Ladies.... when you’re not feeling it

I understand that sometimes her brain, worries, or distractions just don’t let her get in the mood for arousal, but it is impressive every time it happens to me and she suddenly says, “That’s enough. Time for sleep.” Suddenly, my brain is the one distracted, restless, and unable to sleep.

This is the biggest change for me. She always is the one to decide what comes next. I used to plan out our sessions. Now, I only plan how to get her started. She decides the rest. Being in constant limbo reminds me of the early days of a relationship of not knowing what would happen next. I wonder if women in FLR/chastity relationships feel that same renewed sense of excitement.

Completely understand that there are periods of time when her brain is not in a state to allow arousal. A brief squeeze, sitting on my lap, a hint that something might happen this weekend, or even a naughty text all remind me that she is still aware and thinking of me even when we are not “hot and heavy.”

 

I think that just asking about it and acknowledging it, you are ahead of the curve.

Yes wearing a device can be kinky erotic fun but most of the time it’s not. Most of the time it’s on at work, while watching tv, all the other daily mindless activities. It’s also impractical, sometimes painful or irritating, and in general a pain in the balls (pun intended). It’s easy to get disheartened and ask yourself “why the heck am I wearing this thing anyway? She doesn’t seem to care why do I?”

Surprisingly enough, subs are needy, but don’t require much attention. Like a cactus. Little things make our day, it fuels us, and reassures it’s all for a reason. A text saying something, a meme or picture describing something that turns her on, maybe a comment about it. Maybe a picture of your privates sent with a message about missing out on the fun while he was gone etc. We are visual critters and anything we can see and read is pretty hot.

Small comments in conversation, questions, like “how long has it been anyway? Oh I hardly noticed” “I wonder when I’m going to feel like unlocking you?”

The stand by of a pat on the cage and a tug on the balls is always a good reminder along with “just where it’s supposed to be”

Most of our playtime is generally her based, so “I think I’m in the mood for Doxy” (her wand). I hand it to her, caress her as she gets herself off, and hands it back to me to put in the drawer before going to sleep giving me a goodnight kiss. The wand usually gets her off in less than 5minutes, and I’m dripping in my cage until I manage to fall asleep.

Whatever you do, it will be perfect, because it will show you acknowledge his state, and show interest in keeping him that way. You really can’t do anything wrong.

 

I certainly do. It makes a man much more eager to please and pamper his lady, most relationships without this kink that I had before resort to a 'wham bam, thank you ma'am' type of sex situation pretty fast.
It seems to me that unlocked / unchaste men are often only after their own pleasure and the woman is an afterthought, if she's thought of at all.

Chastity definitely makes a man think of what his woman needs, because he won't get any if she isn't satisfied. I know I will never go back.. I am much more sexual with him and interested in sex, because he does romantic things that make me want him.

 

This sounds like my wife every night!

 

I had to think of this for a while. They are all good ideas. I think it depends on the relationship between people. I think when it becomes a 24/7 lifestyle feelings change. Maybe it is just me, but there is two sides of the coin. I feel that when your tired and don't feel like it is when someone should respond by taking care of you. Life is a pain is the ass sometimes and you need a head break.

When she is like that I know it. That's when I lotion her feet, ask if she wants to hit the massage table, show her the love and gratitude I have for making me her's. I am very service orientated so it is almost natural for me to take that route. I hate to poo poo on people's parade, but if we uphold our love and support for her at all times you shouldn't need to feel deprived. You all can hate me if you want too, just think about it. You rub her feet, rub her back... you never know how rejuvenating it is for her to feel like number one.

I guess to some it is a kink and to some there is more at work than just the chastity part. For me it is a commitment that I made and always show how important she is to me. For me to just look up from putting lotion on her feet and see her smile is priceless. I'm just another country heard from. Never let there be pressure and you will never feel forgotten. Never underestimate what you can do for yourself for showing her your gratitude.

Love you two...
Allen

 

Allan I wish I was at the same place you are at, I envy you so much. I want to be that person that you just described, That’s you. But I still find myself being selfish and wanting my kink at the worst times. I don’t want to change this thread into something else but I want to be that guy but I have trouble getting there. Maybe I will start a new thread about this but again I envy that you said and what you do.

Love you guys too

 

@Gigaman. We are all different. It takes time to change and our personality differences make a big difference. I am who I am. It was not a comparison of me and others, just another angle to look at it from. We had our 40th Anniversary last Sunday. We have been together since we were 15. We grew up and together in those years. All I'm saying is when you feel deprived do something for Her and see the magic that it can bring. Women are people too. lol Don't envy, do what you can. Never underestimate yourself, you may surprise you sometime. lol
Take care Bud.

 

Yes I agree with the bondage as long as he does all of the preparation and after he does it you ignore it for an hour or so without even mentioning it. Then raise eyebrow or simple command, he assumes position you lock him and leave him without another word

 

Yea I agree with this. It does not take much.

I can totally understand the "not into it right now" kind of day or days even. But there is a point for me where if there is zero attention given or even acknowledgement that I am locked, things start to get difficult for me. I crave that attention, almost need that attention. Yea sure I get that it's all about her priority on anything and how that is what a good slave or submissive should strive to be or do. But, I am finding that I might not be that much of a sub and definitely not a slave. We (my wife and I) are also discovering that she is waay more submissive than her Dome side ... and we are also finding that we can switch back and forth on that.

In the middle of all that and back to the OP question .... it does not take much, just an acknowledgement a squeeze or some sort of gesture ... that will carry me through the nigh if not into the next day or two.

Great question ... and some great feedback from all This is what real life chastity and TnD is all about. It's what happens beyond the fantasy of it, the day in and day out kind of stuff .... love it!!

 

Get a large dog kennel. When you don't want to be bothered put him in it the over it. Or, blindfold hin mad put on sound proof earmuffs. Stuff like that will teach him to leave you alone.

 

Or gag him...rofl!

 

Blindfolded, gagged, and caged I'd the kennel at the foot of your bed.

 

I have seen those beds with the cage built under them. I think that would be a great idea too. That would be amazing for the both of you. You in your place above him at all times whether up during the day or, just ssleeping. He would have to leave you alone when you wanted him to.

 

If my madam is not feeling it, then I simply have to wait until she is! That’s all there is to it!! As it’s not about me, it’s all about her!

 

I haven’t really been feeling it lately. I got laid off and I’ve been sleeping a lot more and libido is way down. I’ve been bratty and Mistress has started to put her foot down to let me know this stuff isn’t optional anymore and “not feeling like it” isn’t an option for chastity and listening to her.

 

Her needs are to be met no matter what. You are the slave, you have no options. All you need to do is focus on her needs and let her guide you. If she want you to get a job you will, if not you won't. That is the way I was taught.

 

Yeah, that's simply what it comes down to. A submissive does not call the shots after all.

 

I sometimes receive the firm and gentle reminder that I AM a cuck and sent to sleep in the guest bedroom.

 

@Jessica Alexander brings up a good point, that subs in chastity also have moments when we 'aren't feeling it', so working though those lulls takes effort and often a firmer hand from our KH, partner, or Mistress. If you're lucky you have a Domme/Dom that will revitalize that energy when needed.

 

That's the same in any relationship and couples usually manage to successfully convey their mood, sometimes without actually having to state the obvious.

 

First do some "positioning" I snap my fingers and point at the floor by my feet. He knows this means to get down on his knees and kiss my feet until I say stop. Once he is feeling his position I tell him I wish to be served. Then tell him to make whatever food or drinks I want while I watch tv. Each time he serves me I do the point and click thing and tell him I am pleased while He kisses my feet. It's not hard at all.

 

I cannot tell a Mistress what She would do, but putting more of the burden on me is ok with me. Also, words of affirmation usually are lower pressure - tell me You are not feeling totally up to it but that You appreciate how that I am showing patience and discipline. Have me do things that pamper You while you relax especially if they seem "vanilla" to you. Intimacy goes a long way toward building patience and trust.

 

That’s right my sweet little bitch, we play by my rules now!