Strapon for her pleasure

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Howwedoin, Jul 31, 2020.

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  1. Howwedoin
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    Howwedoin Member

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    Haha face-dildo is on order! (no it’s not)

    It’s Hulu and Netflix! UGH
    What we DO together......that’s getting tough. We never get time away from the kids. EVER She reminds me of the projects I need to do...does that count as a conversation?

    I know sex isn’t the solution. I’m just looking for advice or people’s true experiences with using a strapon to provide pleasure.

    Google sucks for searching now. Anybody know of a good strapon forum?
     
  2. Deleted member 75752
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    #27 Deleted member 75752, Jul 31, 2020
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 31, 2020
    OK, back to the strap on then.

    The chief complaint I have ever heard from the wife is that it was cold. Heat it up with a heating pad or warm water.

    Second biggest complaint, too much lube. Go easy, you do not want to kill all of the friction.
     
  3. Howwedoin
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    Howwedoin Member

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    I needed to get things out so that’s perfectly fine.

    The harness came with a 7” smooth upward pointed dildo and I purchased a 6” straight dildo with a defined head and normal veins. I figure those should make a great start.

    When we tried my makeshift harness I ended up pulling the dildo off and giving her some speed and used my hand for clit stimulation. She LOVED that! She would rather have me thrusting for the connection but could verry-well tell that she was enjoying it!
     
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  4. Deleted member 75752
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    Sounds like you are doing good.

    Don't be afraid to give her the girthy ones. My wife never thought she wanted a thick dildo until I surprised her with one. It can do something that I can not. It can make her cum vaginally with no clitoral stimulation. And she cums HARD, two or three in a row usually.

    She was afraid about getting loose for me at first but the vagina is a magical thing. Next day it is just as tight as usual for me.
     
  5. Surrendered
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    Surrendered Long term member

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  6. ray-69
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    ray-69 Member

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    *addstowishlist*
     
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  7. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Long term member

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    Sometimes what we expect to be a great experience for our partner isn't what they are shooting to do. Don't get me wrong, I am sure everyone wants to be sexually satisfied, and that was the direction I thought my wife would want to go in... but she seems a lot happier getting a massage regularly than having sex... She seems to enjoy watching me clean and take care of things around the house regularly than having oral sex... She seems to enjoy rubbing my member a couple time until it is hard then stopping then giving me a full release.

    My point is she enjoy everything I listed above but the things I thought she would enjoy more she doesn't want them regularly. Everyone is different, it's all about communication. If the strap-on works for you that is an amazing quick fix, but just keep those lines of communication open & be honest.
     
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  8. Mrloched
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    Mrloched Long term member

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    Probably been thick, but why cant you take the cage off before sex with the strapon.
     
  9. Howwedoin
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    Howwedoin Member

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    I put the cage on to keep my dick down to avoid poking her in the ass. She’s not into that.
     
  10. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    We have a SpareParts Duce with a Vixskin. The harness has a built-in fabric pouch for your cage. There is no chance the lock will touch her. Make sure you warm the dildo in hot water before using.

    We both like it. It gives us the opportunity to focus on her without worrying about me. It makes a difference.

    It is also a head trip for the guy. You go through all of the familiar motions, you see it happening, and there is no sensation. If she enjoys it, you are going to be experiencing chastity at the highest levels.

    It does sound like you both need some time away from home and the kids to have a serious conversation. Layering kink on top of a problem is likely to cause more problems. Good luck.
     
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  11. Tom Allen
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    Tom Allen Member

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    Not sure what type of cage and lockbyou have, but the Terra Firma harness with a Vixskin Tex work very well for us.

    Here's a link to the harness:

    https://www.stockroom.com/catalogsearch/result/?q=Terra+Firma+Dildo+Harness

    Note that it has a back pad that may be low enough to cover the lock. If you use a faux cock with no testicles, you can wear it lower on your hips for a more natural position.

    Mrs Edge happens to like feeling the cage, so I removed the pad.
     
  12. Howwedoin
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    Howwedoin Member

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    I’m hoping the back pad of the harness covers up the lock enough. We’ll have one dildo with balls and one without balls.

    I’m curious about the two dildos. One is smooth with a head and curves up. The other looks like a real cock but straight. I’m wondering which one she will want more. I was fantasizing about using the smooth one for a bit then pulling out and using the realistic one with my hand.
     
  13. Neo in Neo
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    Neo in Neo Active member

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    Oh @Howwedoin i feel for you and your situation.

    Remember this is an unknown and therefore scary journey of change for her. Additionally, you introducing chastity leads to a lot of questions in her head: “why doesn’t he want to have sex with me anymore” “why?” “Am I not good enough”. Adding the strap-on just adds to the endless question marks.

    a couple of suggestions, first and foremost slow down, go slow down to get the fastest results.

    Suggestions:
    1. I gave my keyholder the audiobook be careful what you wish for, Sarah Jameson. She listened to it on her commute, it helped with all those questions that you can never anticipate.
    2. The strap-on, it is a vital part of my KH and I’s sex life, we both love it. I’d suggest to start, use it without the cage on. In fact start with your cock, and just as you’re getting to the point of no return pull out and quickly position the strap-on in your place without missing a beat. We used that method a lot prior to me being locked close to permanently. Make sure you explain what your going to do and why before, and have her accept so that she embraces the change. The closer the dildo is to your size the better to reduce the shock and then the unrelenting hard-on ideally should take her to all new highs.

    just some thoughts from my experience.

    good luck!
    Enjoy every step of the journey! At some point you’ll look back and fantasize about these early days again.
     
  14. Howwedoin
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    Howwedoin Member

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    #39 Howwedoin, Aug 2, 2020
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2020
    There are no questions about “am I not good enough for him.” She has ZERO sex drive, no ambition for romance and rejects any advance I try without hesitation. The reason I feel like this time is different is because she allowed me to buy the strapon. (there’s no way in hell I would be able to buy a toy) I told her the benefits and when we tried it for the first time (only so far) I was able to prove to her the benefit. Even to the point where she didn’t have to take care of me.

    Every time I try to have a conversation with her (she won’t talk about it) I ask her if she has any feelings for me, is she giving up on intimacy/love or giving up on me. Every time she assured me that she’s still in love with me although in my shoes it feels like she’s some girl that I want so bad but she won’t let me in - emotionally.

    Since strapon night I’ve been giving her hugs and sweet kisses, surprised her with flowers, made nice/sincere compliments about her and lots of little things. She has been more responsive in the past week. She has said I need to cut down on the comments like “while you’re down there” and other annoying actions that guys do. So I’m working on that.

    In conclusion, I feel like she is allowing herself to open up a little to affection. I just have to not fuck it up and go slow.
     
  15. Howwedoin
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    Howwedoin Member

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    There has been a slight shift in plans. Saturday night she had movie night in our garage with the neighbor lady (I decided to leave them alone so she could have some time away with someone else) I was in bed and texted her "I would love to come out after she leaves for an after-movie snack. The pleasure is all mine. It would be the perfect ending after girls night out." She came in after putting stuff away, I asked if she saw the text (regret it now) and she complained about me always wanting sex. I apologized nicely and went to bed somewhat grumpy.

    I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about all the ways I can get my wife to get into the mood. After thinking of every scenario for a while I began to think of the MANY comments on CM about cutting off the orgasms. I realized that everything I was hoping for was to manipulate my wife into wanting me to penetrate her. After feeling ashamed of myself I switched my way of thinking and fell asleep.

    I decided I should cut out the orgasms. I put my chastity cage on and went back to sleep. I know there are different opinions on this, When I woke up I came up with a plan to become a better husband, talk nicer to her, compliment her, take care of things that I know she'd appreciate and STOP the sex thoughts and quit wanting an orgasm.

    That morning she went to the store alone (she never leaves the house) and that's when I kicked it into high gear! She was going to give the dog a bath so I took care of that. I washed the kitchen and bathroom floor, cleaned the toilet & shower, cleaned the kitchen sink, stove top, fed the kids, put away anything that I know would bother her. I had a decent amount of time to think and my number-one plan was to NOT look for rewards. I didn't tell her anything I did. I asked her how the shopping was and let her talk about whatever. I made an awesome dinner, rotisserie chicken and fried potatoes. While everything was cooking she went to the neighbors for a cocktail and asked me if I wanted to come over. I told her I will when I'm done with everything - plus a little time away.

    Chastity goal - She doesn't know I have the cage on. There are two keys. I put one in her purse on her side of the bed under the change purse...because I'm trying to change. The other, I zip-tied it to the shelf in her closet. I have to make a ruckus opening the closet doors to get to it and cut the zip-tie to get it. My oal is to avoid her seeing it, quit drawing attention to it because I feel like it shouldn't be about chastity, it should be about making her happy and satisfied.

    This morning I made her coffee while she was asleep and put a little note on it saying "good morning. I hope you have a good day. I love you." When I was at work she texted me "Thanks for the note (smiley with hearts around it) Love you too (heart)." I'm going to start writing little love notes but not get out of hand.

    Another new goal. When the strapon arrives on Thursday I'm not going to draw attention to it. I'm not going to give it to her and say, 'tell me when you want me to use this on you' or 'surprise me when you're ready to use this'....bla bla bla. I realized that if she wants to try it she'll say something. When she's ready I'm going to make love to her however she likes it. If she asks if I need to finish myself off the answer is 'not tonight this was just for you.'

    So, I switched to serving her in a more loving way on my terms. I just have to keep to my plan and quit the orgasms and not make a big deal about it. She'll come around when she's ready.

    Sorry for the long post! The tips from CM members are helping.
     
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  16. Deleted member 75752
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    Sounds like you are headed in the right direction. Keep at it and good luck.
     
  17. Tom Allen
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    Tom Allen Member

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    Funny, this works even in non-kink related situations. ;)

    I think you're approaching it the right way. It's often difficult to understand why our partners don't want what we think they should want. But if you're acting out of love and respect (as opposed to hoping for the reward of an orgasm) then your partner may feel free to reciprocate out of live and respect.
     
  18. NZSenator
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    NZSenator Long term member

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    I have adopted a similar approach with my wife, I am doing what I can around the house to make her life easier without the whole "I did x so will you do y" scenario. Women (in general) are remarkably perceptive, they know when they are being manipulated (as in the reward scenario) and it generally doesn't bode well.

    I heard a saying once "the best kind of foreplay is to empty the dishwasher and do the hoovering" (or words to that effect). By removing the need for your wife to think about the mundane household chores, it opens up other possibilities.

    Ofcourse, saying that you are doing this without the thought of reward is all smoke and mirrors, we are wanting rewards but either over a longer term, or different than sexual release.

    For me, I'm hoping that my wife will see what I am doing and link it to chastity and then start to embrace the lifestyle more. I don't want to be locked up and forgotten, but women don't always want sexual attention either. Find the balance for what works in your relationship but don't rush it.
     
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  19. Howwedoin
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    Howwedoin Member

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    I have been doing a lot of thinking about my plan. Tonight I made sure I didn’t over-do-it on the pampering. I came home and asked her how her day was. I did little things like wash the dishes, dry and put them away, cleaned the stovetop (something that’s no fun to do) and make sure everything was in its place. I took care of some things outside and helped her do a few things in the garden - spending time with her.
    We played with the kids and had a nice evening. I avoided making derogatory comments or other things that are annoying.

    She’s in our bedroom watching her shows having some alone time while I watch TV with our 14 year old. I’m going to bed soon planning on going to bed like normal without any stupid comments. I do plan to tell her that I like when she sleeps closer to the middle of the bed because I like to be close to her. (truth)

    Sounds like a basic evening but I’m trying to get back to normal and turn up the positive vibes. It’s already working. There are a few little things I’ve noticed that she has done for me that she normally doesn’t.

    The cage is starting to feel normal. There are times I forget it’s on.
     
  20. NZSenator
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    NZSenator Long term member

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    I think its easier for our partners to forget about chastity as they aren't the ones wearing the device. Your "plan" described above sounds like a pretty normal everyday event in any given household, and why shouldn't it be?

    I'm only out of my cage now for sports / maintenance (I unlock early evening Tuesdays for sport, then sleep the night cage free, then lock up again Weds morning after I shave), dedicated shaving (Saturday morning) or at her direction, out of the 168 hours in any given week, I'd estimate I'm locked 150-155 of them, or thereabouts. Whilst sometimes its easy to forget you are wearing a cage, frequently during the day you are reminded of that very fact (going bathroom, when you shift in your pants through sitting, standing, walking etc). Add into it the additional hormones from sometimes being denied or in a state of perpetual horniness and its little wonder our "chastity life" is front and centre of our thoughts.

    Not sure about your partner, but mine barely thinks about her own sexual satisfaction the majority of the time (sleep trumps sex, warmth trumps sex and she is just a busy person in general) and doesn't actively think about my penis or that its caged unless its a specific topic of conversation (which I usually instigate).

    Its tricky when we are going through all sorts of new and exciting feelings / emotions / sensations that we want our partners to be a part of, but if they are apathetic to the whole scenario, its a bit of a lonely road.
     
  21. Howwedoin
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    Howwedoin Member

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    Very well said! I feel like we’re in the exact scenario.

    It made me realize I worked myself up, got myself off a cliff and brought myself back to reality. I’m sure she’s oblivious to all that went on in my head but she can enjoy my good deeds.

    I’m beginning to wonder if anything different happens when the strapon arrives on Thursday. I’m going to treat it like it’s no big deal and even try to forget about it. If she shows interest in it I’m sure she’ll say something.
     
  22. Aussiecple
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    We use a vac-u-lock harness along with my favourite 8.5 dildo :love::love::love:

    20200126_212316.jpg
     
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  23. Howwedoin
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    Howwedoin Member

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    Thanks for sharing. I have a great idea of how the lock will be situated under the balls of the dildo. I have the small version of that cage.
     
  24. NZSenator
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    NZSenator Long term member

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    We tried strap on for the first time on the weekend, once missionary and once doggy. Doggy worked well except my cage kept swinging up and smacking her in the vagina, a few "ouch" moments, so I put my hand between us and kept it from swinging but that detracted from the action somewhat.

    She just got a case of the giggles too, the whole idea of me being behind her but thrusting with a dildo was just bizarre. I told her I too found it different, I could sense the action of the dildo through the resistence of my hips moving, but with no actual connection to her physically myself. I think it actually made me more aware of how she was responding as usually I am concentrating on my own penis and the sensations, now it was all about her.

    I think a different cage and/or different harness may help.
     
  25. Neo in Neo
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    Neo in Neo Active member

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    Very hot @Aussiecple
    I have a feeling the one wearing the strap-on knows how lucky he is
     
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