Devolving Quickly

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by PouchPantyLover, Mar 31, 2020.

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  1. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    It was only a little over a week ago that I really felt like our FLR was on firm ground. Things have been devolving quickly since then. I think it mainly has to do with the ongoing self imposed quarantine. Still she's gone from stern task master to molly-coddling. She's lost all interest in any sexual activity and is even shunning to some degree intimacy. I think the whole family is suffering from cabin fever. The stress of trying to help our kids navigate distance learning, the constant cycle of prepare food and clean-up associated with 3 meals a day every day plus kids snacking, career demands and fears not to mention angst over health of ourselves as well as friends and family. A few years back she wanted to put the cage away and be more of my alpha work persona in our day to day life. I feel like she wants that again, but as usual is the worlds worst communicator. Another spin out feels imminent.
     
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  2. asastype
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    asastype Service sub to Mistress AMA

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    Sorry to hear this. It is a stressful time and everyone reacts to stress differently. Focus on your relationship and family and things will work out in the long run.

    asa
     
  3. Anonoman
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    Anonoman Long term member

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    We’re the same at the moment. Coping with two children off school, no meeting with friends, me trying to work from home, trying to go shopping... it’s not much fun.
    But watching the news shows just how little it really is effecting use. We’re all well, got food and able to buy more, my job is safe and I’m getting paid.
    I’ve been unlocked for 3 weeks now but hey... :+1:
     
  4. tvalex
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    tvalex Long term member

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    It's going to be hard in these stressful times. Perhaps she feels like all the responsibility is in her hands.
    Just be as supporting as you can. Things might improve.
     
  5. DominationDevotee
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    Hey,

    When we went into lockdown, we started on the same path, however, I often find that these things, for us at least become a self-fullfilling prophecy; I am very dominant at work, and my wife sometimes needs reassuring that she's still in charge, however, in the most of it, I can become less attentive and more dominant which only exacerbates the situation.

    We tend to end up bringing it up and before long we're back to normal, with me locked again as I am now.

    Good luck
     
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  6. andy66
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    andy66 Long term member

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    Both of us are working from home, both stressful jobs , so I think my KH sees it as a little bit of escapism, 19 days in since new cage arrived.
     
  7. buildup
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    buildup Long term member

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    You sound like you want sexual activity
     
  8. BR_Saiph
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    BR_Saiph Self-published author

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    Life is fluid, and these are stressful times. Sometimes we need to wear different hats for our loved ones. I can't know your situation but hope you both find a way to get through this in a way that gives you both something of what you need.
    Be well.
     
  9. MissyB
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    MissyB Long term member

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    I would think that any move away from a FLR arrangement under stressful conditions like these are almost to be expected. As life recovers, I'd think there would be a strong possibility of your old relationship reemerging too. Just talk about it and listen.
     
  10. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    Chill a little my friend PPL. It's hard to maintain the dynamic with kids around, with life and daily cycles disrupted. I know you need the omnipresence of her dominance and her lash, but sometimes you just have to bring a little more submission to the table. She's not giving up the life, she's struggling through the changes too.
     
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  11. lockedformistress
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    Constantly being in domme mode is tiring for some women. Chill out with the fantasy and just concentrate on trying to make her happy. Take a few of the household chores off her plate. Don't wait for her to order you to do stuff, just do it because you know it would be one less thing she would have to do. The fun stuff can wait until later.
     
  12. madams-sissysub
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    I second that!
     
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  13. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I remember once she requested maid service, I was very reluctant, but as much as she had been open minded with me I agreed. I delved in, she said she loved it, i ended up liking it, and I said I would make it a regular thing. Then spring hit, all sorts of projects needed to be done. Carpenter, electrician, landscaper, and plumber had to take the job and the apron put away. I just couldn’t do all that , and get all gussied up, clean the house, and pamper her. I also do the normal chores, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and take the lead on raising my son. There aren’t enough hours in the day, and to be honest, I’m not really in the right frame of mind to be the maid after building a deck.

    So it kinda fell to the side while I dealt with issues that needed to be tended to. This didn’t make her feel bad, she was probably much happier with the progress I made on the home than any kind of maid pampering I could do. It also however got us out of the routine and the expectation. We never really got back to it, and I’m not really someone that would do all that unless it’s requested.

    She hasn’t mentioned it much besides the occasional “I guess the maid quit” while picking something up or doing something that is normally something I take care of. So until she formally requests the maid, it will stay on the back burner. Part of me is disappointed, I had actually started to look forward to it, and expected to do that role and then it was gone. But things change and we move on. We might go back to it, we might not, the only thing for certain really is that her role as in charge of sex and me wearing the cage isn’t going anywhere.

    I had all but thought discipline was all but gone since it had been so long since she did it. Then all of a sudden just a little bit ago she gave me a serious paddling for not getting my truck registered on time. So ya never know, things come, things go, and sometimes they come back.

    Hold the line and keep her your priority, and eventually things may return, and her inspiration may return.
     
  14. lockedformistress
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    Sounds to me like she is requesting it!
     
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  15. BR_Saiph
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    BR_Saiph Self-published author

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    The surprise punishments are the best, just when you're least expecting it.
     
  16. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    Thanks for all the feedback and for those that offered it the encouragement. I understand we are in unprecedented times and our world is in some ways crumbling around us. I also know that all of us being cooped up was going to require some changes in all elements of our lives. Anyone that has read even some of my posts know that I put my marriage before this lifestyle. They also know I wait on her hand and foot, so the chores aren't an issue. The bottom line is my wife is a big non-verbal communicator. Instead of saying we need to take a break from this or that, she just starts acting a particular way. In the past when she has acted the way she has acted over the last week it is her way of saying I'm not going to do this anymore. As of today I'm still doing what I always do. Continue to serve, be patient, be supportive, be encouraging and above all take a deep breath whenever I feel myself getting snippy. Who knows, maybe I've progressed to a point where I can continue to serve in a vacuum. Usually somewhere around 2 or 3 weeks I give up and stop making the bed every morning, I let the laundry pile up or I leave dirty dishes in the sink.

    Yes, focused on her. Providing her with orgasms via mouth, hand and wand is sex. Some stuff for me is always appreciated and helpful. Milking once every 2 or 3 weeks for example.

    Not this time around. In fact since January she's only really done one serious punishment session. She's been much more focused on sensual dominance. Using her body and her voice to make me putty in her hands. This has stopped as well.

    I agree, I'm just not certain how long I can wait when she turns off the taps. Hopefully longer than in the past. Hopefully waiting is what I should do.
     
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  17. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    Spent some time on the site going over other posts and it helped me feel not so alone on this issue. I'll do my best to stay the course and hope she feels more like her old self shortly.
     
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  18. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    If you keep giving her your all and she gives nothing back then you are rewarding unwanted behavior. It’s a give and take game where you just keep giving. Let her remember what life was like before you did all the chores.
     
  19. Colton27
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    Colton27 Long term member

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    I know the feeling. Booze helps.
     
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  20. boisub
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    boisub Inaccessible member

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    If you believe that she’s communicating her feelings non verbally to you, is there a loving way you can help her to open up verbally so that you’re not just having to intuit these things? It’s going to be really hard for you to navigate this without ill feelings if you can’t communicate about it somehow.
     
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  21. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    I think it was just stress after all. Things have improved in terms of our dynamic. We just celebrated 3 months since my last orgasm and she played a card game I created along time ago where different suits mean different things. Clubs = Physical Punishment, Spades = Sissy Stuff, Hearts = His Pleasure and Diamonds = Her Pleasure. Had poor luck and drew 4 spades and only one of each other suit. Still it was a very pleasant evening. (Other than the ace of spades which is deep blue on the balls and game over). She also told me that she is uncomfortable with doing stuff with the kids at home while they are awake. That was like a verbal flood gate for her. Under the circumstances with our daughter staying up later than us half the time it's somewhat problematic. I did tell her if this pandemic is just too much, we can take a break. She was disinclined to acquiesce to my suggestion. :+1:
     
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  22. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    Happy to hear this, good for you two.
     
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  23. pet_k
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    pet_k sissy gurl

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    Communication is the key to any relationship, BDSM or otherwise.
     
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