Odd Man Out

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by kbob0411, Apr 25, 2020.

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  1. kbob0411
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    kbob0411 Member

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    Well, this is going to be interesting!

    I've only been a member of CM for a very short while, but I have frequented the site over the years as I explored chastity. Initially I explored it because my wife continually suspected I was cheating on her - which I didn't do over 30 years of marriage. I had actually thought that if I could present myself locked up and give her the keys that maybe she would back off on her mistrust and we could maybe have a calm and loving relationship. Unfortunately I never had that opportunity. Sh decided to tell me that we were a mistake from the start and she knew it on the first day of our marriage. So after 30 years of pent up anger and regret, there was no recovering from that.

    But while I never had the chance to explore enforced chastity with her, I did get somewhat enamored with the idea of someone holding the key to my device and be in full control of any sexual fulfillment. This was NOT at all about never having another orgasm NOR about any kind of feminizing of me! It was all about a D/s dynamic in my mind. You see, my job requires that I be a D all the time, often 7 days a week. I learned a while back that escaping into an 's' now and then is very therapeutic for me - and it has become something I crave. So chastity is all about allowing someone else to control that aspect of my life, if only for fleeting moments now and then.

    Fast-forward to today, and an entirely new dynamic is at play. Some of you will probably leave this thread as you read this paragraph, but it is my truthful journey. I understand if you find you need to leave. But going back to the 1970's, I have repressed homosexual urges. Yes, that is like 50 years of holding back on urges and feelings without EVER acting upon them....until about a year ago. My marriage was history and truly, as much as I love the female body, I simply could not see myself ever investing in another relationship with a woman again. I was burned too badly and just couldn't go there. In fact, I had sworn off any kind of long-term meaningful relationship with anyone at that point. But then, just when I wasn't looking for it or expecting it, I met AK. Let's just call him Alaska...if fits for now!

    I was just out for a good time. In fact, I had set out to have one of the most self-centered, sexually selfish weeks of my life. And that is when I met Alaska. I figured it was only a one-night soiree at the time, so we met and had a couple cocktails and parted ways. But then he asked me to meet up with him again. And I did. And we did several more times. Eventually we actually became involved romantically - truly caring for each other. But all the while I remained pretty tentative about the whole thing. I did not want to put myself out there to be burned again AND my ex-wife was more vanilla than any vanilla you've ever sampled - and I had a LOT of kinks that I wanted to explore.

    So early on I figured I had to tell Alaska about some of my kinky fantasies, because if he wasn't interested in that aspect of my life then I needed to move on. Love and caring is important, but at the same time I needed to fulfill a lot of unfulfilled needs and urges. He had actually never heard of chastity devices, cock cages or any of that until I dropped it on him. And I dropped it on him by showing him pictures of me in some old cages before I explained anything to him. Obviously he asked a lot of questions. And then he shared that his previous partner (eventually husband) had a number of extra-curricular affairs with young guys on a regular basis, which he didn't find out about until his partner came down with terminal illness. So it turns out that Alaska was/is fairly jaded when it comes to trusting his partner, at least from a sexual promiscuity standpoint. So my mention of chastity devices, keyholder, etc. did not fall on deaf ears with him. In fact he quickly became a huge fan of it and was very turned on about the entire thing. So for that last 6+ months he has essentially taken control of my chastity even though we live in different states.

    He dictates when I need to put on a device and which device he wants me to be wearing. At any point during any day he can ask me for a picture of my locked cock which is timestamped by my iPhone, so he knows it is real time. Sometimes he has me provide proof of my locked cock via FaceTime.

    The chastity "play" is a very important dynamic in our relationship, but it doesn't trump general communication and emotional issues. While I am submissive to him in that aspect of our relationship, I work in a job and field that requires me to be an in-charge "D" personality. And now and then Alaska and I will switch the D/s dynamic in other ways. And when we are out in public, no one would ever be able to guess or know that I am a closeted "s"!

    With all that background, I will try to keep a journal here of our journey as he assumes more control over me. Eventually I will move in with him and we plan to be committed partners in a long-term relationship. I don't believe I will ever marry him, but I do intend to be a committed and monogamous partner with him for the remainder of my life. Am my job requires regular travel over the western US, so he will want me locked up whenever we are apart. The challenge ahead is to figure what device(s) I can wear for extended periods of time the are inescapable. He loves the idea of holding my key, but at the same time realizes that there will be urgent situations that my require my ability to unlock. But we need to make sure than anytime I unlock, he knows about it. So join us for this journey as I share this developing story!
     
  2. locked_top
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    locked_top Caged tiger

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    First, sorry about your (previous) marriage.

    Second, looking forward to hearing about your adventures.
     
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  3. kbob0411
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    kbob0411 Member

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    I made a bad choice yesterday. My day was going to be crazy busy with errands and projects, and when you live 90 minutes from town, any city business makes for a long day. I had slept with the impaler (pics in my albums) on, as that is typically Alaska’s preference for me at night. I should have got up, showered and put on either the KTB or the Nub. If he doesn’t specify, I can choose. But unless their is some circumstance we’ve discussed, he expects me to be locked at all times unless I’m changing devices.

    Frankly, my cock needed a break and I was being lazy. It has been several days since he initiated any discussion about me being caged and he hadn’t recently acknowledged my daily proof pictures. So I figured I could take a break for the day and he’d not be the wiser. That turned out to be a poor decision!

    I had most of my errands done and had just received approval for a business trip that would allow me visit him next week, so I sent him a note with the good news. His reply acknowledged he was happy too, and then he went on to ask which device I was wearing...

    I sent a couple follow up messages about next week’s trip and tried to distract his line of questioning. It didn’t work. He persisted and I had a choice to make; be truthful or lie. A lie might’ve worked if he didn’t ask for a proof pic or FaceTime evidence. With me in the middle of town he might not have expected it immediately, but certainly before I got home - and I didn’t have any device with me to put on, so I would have been caught. And honestly, I hate deception and lies and can’t think of anything more toxic to a relationship. So I told the truth.

    Awkward silence ensued. Finally he asked me why I wasn’t locked up. He reminded me that it was my idea to begin with and that I had willingly given him full control of my cock at all times. And more than anything, he was upset because I failed ask him permission or at the very least, tell him what I did before he had to ask. So yeah, I felt like a heel.

    As soon as I got home I locked up and sent him proof. He was glad, but went on to remind me that this episode will be revisited next week when we are together. Not only is Alaska my KH, he is also my Dom, and he takes discipline quite seriously. In fact, he tends to enjoy it a tad too much when I give him good reasons to be disciplined.

    To be continued...
     
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  4. Spades
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    Verified Female

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    Its alwa6best to tell the truth. Looking forward to hear how your trip goes. :)
     
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  5. kbob0411
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    kbob0411 Member

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    I’ve learned that lesson over and over during my life, and I agree!!
     
  6. salonslave
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    salonslave I play for a living and work for fun.

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    Amazing story. I am kinky as hell with my wife and have zero homosexual feelings. I respect your sexuality and salute your moving into a relationship that is comfortable - until he disciplines you soon. But there is much comfort in accepting disciplinary measures.
    ss
     
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  7. kbob0411
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    kbob0411 Member

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    Well damn, it’s going to be a long night! After nearly a month of waiting, my Cell Mate remote controlled chastity cage arrived. It came with two rings, one being 51 mm, so I was hopefully it might be large enough for my high and large package. It was, but the gap is terribly narrow. Alaska wants me to sleep with it on tonight to see how it goes, but frankly I don’t think I’ll get very far before I cry Uncle!

    We had been holding out a lot of hope for this device because it seemed perfect for our long distance relationship, but it looks like I just blew another $170 on an implement of torture.

    ill let you know tomorrow how I fared, but I’m not holding out much hope at this point - and I’ve only been in it a little less than an hour.
     
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  8. kbob0411
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    kbob0411 Member

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    Cell Mate update:

    Pure failure! I awoke at 1:45 am with my balls throbbing and what felt like a knife cutting my scrotum from the back. There was so much pressure from my swollen scrotum against the cage that even after I unlocked it, it was a struggle to remove the cage from the ring.

    I am going to try to use a Dremel tool make a little more gap for my sack and maybe find a way to put a little more bend to the ring. But I’m not sure it will be very successful.
     
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