Just got started but She's worried for me...

My kh, who was my girlfriend at the time and now my wife, used to worry about physical issues and guilt.

She made a point to unlock me every night to rub vitamin E oil on me so my skin wouldn’t have issues, and she felt guilty about putting her pleasure first and as a priority. After about 3 months that pretty much went away. She said it’s my job to inform her of any irritation so we can deal with it before it’s a situation that we have to keep the cage off.

It also became easier to just enjoy pleasure with worrying about mine. She gained confidence the more I was into her and desperately needed her.

 

Hi there and welcome to the mansion!

 

Welcome to our community and glad you've stepped out of the shadows. It sounds like your wife's reaction is not uncommon and I think you've approached it well. I hope that you both continue to find a path that works. Good luck and enjoy.

 

Welcome to The Mansion! Hope to meet you in the chatroom sometime.

 

My wife/kh was initially worried about the cage hurting me and/or causing physical/permanent damage to “her” penis. Once she has seen that isn’t the case she has been “all in” and is enjoying herself.

 

Welcome. Good luck

 

Welcome to CM

 

Welcome hope you find what you are looking for. My experience is about the same as yours. My KEYHOLDER after two months has started to get into it alot more. But be careful what you wish for. I made her mad a week ago and there has been nothin not even Cuddling for a week. Atleast my KEYHOLDER likes it that the masterbating has stopped and also porn watching. My God is it worth the stopping for the sex. We have been married 23 years and this is the best sex I have ever had with no Penetration

 

My vanilla wife was also extremely worried about it hurting me and it took a while for her to see I was doing everything I did before including running and working out with no issues. My wife also initially cried and she kept thinking I was locking my penis from her. It took a lot of discussions to make her realize it was for her and to stop my masturbation. You also mentioned she does not see you as submissive. My wife was the same plus she in no way wanted me to ever be submissive. Follow her lead on this. It appears most guys on here are submissive but some of us just want to stop masturbation and improve our relationship and sex life. There is no right or wrong way to use the cage. One thing I encountered in this similar situation is my wife started asking for PIV more. When we were doing it I could tell she really was not into it. This was the result of two things. First, testing that she could have sex when she wants and I was not locked from her, secondly that since I was denied and she new I was horny that she owed me sex even if she was not in the mood. Lots of long talks and fast forward two years and I am locked 24/7 except when she wants sex. My wife is extremely vanilla and said she will never make me wear the cage but she would like me locked 24/7. Just figure out how it works for her and you knowing her needs and how vanilla she is. Make sure it is always about her and she will be surprised with the benefits she sees. When she does unlock you for sex make her feel extra special and tell her after being locked that sex with her was amazing. I told my wife it now always feels like the first time. I think that comment is what got me locked 24/7 so be careful

 

My wife has a Beatles song stuck in her head. It is one of the songs she sings almost all the time.
“If there’s anything that you want;if there’s anything I can do - Just call on me and I’ll send it along with love from me to you.”
I believe she means it. Sometimes she asks me outright, “Do you need a spanking?” “Would you like for me to put you in your sleep sack?”
She says these provocative statements with the same matter of fact language that she uses when she asks whether I would like for breakfast.
In many ways we have what I have seen written about as a “50s relationship”, but with a kinky twist.
Sometimes she simply tells me that I will be sleeping in the upstairs room with the door locked. Usually when this happens I get a really nice morning delight.
Funny thing though is that no one in our sphere knows what we have going on. I doubt that our friends and family would believe it.
Ss

 

They worry about you because they love you. You must give them time to acclimate.

 

The physical well being of my penis was also my wife's initial reaction / concern, she still has a dislike of what the cage does to my penis when I become aroused, she sees it as red and straining against the cage. When I have taken it off just before sex, its a bit ruffled (for want of a better word) with imprint / marks over the penis/balls where the cage was. She has taken to getting me to remove the cage the night before, to allow both a restful nights sleep (not so many middle of the night toilet stops to relive an erection) and so that the skin has gone back to normal (or close to) for her visual appeal.

She didn't cry or react badly when I suggested it, but just saw it as my thing and that I must be getting something out of it. It was only after 6-7 weeks (when locking was completely voluntary) that she started to really engage.

Good luck with your journey and welcome.

 

Good luck. Just remember to treat her special. Maybe go buy her some flowers or something she would like that is unexpected.

 

Agreed!! One of the biggest wins for me is, that it is totally ok for her having 6 orgasms and me having none, keeping me submissive and horny at the same time.
In my old live I often came into situation where the woman tried to push me over the edge just because she had an orgasm.
It always felt sad, when I knew she tried to make me come just because she thought she needs to pay back.

 

My wife was exactly the same.
Of course to start with lockup periods were much shorter, but as women don't have a penis or testicles, then it's one of the few things (just like men with childbirth) that they can think and imagine about but never really know what it's like.

To start with my wife was concerned about possible injury or adverse long term effects, but over time she's gotten used to it just as we males have, and after the experience and familiarity that time gives it's no longer a concern. One thing noticeably different in our case from other stories here, when we're playing and I get aroused, it amuses her greatly when she notices that it gets "angry red" (her words).

 

Congratulations, and good luck. It's not uncommon that it takes years -- you mention first trying five years ago -- for a husband's need to be chaste to be realized and accepted. The need to be locked never goes away once you have realized it. It took enormous courage for you to reveal yourself to your wife as a masturbator, and that's the big step. It's like an addiction and you need her help. Show her how focused you can be on her -- not just sexually but in how you listen, how you court her again -- when you're locked and not masturbating. Ask her to help you replace masturbating with oral worship. And let her see how anxious you are for the good old-fashioned PIV that she wants when she wants it. She'll remain skeptical for a while, and wonder sometimes why it takes a chastity device for you to be the new you, but she'll also have to acknowledge your improvement as a husband now that you're not masturbating all the time.

 

Regardless of your fascination for being locked up, you must give her piv when she wants it.
During your masterbation, I would bet that your cumming thought is that you are locked. As you now plan a life that does not include masturbation, you can perform oral all you want, but if she is like my wife, she needs you inside her. There is a lot of middle ground between constant masturbation and never experiencing orgasm.
You were brave to tell her your needs. Perhaps you can muster the courage to ask your wife to speak to you as you cum. Give her the lines to say. “I want you back in the cage and here you belong.” Or some such phrase.
My wife doesn’t just need piv. She needs to feel, wee, and hear me orgasm inside her. Yours might need that too.
My were told me last night that tomorrow morning the kids will be watching cartoons. That is code for “Let’s fuck tomorrow morning,”
As for the kids, they are all in their late 30s to early 40s and have families of their own and maintain their own households.
I hear my wife in the kitchen. Excuse me while I go and brush my teeth and wash my face and pee. I will gently cup her beautiful butt as I meet her on my way back to bed. I’ ve Got work to do!

 

I think the important question is:
What is it what you want? Is it about chastity (the kink) or are you looking for a FLR (which is something complete different).
If it's a FLR she has all the right to get PIV, because she makes the choices

 

Obviously I cannot solve your problem. That said, please understand that you are fortunate to have such a wife.
Things will get better for your relationship as time passes simply by virtue of the fact that having your equipment around it will take on a more normal feel for her. In other words, she will get used to this new thing.
The hardest part is over now that you have shown her the CB.
You are asking, hoping for, wanting for her to change her mental setting. You will have to meet her half way by changing your mental setting.
To quote you, “My wife just seems so much more of a wonderful person when my balls are full.”. It might be wise to change your mental setting to not having to be denied in order to feel that your wife is wonderful.
It will not happen overnight, but since she didn’t totally freak out and you have a good life together this equipment will take it’s place within your sexual repertoire.
Also remember: while this is on the front burner right now, life circumstances will intervene and this intense desire will take second and third place for a while then come back to the forefront. It is during this time and these events that she will time to see your desire for equipment as more normal as part of who you are.
For example: Even with all the kinks my wife has embraced since we were married, about 15 years ago I started having a thing for wearing diapers and a diaper cover. She told me straight out that this totally turned her off. I was disappointed but figured that I would just have to keep my desire to myself. A few years later my wife found my equipment when cleaning out my ugly drawers after I bought some pouch briefs that she thought should wear. A few days later she payed out a new pack of adult diapers and my PVC diaper cover. She ordered me to wear the diaper all day and report to her when my diaper was full. I protested because I was working with a carpenter buddy all day. I ended up wearing the rig until about 1:30 pm when I came home to shower, change, and eat. Now she periodically puts me in diapers. I practice just letting things flow on those days.
Good luck.

 

Have you asked afterwards, why she came up with this? Just because she knows what you want or did she find any benefit in it?

 

As our marriage moves foreward in time we learn each other better and better. We also want to please each other more. For example, I have learned that she likes the front yard grass cut often and likes the edging and trimming perfect. I used to balk but now I am honored to be able to give this to her.
Simultaneous to our willingness to please each other my sexual interest has remained strong, but I cannot orgasm as frequently as I once could (refraction time increases). Also, the tittilation factor must be increased.
My wife has remained as hot as a firecracker.
Perhaps the answer is that she wants to please me. Perhaps she realizes that this is the best way to get her pleasure.
We al aye have some sexual game afoot. It is always there, but private between us even when there are others around.
This morning she had given me the id a that we would be making love. Instead, she put me into my Darlex sleep sack, placed a blindfold on me, and a set of Sony sound deafening headphones. She left to feed our daughter’s cat and did a bit of grocery shopping with a mask of course.
She likes to keep me guessing.