lead to controlling if/when/how you get to experience sexual release as she grasps the 'power'. You may have to accept that she may only want this to be 'while she is away'. Be sure to let her know she is still desirable and that you want to have sex with her and that you do enjoy sexual release! This makes the chastity real and the pleasure shared far more meaningful.
     
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  6. Peter van der Plas
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    Great advice! Many thanks!
     
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  7. RexVa
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    RexVa Long term member

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    #32 RexVa, Aug 4, 2020
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2020
    BTW, you're not alone in this. Fantasies and kinky desires are totally predominant--more than 8 out of 10 people regularly think about them and/or have them, and D/s/ Bondage (chastity)/BDSM are listed near the top of the list of people's kinks/desires. A book entitled "Tell Me What You Want", by Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller, gives additional encouragement to open up about our kinks, and I really recommend it. It reveals an extensive study with significant empirical evidence, and 'kink-related" discussion themes are presented with exceptional clarity in the analysis.
     
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  8. RexVa
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    RexVa Long term member

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    Bottom line: there should be no shame whatsoever in discussing/sharing/exploring kinks with partners/SOs, and the best time to do so is when both partners are 'in the mood', hormones are flowing, and the receptivity and acceptance of kinks are at its highest. Good luck in your journey.
     
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  9. Neo in Neo
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    Neo in Neo Active member

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    @Peter van der Plas congratulations on what sounds like a very successful first conversation.

    my story isn’t too different, the first time I ever had put a cage on was while My wife was in Vegas for a business trip. I can totally relate to your situation. I will emphasize one point the second and third conversation are as vital as the 1st. It’s possible she’s now spinning on a countless barrage of questions (specifically she’s going to question her own sexuality/whether you desire her).

    So my advice from here based on hard experience:
    A) you’re going to want to talk about it, it’s all you’re going to want to talk about. That’s what CM is for, talk about what you need to here. Wait till she brings up the subject for the next few conversations (or until she gets back).
    B) in conversations in the meantime, over emphasize how much you love, adore and crave being close to her. And you’re looking forward to her being home.
    If she initiates and wants to discuss, be honest and remember point point B. I would assume the goal is to get her home curious to discover why you are so affectionate and desperately longing to see her.
    From my experience, that’s the foundation you want to build on.

    good luck - there’s a support team rooting for you here.
     
  10. steelwaiting
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    steelwaiting Active member

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    My wife is very vanilla. One day I just bought the cage and put it on. We went to bed I whispered in her ear that I was wearing a chastity cage. It has been slow progress. She was fine about the cage, she thought it was a little weird and I did like most first timers top from the bottom which never works.

    Now she has the only key. She is my keyholder. Always be honest and never rush. Your wife needs to find her own way. It's your thing and it's a lifestyle, patience, patience, patience.
     
  11. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    Agreeing with some of the above: Discuss it honestly if prompted, but don't talk it to death or turn it all into emotional labour for her.
     
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  12. madams-sissysub
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    I agree, honesty is always i the best policy! And good luck on your journey!
     
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  13. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    You should involve her in the decision of whether or not you might BOTH want to try this experience
    bear in mind you have been fantasising about this ( possible clouded judgement and being over eager) whilst its probably all new to her.

    Your emphasis should be on the potential advantages to her,
    statements like it might be fun to try in reference to some article you have encountered on the internet might be taken the right way or may be just perceived as typical male looking at porn.

    Maybe something like Sarah Jameson's Letter To Your Beloved which I think is linked to in her Be Careful What you Wish For
    https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5408781.Sarah_Jameson
    or maybe some of her other books might prove to be an icebreaker
    https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sarah-Jameson/e/B00924GF6I?ref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share


    I have no links to her at all but I did find her books useful

    Obviously none of us know your Lady as well as you do so working out the best approach is down to you but you are sensible to first consider what some the alternatives to broaching the subject are.

    After all you can only break the ice on this once

    But you seemingly wanting to 'enhance'/ 'spice-up' / 'improve' your/sex-life and/or relationship could also lead her to ask the questions to herself if not directly ....
    WHY does he want to do that?
    WHAT is wrong with our ......

    yuo get the drift .. and that aint going to go down well

    And once you have opened this particular can of worms the lid will not go back on.
     
  14. Peter van der Plas
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    Thanks a lot for the support! That feels good. And I will definitely follow your advice on the conversations.
     
  15. rhodry04
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    rhodry04 Long term member

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    That’s really great!! Your GF reaction was similar to my wife’s in that she was turned on by having control over my orgasms. It’s been 4 years in and out of chastity and everyone is different. She knows all of my kinks and fetishes and while a few are on her “not a chance” list she still supports me having them and even letting me play alone with some of my interesting ones.
    It all started with honesty and taking it slow.
    Don’t rush it and let her know that she is in control. Also make sure your oral skills on point lol.
    Enjoy and have fun with it.
     
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