My Hands Free Journal

I told Sir of my idea to fix the fit of the sissy belt and she ok'd my proceeding. She had me take off the regular belt so I could experiment with tightness. Happy to say that tightening the cable did pull the sissy cage nice and tight, snugly cradling my boys. I imagine pulling the cable aside to poo might be a bit tricky now. It's either that or ask Sir to unlock me so I can do my business. I don't think that will go over well. However it occurs to me she might enjoy the extra control over my life. Good thing I can pee in it. Below is a photo of the snug fit. Too bad I can' t make the rear cable just a bit tighter without tightening the waist cables. You can see the untrimmed cables sticking up from the top.

 

A contender for a tattoo. I really like this.

 

The extra cable on the sissy belt has been trimmed. There is no discernable bulge when wearing jeans. Sir is, I'm happy to say, pleased..

 

Some thoughts on wearing the Chinese sissy belt: first, the basket design removes access to cock and balls. As close as I can imagine to not having male genitals. This is a tremendous change from a ball trap device, where the wearer can touch their balls and there is a constant pressure on the balls. I have not tried to escape the sissy belt but it seems very secure short of using cable cutters. The basket is a constant presence between my legs, but as I said, I have no sensation of cock or balls, no skin contact at all. Mistress put me in it this morning, telling me she didn't want me touching her property or feeling masculine pride because of a bulge in my pants. Now I don't even have the outline of a penis tube. She said I should aspire to serving her without my dick confusing me about my place, making me closer to being an ideal female companion. Removing my genitals from the equation should decrease my male energy making my submission more feminine as I wouldn't be fighting myself. She said that she would make me a better male. Not sure I like how that sounds. She seems to have put a lot of thought into this.

 

This evening Sir asked me if I would want to have sex with one of her friends while she watched us. Figuring this question was loaded with landmines, I told her "no". She gave a little smile and told me that that was a one time offer. "Offer", I thought. "That was an offer?" I wonder if I made a mistake with that answer.

 

I've been back in the tube belt for a few days as Sir told me she didn't like how the basket on the chinese sissy belt made me keep my legs spread and walk like a cowboy who's been too long on a horse. I noticed that my discomfort didn't factor into her decision.
This morning Sir gave me a pair of yoga/harem pants and had me model them without wearing the belt. They left nothing to the imagination and were very comfortable.

 

Today was the day! Sir told me that it was time to see if I could please her with just my tongue. She lay back in bed wearing nothing but the chain with the key to my belt, and motioned me to crawl up between her legs. I could feel myself stiffen in the tube but was determined not to let my arousal distract me. Sir placed her hands on my head, silently guiding my mouth to her vagina. I had forgotten how wonderful she tastes. I soon knew that she was enjoying what I was doing as she pushed against my mouth, grinding along my tongue. She finally pushed me back and we rested that way, my head on her leg, beside her pussy. She asked me if I was hard in the tube. I told her yes. "Too bad for you", she said. "This wasn't about cock. It was about me. It will always be about me." I nodded. "I know" I said. "I love you." "Me too", she said. We lay like that a long time. Finally she nudged me with her leg and reminded me I had dishes to wash. I just finished and I'm still hard. It's going to be a long day.

 

Just got a spam e-mail:

Your Penis
Anti limpness organ

Sometimes it feels like the universe mocks us. On the other hand, it is kinda funny.

 

Sir told me she had a present for me. She handed me a gift wrapped box with a ribbon and bow. Curious, I unwrapped it to find a full belt with a wide front shield. She told me to make it fit and put it on, handing me 2 keys. She told me if the fit was good it would be what I would wear 24/7, with no release except for hygene or medical necessities. She said it should give me a flat front to my jeans. That it would probably look like I had no cock or balls. I used self-fusing tape to keep the lining from detaching from the steel. A plus is the tube can be positioned up or down for a more customized fit. Urine empties through a plastic tube connected to the bottom of the steel penis tube. Dealing with that will probably take a bit of getting used to. I like the idea and the look of the full coverage. It's also a little intimidating. I just finished making the adjustments. Photo attached.

 

Well my boys feel a little squished but not uncomfortably. Sir said that we'd slowly work up to wearing the belt full time so my body could gradually get used to it. Like training a dog, she said. With the front shield this is really like what I think of when I picture a chastity belt. My pants now give no indication of genitals, just a smooth flat front. The hose needed to be cut down so I wouldn't get any urine backwash. I'm still trying to figure out what's the best length for the hose. Maybe replace it with a rubber hose that won't bend upwards. The most difficult part of the belt so far is just fastening the lock. It requires perfect alignment with the belt straps for the lock to work. One thing I'm not looking forward to is doing #2. Unlike my other belt, this one doesn't have a thong back but rather a strip of flat metal that can't be moved aside. It does have a poop hole, but it looks potentially messy. We shall see. When I mentioned this to Sir, she said I might have to ask to be unlocked whenever I had to poo. Embarrassing. One more aspect of this belt to put me in a sub head space.

 

Sir laughed at this photo and said it should be called either "Rear Entry", "All Access", or "Say Ahhh".

 

Just did a quick calculation, I have been locked and orgasm free for 305 days. My, how time flies. Came across the attached photo of Miley Cyrus wearing a chastity belt. Maybe a femdom sitcom is next.

 

Today Sir and I discussed our thoughts on the shield belt, that it has some design flaws, mostly the rear strap. If the strap could be replaced (maybe it can) with a rubber covered chain, it would be so much better. The strap would have to be cut off somewhere past the balls so the chain could be attached, going up to the back of the belt. Some kind of power saw might be required to do this, which I don't have. Also the bottom of the tube would have to be cut off, so it would thoroughly drain. In short, some drastic work has to be done to make it a viable long term belt. As it is now, emptying the tube after peeing requires some major contortions, funny (so I've been told) if you're watching, not so much if you're the one doing an impression of having sat on an anthill. I think this is what is called a First World problem. Lol. Sir was disappointed that the belt did not live up to her hopes. So she is reassessing what kind of chastity I should be wearing. Right now I am in the jailbird, but have no idea for how long. We're going to do some virtual window shopping soon, see if something looks good without requiring a couple of trips to Europe for a fitting. We agreed that we required it be open enough to wear it while in the shower, light enough not to pull down on the balls (ouch) and comfortable for long term wear. Sir told me that next time we could get away she would leave the key at home.

 

Thanks , we will take a look at the site. Right now cost is definitely a factor in any decision. We appreciate the feedback.

 

After my cage free shower Saturday morning, and after I thoroughly washed the jailbird, Sir put the cage and the support belt in her nightstand. She then handed me a red drawstring bag. In it was a pink cage from House of Denial. Having been told to find out which of the four provided base rings fit, I promptly obeyed, aided by some KY. The smallest was too tight, but the next one up, though a little loose would definitely do the job. Sir then handed me the cage which I slid into place. To my surprise Sir locked the 2 sections together herself. I was also interested in noting that the lock slid into place diagonally. The cage had numerous holes in it providing good ventilation and easy cleaning while wearing. HoD also provided a way to use a plastic padlock for non-embarrassing airline travel. Maybe I'm too optimistic, but this cage seems to hit our major requirements. The main tradeoff is plastic instead of steel, but it's not like I'm ever going to try to saw my way out. Sir even gave the cage a few licks, enjoying the fact that in spite of the holes, I couldn't feel her tongue. High tease factor. Another plus, as far as Sir is concerned, is that the numerous holes in the cage cause a sprinkler effect while peeing, which makes sitting a necessity. One thing about the shield belt Sir decided she didn't completely like is that it was no fun teasing me without access to my balls. I think this means we're going to trade off between a belt and the HoD cage. Yes, Sir has me trying to modify the shield belt to replace the metal back strap with a plastic or rubber covered chain. I was able to use a snips to remove the metal back strap. My biggest problem, so far, is to find a plate to fasten to the back of the belt, with a D ring to attach the chain. I also have to file down the sharp edges where I made the cuts, for obvious safety reasons. I plan to reinforce the tubing around the edges with spray on rubber for extra cushioning. I am assuming this will work.
Sir has told me that I will be doing my "husbandly duties" tonight. She then said something like "Let's see how tight we can make that new cage feel."

 

This morning Sir unlocked me for some surprise teasing. She had me sit on the bed and stood behind me, slowly dropping her clothes in front of me. Finally she sat behind me, her legs straddling me. I felt her bare breasts pressed against my back. She wriggled a bit until she was pressed tight against me. She began to play with my nipples. My cock slowly stiffened. She made a show of putting on a pair of latex gloves. She whispered in my ear something about it was surprising that I wasn't hard already. Perhaps getting hard was now in my past. She told me I could stroke myself. No improvement. She whispered maybe she could help me. Her gloved hands began playing with my balls. I was definitely getting hard, but not completely. I groaned in frustration. She blew in my ear and started to run her fingernails lightly along my shaft. She dribbled some spit onto her hand and stroked me. Better, she said, but there's room for improvement. Even so I felt an orgasm building. Seeming to read my mind Sir released her grip on me. Once I had softened Sir began the process again, with variations, and then again and again. Not only did I not cum, but I never got as hard as I remembered. Finally, Sir picked up the laptop remote control and told me to watch the screen. It was a porn video starring a trans woman with a large penis, and an attractive young woman. Between the action on screen and Sir's manipulations, I was brought to the brink several more times, finally pleading with her for release. She switched off the computer and told me not to move. Sir then dressed behind my back, while talking about how surprised she was that I had been aroused by cock. She sounded amused. Sir then sat cross legged on the bed in front of me. After I had shrunk down Sir put me back in the pink cage, Where you belong, Sir said, giving my caged cock a shake.

 

Today marks 320 days locked and denied orgasms. Just saying.
The Build a Better Belt customizing project is moving along. I disconnected the butt strap from the belt and cut it from the front where it curves between the legs. Next I removed the covered chain from the belt with just a penis tube and attached it to the shield belt. The chain might need to be shortened, but that should be easy. Last step will be to smooth the sharp metal edges where I made the cuts and glue the latex trim to those edges. Then the only thing left will be to adjust the pee tube or remove it. I'm concerned the tube might fill with pee faster than it will drain through the small hole. All in all though, I'm beginning to think this will work. I have attached some photos of the belt so far. You can see where I taped over the sharp edges so I could try it on to check the fit of the chain thong, and the loose latex trim where I cut off the metal strap. Sir was pleased that I was able to attach the chain. Happy mistress, happy life.
Some thoughts on wearing a front shield belt, or How to Practice Social Distancing From Your Penis. Having taken the first step in modifying the shield belt (referred to as "the belt" from now onwards) I am thinking about what it will be like locked in this..."garment" is too weak a word, so I'll go with "device". Truly cut off (ok, poor choice of words) from my oldest friend, with only urination serving as a postcard to let me know he's still around, is a heavy thing to contemplate. Even locked in a ball trap device we still maintain a certain connection with Mr. Happy. All going as planned he will become genitalia's version of the Man in the Iron Mask. It represents more than giving up piv, it is the willful surrender of a basic part of one's male identity. If this belt works I have been told that I can expect to be wearing it for a long time, with unlocking only when necessary, which is a timeframe open to interpretation. She had previously hinted that the belt was to be worn whenever I left the house, and that she would chose a ball trap device to be worn at home, the better for teasing. If there is one thing I have learned over the years about my Mistress, it is that she has a tendency to be mercurial, even arbitrary, in her whims and decisions, even moreso since she embraced her position as my Domme. I had better have 100 good reasons why I want her to change her mind on a course of action, and even then there's no guarantee she will see things my way.
The other day a pkg arrived containing a steel device Sir had forgotten she had ordered. I am wearing it now and it is fairly comfortable. Sir has told me she wouldn't order any more devices, that we had enough for any occasion. A photo of the new cage is below.
Lately Sir has taken to stroking my cage when we sit next to each other. "Too bad you can't feel this," she'll say, or some variation of this. No arguing with that. Yesterday she told me she had a sudden urge to give me a blow job, but since my dick was locked away there would be no point. And just like that the topic was closed, with me getting stiff. She can do tease and denial with one sentence.

 

The Belt:
I've adjusted the chain to be nice and snug, pulling the shield tight to my body for a secure and comfortable fit. This required my removing a few chain links. Now what's left is the possible removal of the plastic pee hose. I put the belt on earlier for Sir who approved of the chain being buried in my ass crack. She also likes that now that the shield is pulled in tight, my balls protrude slightly on either side. She gave them a gentle prodding and remarked that she had something to play with. She then told me to keep up the good work and don't forget to change the sheets. Life goes on. Sir mentioned in passing that it would be nice to have the buckle/lock cover engraved, but not something like "sub" because I'm already wearing a chastity belt, so that would be stating the obvious. Perhaps "Property of (her name), although she has a thing about privacy and might not want her name on such a potentially permanent piece of apparel, so maybe "Carly" (my nickname which my grandmother used when I was a child and I always thought sounds feminine, like Carly Simon, so I never used it). I have to get this right.

 

This morning Sir decided that the heatwave we're currently in made wearing the chain with my key too uncomfortable. So she replaced the lock on the pink cage with the plastic pin and padlock combination. Works just as good and instead of a key the plastic padlock has to be cut off to remove the cage. Pleased, Sir told me that she was going to edge me with the vibrator she'd bought for me. Just as I was starting to enjoy the sensations the batteries died. Sir swore and told me to kneel until she came back. I wondered what she was thinking. It wasn't long before she came back with a nylon hood and her cell phone. She wanted to take some photos she had been thinking about. Some of the results follow. I think this is more of the mind fucking she enjoys surprising me with.

 

I surprised myself yesterday. Sir had just come back from an afternoon with her sister, and was obviously tired when she sat in her easy chair. Without thinking about it I immediately got her a glass of iced tea and then knelt in front of her and began massaging her feet. She made happy noises and spread her legs for me to continue to please her. She raised up, letting me slide off her skirt and panties. I took my time licking and kissing my way to her pussy, determined that I maximize her enjoyment. She hooked her legs over my shoulders and pulled me closer. I had a growing sense of pride that I could give her pleasure in the way she wanted it, my happiness coming from pleasing her without expecting or desiring that she give my cock a thought. When we were through Sir told me to take a shower and to be sure I got any drips that might be in the cage. She smiled when she said this, a look of contentment on her lovely face.

 

Day 340 locked, orgasm free. Funny but as 1 year locked approaches I find myself thinking about the release of an orgasm more than ever. That's what I get for keeping track of time.
Busy week and it's only Wednesday. Monday Sir went upstate to visit family for the week. Before she left, her sister ( to be called Callie) came over. Last week, Sir and I discussed telling Callie of our FemDom/FLR/Chastity living arrangement, and having Callie hold the spare keys to my various cages. They are annoyingly close, having at one time shared boyfriends. Needless to say, I was out-voted. While Sir was gone I was not to dress when Callie came over. "No modesty. She is also your key holder." I should mention that Callie is strictly interested in women, calling her teenage brush with heterosexuality a mistake best forgotten. Sir told me that if I needed to be unlocked while she was away, I was to call Callie, who lives close to us. This was to remove the temptation to unlock while I was unsupervised. When she stepped into our house , in a teasing way, Callie jiggled the keys she wore on a chain around her neck, the same type of chain Sir wore. Callie gave me a slow looking over, which I found embarrassing, and referring to the cage I was wearing said, "Pink suits you." Sir told me that Callie had full rights to me and that I was to obey her as I would Sir. It was strange to be naked in front of Callie, especially after Sir left, but that began to pass as she treated me with the same indifference she always did. We sat at the table drinking tea and talking, she asking me questions about what being in chastity was like and if I missed being in control of my penis. I told her that no married man controlled his penis, which made her laugh. The only time she exercised her new authority over me was when she said a foot massage would feel good. I noticed her eyes widen when I immediately knelt in front of her and removed her shoes. She did enjoy the massage. This feels like a Twilight Zone version of cuckolding, being controlled by 2 keyholders, and the second kh has no particular interest in chastity.
Yesterday Callie came over at noon and asked if lunch was ready. As I wasn't expecting her, it was not. I asked her what she would like, and soon we were eating at the dining table. After lunch Callie had me come to her so she could get a good look at the pink cage. She had me cup my balls and lift my package for her inspection, explaining that the pink "cock holder" looked weird. To my embarrassment she said, "Hey, the little guy is waking up." There was definitely a stirring. She told me not to move, and started laughing as my cock tried to fill the cage. Then she said, "Now get me a beer, subbie." Yeah, I served her drinks and massaged her feet that afternoon.
Callie stopped in this morning to take off my cage so I could show her how the belt fit. I had attached the chain to the belt with short lengths of ball chain for a test fit, as I decided that a jock strap arrangement was better because of hemorrhoids. Callie liked that my cock and balls were out of sight and told me I had to wear it until she came back sometime tomorrow. She said I looked much better with it looking like I had no penis or balls. She wondered if people would notice that I had no man bulge in the front of my pants. Maybe they would think I was transitioning to a male and was pre-op. She seemed to find this idea funny. Then she handed me a porn video and told me I was to watch it and tell her tomorrow if the belt stopped me from getting an erection. Also had to give a report on if my poo hit where the chains connected to the shield. She was definitely enjoying her new power over me. I hate homework.

The Belt update: The chains might give a VCL (Visable Chastity Line) lol, but I doubt it. I will add a couple of D rings to permanently attach the chains to the belt. After that, if I can add a rubber coating to the chains the project should be complete. I know that Sir is eager to see the finished arrangement, but I know that the fact that it has to be removed for showering makes it less than ideal. She is no doubt considering all options.

 

When Callie arrived I told her that after removing the plastic tube I had been dripping pee down my leg every time I stood up after urinating. She told me that she saw right away that could be a problem. Thanks for the heads up. She swapped out the belt for the lightweight pink cage. When I handed her the key she said, "Good boy." I made us soup and sandwiches with beer in cold pilsner glasses. As we were eating she asked me if I missed having sex. I told her I still had sex. Just not with your dick, she said. I wasn't sure if that was a question or a statement so I just shrugged and let her interpret it as she pleased. She asked if I had to do anything Sir told me to do. I told her that our understanding was anything within reason. Callie then said that that understanding applied to her too. I guess so, I told her. She smiled and told me to put on the dog mask. She had me. Without a word I did as told. She took a couple of pictures with her phone. "For the family album," she said, with a smile as wicked as Sir's. I took off the mask and put it away. Callie patted the couch seat next to her. I sat down. We watched an old movie and ate popcorn. I'm surprised that we have become so at ease with each other with one of us naked and in a chastity cage and the other so comfortably, quietly dominant. Her presence has helped pass the time. We had been friendly but not friends. As she was leaving Callie said to me, "I'm gonna fuck my girlfriend tonight. Have her call me Sir. Think about that tonight, cage boy." She flicked her finger against my cage and left.
I'll be glad when Sir comes home.

 

A strange day.
Callie came for lunch today, which seems to have become our routine. She told me the only difference between me and a lesbian is that a lesbian straps a dick on while I strap mine down. Both, she said, eat pussy. She said that she would only address me as "sis" or "Carly", (having read my journal here, she knew it was a name my grandmother called me, unaware it sounded feminine to me). She joked that I should shave one side of my head and wear flannel shirts and Doc Martens. She was in a good mood. Following this theme she had me put on the girly cross dressing type belt with the pink tubing. She said I had to wear it until tomorrow. I told her the front locking part dug into my skin. She said "Now you have a reason to diet, honey. A girl like you has to watch her figure." Then she said she wanted pictures that would show "the real, dickless" me. Judging by the photos she thinks the real me is a gay eunuch. Then she really surprised me. She told me to bend over a bench facing the wall. She left the room and came back a couple of minutes later. She whispered in my ear that what she was about to do was for my own good, that her sister had been too easy on me. She then hit me on the ass with what I later learned was a section of plastic hose for the shield belt that I had discarded. She gave me what felt like some pretty solid smacks. While beating me she said that she wouldn't leave any marks. Unless I wanted her to mark me. I declined the offer. When she finished she told me to post selected photos here. As she ordered, photos are attached. She told me that when we were in private I must call her Mistress. I think Sir created a monster.