How have you improved as a man/person?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by LadyBlaze, Jul 4, 2020.

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  1. NZSenator
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    NZSenator Long term member

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    Perhaps, its more to do with living out my fantasy, I'm honestly not sure. Does the end justify the means?

    I don't see myself separate from that of my relationship with my wife, if my relationship improves through whatever (healthy / consensual) means, then I believe I have improved too, sometimes being "a better man" can simply mean being a better partner.

    She did encourage and support me through 5 years of study, providing motivation and means for me not to give up when things got tough, I guess that would fall into the "you as a person" category (?)

    Interesting take on the topic question Ladyblaze, thanks
     
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  2. LadyBlaze
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    LadyBlaze Queen of Everything
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    Yes exactly, your FLR helped you in your vanilla life with your studies. We all see things differently. I am a domme but I am also a woman, a friend to some, a pack leader, a colleague etc. Just because I am a domme the other aspects of me doesn't seize to exist. And for me, being a pack leader from the start has led me to learn more about psychology, coaching, positive mindset, educating me further in dog training and that has affected me as a person and woman, as a domme and as leader both at work and at home. This is kind of how I mean.I wouöd expect any sub of mine to always strive to improve themselves and I always do the same as the "CEO" of my relationship.
     
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  3. Abstraction
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    Abstraction Force of nature
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    I find that I'm more assertive in all aspects of my life - home, work, interpersonal. I've always been able to do it at work but in other spheres it's been more of a struggle. Now I find myself much more able to tell a d*ckhead that they are just that. I'm also much happier cutting unnecessary ties and keeping the ones that really matter to me.
     
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  4. LadyBlaze
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    LadyBlaze Queen of Everything
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    Yes it gives you a different confidence /aura for sure. You expect people to obey and yu don't have any time for bs.
     
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  5. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    When locked I am more sensitive and have more respect for women (all, not just my KH).

    She is still learning how to mould me, and I dont mind. She started out with unrealistic requests and inconsistent follow through. She is learning to keep the requests smaller and achievable, and it really makes me feel good to please her. Frequently, but not always, she rewards me with teasing or attention which reinforces the positive feelings.

    I will never say this when (if) unlocked, but for sure I am a better man this way.
     
  6. LadyBlaze
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    LadyBlaze Queen of Everything
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    If you can't be respectful towards women in the same way without being caged then maybe that would be a great goal to work towards...
     
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  7. elias
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    elias 7/7 on the TomAllen-Rectrix scale

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    @LadyBlaze, with permission, I would like to comment to below statement
    This might also have do with the fact that in some areas of the globe, aspects like e.g. boarding school and discipline might be more normal. I guess that here education, being more mannered and discipline are "teached" in such a way that it will overrun a few generations. E.g. even when "son" does not went to boarding school, still his dad will bring him the learned "manners and discipline" from his past.

    Being a European, liberal from education, I was not "teached" by my dad about manners and "how to treat a woman". Nevertheless, once I met my Love almost 3 decades ago, I became educated quite rapidly. She knew how woman should be treated (told by her dad). Once being confrontated with some "mis doings", I learned immediately that opening doors, clear the floor for a lady, help her with her luggage, stop the car when they would like to cross the street etc. was highly appreciated. So, my Love did not send me to class to improve, but I was learning quickly without further signals. And, to be honest, I love to do this also to other woman, as I learned how they appreciated this.
     
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  8. LadyBlaze
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    LadyBlaze Queen of Everything
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    When you go back and read this thread a
    Wonderful and yes you are right. I'm glad you learned it and that you met a woman who was taught to realize her value and had standards.
     
  9. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    In my interactions with you, I think you need to give yourself more credit. You support your wife in ways that few men can, and in ways that are anything but self-centered. You want to improve, I think that puts you in a special class.

    I consider you a role model to aspire to.
     
  10. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Thank you for asking.

    I interrupt less. I listen more. In my opinion, listening is the key to everything.

    Most important, is supporting her. She is beginning to allow her dominant tendencies to rise to the surface. While she used to keep them hidden, I do all I can to help her express them. She is already an amazing, successful woman. I see my role as helping her to realize the complete, confident woman she is without guilt.
     
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  11. BR_Saiph
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    BR_Saiph Self-published author

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    Thank you so very much Xileh, that is very kind of you to say!
    I guess I just want to do my best, no regrets and all that good stuff...
    All the best.
     
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  12. Kiesela
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    Kiesela Long term member

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    I can no longer function effectively as anything other than a tool for pleasure.
     
  13. LadyBlaze
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    LadyBlaze Queen of Everything
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    I have no words...
     
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  14. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Not sure at all how to do that. I was brought up to show respect to women always, and pretty sure I do. But the feeling and the way it comes across is deeper when my male ego (penis) is in check. Moot point because my GF says there wont be opportunities to practice uncaged behaviour any more.
     
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  15. Rodeo cowboy
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    Rodeo cowboy Long term member

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    Does that pay well?
     
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  16. LadyBlaze
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    LadyBlaze Queen of Everything
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    Ah well, problem solved then.. As long as you are pretty respectful towards woman caged or uncaged then it is cool.
     
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  17. Gerrit
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    LOVELY story, thank you for sharing....
     
  18. Gerrit
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    NZSenator, which chastitydevice do you use and how often do you wear? do you choose yourself or does your wife decide when and how long?
     
  19. NZSenator
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    NZSenator Long term member

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    I have a dominix delux cage from Lovehoney, although I have ordered a few more from dhgate to try out.

    I’m usually caged most of the time, only unlock for shaving or sport.

    we are still in the early stages of sorting out the dynamic around key holding, lock up and denial. Last weekend for example was the first time she’s really denied PIV and I was really pleased she did (well, sort of). Up until then, wearing of the cage has been “my thing”(her words)
     
  20. Gerrit
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    thanks for sharing! does she sometimes check your cage during the day? and does she talk, when playing, as domina then?
     
  21. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    I don't know in what ways I might be considered to have improved or who by but two things do come to mind as possibilities.

    They are/were both based on.my developing feelings of submission towards my Lady and to some extent women in general.

    There has been much discussion across the internet and on CM by ladies that are in a position of dominance and or aspire to a time when all women are treat with respect by all men.

    From amongst those women and a number of Ladies on this site including of course our own L-u-c-y many have expressed that they do not approve of men generally and their own in particular watching pornography at least not without permission and one reason they agree on for this is that they think it disrespectful. Something that had never occurred to me.

    My Lady has never expressed an opinion on this but I decided to ask her if she would include a ban on unauthorised porn watching on my list of may and may not do. Although I was never a frequently or regular porn watcher. Naturally she asked why and I summed it up as being that many women think it is disrespectful towards women for men to watch porn, and felt that it was therefore perhaps disrespectful of me to watch it. I also mentioned that it added another aspect to her control of me which I thought she would willingly embrace. She agreed with me and I was banned from watching porn.

    As the only thing on my list of may and may not do that I am allowed to raise as a subject is for permission to be unlocked for hygiene, haircuts or medical visits I am now at my own instigation not allowed to watch porn without permission nor may I ask for permission to watch porn.

    Of course my Lady could grant me permission to do so or even tell me to although to date she never has and I doubt she will.

    Also as my Lady and I converse daily via the internet usually via web cams but sometimes through typing I have bought a platform thing that allows me to raise or lower my monitor and keyboard which now means as a further mark of respect whenever I am in real-time communication with my Lady I am able to always stand. It has not been made a rule as my Lady prefers that I do it voluntarily as a courtesy and that I also stand whenever on the phone to herself or any other woman.


    Improvements? I don't know ...but I feel better for them.

    In the eye of the beholder I suppose
     
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  22. LadyBlaze
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    LadyBlaze Queen of Everything
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    #72 LadyBlaze, Jul 15, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2020
    So the conclusion from this is that once you become a submissive you as a person seize to exist and you are one with your Mistress?
    And there is no vanilla life anymore. 110% of your life is flr and chastity? Or am I missing something?
     
  23. NZSenator
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    NZSenator Long term member

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    No, she doesn't check whether or not I am wearing my cage (we both work during the day anyway) and she is still only a "mildly interested" party in this. Sex (in whatever form) isn't at the forefront of her mind most of the time, nor is my being caged. We don't discuss roles of dom/sub as although I have locked myself up and told her I want her to be in control of my pleasure, its a "sex only" part of our life, outside of that we are still equal partners in all other life matters.

    I think its the ring fencing of vanilla vs chaste lifestyle that can be tricky to get my head around. @LadyBlaze mentioned above about "in your vanilla life". To that end, I don't think dom/sub is our "lifestyle" in the same sense as it is for others. Will this change, who knows, she may want to take on a more dominant role or we may stay with the status quo, those discussions are yet to be had.
     
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  24. Gerrit
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    I relate to that a lot, same here, my wife isnt interested in sex at all, but likes daily attention, cuddling a bit, and that;s it. Well, it is a lot of good! But I havent told her about sm/chastity, she will not like it... I kiss her feet sometimes, when she relaxes in the evening, on her chair, feet upon a footstool. I imagine her as dominant. I fear a bit to talk about it, because once and a while we have a normal dispute (vanilla) and then I do not want that she can abuse my secret. How do you handle that?
     
  25. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    I am more focused and I noticed my Chi (internal energy) flows more freely. As a result my coordination is a lot better than it has been in the past.

    I am also more focused and attuned to My Beautiful's needs.

    I want to do more around the house as well.

    I had even started going to the gym to drop some weight, but that is on hold until the Virus contained.

    The thing is I want to do all this. Before I was too busy or too tired or to something or other.

    Now I want to do things for My Beautiful and for my family.

    Chasity had transformed me in to a better version of myself.
     
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