I completed 120 days last March 3rd thanks to my lovingly strict girlfriend. (now fiance!) She noticed a pattern of malaise and downright grouchiness forming after I would orgasm. I've struggled with depression in the past, but it has been successfully treated for the past decade. My mood swings were threatening our relationship. She explained the theory of mood and the male orgasm. We'd played with chastity as a game in the past, even ordering a cheap device off of amazon, but we never exceeded 48 hours or so. She wanted to test her theory and I was given a 30 day ultimatum. Long story short, a month became four and and during that time, something wonderful happened. It was both the most physically maddening and emotionally beautiful experience of my life and without getting mushy and trite with the details, we grew closer than ever. After the four months, well...incredible and crash. She had proven her point. She's settled on 60 day intervals, as the 30 immediately following our 120 days didn't have the same effect, save for three weeks of intense discomfort, due to starting from scratch. I've come to terms with this as normal and actually enjoy it, if I'm being honest. I've just started to loathe orgasms, because starting over means sleepless nights and a wicked case of blue balls the first few weeks. The 30 seconds of pleasure isn't really worth it. Will this refractory period lessen in intensity over time? Also, how do I discuss this with my better half? Any thoughts, experiences or encouragement are welcomed.
I know where you're coming from. There is a crash post orgasm that isn't good. I'm lucky not to suffer from depression but I can certainly understand how that crash would be exacerbated for people who do. Good luck with it. Focus on the better days, I guess. There are more of those and that's what matters.
I am extremely thankful after an orgasm. Lots of warm feelings toward her. That's one thing my wife and previous women like about me. Married now for 16 years.
Well it seems like she is liking you locked, just sit down with her and tell her your feelings. Maybe try a 6 month lock up and see if ya feel the same way. If she wants PIV try using numbing cream or wear a couple of condoms to keep from orgasming. That way she gets what she wants and is happy. You don't have to worry about blueballs.
I am the same as far as looking forward to an orgasm, but also dreading it. Sometimes right before I orgasm, I think about stopping and skipping it. I am not real depressed afterwards, but don't feel the same either and it takes several days, more than a week for me to get that feeling back.
Yes, I share your struggles with sub drop, @Colton27. Add soon as i climax, i just float away from subspace and it takes a while to get back. That has encouraged my Keyholder Wife to give me fewer and fewer orgasms. She says it happens so rarely (6-8 times per year) that She doesn't miss them. We still do PIV, i just put a couple condoms on to help me last without going over the edge. I'd suggest talking this out with your Domme and asking for fewer climaxes. Odds are She'll be only too happy to accommodate you. (And i don't see this as topping from the bottom as you are just asking.) Communication is the key to all good relationships, vanilla or D/s, so discussing it with Her can only help you both work through this. Good luck! asa
I guess I'm lucky in that after an orgasm I am feeling submissive as soon as the cage goes back on and back in sub-space after a couple of days. The way to discuss with your wife.... tell her what you've written here and let it be her decision
I'm lucky to not have serious sub-drop, after an orgasm I dont mind a cage or doing a service, but chastity is more about a game then being forced on me that being said, there is a light moment after like that, but it doesnt last long for me, and ruined orgasms dont give me any sub drop at all
So true, last year my Love was also treating me with a 4 months one-shift period. Those days were so great! During this period, I was "mentally chasted", without any full release. In between my Love only allowed me a couple of ruined orgasm’s, as well some teasing sessions. During the last "stretch" of the said period, I was kept in my cage for around 16/24 hours. Then, after 4 months, my Love allowed me a full release, after which I went "back downhill" to only halfway. In the days after, my Love again allowed me to have 2 more FO's, resulted in being "back below sea level" in a few minutes afterwards. After this, I needed at least a couple of weeks to climb the mountain again and raise my brain levels. During this period, I felt rather energy less, disappointed and less concentrated at serving my Love. So, I do not have the experience that the refractory period (duration and intensity) becomes less. Opposite might be even more true, and I started to dislike it very much. Therefore, I really hope that my Love will only allow me at very scarce occasions a release to enjoy herself. For me, this thing could be abandoned from my life.
Then stay locked! Have you tried anal stimulation? It’s a total different ball game! You get some pleasure, but non of the Drop off after!
I completely agree and understand with the OP. When we first embarked on chastity, with my partner/KH, it was all new to us and she let me masturbate rather frequently. Rarely less than once a week. However as the periods of chastity lengthened we both appreciated how submissive and attentive I became. Locktober of 2019 was out first time with me going a full month without release and while it was tough for me at first, and Mistress nearly relented a few times, we discovered the profound effect it had on me, towards her, and how it brought us closer together. This was all new to us, and while we had read that a release could have a detrimental effect, we both underestimated the impact. When Mistress let me masturbate at the end of Locktober, like the OP, I felt sluggish and despite the best will in the world, i was less submissive. We wondered if it was a one off. At the start of 2020 I lasted 53 days without release, and the same thing occured. A combination of a reward for last 53 days, and the joy we got from denying me, Mistress treated me to my first cage. At the time of writing this, my last release through masturbating was 85 days ago. However, during that time, I've had 3 ruined orgasms where Mistress has teased and mocked me to such an extent, that I've cum. But they don't feel anything like a proper wank, or sex with my Mistress and the after effect of feeling less submissive isn't quite there. So, I get a release, but not really. It;s a result of this that I crave to wank, but dread the impact. And Mistress does too as she loves my nature being denied. I've masturbated just twice this year, no sex and I can't see that changing anytime soon.
I agree! Don't unlock, but let her take you with a strap on. It's a great feeling to be f%$ked by a strong partner with a hard thick cock when you are small and limp.